Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Topic started by: GnomeKid on March 16, 2015, 06:25:02 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Stories from the past and The weird things that bother us
Post by: GnomeKid on March 16, 2015, 06:25:02 PM
Post by: GnomeKid on March 16, 2015, 06:25:02 PM
This is kind of just a weird vent/observation, and then a question to the masses. Just getting some thoughts out. It didn't even really bother me terribly... though I suppose enough so that I thought of it again now. I guess I just find it weird that it bothers me at all. Anywho!
My friend from high school is visiting me and she keeps telling stories of us in the past using my male pronouns, but at the time I was female. I know she's trying to be polite, but for some reason it just irks me. Next time I plan to just explain that if I was female at the time she just should use female pronouns, but I couldn't imagine why this would irk me so much. I guess it denies who I was at that point in time as far as my own personal identity? Maybe I feel like it denies the journey I've taken to get where I am now? Who knows.
It got me thinking.. How do you guys feel about this "issue" (though I'd barely call it that)?
Do you prefer to have people retrofit your current gender on your past self, or do you prefer to have the past remain true to who you felt you were at the time?
My friend from high school is visiting me and she keeps telling stories of us in the past using my male pronouns, but at the time I was female. I know she's trying to be polite, but for some reason it just irks me. Next time I plan to just explain that if I was female at the time she just should use female pronouns, but I couldn't imagine why this would irk me so much. I guess it denies who I was at that point in time as far as my own personal identity? Maybe I feel like it denies the journey I've taken to get where I am now? Who knows.
It got me thinking.. How do you guys feel about this "issue" (though I'd barely call it that)?
Do you prefer to have people retrofit your current gender on your past self, or do you prefer to have the past remain true to who you felt you were at the time?
Title: Re: Stories from the past and The weird things that bother us
Post by: suzifrommd on March 16, 2015, 07:06:50 PM
Post by: suzifrommd on March 16, 2015, 07:06:50 PM
Wow, GK. Great question.
I don't like male pronouns referring to me even if I was male at the time of the story being recounted. It just doesn't sound right.
(Female pronouns don't sound exactly right either, but that's a story for the non-binary board...)
I don't like male pronouns referring to me even if I was male at the time of the story being recounted. It just doesn't sound right.
(Female pronouns don't sound exactly right either, but that's a story for the non-binary board...)
Title: Re: Stories from the past and The weird things that bother us
Post by: Contravene on March 16, 2015, 07:44:38 PM
Post by: Contravene on March 16, 2015, 07:44:38 PM
It's no wonder cis people get so confused when it comes to issues regarding trans people and things like this. Even when they try to do the right thing we get annoyed at them.
I've started socially transitioning. To my girlfriend and her friends I'm known only as male. They don't know my biological gender or past, only my girlfriend does so she refers to me in the past as having been male so that I can remain stealth. With family and other friends who have known me only as female I wouldn't mind if they referred to me as having been female in the past. I know that I always was male but for now I can sort of let them slip. There are also enough degrees of separation between my old relationships and new relationships that I don't have to worry right now however once I medically transition I'll probably ask old friends to only refer to me as having been male.
I've started socially transitioning. To my girlfriend and her friends I'm known only as male. They don't know my biological gender or past, only my girlfriend does so she refers to me in the past as having been male so that I can remain stealth. With family and other friends who have known me only as female I wouldn't mind if they referred to me as having been female in the past. I know that I always was male but for now I can sort of let them slip. There are also enough degrees of separation between my old relationships and new relationships that I don't have to worry right now however once I medically transition I'll probably ask old friends to only refer to me as having been male.
Title: Re: Stories from the past and The weird things that bother us
Post by: marsh monster on March 16, 2015, 07:47:24 PM
Post by: marsh monster on March 16, 2015, 07:47:24 PM
People around me generally avoid gendering me at all in the past. If needed to clarify, they'll use my name. Suits me just fine.
Title: Re: Stories from the past and The weird things that bother us
Post by: GnomeKid on March 16, 2015, 07:55:12 PM
Post by: GnomeKid on March 16, 2015, 07:55:12 PM
Quote from: Contravene on March 16, 2015, 07:44:38 PM
It's no wonder cis people get so confused when it comes to issues regarding trans people and things like this. Even when they try to do the right thing we get annoyed at them.
Truly.. Hell! Even I get confused by it all.
Being stealth also definitely clears the issue up. It would be beyond inconsiderate to out a stealth person with a story from their past.
Title: Re: Stories from the past and The weird things that bother us
Post by: Mariah on March 16, 2015, 09:22:30 PM
Post by: Mariah on March 16, 2015, 09:22:30 PM
I prefer to retrofit my current gender onto the past and do so at every available opportunity including correcting someone when they talk about my past. I'm just more comfortable with it that way.
Mariah
Mariah
Title: Re: Stories from the past and The weird things that bother us
Post by: marikvulpina on March 16, 2015, 09:46:09 PM
Post by: marikvulpina on March 16, 2015, 09:46:09 PM
I was never a guy. everyone just thought I was. so yeah, stories of before transition still need to gender me correctly. that's my feeling. simple.
Title: Re: Stories from the past and The weird things that bother us
Post by: Ayden on March 17, 2015, 09:53:50 PM
Post by: Ayden on March 17, 2015, 09:53:50 PM
I'm indifferent most of the time. I don't deny that was I a little girl when I was a little kid but I don't dwell on it either. The only time I have an opinion is when I'm paraphrasing something. For example, I was telling my partner about something that was said about me to my grandparents when I was 5. In that case, I used female pronouns because that's how it was said. My husband will do the same when he's referring to me as a child. I keep the pronouns that were used at the time. Just a personal preference.
The only time I don't do this is when I'm around people don't know about my past. As odd as it sounds, it's a pretty seamless transition for me and my partner.
The only time I don't do this is when I'm around people don't know about my past. As odd as it sounds, it's a pretty seamless transition for me and my partner.