Susan's Place Transgender Resources

For anyone crossing the divide, mtf or ftm there are certain social rules which must be followed in different scenarios. Please allow me to launch a thread which hopefully will grow and pre-arm us for some of the hazards that lie ahead as we jump ship. For newbie males therefore some departing advice as I slip into the niche you plan to leave behind.

If you are meeting up with your male friends (mates, buddies...not boyfriends!) for food and drink there are some basic rules.

Firstly, even if you haven't seen one of your friends for years and really pleased to see them, you DO NOT smile, hug and stuff like that. Hell no! A fairly meaty punch to the shoulder followed by, "Where have you been hiding you ugly _________" (insert expletive of choice).

Next the choice of food must be male appropriate. In Scotland that's curry. The end. At a push you may get away with going for  outrageously hot Mexican food. Most certainly not Italian though! You may as well all wear T shirts that say "Girls night out."

As you eat your selected "Lava" (the hotter the better) it is important to discuss the effect it will probably have the next day on your "digestive performance". Should you actually be compelled to leave the table during the meal to execute a bodily function it is deemed common courtesy on your return to give at least a brief description of your recent emergency evacuation. (Hand wafting and pained expression is usually well received).

When the bill comes you divide the cost per head, and that's it. None of this, "you had a starter but he didn't have a dessert and I had one less drink blah blah blah." (And you shouldn't be having one less drink anyway!)

When it comes to the tip it is absolutely nothing to do with the service. Good God no. It's the size of the waitresses boobs that determine the gratuity. (If it's a waiter then 10% and no eye contact whatsoever.)

Hope some time in the future this advice proves to be useful and others will share some Transition 101 essentials.

Emergency evacuations can be a real crap shoot...

Most informative.

I have heard that explicit discussions about gory accidents/scars is acceptable table fare. I have plenty stories of the like to entertain my fellows with, or is this only for dessert?

LoriLorenz, you have a bright future on "the other side".

Okay. I deleted the hard hitting, heart throbbing, death threat, you're gonna die post! ;)

Cindi

Can I please say at this very early stage, my post was meant to be lighthearted in the extreme. Lighter than Helium, lighter than the persiflage of giggling faeries; lighter than really really really light stuff.

Quote from: pollypagan on March 18, 2015, 01:46:37 PM
Can I please say at this very early stage, my post was meant to be lighthearted in the extreme. Lighter than Helium, lighter than the persiflage of giggling faeries; lighter than really really really light stuff.

Oh, so you're just trying to make light of everything, huh?  You think this is all a joke?  Seriously?  Really? 



How dare you!!!!!


:o

I'm very very sorry and it won't happen ever again. Anyway, something else, always take a newspaper to the toilet if you want any credibility at all.

Quote from: pollypagan on March 18, 2015, 01:56:23 PM
I'm very very sorry and it won't happen ever again. Anyway, something else, always take a newspaper to the toilet if you want any credibility at all.

A lot of newspapers aren't very credible anymore though. A good book or a handheld game of electronic poker works well though.

Well, I thought it was a fun little satire of social norms.

If you're a guy, it's most important to heckle the other dudes in the bathroom. ... or maybe that was just me.  ;)

Ummm so yeah mine differ slightly...Skateboard harder, play guitar harder, work harder. Keep being tough, but do it in a skirt :p Don't take $#!t from anyone and keep smiling. Lipstick recommended for all of the above, but not required :p

Okay, I finally got one. This is really hard you know. ;)

Two hours after taking your first hormone pill, post all over the web how your nipples feel tender.

Quote from: MugwortPsychonaut on March 18, 2015, 02:06:45 PM
Well, I thought it was a fun little satire of social norms.

If you're a guy, it's most important to heckle the other dudes in the bathroom. ... or maybe that was just me.  ;)

How do you heckle guys in the restroom? make fun of their junk? Their technique?  Just curious...

Quote from: marsh monster on March 18, 2015, 02:15:33 PM
How do you heckle guys in the restroom? make fun of their junk? Their technique?  Just curious...

You ask them if they buy their shoes at Kmart. Or if their mother cuts their hair. Or if they're going to grow a beard, wait until they have real hair.

Okay, here's another.

Before spending an hour painting your face, remember to apply a generous portion of Elmers Patch and fill first.

You are totally forgetting the first two bathroom rules for guys, never ever talk and never ever look at where you are urinating, also washing your hands is more of a suggestion and if you want to look pro you just wet them and use the spilled urine and water to style your hair.

Oh, yeah and if you are a guy, you must spit something into the urinal. Gum is perfectly acceptable.

If a woman is talking to you when the football is on, now and then you must look at her and nod with a quite non committal expression which covers anything from, that was a great joke, to sorry to hear about your friend's family being wiped out in a car crash.

Quote from: antonia on March 18, 2015, 02:26:03 PM
You are totally forgetting the first two bathroom rules for guys, never ever talk and never ever look at where you are urinating, also washing your hands is more of a suggestion and if you want to look pro you just wet them and use the spilled urine and water to style your hair.

Absolutely.  The heckling is after the bathroom.  Never inside.  However, it is perfectly acceptable to make fun of your friend's manhood if they are in the bathroom by themselves and there is a door between you and them.

Also, when going to a movie, NEVER sit right next to your male friend.  There must always be a space between you and them.  [emoji13]

Quote from: pollypagan on March 18, 2015, 11:11:14 AM
As you eat your selected "Lava" (the hotter the better) it is important to discuss the effect it will probably have the next day on your "digestive performance". Should you actually be compelled to leave the table during the meal to execute a bodily function it is deemed common courtesy on your return to give at least a brief description of your recent emergency evacuation. (Hand wafting and pained expression is usually well received).

Quote from: antonia on March 18, 2015, 02:26:03 PM
also washing your hands is more of a suggestion and if you want to look pro you just wet them and use the spilled urine and water to style your hair.

Quote from: Cindi Jones on March 18, 2015, 02:29:20 PM
Oh, yeah and if you are a guy, you must spit something into the urinal. Gum is perfectly acceptable.

Ewww

Quote from: pollypagan on March 18, 2015, 01:56:23 PM
always take a newspaper to the toilet if you want any credibility at all.

Quote from: marsh monster on March 18, 2015, 02:05:09 PM
A lot of newspapers aren't very credible anymore though.

I know a lot of newspapers which can be used as toilet paper. :P

Quote from: ChiGirl on March 18, 2015, 02:39:35 PM
Also, when going to a movie, NEVER sit right next to your male friend.  There must always be a space between you and them.  [emoji13]

Or at a bar...  This is how we know you're not a very confident heterosexual. LOL! 

Seriously, my wife and I love to sit at the bar to eat at our favorite BBQ restaurant.  We've known the bartenders for years and they know very well how we want our food cooked.   Why is it that almost every time we walk in, there are guys on every other stool?  Every. Other. Stool.   Many of them are "together", making it all the more ridiculous.   

One time this happened:

My wife to surly guy: "Hi, is it possible could you move over one?"
Surly guy: "*grunt, mumble* I like it here."

We move over to the next guy.

Wife: "Hi, could you possibly move over one so we could sit together?"
Douchenozzle with ZZ Top/Hipster beard: "*with mouth full* Be done in a few minutes.  Just sit around me."

So we did and annoyed him with loud girly stuff until he promptly left.

Bartender (female): "Didn't you know it's a-hole night tonight?  All a-holes get watered down drinks from 8 to close."

Quote from: Jill F on March 18, 2015, 03:04:51 PM
So we did and annoyed him with loud girly stuff until he promptly left.
Bartender (female): "Didn't you know it's a-hole night tonight?  All a-holes get watered down drinks from 8 to close."

;D

Doesn`t bathroom heckling include derisive looks at the other guys junk?

Quote from: LoriLorenz on March 18, 2015, 03:46:22 PM
Doesn`t bathroom heckling include derisive looks at the other guys junk?

It's frowned upon, but it happens, especially when there's alcohol involved.  I've seen a guy get decked for it. 

Also, at sausagefest-type rock concerts (read: metal), the men's room gets awfully crowded and sinks get used as toilets far too often.  Pro tip: squirt some soap on your hand and wash up in a drinking fountain.

Quote from: LoriLorenz on March 18, 2015, 03:46:22 PM
Doesn`t bathroom heckling include derisive looks at the other guys junk?

Nope, looking is taboo. But with people you know, derisive comments are usually enough. :P

Guys are never, under any circumstances, required to remember a friend's birthday. To do so must be met with ridicule and punching.

Quote from: Jill F on March 18, 2015, 03:54:24 PM
It's frowned upon, but it happens, especially when there's alcohol involved.  I've seen a guy get decked for it. 

Also, at sausagefest-type rock concerts (read: metal), the men's room gets awfully crowded and sinks get used as toilets far too often.  Pro tip: squirt some soap on your hand and wash up in a drinking fountain.

Pro tip: Bring bottled water. DO NOT DRINK FROM THE FOUNTAIN!

Also, guys never wrap presents. They either pay someone to do it for them or they just give their mate the object in its original packaging.  Hey, we need to focus on the gals too!

As far as guy talk in the bathroom... it's best to just keep your mouth shut. Men don't talk much in there. The Ladies room is quite the opposite. A woman you've never met who would never say anything if you ran into her on the sidewalk will start talking about family, shopping, the show, whatever. Instantly, you are her best friend, that is until you leave the restroom.

Cindi

so true, Cindi, guys say nothing unless they know each other and then is it usually about sports.   Guys look straight ahead at the urinal and try to leave as much space between each other.  Usually the separators between urinal make it hard to see what the guy next to is doing.  I have seen these urinals without separators and even open gutters at some sports parks where you could everyone if you were to look down the line.  I don't use urinal yet no confident yet to use one.

Quote from: Cindi Jones on March 18, 2015, 05:15:10 PM

As far as guy talk in the bathroom... it's best to just keep your mouth shut. Men don't talk much in there.

Except during sports events. A drunk conversation will happen in the men's bathrooms, it can be ongoing and flows but the people who started it would of left long after you have probably walked in. Oh and it's usually held fairly loud

When someone gives a complement to a guy it's customary to play it down and act like it's no big deal.
When somone complements a girl she's just supposed to smile and say thank you.

Quote from: antonia on March 18, 2015, 05:42:05 PM
When someone gives a complement to a guy it's customary to play it down and act like it's no big deal.
When somone complements a girl she's just supposed to smile and say thank you.

Yep I did the guy thing the first couple of times a woman complimented me on something because it took me totally by surprise and I wasn't thinking and I never had that happen in guy mode before. Needless to say I got some very confused reactions after doing that; now it's a thank you and then try to compliment the other woman about something in response.

Another thing is the handshake when you meet another woman - a woman's handshake is more of an extended arm limp wrist non shake thing so avoid the vigorous firm handshake that men do. I did that too for a few times until I figured out not to do it lol....

social etiquette lesson for f2m...

Now you are presenting as male, you can enjoy eating a banana in front of men without being stared at, leared at, feeling embarrassed or even thinking about people imaginging you giving oral. Long gone are the times that you had to bite and chew when nobody was looking.

May your future be fruitful.

The whole guys-don't-talk-in-the-bathroom thing was all the more fodder for me to do so. Sometimes I would (and still do) get urinary anxiety. If so, I would pee in a stall. Not in the toilet, per se, just in the stall.

When I would spot another guy who was obviously having a hard time taking a wee wee, I would usually give him a hard time for it. And ESPECIALLY if a guy was taking a dump and grunting loudly.

Quote from: JustASeq on March 18, 2015, 02:12:25 PM
Ummm so yeah mine differ slightly...Skateboard harder, play guitar harder, work harder. Keep being tough, but do it in a skirt :p Don't take $#!t from anyone and keep smiling. Lipstick recommended for all of the above, but not required :p

Ain't nobody gonna say a damn thing to a t-girl skating a five-flat-five double set! I recommend short cut-off jeans, a tank top, and purple lipstick.

And how come we have to live on opposite coasts?!

Quote from: MugwortPsychonaut on March 18, 2015, 06:30:20 PM
Ain't nobody gonna say a damn thing to a t-girl skating a five-flat-five double set! I recommend short cut-off jeans, a tank top, and purple lipstick.

And how come we have to live on opposite coasts?!

What's crazy is guys have the worst compliments when they give them. Here's some I've gotten at the skatepark...

"I like your shirt."                    **stares at boobs**
"I like your hair."                     **stares at boobs**
"That was an awesome line." **stares at boobs**

And yes, the separation of girl skaters is one of the unfair parts of life. Come to Cali, skate all year :p

Quote from: marsh monster on March 18, 2015, 02:15:33 PM
How do you heckle guys in the restroom? make fun of their junk? Their technique?  Just curious...

If someone (anyone) is in a stall and you're peeing...if theyre...ummm..."gaseous"...be sure to comment "jeez that was an a$$-ripper, Fred...real chem warfare sh!t!!"

A few seconds later (depending on the response of the unlucky dude in the stall) "oh sh?t you're not Fred!! Damn guy, you should try out for the tuba section!"

Or whatever comes to mind. Be inventive and most of all, CRUDE.