Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Why did I have to born without the ability to have a normal life?

If I don't transition, I'll never be able to be authentic, myself, and probably not be able to have a partner

If I transition and don't go stealth, I'll never be treated like a regular person

If I transition and go stealth, I'll have to cover up my past all the time and have to be a skilled liar

If I go non-binary, I will really not be treated like a regular person and least likely to have access to many opportunities

And then I have to see so many people being successful at life and being able to get the most out of life.  It's depressing.

Sucks, don't it.  There's truth to what you've said, but that's only one way to look at it.  If you do transition, you'll be able to live as the authentic you regardless of what other people think.  You don't have to pass 100% to live a normal life.  Just be confident in who you are as a woman and most people will accept you as that.   If you do pass well enough to be stealth, you don't have to be 100% stealth.  Just make it a need to know basis. 

No one asks to be trans. It's tough, but it can make you stronger if you can embrace it.  You just can't ignore it.  I tried for 20 years and nearly drove myself into an early grave.  When I was 20, I worried if I would pass.  At 40, I dont care as much.  Living as me is so much more important.

Hugs, Katelyn. What you're dealing with IS difficult.

Can I point out that very, very few people have a normal life?

Yes, they may be cisgender and have no trouble with their gender. But they may be dealing with health or family problems we don't see. They may have phobias and other debilitating emotional reactions that stunts their ability to be in the world. People face all sorts of hard luck along the way. Accidents, diseases, natural disasters, discrimination based on race, religion, nationality, etc., victimization from crime, poverty, or abuse, etc.

I've heard of a thing called "comparing your insides to other people's outsides." It means assuming because everyone else looks "normal" and you don't feel normal, that they must be having an easier time than you. In reality, most people have trials that only their close friends know about.

Does any of this help?

Problem #1... You don't "Go Stealth" You can try. But you have absolutely no say in the outcome.

Oh... Maybe the real Problem #1, There is no "Perfect" solution. Everything in life is a series of compromises and tradeoffs. Hopefully, at the end of the day, you are better off then you started

I know it seems like an impossible situation, but remember there are trans people who are successful in their life post transition. Besides, normal can be whatever you want to define it as... :)

See we are normal and keep moving back to wanting to please others.

My normal is what in want or take out of life.

If you live in fear then you live for fear alone.

What rules but the rules we think we need to set not what are forced upon us.

Trust me today is better then 5 years ago vs 10 years ago etc.

If everyone here all 16,981 member too up a writing campaign to governments around the word it would make a huge impact.

To much in fighting and not enough out fighting.

Live a life as you wish, as you feel it must be. Do you wish to be tied to modeled rules?

Hugs

I'm not really sure that anyone is normal or has a normal life....everyone has challenges: some bigger, some lesser.

Life is what you make it.  Live it!!!!

Hugs,

Jennifer

Many of us did not have a normal life.  We were born that way.
Life is one big school, with plenty of lessons to go around.
Life is also short, darn it, way too short.
I blinked my eyes when I hit 18 and was free at last (from an overbearing father, though I still loved him).
Before I knew it, I was 30.
Then I blinked and I was 40.
and so on, and now I am a few weeks from 63.
I have been given 3mos to 2 years to live by the doctors.
Me and my new body, getting feminized slowly but surely.
Oh lord, the feelings I now possess.

I'm not sure what normal is exactly, but I'm guessing that I would find it boring and overrated.  I wouldn't want to live in a world where all of the snowflakes were identical either.

I love not being 'normal'.

But a well known poem.

I once came across a rather ordinary man
Who believed in being perfectly normal
He smiled at me and took my hand
And kissed it in a manner quite formal

He took me to the movies and the shops
He seduced me until I was besotted
He fed me chocolate and push-pops
And played with my hair until it was knotted

But every time I did something original he'd scorn
He hated my creativity and uniqueness
He ordered me to act more like the norm
And like a slave I obeyed him, I must confess

Soon I was dressing in the fashion
I was acting like one of those sheep, too
I threw away my one true passion
And had never been so blue

Every time I acted 'strange', I covered it with jokes
Sometimes he'd discover my fake outs
And I'd receive warning pokes,
Although I couldn't stop my upset pouts

In time I grew more miserable
So I ended our relationship
I was really tired of his bull
Though I felt my heart rip

He found out who I was and that I'd lied
For I'd stopped pretending with the comical wit
He asked me why I was so weird and I replied
"I tried being 'normal' once, I didn't like it"
Lenore Lee

Normal... I am not sure Life is ever normal.... Sometimes NOT being normal turns out to be the right choice... Many leaders are not normal... They have done things that "normal" people have not to get to where they are.

I think for us it's more about the stigma as driven by indoctrination or those that Don't want to understand, and in any case the world is changing and slowly becoming more accepting...

I think all have summed it up well... We are who we are, we can't change, so let us at least be at peace with ourselves... (Mental note for me too  :-\) I have been struggling all my life and can't keep kidding myself anymore...

L Katy