Community Conversation => Youth talk => Topic started by: collidewiththeskyler on March 21, 2015, 05:11:19 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Need someone to talk to
Post by: collidewiththeskyler on March 21, 2015, 05:11:19 PM
Post by: collidewiththeskyler on March 21, 2015, 05:11:19 PM
Hey guys. I'm Skyler. I'm a 15 year old FtM transgender. I have not come out to my friends and family because I live in a very conservative community, and I'm terrified I may get disowned [or worse.]
I have absolutely no support, I've never talked to anyone about this, any advice?
I have absolutely no support, I've never talked to anyone about this, any advice?
Title: Re: Need someone to talk to
Post by: Devlyn on March 21, 2015, 05:17:42 PM
Post by: Devlyn on March 21, 2015, 05:17:42 PM
Welcome to Susan's Place, Skyler! I'm in Boston. You came to the right place for meeting people who understand. :) Only you know if and when it's safe to share this with your family. They may in fact be your best allies. We'll be here for you no matter what, 24/7. See you around the site!
Hugs, Devlyn
Hugs, Devlyn
Title: Re: Need someone to talk to
Post by: orangepeel on March 21, 2015, 05:23:28 PM
Post by: orangepeel on March 21, 2015, 05:23:28 PM
hey Skyler. My name is Ernest and I'm a 16 yr old FTM. I haven't come out to my parents or my friends yet. What I plan to do is come out in college. If your family is okay with homosexual relationships, you could slip out that you're gay and that might soften the blow for when you really come out.
There is always a possibility of something bad happening to transgender people when they come out, no matter how much they try to soften the blow. If there is a youth organization in your community you could probably talk to them about it, as they are usually experts. Therapy for you and your family should help work things out, too.
Hope this helps.
There is always a possibility of something bad happening to transgender people when they come out, no matter how much they try to soften the blow. If there is a youth organization in your community you could probably talk to them about it, as they are usually experts. Therapy for you and your family should help work things out, too.
Hope this helps.
Title: Re: Need someone to talk to
Post by: Laura_7 on March 21, 2015, 05:46:48 PM
Post by: Laura_7 on March 21, 2015, 05:46:48 PM
Hello and welcome *hugs*
You could have a look here for a few thoughts that might help:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,184920.msg1644403.html#msg1644403
I'd say take the time you need... its a process, but many have gone through it before and succeeded, and people here will try to support you.
And you might keep asking questions, alone writing might help getting a clearer view of a few things....
hugs
You could have a look here for a few thoughts that might help:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,184920.msg1644403.html#msg1644403
I'd say take the time you need... its a process, but many have gone through it before and succeeded, and people here will try to support you.
And you might keep asking questions, alone writing might help getting a clearer view of a few things....
hugs
Title: Re: Need someone to talk to
Post by: sam1234 on March 21, 2015, 09:43:14 PM
Post by: sam1234 on March 21, 2015, 09:43:14 PM
Hi Skyler,
Your fear of being disowned has to be the top worry on your mind. Especially at your age. You say your community is very conservative. Are your parent's as well?
Using a white lie isn't something I would generally recommend, but it might be a good way to take your parent's temperature on the subject. Telling them that someone you know is going through a gender identity crisis and is going to have gender reassignment surgery and then seeing what their reaction is might give you some idea. Its not foolproof because it isn't your parent's child, but it will give you an idea on how they feel about the subject.
You may already have started to slowly change your attire, hair and overall look either on purpose or just because you felt more comfortable that way. Sometimes that doesn't get noticed if its done slow.
I'm glad you came here. Its a good place to come and talk or just vent.
sam1234
Your fear of being disowned has to be the top worry on your mind. Especially at your age. You say your community is very conservative. Are your parent's as well?
Using a white lie isn't something I would generally recommend, but it might be a good way to take your parent's temperature on the subject. Telling them that someone you know is going through a gender identity crisis and is going to have gender reassignment surgery and then seeing what their reaction is might give you some idea. Its not foolproof because it isn't your parent's child, but it will give you an idea on how they feel about the subject.
You may already have started to slowly change your attire, hair and overall look either on purpose or just because you felt more comfortable that way. Sometimes that doesn't get noticed if its done slow.
I'm glad you came here. Its a good place to come and talk or just vent.
sam1234
Title: Re: Need someone to talk to
Post by: Pizzaparty78 on March 22, 2015, 02:01:59 AM
Post by: Pizzaparty78 on March 22, 2015, 02:01:59 AM
Hey Skyler,
I'm Grayson, 15 y/o FtM as well. I'm sorry for the situation that you're in, but like the others have said, I think dropping some hints around your friends/family to see what their thoughts are would be a good idea. I've done that with my friends, and they made it pretty clear that they won't be very accepting. They've gotten a little better since then, but I'm still not ready to come out to them either. I do have a couple friends who are awesome with it though. Once you find the right support system, you're golden.
Even if you choose not to do that or can't find some support, we're all here for ya man. At the worst, it's just a waiting game until you can find the right time/people to come out.
Good luck,
-Grayson
I'm Grayson, 15 y/o FtM as well. I'm sorry for the situation that you're in, but like the others have said, I think dropping some hints around your friends/family to see what their thoughts are would be a good idea. I've done that with my friends, and they made it pretty clear that they won't be very accepting. They've gotten a little better since then, but I'm still not ready to come out to them either. I do have a couple friends who are awesome with it though. Once you find the right support system, you're golden.
Even if you choose not to do that or can't find some support, we're all here for ya man. At the worst, it's just a waiting game until you can find the right time/people to come out.
Good luck,
-Grayson
Title: Re: Need someone to talk to
Post by: collidewiththeskyler on March 22, 2015, 06:49:39 PM
Post by: collidewiththeskyler on March 22, 2015, 06:49:39 PM
Thanks everyone! I'm going to try slowly dropping hints and see what happens from there.