General Discussions => General discussions => ARGHHH! => Topic started by: orangepeel on March 21, 2015, 05:31:31 PM Return to Full Version
Title: getting hit on
Post by: orangepeel on March 21, 2015, 05:31:31 PM
Post by: orangepeel on March 21, 2015, 05:31:31 PM
I really find getting hit on annoying when I go out dressed as a woman. Since I am pre transitioning, yet I've identified as a man I find it just really annoying. Today, while at a volunteering event, this guy was hitting on me like nobody's business. He was asking me what I like to wear when I'm alone and if he could 'tickle' me (ew gross) and he even tried to tickle me a few times. >:( >:(
obviously i find it annoying and somewhat embarrassing. UUUUuhgh. But the worst thing is that I am really shy so I kind of just nod along with all of this so it kind of makes the guy feel like what he's doing is okay. I know i need to step up my game but it's still really annoying to go through with that. :P :P
/rant
obviously i find it annoying and somewhat embarrassing. UUUUuhgh. But the worst thing is that I am really shy so I kind of just nod along with all of this so it kind of makes the guy feel like what he's doing is okay. I know i need to step up my game but it's still really annoying to go through with that. :P :P
/rant
Title: Re: getting hit on
Post by: chefskenzie on March 21, 2015, 06:04:19 PM
Post by: chefskenzie on March 21, 2015, 06:04:19 PM
I would say that you don't like your personal space invaded, and that you aren't trying to be rude, but to step off! I HATE to be tickled. HATE HATE HATE
Title: Re: getting hit on
Post by: Tessa James on March 21, 2015, 06:28:26 PM
Post by: Tessa James on March 21, 2015, 06:28:26 PM
Oh that sounds very uncomfortable! I agree that that is clearly an invasion of personal space while tickling is uninvited and aggressive touching. Not cool and over the line. I too have been shy in the past but unless you stop this guy now it may get real ugly next time. Practice some one liners, move away from him abruptly or share your concern with others there maybe?
Being hit on is one thing and occasionally it makes us feel good but being touched without an invitation is wrong and likely unacceptable for any volunteer organization. I hope there might be a volunteer coordinator you could talk to. I am a full time volunteer myself and really value people like you willing to be out there. No way some duffus should wreck it for you. Your space and your right to own it.
Being hit on is one thing and occasionally it makes us feel good but being touched without an invitation is wrong and likely unacceptable for any volunteer organization. I hope there might be a volunteer coordinator you could talk to. I am a full time volunteer myself and really value people like you willing to be out there. No way some duffus should wreck it for you. Your space and your right to own it.
Title: Re: getting hit on
Post by: suzifrommd on March 21, 2015, 07:44:35 PM
Post by: suzifrommd on March 21, 2015, 07:44:35 PM
Quote from: orangepeel on March 21, 2015, 05:31:31 PM
But the worst thing is that I am really shy so I kind of just nod along with all of this so it kind of makes the guy feel like what he's doing is okay.
Practice saying "Stop, now!" in the most assertive tone you can manage. Do it in front of a mirror if it helps, or when you're alone in the car. Do it so it comes out naturally, and you'll have it when you need it.
If someone persists in touching you after you've told them to stop, it's physical assault.
Title: Re: getting hit on
Post by: cindianna_jones on March 21, 2015, 07:47:53 PM
Post by: cindianna_jones on March 21, 2015, 07:47:53 PM
NO! and NO means NO! Some people take too many liberties. I don't get them.
Cindi
Cindi
Title: Re: getting hit on
Post by: kittenpower on March 21, 2015, 10:26:50 PM
Post by: kittenpower on March 21, 2015, 10:26:50 PM
Quote from: orangepeel on March 21, 2015, 05:31:31 PM
I really find getting hit on annoying when I go out dressed as a woman. Since I am pre transitioning, yet I've identified as a man I find it just really annoying. Today, while at a volunteering event, this guy was hitting on me like nobody's business. He was asking me what I like to wear when I'm alone and if he could 'tickle' me (ew gross) and he even tried to tickle me a few times. >:( >:(
obviously i find it annoying and somewhat embarrassing. UUUUuhgh. But the worst thing is that I am really shy so I kind of just nod along with all of this so it kind of makes the guy feel like what he's doing is okay. I know i need to step up my game but it's still really annoying to go through with that. :P :P
/rant
He sounds very creepy, you have to be stern with those types, and tell them to get lost.
Title: Re: getting hit on
Post by: Ms Grace on March 22, 2015, 05:04:55 AM
Post by: Ms Grace on March 22, 2015, 05:04:55 AM
Quote from: suzifrommd on March 21, 2015, 07:44:35 PM
Practice saying "Stop, now!" in the most assertive tone you can manage. Do it in front of a mirror if it helps, or when you're alone in the car. Do it so it comes out naturally, and you'll have it when you need it.
If someone persists in touching you after you've told them to stop, it's physical assault.
^^This!^^
Was he one of the volunteers? If so report him to the manager/coordinator for sexual harassment.
My approach is to tell them to go away or ignore them completely. I don't care if I come off as rude, I'm under no obligation to be pleasant to creeps.
Title: Re: getting hit on
Post by: JoanneB on March 22, 2015, 07:10:14 AM
Post by: JoanneB on March 22, 2015, 07:10:14 AM
Repeat after me.... Guys are Idiots
OK. Knowing that, you can now reason out that anything a guy says to a female that not instantly responded to in the most negative manner possible (in his eyes only) WILL be taken as a sign that "You WANT him"
And that guy went well beyond being an idiot! "What sort of clothes do you like to wear when you're alone?"; "Do you like being tickled?" Way out of bounds except for maybe 1:00 AM on a Friday night in a pub where he might have an excuse for acting like a total perv
OK. Knowing that, you can now reason out that anything a guy says to a female that not instantly responded to in the most negative manner possible (in his eyes only) WILL be taken as a sign that "You WANT him"
And that guy went well beyond being an idiot! "What sort of clothes do you like to wear when you're alone?"; "Do you like being tickled?" Way out of bounds except for maybe 1:00 AM on a Friday night in a pub where he might have an excuse for acting like a total perv
Title: Re: getting hit on
Post by: cindianna_jones on March 24, 2015, 01:07:08 PM
Post by: cindianna_jones on March 24, 2015, 01:07:08 PM
Yeah, most men think with their little head first. I read somewhere that men think of sex at least twice per minute of every waking hour. When men come on thinking with their little head, those are the ones you never want to get to know in any intimate way... unless you just want a one nighter. Relationships develop over time. I realize that men have THAT feeling before they approach a woman but if they are decent guys, they'll suppress it. They will want to get to know you first. They will be decent.
Cindi
Cindi
Title: Re: getting hit on
Post by: orangepeel on March 24, 2015, 02:02:25 PM
Post by: orangepeel on March 24, 2015, 02:02:25 PM
thanks for all the responses, guys. Since the thing was only a yearly event, i doubt I'll see the guy anytime soon (thankfully).
For me, the hardest part is saying no. I've bee taught that women are to be silent and that has transferred to this situation too. Hopefully with proper practice I'll overcome my fear of being rude and actually step up for myself :)
For me, the hardest part is saying no. I've bee taught that women are to be silent and that has transferred to this situation too. Hopefully with proper practice I'll overcome my fear of being rude and actually step up for myself :)
Title: Re: getting hit on
Post by: Laura_7 on March 24, 2015, 02:27:39 PM
Post by: Laura_7 on March 24, 2015, 02:27:39 PM
Quote from: orangepeel on March 21, 2015, 05:31:31 PMWell I'd say laugh it off... no use to brood over it too much...
I really find getting hit on annoying when I go out dressed as a woman. Since I am pre transitioning, yet I've identified as a man I find it just really annoying. Today, while at a volunteering event, this guy was hitting on me like nobody's business. He was asking me what I like to wear when I'm alone and if he could 'tickle' me (ew gross) and he even tried to tickle me a few times. >:( >:(
obviously i find it annoying and somewhat embarrassing. UUUUuhgh. But the worst thing is that I am really shy so I kind of just nod along with all of this so it kind of makes the guy feel like what he's doing is okay. I know i need to step up my game but it's still really annoying to go through with that. :P :P
/rant
I'd say something along the lines he might be a nice guy... but he is not my type... and he should save his energies for another person :)
It might also be possible to say he is coming over too strong... or that you prefer a nice atmosphere, so you can relax... too much hype :)
its perfectly ok to talk about what you want, and its well possible to state it, without getting offensive. :)
It might be a good idea to get into contact with your emotions... which you can do already, obviously... and take it one step further and simply talk about it...
its perfectly ok, and it makes people much more lively...
and, well, it does not pent up emotions...
not getting excited but simply talking about it...
And, well, in this case there also might be the indirect approach... asking others to tell him he is coming over too strong... to back off a bit...
if you talk with others its also well possible your not the only one who finds it annoying. :)
Title: Re: getting hit on
Post by: Jayvin on March 24, 2015, 06:01:31 PM
Post by: Jayvin on March 24, 2015, 06:01:31 PM
Geez, that sounds super uncomfortable. I used to have that same problem as well, but just started to dress in baggier clothing and other more "androgynous" styles, and the flirting mostly stopped.
Generally you can look at your phone and go "Crap, I got to go" and shuffle off without them questioning it much. If they question anything, just say "If I don't hurry i'll miss it, sorry!" and run off like you need to catch a bus, ahah.
Generally you can look at your phone and go "Crap, I got to go" and shuffle off without them questioning it much. If they question anything, just say "If I don't hurry i'll miss it, sorry!" and run off like you need to catch a bus, ahah.