Susan's Place Transgender Resources

To start sorry if I'm posting in the wrong place.. I'm super new here. and here's my issue:

So I finally told my mother and brother what I've been hiding for years.. which is that I suffer from Gender Dysphoria.. Though they were shocked they were very supportive and I was happy but sad because I have no idea what was next.. I haven't been able to sleep properly.. all I can think about is about becoming a girl and it got worse when I watch inspirational videos about MTF.. I wasn't sure at first it would make me happy but when I saw how a male became such a beautiful girl.. I couldn't catch my breath.. I keep rewatching that video now hoping I can go through the same thing.. I'm now desperate.. I'm having trouble controlling this urges... I can't sleep at all.. The thing is... I'm 22 and well though i should have been saving a lot of money.. I've spent a lot of my money on buying things to make me happy (before accepting my Gender Dysphoria) mainly manga books about female protagonist and such :).. I notice how expensive this process is.. I don't even have health care which  the worst of all.. I mean what should I do..

I sold a lot of my video games and well I don't have anything else to sell :(.. My mom said she would help.. but I'm scared that I can't meet up with the expenses.. or even the steps.. whe I was young i suffered from autism..  which developed phobias of people and such.. Though most is cured I still have trouble talking to people whether it is phone and such.. My mother isn't the best english speaker specially regarding therapy and such. I haven't been to hospital in 9 years so you can imagine how weird it would even be to go to therapy.. Right now what I want most is to rid of my facial hair.. I want all hair gone but I know thats ridiculously expensive.. I didn't think it would be this hard.. I'm concern about mother's finance now.. and even mine although I would give away everything if thats what it took.. I wanted to give life away but I decided to fight for it.. but I'm never sure where to start.. In my mind no one truly cares.. I know its not true..

I can't stand being a guy anymore.. I want to change so fast.. for being such a patient guy I'm going crazy with this.. I read everywhere first thing was talking to therapist.. but I don't know where to look.. I really bad at these things..

If you read this thanks for reading.. really appreciate it.. I don't know what other place to talk about this.. This is just crazy anywhere else :S

Hiya ikanote!

I know what it feels like to want and rush things, but really, transitioning takes time and patience even though it's hard. But the wait will be worth it. I recommend you to go to your doctor and talk to him/her about it and ask if he/she could refer you to some therapist. From there on you can go ahead and transition taking baby steps, but it will still be progress nontheless. Don't let dysphoria have the best of you. You can do this!

Slow down, take a deep breath.  Every journey begins with a single step, so the thing to do is to concentrate on one step at a time with this journey you're beginning.  The first thing to do is find a therapist and your family doctor should be able to help you with that.
Don't worry about money yet, just concentrate on each step.  It might be best to avoid watching too many M2F videos if they are making you anxious.  Make sure you look after yourself properly, eat a balanced diet, keep hydrated, make sure you maintain a level of exercise and try to maintain a normal sleep routine.  Progress might be slow sometimes, but don't dwell on it and let it get you upset.  This is where it is a very good idea to cultivate a hobby or interest as it will help to distract you from spending time just waiting for things to happen.

Thank you again for reading ^^

I know I'm rushing but I am mainly impatient because I dont know where or who to go to.. Im hoping that after therapy I will be okay.. I am now motivated to sign up for health insurance as I didn't think it would cover my costs :O I hope this is true.. $300 a month.. I wouldnt mind as long as I can be me.. :)))))))))))

Hi and welcome!  You've definitely come to the right place.
First off, remember that transition is a marathon, not a sprint.  It will take time, and yes, it's not a cheap process.  But you don't have to pay that out all at once.  Take it step by step.  Finding a therapist is the right first step.  Start with Google to see if you can Trans resources.  At worst, find any therapist you can afford and talk to them.  They can help you get started and discuss your feelings.  They may be able to direct you to better resources. 

You're young.  It may not feel like it, but you've got time.  You can work and save your money.  Get out and observe real people, especially women.  You can grow your hair and work on your voice.  Those are all free. 

Good luck and hugs! Remember you are not alone!

No problem!
And as for a health insurance, you should look around on the internet for a bit to see if you can find a health insurance for transgendered people! Because those do exist and they cover most of the expenses for hormones, surgeries etc!

thank you for replying everyone.. ^^

I am going to try taking myself easy.. hehe I am a bit mentally exhausted.. I confessed so much of my feelings.. I think I getting emotional.. its a bit of relief.. It was like pretending to be okay for years
I am only hoping for the best for now.. :)

wish me luck  :icon_walk:

It's all good. [emoji5] Sometimes, you just need to scream it out to feel better.  Good luck and hugs! Remember you are not alone.