Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: Laurie K on March 28, 2015, 12:19:51 AM Return to Full Version
Title: my comming out so far.
Post by: Laurie K on March 28, 2015, 12:19:51 AM
Post by: Laurie K on March 28, 2015, 12:19:51 AM
So for me this is transition 2.0. As I have said in other posts I feel more confident and ready than I did before. So far I have come out to my mom and sister and both were very positive my mom calls me her girl and sis is happy for me but concerned on how the world will take me .
One of the hardest people to come out to has been my wife. and on the second time around I havent been a poster child for the proper way to tell your wife you are trans.
Our relationship has had its rocky moments but we have survived some turmoil, a gender issue and a attraction to same sex. Some times I wonder how we have managed to stay together , is it love or insecurity? This time of transition, was fuelled by her trying to change me make me the man I was meant to be. or she would leave; at the advice of a paid professional. My GD at this point was fairly dormant but the though of losing it all scared me and I told my self that I need to be me, not who some wants me to be. I got a referal to see a gender psyc (One I had seen before.) As my appointment got closer I bought an outfit and make up shoes ect. I put myself together and realized that this is who i need to be. I had a two hour conversation with the doc , we decided that we would start spiro and maybe estro later on. She knew that I was going to see the gender doc (dr keveorkian as she calls him) but I told her nothing of the meds. 4 months later. I started estrogel and I told her nothing. In the time of starting spiro and hormone we did some shopping together and she has seemed to be coming more on board with my gender identity, but as a cd and not as trans. I was on the cream for about a week when she found it in my study. True I did not go out of my way to hide iit, but really i think wanted her to find it.
I got a text announcing that "I found your hormones you ->-bleeped-<-, why do you do this to me " Later that eve after work we had a bit tof a talk but she has some anger over the fact that I could not tell her and told sister and mom before her. To be honest the anger and insults were what i was afraid of. esp from someone that says they love you . Some things are better since she found estro but some things are not any better. We have been together fof 30 years and I may be time to reluctantly move on
One of the hardest people to come out to has been my wife. and on the second time around I havent been a poster child for the proper way to tell your wife you are trans.
Our relationship has had its rocky moments but we have survived some turmoil, a gender issue and a attraction to same sex. Some times I wonder how we have managed to stay together , is it love or insecurity? This time of transition, was fuelled by her trying to change me make me the man I was meant to be. or she would leave; at the advice of a paid professional. My GD at this point was fairly dormant but the though of losing it all scared me and I told my self that I need to be me, not who some wants me to be. I got a referal to see a gender psyc (One I had seen before.) As my appointment got closer I bought an outfit and make up shoes ect. I put myself together and realized that this is who i need to be. I had a two hour conversation with the doc , we decided that we would start spiro and maybe estro later on. She knew that I was going to see the gender doc (dr keveorkian as she calls him) but I told her nothing of the meds. 4 months later. I started estrogel and I told her nothing. In the time of starting spiro and hormone we did some shopping together and she has seemed to be coming more on board with my gender identity, but as a cd and not as trans. I was on the cream for about a week when she found it in my study. True I did not go out of my way to hide iit, but really i think wanted her to find it.
I got a text announcing that "I found your hormones you ->-bleeped-<-, why do you do this to me " Later that eve after work we had a bit tof a talk but she has some anger over the fact that I could not tell her and told sister and mom before her. To be honest the anger and insults were what i was afraid of. esp from someone that says they love you . Some things are better since she found estro but some things are not any better. We have been together fof 30 years and I may be time to reluctantly move on
Title: Re: my comming out so far.
Post by: Laura_7 on March 28, 2015, 06:44:56 AM
Post by: Laura_7 on March 28, 2015, 06:44:56 AM
Hello *hugs*
you could have a look here for a few thoughts:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,184920.msg1644403.html#msg1644403
Its for a ftm person, so a few things are the other way around... like clothing for women...
Well its up to you what you say since you know them best...
talking in a relaxed manner might help... remaining calm and stating facts and a few needs...
it might be a good idea to do this together with a therapist, its a process for both of you...
there might be a pair therapist, or she could see a therapist herself...
and there are resources for spouses of transgender people, support groups etc... i would just look for some helpful resources, some are not all positive...
well its a case of not fulfilled expectations, so you might talk about it... as said, imo best in a setting with a professional...
you might assure you of your love... and talk...
There are helplines if you want to talk to someone in person...
you could call here, people are there to help and give advice (there are many others):
glnh dot org/hotline/ (this is the national lgbt helpline)
translifeline dot org
And there might be support groups in your vicinity...
hugs
you could have a look here for a few thoughts:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,184920.msg1644403.html#msg1644403
Its for a ftm person, so a few things are the other way around... like clothing for women...
Well its up to you what you say since you know them best...
talking in a relaxed manner might help... remaining calm and stating facts and a few needs...
it might be a good idea to do this together with a therapist, its a process for both of you...
there might be a pair therapist, or she could see a therapist herself...
and there are resources for spouses of transgender people, support groups etc... i would just look for some helpful resources, some are not all positive...
well its a case of not fulfilled expectations, so you might talk about it... as said, imo best in a setting with a professional...
you might assure you of your love... and talk...
There are helplines if you want to talk to someone in person...
you could call here, people are there to help and give advice (there are many others):
glnh dot org/hotline/ (this is the national lgbt helpline)
translifeline dot org
And there might be support groups in your vicinity...
hugs
Title: Re: my comming out so far.
Post by: Melizza on March 28, 2015, 08:35:39 AM
Post by: Melizza on March 28, 2015, 08:35:39 AM
Hi Girl,
I was also married when I came out to my wife, there was a lot of crying from both of us, at the beginning it was really difficult for her, specially when I started HRT, but after some time she became my bigger supporter.
Give her sometime, remember she lost the man she married and she has to learn to live without that person, without the hugs and kisses from her husband, she may learn, after time, to love you as you are.
Don't be too quick to think "this is it", you may need her support later on when you don't have anybody else to go to, and maybe some time in the future you may become the best of friends.
Good luck!!
I was also married when I came out to my wife, there was a lot of crying from both of us, at the beginning it was really difficult for her, specially when I started HRT, but after some time she became my bigger supporter.
Give her sometime, remember she lost the man she married and she has to learn to live without that person, without the hugs and kisses from her husband, she may learn, after time, to love you as you are.
Don't be too quick to think "this is it", you may need her support later on when you don't have anybody else to go to, and maybe some time in the future you may become the best of friends.
Good luck!!