Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Topic started by: ikanote on March 28, 2015, 02:15:15 PM Return to Full Version
Title: I'm getting more depressed.. So many problems
Post by: ikanote on March 28, 2015, 02:15:15 PM
Post by: ikanote on March 28, 2015, 02:15:15 PM
So I am starting my road to transitioning.. but this is more stressful than it is refreshing.. My mom is only getting more and more upset with how crazy the cost are for a lot of the steps.. We barely make enough to pay rent and after looking at the prices of insurance.. I am confident this is too much.. I don't even think I can get insurance.. Getting more days at work is hard enough.. Not to mention I'm starting to have foot problems from standing so much.. I got to bed everyday with my feet feeling like I went through hell.. I finally did a session with a therapist and it cost me $100... She said I can go and start hormone therapy and I guess at the moment it seem all good but I came to realize its another 300-1000 just for just a blood test.. what the actual heck.. I make that much in 5 months.. and thats not counting the other stuff I help pay for.. This is ridiculous.. Then there's hair removal which at this point I don't even think I can do (I'm really hairy in the face :'[).. its too expensive.. My brother want to help but to waste his savings for my sake.. I cannot accept.. He's been saving for a car and I can't take that away.. It's not too much that i'm rushing into things.. I'm looking at this from afar and I realize.. I don't have car.. So I can't find a better job.. to live at this point working only to fix something that I didn't choose to live with.. and to work all my life to change it.. I don't want to go back to pretending to be a guy anymore.. I'm writing this feeling really stressed so I'm not sure how over exaggerating I am being right now.. I have to finish the degree I chose for school next semester.. which I might have to pay out of pocket... I don't know what to do...I have no car no credit no insurance... I'm really sad right now.. I hate myself for wasting money on stupid stuff when I was unhappy.. I could have starting saving If I only knew about this sooner enough.. I am trying to do youtube videos for my animations.. but its so time consuming.. Not that I mind but school is coming.. I won't have time for both.. and work...... I started doing art commissions for people but I've made $12 so far for 20 hours of hard work....
I mainly am writing this to express my feelings... I'm really stress and the people here were really nice.. So this is very refreshing for me.. I feel a little better..
Anyways thank you for reading...
I mainly am writing this to express my feelings... I'm really stress and the people here were really nice.. So this is very refreshing for me.. I feel a little better..
Anyways thank you for reading...
Title: Re: I'm getting more depressed.. So many problems
Post by: CaptFido87 on March 28, 2015, 03:02:17 PM
Post by: CaptFido87 on March 28, 2015, 03:02:17 PM
For me that's one of the hardest aspects to try and understand. I myself worry about a lot of things but I've also probably got life a little better than you, having a car and a good job. It's hard to put yourself into someone else's shoes and see how they do it. I really feel for you. I'm happy your family is at least accepting of the new you.
Honestly I can't say much or any great advice other than keep your head up. I know this part of the trials we must personally face in order to bring out the greater part of ourselves. You will find a way through the madness. I believe you can. It just might take longer than you hoped but if you've gone this long already, what's another day. One step at a time and we all will find ourselves going in the right direction.
As for the hair removal, you can stick to shaving for now. Not a great fix but you can at least control how you look now.
Hope this could at the very least put a smile on your face.
Honestly I can't say much or any great advice other than keep your head up. I know this part of the trials we must personally face in order to bring out the greater part of ourselves. You will find a way through the madness. I believe you can. It just might take longer than you hoped but if you've gone this long already, what's another day. One step at a time and we all will find ourselves going in the right direction.
As for the hair removal, you can stick to shaving for now. Not a great fix but you can at least control how you look now.
Hope this could at the very least put a smile on your face.
Title: Re: I'm getting more depressed.. So many problems
Post by: ImagineKate on March 28, 2015, 07:51:38 PM
Post by: ImagineKate on March 28, 2015, 07:51:38 PM
Hey ikanote, where do you live? City and country is fine. In some cities there are clinics which do free or almost free trans care if you don't have insurance. They bill sliding scale and are funded by donations. There are options, especially in NYC, Philadelphia, Boston and California.
Title: Re: I'm getting more depressed.. So many problems
Post by: ikanote on March 29, 2015, 11:39:51 AM
Post by: ikanote on March 29, 2015, 11:39:51 AM
I think I'm still stuck in the phase that this condition is more of a disease to me.. I don't mean it as insult.. I just ended up with different circumstances... I do realize some people went as far as to go to the marines to feel like a man.. I Realize I am not the only one who pretended to be a guy.. I still don't like the idea of being called transgendered.. especially transsexual.
I might get over it later on but it feels a bit more a way for people to separate girls and trans girls.. I feel a bit crazy for saying stuff like this. I know people do this grouping thing all the time but I am still a bit upset about it.. I'm trying not to..
I already learn to speak like a girl in spanish.. I makes me blush and smile like crazy but I am making my friends feel awkward because of this (they don't know yet) haha.. I also speak a bit of japanese but its not so feminine so far.. My english is the one that's sticking on so much.. ugh.. I got off topic but I kind of wanted to say this because I know I am freaking out too much about this.. But regardless I am enjoying what I can do for free which is work on my voice.. SO I don't think theres much to worry.. I think I can manage.. It's good to hear others have similar problems.. But they still make it through..
To answer your question imaginekate.. I live in Florida.. Hollywood.. very close to miami..I've seen that somewhere those kind of things no one speaks of.. its almost like I have to meet people like myself to get around like that.. :(
I might get over it later on but it feels a bit more a way for people to separate girls and trans girls.. I feel a bit crazy for saying stuff like this. I know people do this grouping thing all the time but I am still a bit upset about it.. I'm trying not to..
I already learn to speak like a girl in spanish.. I makes me blush and smile like crazy but I am making my friends feel awkward because of this (they don't know yet) haha.. I also speak a bit of japanese but its not so feminine so far.. My english is the one that's sticking on so much.. ugh.. I got off topic but I kind of wanted to say this because I know I am freaking out too much about this.. But regardless I am enjoying what I can do for free which is work on my voice.. SO I don't think theres much to worry.. I think I can manage.. It's good to hear others have similar problems.. But they still make it through..
To answer your question imaginekate.. I live in Florida.. Hollywood.. very close to miami..I've seen that somewhere those kind of things no one speaks of.. its almost like I have to meet people like myself to get around like that.. :(
Title: Re: I'm getting more depressed.. So many problems
Post by: ImagineKate on March 30, 2015, 04:22:43 AM
Post by: ImagineKate on March 30, 2015, 04:22:43 AM
Miami should be fairly easy. It's a hub for the LGBT community. Maybe talk to your local PFLAG or other similar organization. I'm sure others here know local resources in your area.
Title: Re: I'm getting more depressed.. So many problems
Post by: Ms Grace on March 30, 2015, 04:34:43 AM
Post by: Ms Grace on March 30, 2015, 04:34:43 AM
Sorry to hear that you are struggling - the financial aspect of transition is often much harder than some of the social aspects, it just adds to the stress and the pressure. As an illustrator myself I understand how frustrating it can be to make hardly anything in return for the art work you do. Hopefully you can find some free or cheap services through the suggestions from Kate - for everything else though it may mean needing to be careful with your costs, doing what you can with your transition but keeping afloat financially.
Title: Re: I'm getting more depressed.. So many problems
Post by: Emily R on March 30, 2015, 06:59:28 AM
Post by: Emily R on March 30, 2015, 06:59:28 AM
Ikanote,
Try going or calling the "Pride Center in Wilton Manors"
I don't know how far it is from your house, but it is close to Hollywood, FL and if you can get there they might be able to help you as they are THE LGBT resource in Broward County
Wilton Manors is one of the largest LGBT cities in the nation and they pride themselves in being so.
Emily
Try going or calling the "Pride Center in Wilton Manors"
I don't know how far it is from your house, but it is close to Hollywood, FL and if you can get there they might be able to help you as they are THE LGBT resource in Broward County
Wilton Manors is one of the largest LGBT cities in the nation and they pride themselves in being so.
Emily
Title: Re: I'm getting more depressed.. So many problems
Post by: ikanote on March 31, 2015, 02:55:07 PM
Post by: ikanote on March 31, 2015, 02:55:07 PM
I'll try my best...... but I don't know how well I can hold out for strangers.. I generally don't feel really well around people.. Its a bit of a phobia for me.. But if you guys say it helps I'll see if it really does help..