Susan's Place Transgender Resources

To start. My name is Jacob, I'm 23 in 2 weeks and I've just come to terms with some things in my past. A small look to my childhood is my mother walked out on my brother, father and I when we were very young, father a single parent on and off.. She never makes much of a attempt to this day. Since I was a kid I never was a tom boy kinda kid. Really, I played games and was to myself and my own imagination, picked on regularly for being a weirdo.. Never had many friends, from the ages 8-17  I lived a second life on the internet as a girl. A lot of games, many social sites I could pretend on and feel comfortable. I liked being pretty and having long hair, even make-up isn't a scary concept to think about. I've tried to repress this after I thought it was 'just a phase' kind of deal and in acting like a guy from then on would grow onto me..  But the truth is. I really don't feel macho, I've had urges to work out and get bigger like when I first started with my step father at 18-19. But the testosterone have never been there in me, it always feels faked or forced. Granted I do love to get out and walk, and cycle I'm not a total vampire. :P

I wanted to join some kind of support group to get stories from other experiences and see what others think. I really am just not sure who I am anymore. from 19- just a week ago, I was in my longest and hardest relationship. Three and a half years, I feel bad because she really is supportive.. but in the relationship with how I feel as of recent. I feel like it was unfair to both of us, I ask myself, 'Who am I?' and I draw a blank.
I've played both, I was in 'the man' situation where I was working 3 jobs to keep the roof over our heads till I gave up; and she move up state to her family, I stayed with mine. I'm getting back in touch with old friends I alienated myself from through most of the relationship. Fortunately for me they accepted me back in with open arms, I couldn't ask for better friends really. Or my father, he's a 'stealthed'(not sure if I used that right ^_^') cross dresser. I came out to him, and my boss who is like a big sister to me(I am her number one assistant mngr) about my thoughts and feelings first. They were both supportive and said, 'just do what makes you happy' and my dad said he'd love me no matter what my choice. After, I did so my 2 of my closer friends who were a couple and they both accept me for me. I love all of them so much for not shunning me.

As I've come out about this it has helped in me piecing myself little by little. I would like to start my transition as soon as possible, but unfortunately I'm not only broke from payments; but still unsure if this is really ME, or just a bi guy with a confused analysis of himself.. I do have insurance till I'm 26 so I have been considering actually using it for once and going to see a therapist. I should regardless for my family issues, but I want to focus on myself at this time. I just want to be comfortable with myself and know who I am. This is all still new to me, but I have done some research on sites such as tsroadmap and a few 7 questions readings/videos from wehappytrans. It's comforting to see how strong they are and to hear what they live with. As for the name game, I have thought of a few but those that stick out for me are Elizabeth or Tiffany. It does bring a smile to my face at the thought of those names, typing this, the thoughts that roll on in. How do you make of this little bit I've told? I'm sorry if I typed too much! ^_^'  I don't wanna be a bore. xP

Hi TiffTaff,

Welcome to Susan's Place and congratulations for finding us. 

Here's some quick links to help you along

Please be sure to review

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by  (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
  
• Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
  
• Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
  
• News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)
  
• Photo , avatars, and signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
  

Hugs,
~Jill

Thank you, and I have read the rules and regulations. :) Trying to not step on any toes.

As someone who is also figuring themselves out yet I am in my 40's my best advice is simply see the therapist. In doing so think about who you really are where you want to go and what you see yourself in the future as. Its a hard choice for sure and to be honest its part of growing up at any age. I wish you well in truly finding yourself. May your path be rewarding whatever path it be:)

Thank you Jen, It's nice to know even those older than I am still struggle with this. I don't mean that shallow at all, your words helped and I intend to get around to the therapist.. I'm unfortunately a natural procrastinator.  ^_^'
I also wish the best for you. :)

Also I'm willing to answer any questions anyone has to offer. Or constructive criticism, I am an open minded person. If this also helps in anyone analysis of me or may effect my thought process. I've had a handicapped little brother, diagnosed with SMA type 2 since he was 4. I've helped raise him and it forced me to mature at a early age in certain areas. Even the thought of later in life being a house wife or husband is kinda comforting. I love to help and take care of people. I want a family, I want a strong and loving partner. Essentially what any person would want. I've been told by another friend that I'm so used to taking care of others and thinking of others, that alone makes it harder to find myself. I agree completely, but I can't just push aside my nature. In this mix of emotions I also am still coping with this self imposed break up. The only clue I have on what I want out of life is to be happy cliché enough.

Hello and welcome *hugs*

You could have a look here for a few thoughts that might help:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,185096.msg1646042.html#msg1646042

I'd say take the time you need... its a process, but many have gone it before and succeeded, and people here will try to support you.

And you might keep asking questions, alone writing might help getting a better view...


hugs

TiffTaff
Welcome to Susan's Family
So many topics to explore and posts to read or write. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fyoursmiles.org%2Fpsmile%2Fprofession%2Fp0126.gif&hash=db28d493a08fd434f52ada6d7186966d2905ac58)
Many article of news, wiki, links ,minecraft and chat
Safe passage on your path, Popcorn? (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Foi62.tinypic.com%2F33a6ouf.jpg&hash=70038a414397cf8547aa00ee9064953fc318e096)
Hugs

Welcome to Susan's, TiffTaff.

:)

Hi TiffTaff, welcome to Susan's! Before starting transition, if you are unsure of your gender identity (as opposed to your sexual identity/preferences) it may be helpful to talk to a therapist to help you get a sense of those issues and possible ways forward.

Hi TiffTaff  :icon_wave:

Welcome to Susan's  :)  Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Thank you so much for the open arms everyone! :D
Coming home to this after work was very warming.
I'm starting my step towards therapy today and called. Hopefully I'll get a call back tomorrow with good news.
I've been thinking on it more as I've become comfortable. Part of me is happy about this, and I love it. :)

Hihi TiffTaff and welcome! *waves*

Though our histories are different and I'm a bit older than you I also discovered myself through the online world (MMOrpg's and such). You're definitely not alone, your thoughts and feelings mirror many others on here including my own. So make yourself comfy and read, read, read, and read some more. There is so much great info to be found on this forum. =D

Hi Jacob welcome to Susan's. I think finding a gender therapist is a very good idea, they will help you find yourself.

Quote from: mrs izzy on March 28, 2015, 09:45:59 PM
TiffTaff
Welcome to Susan's Family
So many topics to explore and posts to read or write. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fyoursmiles.org%2Fpsmile%2Fprofession%2Fp0126.gif&hash=db28d493a08fd434f52ada6d7186966d2905ac58)
Many article of news, wiki, links ,minecraft and chat
Safe passage on your path, Popcorn? (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Foi62.tinypic.com%2F33a6ouf.jpg&hash=70038a414397cf8547aa00ee9064953fc318e096)
Hugs

Thank you very much for the hotline number! I just got off from talking to a volunteer, he was very helpful. I was very anxious at first but I can breathe again.
Now I can't stop smiling. I'm a big time skeptic on therapy, so I reeeally hope my first one is supportive. T_T