Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hello everyone! I'm a soon-to-be 21 year-old college student, and over the past year I've been wrestling with whether or not I am a woman in a man's body. Does anyone have advice for me to discover more about myself so I can find a definite answer to this question?

Hi there blairolivia. Welcome to Susan's

I don't have any advice for you personally because I am in the same boat as you. Hopefully we will be able to figure out. And the people here are really friendly so they will be glad to answer any question you may have. An admin should be by shortly to give you the rundown of the site.

Good to know I'm not alone, Cyber Warrior. I'm confident we'll be able to figure it out. Looking forward to using this resource!

Hello Blairolivia

One of the first things you will find rather essential is to let yourself free.  Free to think of yourself outside of the gender roles expected by your family, society, and, most of all,  by and of yourself.  This is the key to being able to deal with acceptance of thoughts and feelings that you may be suppressing, consciously or subconsciously.

This is a process which takes time, and I recommend that you find a guide to help you - a gender therapist or a skilled and empathetic psychologist.  Therapy doesn't mean that you're crazy or cuckoo.  It does however allow you to explore things which are hard to find on your own.  And in all cases, should you begin a journey to unlock the woman inside you, the international standards of care (WPATH) require a therapist to accompany you on your entire journey. 

Part of letting yourself free may involve exploring the external aspects of your presentation -how you dress and act.  Realising which gender(s) you are truly attracted to.  It's really quite hard to take the leap needed to begin all of this.  Some people know what they are and just go for it; others take very small steps, testing the water with each one.

The processes of realisation can be quite disconcerting- something of a roller coaster ride of highs and lows, but ultimately the sense of knowing clearly who you are  is a great liberation.  Most of us repress a huge amount and have to shed a ton of guilt and imagined social consequence. 

And from there?  Well, there's a tendency to view HRT as the miracle which will turn you into a woman.  I'd advocate caution and say that HRT is a helping hand.  The woman's already there, in your head, and your task (and it really is a task) is to liberate her.  HRT gives you the "permission" to be her, but you have to make her.

One of the things I've learned is to be realistic about goals, and to realise that who we were is a part of what will will become.  Most of us cannot kill off the boy entirely, but often what remains is interesting, attractive, and valuable.  Be realistic about your goals.  On this journey, it really helps to be candid, ask for help, smile often and feel it, and surround yourself with kind people.   It's also vital to enjoy the journey- very few of us take it and, I at least, have found it a wonderous voyage of discovery, enlightenment and liberation. 

Does some of this make sense?  How do you feel about the steps I've proposed?

Hugs
Julia

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Hugs

Strong suggestion is find a therapist to help navigate the feelings.

Hi Julia,

Thank you so much for this in-depth response. This makes me feel about a million times better, and I can't wait to start taking some small steps and see where that leads me!

Hi Blairolivia, welcome to Susan's Place! Julia is great, isn't she? There's lots of other nice folks on the site to meet, too. See you around the forums!

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: blairolivia on April 04, 2015, 03:55:28 PM
Hi Julia,

Thank you so much for this in-depth response. This makes me feel about a million times better, and I can't wait to start taking some small steps and see where that leads me!

You're welcome.  I didn't want my post to be a whole lot of psychobabble, but what I have seen here is that attitude is everything, personal effort is vital, and that the consequences of a gender journey - if they are planned like any journey should be - are mostly positive and very rewarding. 

Feel free to PM me.

Xxx
J

Blairolivia, welco me to Susan's A good gender therapist would be a great way to help you discover more about yourself and your feelings in regards to your gender. I look forward to seeing you around the site. Hugs and good luck
Mariah

 
Hello and welcome  *hugs*

You could have a look here for a few thoughts that might help, and show you are not the only one:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,185096.msg1646042.html#msg1646042

I'd say take the time you need... to get aquainted to a few thoughts, but keep at it...
its a process, but many have gone it before and succeeded, and people here will try to support you.

there might be a lgbt group at your college...
and there might be counseling...

and if you want to talk to someone in person you might call one of those helplines for example, people are there to help and give advice (there are many others):
glnh dot org/talkline/ (this is the national lgbt youth helpline)
translifeline dot org


And you might keep asking questions, alone writing might help getting a better view...  :)


hugs

Hi Blairolivia  :icon_wave:

Welcome to Susan's  :)  Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Hi!  As a transman (for now), I went through many phases and identities before sort of setting on the current one.  Not that it can't change either, but I've settled a few facts of needing hormones and top surgery to fit the me inside my head!  It is easier to just ask to be male to most people but I really don't think of myself as just male.  More like 80% male 20% FABULOUS OTHER  XD  The important thing is to be safe, healthy and happy with you as a person.  I've really found these forums to be great to explore a lot of different feelings and meet some amazing people of all kinds of gender variance. It's really nice to get to see how different and diverse the members here are!

I would definitely recommend counseling or a group of some kind, I had a pretty good experience with the Queer Student Union at my college.  Too bad I thought I was a straight cis gal at the time, might have saved myself some years of angst if I'd met any transgender guys there and had more of a a real wake up call! XD