Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hey guys,
Transitioning is something I really want to do, I just don't really understand why. I'm asking myself why living my life as a masculine woman wouldn't be enough for me. I think that we inhabit our bodies but they're not who we are, so why does the body matter? Why transition?
This is something I've been asking myself lately and I'd love to hear other people's thoughts/experiences. :)

because although you're seen as "masculine" it's a masculine WOMAN and that isn't what you identify as.

My appearance was pretty questionable gender-wise to begin with, I kinda fell in between the two but in the end it just wasn't enough. It wasn't me. It was just something I knew I had to do in order to just live this life. We're given this one life so why not live it feeling comfortable and happy with one's own body? That's how I feel.

QuoteTransitioning is something I really want to do, I just don't really understand why. I'm asking myself why living my life as a masculine woman wouldn't be enough for me. I think that we inhabit our bodies but they're not who we are, so why does the body matter? Why transition?

Some people can be happy living their lives as masculine women, if that's who they are. I tried to do that for decades, even though I knew I didn't identify as a woman, because I believed I "should" be able to live in the body I had. I poured huge amounts of energy into that endeavor, and finally had to admit to myself that, no, it wasn't enough, and I was miserable.

This is where a good therapist can be really helpful in the process of figuring out who you are and what you need in order to be comfortable in your skin. Mileage varies.

Quote from: Tysilio on April 05, 2015, 08:54:46 PM
Some people can be happy living their lives as masculine women, if that's who they are. I tried to do that for decades, even though I knew I didn't identify as a woman, because I believed I "should" be able to live in the body I had. I poured huge amounts of energy into that endeavor, and finally had to admit to myself that, no, it wasn't enough, and I was miserable.

You are singing my song, my friend! 

I'm not a masculine woman. I transitioned hormonally to make myself more comfortable with my body. I transitioned socially to let my friends know who I am in my gender. I transitioned legally so I can be treated like any other guy when somebody has to check my ID. There's other reasons but those are some big ones.

it doesn't matter how masculine, feminine, or androgynous you are - if you don't feel like a woman, you're not going to be comfortable living as and being perceived as a woman. sometimes I tell myself that I could just live as an androgynous girl, that I shouldn't transition. but one day it occurred to me that regardless of how I present myself, I'm not going to be comfortable being referred to as "she" for the rest of my life. I also believe that we're not defined by our bodies, so I relate to you there. the mind and body are separate things and we are not simply our bodies, but at the same time if they're completely incongruent and it feels as though your body is the wrong match for your brain, that complicates things.

sorry, rambling again. I hope this made at least a bit of sense.

just do whatever you've gotta do to live a happy life.

Quote from: Nygeel on April 05, 2015, 10:00:14 PM
I'm not a masculine woman. I transitioned hormonally to make myself more comfortable with my body. I transitioned socially to let my friends know who I am in my gender. I transitioned legally so I can be treated like any other guy when somebody has to check my ID. There's other reasons but those are some big ones.

This.  And yes, our bodies are not who we are, but our minds aren't the only part of us either.  They are tied to each other, connected to each other.  When someone interacts with you they are not only interacting with your personality and spirit, but your body.  If you are not a woman, yet those around you are reading you as a woman, no matter how masculine, because that's what your body denotes to them, you likely aren't going to be at ease with living as a masculine woman. 

Understanding myself as male has opened my eyes. For a long time I thought I was just "different" because of my hearing loss and vision issues, but finding my truth that I am a guy made me feel like I was **in** myself, rather than being **beside** myself. I could look at pictures of myself without feeling something was wrong all the time, and I can look at my face in the mirror and be happy. Transitioning to match that inner feeling to the outer look is important because it will be ME, not a female doppleganger **OF** me.

wandering's question is an interesting one. I can only make sense of it through my belief in re-incarnation. If I believed we only lived here once it would make no sense to me why for that 'once' some people's minds and bodies are so woefully mis-matched. But I believe we all live many lives in order to experience and learn many things, and that being transgender is one such experience. Then from some viewpoints gender is a social construct not a natural one and if we still lived in caves we would be content with being masculine female people. Hm. A very interesting question indeed.

Quote from: Nygeel on April 05, 2015, 10:00:14 PM
I'm not a masculine woman. I transitioned hormonally to make myself more comfortable with my body. I transitioned socially to let my friends know who I am in my gender. I transitioned legally so I can be treated like any other guy when somebody has to check my ID. There's other reasons but those are some big ones.

This.

I'm transitioning because I'm a man and not a masculine woman. OP, your phrase "we inhabit our bodies but they're not who we are" just doesn't jive with me.

Because "masculine" and "feminine" are societal concepts connected to gender roles, but are not in themselves, gender. The word gender is used in different ways by different people. I find it most useful to describe gender as the map in your brain of what to expect your body to be like. Essentially the sex of the brain. Usually the sex of the brain and the rest of the body match, so often that it's only relatively recently people are figuring out that's not always the case.
If your brain is mapped out to expect one set of sex characteristics, but you have the other set, it causes discomfort (dysphoria). I tried the "masculine woman" thing. Doesn't make dysphoria go away. Because I'm not a woman. My brain expects a flat chest, facial hair, male genitalia, etc. so having female sex characteristics in their place is disturbing. Surgery and HRT bring my body closer to matching what my "brain-body map" expects. Reducing the mismatch reduces the dysphoria and makes me a happier, more functional human being.

Some of what is considered "masculine" or "feminine" stems from simple biology. Males generally have more testosterone, which has certain influences on behavior. So does estrogen. But these are only generalities and very few people will fit perfectly into the gender roles built partially on that, partially on marketing, partially on... whatever else. It's a complicated subject and I'm not qualified to even try to explain it.

Medical transition basically does two things. 1, reduces dysphoria, makes one more comfortable in one's own body. 2, assists in being seen by society at large as one's actual gender (because again, brain/body sex mismatch is rather uncommon so most people instinctively assume your gender matches your looks).

I transitioned because I'm me and "me" is male. That's really all there is. Many people choose different paths, but I could not. It was who I am or not being here. I chose the former. There are certainly many who chose one path, the other or a third option and all are fine. How did I ultimate chose? I looked in the mirror with a razor in my hand. My example may seem extreme, but it isn't really. We all just want to be happy and productive. After three years I'm happy, productive and I love my life. Transition was the right choice *for me*.

I am transitioning because I basically hate my woman parts and pretty much grossed out that they are attached to me. Woman parts are attractive on someone who identifies as a woman. Just not on me. I have always hated my appearance and I know I will be more comfortable if I appear more male. I think i will have an easier time of being who I am and probably have a lot more confidence in myself.

I am transitioning because my brain loves T.  I feel more balanced, I think more clearly, I feel more competent and more aligned with who I have always imagined I would be if only I {pick one or more  :D }(had the energy, had the focus, had the confidence, didn't feel so fuzzy, didn't feel so inadequate, didn't feel so round peg in square hole). 

Although I'm low dose, I am still seeing some muscle growth in my shoulders and fat shifting away from my hips. And my body feels like it fits me better than it has since I can remember.  I remember being less than 5 and knowing my body didn't fit me because I felt to soft and round.  And now, I'm seeing hints of what I always thought should be there, ie the biceps and shoulders.

I'm transitioning, despite all the uproar that is about to ensue, because me being happy with me is more important than anyone, family, friends or nebulous society, being happy with me.

OP  THIS!  Exactly!   <<I think that we inhabit our bodies but they're not who we are, >>  because, what I didn't realize, until I realized I was trans*, is that our bodies ARE a big part of who we are.  I had to deny, deny, deny that my body was a part of me, so much so, that I don't recognize myself in photos, don't really connect with the pain or pleasure of my body,-- in general, I have dissassociated as much as I can,-- so I could be okay with myself.

And now, I am discovering that I CAN be more okay with my body.  I'm getting there, little by little, thanks to T and working out and a great therapist. And my life is getting better.  After over 50 years, my life is getting better.  It's miraculous and amazing.

I'm planning on transitioning because I'm not a woman, not even a masculine one, I'm a man. I'm tired of being viewed and treated as a woman and I'm tired of being uncomfortable in my own skin.

I used to identify as a girl who hated being a girl, a girl who was really a boy inside and had to keep their true self a secret. That got old pretty fast though. Trying to force myself to continue pretending that I was someone I'm not led to nothing but resentment and depression.

I'm going to transition because I'm not going to spend the rest of my life wondering if it's even worth living because I can't be myself.

The simplest of simple answers - we are not women, we are men. We dont want to look or be perceived as something we're not. A masculine woman is still a woman. That doesnt change anything. Masculine and feminine are social constructs on what is involved in each, gender itself is not. A woman can present in a masculine manner and still be female. A man can present in a feminine manner and is still a man. They do not impact on who/what we are. Gender expression and gender roles do not equal gender

Im doing this because I am male and I need to look and feel how my brain is expecting me to. Its not society at all for me. I couldnt care less about their 'expectations'. Im doing what I need to do for me. My internal body map of what my brain expects doesnt match up to what is. I am changing this so it does. This would remain if I was the only person on the planet. Even if no one would ever see me again I would still need to do this because when it comes down to it Im still fundamentally wrong to myself. How Im perceived by others is still a big part of it yes, only because I need the validation of being seen as I really am. The rest of it is for me personally. To feel and look right in myself, even if no one else could see me

Our body is a huge part of who we are. Its how ourself is presented to the world. It dictates how we are perceived and how we are treated. Again taking other people out of the equation, for many of us it is still majorly important to ourselves that it looks how we want it to. If it doesnt align with me then no it does not represent who I am and that has to be fixed. I wont live with something that makes me inheritantly unhappy when I dont have to. Body matters for many reasons. Perception and self. Mine needs to align with my head's expectation. The fact it doesnt is why dysphoria exists. Transition is generally the only way to relieve this by fixing the problem

Not everyone has a need to transition. If you can live as a masculine woman then do so. Most of us cant because we're not women. Thats what it comes to. Its not about how I present myself (I have always dressed in male clothes, male hairstyle etc), its how other people see me and how I feel in myself in terms of dysphoria, the constant feeling of wrongness and something that needs to be fixed so my body map aligns with that which is being expected to be present and isnt

I love this post! So many different people stating the same thing: masculine woman is not the same as a man.

It's not about how people see me, but how I see myself. I tried presenting as a masc girl since I was, what, 4? 5? Tomboy was my favorite word because I could easily explain my feelings. When I turned 11, instead of tomboy, I adopted the term lesbian. By the time I turned 13, it all made sense, why I felt like a boy all my life; I only liked girls, I only displayed male behavior, I even developed differently from other girls (body-wise)...I'm a lesbian! It was not until I was 17-18 that I learned transgender is NOT the next phase in being a lesbian, but a completely separate term. Sure, there could and most likely IS a connection between homosexuality and ->-bleeped-<- (although an indirect connection is more likely...different genes acting on similar characteristics, same pathway - it is uncertain yet, since the gay gene hasn't even been located yet. Interaction of genes is most plausible) but in essence, they are different concepts. Related genetically, but whole different ideas. Masculine lesbians feel comfortable in their body, even enjoy it, having no desire to change their external and internal systems hormonally. Trans men, they can come in all different shapes and sizes, orientations, etc... but they literally have male brains. Literally. It's quite interesting - do some research on it. :)

So, if you want to actively transition, you are a trans man. It's complicated, but once you understand yourself, it makes sense.