Community Conversation => Transgender talk => Topic started by: Maryread on April 07, 2015, 07:55:41 AM Return to Full Version
Title: Advice?
Post by: Maryread on April 07, 2015, 07:55:41 AM
Post by: Maryread on April 07, 2015, 07:55:41 AM
So I was on this forum a few months ago and I was making attempts at therapy and seriously looking at making steps to transition. Then I got cold feet and decided to just focus on other things and be a man.
It's worked pretty well until recently, my social life picked up, I got in better shape, started doing better in my college work and I wasn't depressed as often. Recently it all came crashing down.
I've been seeing a girl recently, she's really nice and after a few weeks I finally went back to her place. Eventually we got down to sex and that's when the dysphoria kicked in. I realised how jealous I was of her, I didn't want to be with her, I wanted to be her. The only way I was able to perform was by pretending I was experiencing what she was and ignoring my own sensations. It probably sounds weird.
Anyway it definitely made me feel guilty, it feels like I'm being dishonest with her or just using her, which isn't fair because she's actually a fantastic girl. I would love to have a relationship with her but I really don't enjoy the idea of sex as a man.
Basically I think I'm just really dysphoric about sex. I can socialise as a man, dress as a man, act like a man without too many issues but when it comes to my genitals or sex it's just impossible for me.
So I think I should break up with this girl.. It sucks because I'm kind of lonely and this just seems like an obstacle to any future relationship. I'm not attracted to men so being gay isn't really an option either..
It's worked pretty well until recently, my social life picked up, I got in better shape, started doing better in my college work and I wasn't depressed as often. Recently it all came crashing down.
I've been seeing a girl recently, she's really nice and after a few weeks I finally went back to her place. Eventually we got down to sex and that's when the dysphoria kicked in. I realised how jealous I was of her, I didn't want to be with her, I wanted to be her. The only way I was able to perform was by pretending I was experiencing what she was and ignoring my own sensations. It probably sounds weird.
Anyway it definitely made me feel guilty, it feels like I'm being dishonest with her or just using her, which isn't fair because she's actually a fantastic girl. I would love to have a relationship with her but I really don't enjoy the idea of sex as a man.
Basically I think I'm just really dysphoric about sex. I can socialise as a man, dress as a man, act like a man without too many issues but when it comes to my genitals or sex it's just impossible for me.
So I think I should break up with this girl.. It sucks because I'm kind of lonely and this just seems like an obstacle to any future relationship. I'm not attracted to men so being gay isn't really an option either..
Title: Re: Advice?
Post by: Mariah on April 07, 2015, 08:14:11 AM
Post by: Mariah on April 07, 2015, 08:14:11 AM
Maryread just because you feel that way and are experiencing dysphoria as a result doesn't mean you have to break up with her. I'm not saying you need to tell her everything or anything, but doing so would remove the guilt. Breaking up without at least giving her a shot of knowing what's up doesn't fully give you or her a chance. No matter what it is your decision. Good luck and hugs
Mariah
Mariah
Title: Re: Advice?
Post by: Maryread on April 07, 2015, 08:36:28 AM
Post by: Maryread on April 07, 2015, 08:36:28 AM
Quote from: Mariah2014 on April 07, 2015, 08:14:11 AM
Maryread just because you feel that way and are experiencing dysphoria as a result doesn't mean you have to break up with her. I'm not saying you need to tell her everything or anything, but doing so would remove the guilt. Breaking up without at least giving her a shot of knowing what's up doesn't fully give you or her a chance. No matter what it is your decision. Good luck and hugs
Mariah
Thanks :),
I just feel like it's a bit early in the relationship to bring up such a big issue. As I said, she's a lovely girl but I don't know her THAT well. We've also got a lot of mutual friends and I'm very paranoid about anyone figuring out my issues, so I'm worried she'd mention something to someone if I told her anything. Breaking up with her for seemingly no reason is probably going to cause me a bit of trouble with our mutual friends but in my mind it's better than them figuring out I have gender issues
Title: Re: Advice?
Post by: Mariah on April 07, 2015, 08:44:39 AM
Post by: Mariah on April 07, 2015, 08:44:39 AM
I completely understand that. I told my boyfriend really early and to be honest I'm glad I did. He wondered why I told him so quickly and my reasons were to be up front and honest with him. Relationships don't stand much of a chance when we can't trust the other person in the relationship. I'm not saying you need to do that and please don't do it before your ready to. It's totally your call. It's possible you could get her to keep it a secret tell your ready to spread it more broadly. Regardless go with your gut feeling because going against that before your ready isn't going to do you any good. Breaking up with her I have no doubt will send mix signals hopefully you can find away to do it that somehow conveys a real reason without outing yourself. Good luck and hugs
Mariah
Mariah
Quote from: Maryread on April 07, 2015, 08:36:28 AM
Thanks :),
I just feel like it's a bit early in the relationship to bring up such a big issue. As I said, she's a lovely girl but I don't know her THAT well. We've also got a lot of mutual friends and I'm very paranoid about anyone figuring out my issues, so I'm worried she'd mention something to someone if I told her anything. Breaking up with her for seemingly no reason is probably going to cause me a bit of trouble with our mutual friends but in my mind it's better than them figuring out I have gender issues