Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I'm having serious doubts about starting T soon. My original plan was to start T after my top surgery in a few months, but I'm dealing with a wave of different emotions & hesitancy. I don't pass at all as a man right now.

I already have issues with self esteem, I'm only 5'4 & already have rapid genetic hair loss. I have tried Propecia, Rogaine etc & had bad side effects from all so stopped taking them. My concerns are realistic & I'm afraid my starting T will heighten my insecurities as a short guy going bald isn't desirable. I know once I start T the hair loss will be even more rapid. I already have dating issues with my height & passing as a male may pose more issues for me as girls want men taller than them typically, which I understand. I'm afraid I will be alone & judged harsher.

I have dysphoria esp with my genitals & feel in limbo between two genders. But I'm considering postponing T for 1-3 years until I'm 110%.

Anyone else experience this or have similar concerns?

your confidence issues is what would put a girl off, not the fact you're short. i'm shorter than you (and so are a lot of cis and trans guys) and i have no issues dating. most girls i date are actually 5'7" or taller. i don't let my height bug me, i don't see it as an issue, and because i don't, others don't. also, if anything, T would make you look more masculine if you're worried about passing. also, yes, T might make your hair loss worse but balding is still a thing that happens to men more often. look at these things as positives rather than negatives, you know? that's all you can really do. ultimately, it is your choice but even in a few years, you might still have these worries and keep putting it off.

I agree that your lack of confidence is what's harming your dating life the most. I'm also 5'4" and sure wish I could be taller, but I count my lucky stars for every inch of height I was given, because 5'4" really isn't THAT short. And the best thing to remember about confidence is to "fake it till you make it". Lie to yourself if you have to. Tell yourself you're sexy in the mirror or even just in your head everyday, even if you don't believe it. Pretty soon you will.
Also, bald doesn't equal unattractive or undateable. Think of actors like Vin Diesel, Bruce Willis, The Rock, Woody Harrelson, etc. All of them own the bald look and still look great. I think testosterone will help you achieve the more masculine bald look, even though it may speed the process up. But frankly if you're already balding there's no escaping it, might as well embrace it. But if you're not ready for testosterone, then by no means rush into it.

I appreciate the thoughts & you both made good points. I've had girls tell me I'm too short often & that they date taller guys only, so this has done a number on my self esteem. I'm not gonna rush the T & make sure I'm comfortable with my decision, as T as we all know is life-altering :)

Hey 2legit,

you shouldn't feel compelled to start t, only do it when you feel certain you'll be able to accept the changes. That said one of my thoughts while reading your post was, the only issue that will likely get worse is hair loss. But a lot of the other issues might improve -- passing, confidence! Maybe with these added bonuses, the hair loss won't be that much of an issue anymore.

I'm worried about hair loss too. I'm tall but my body is very disproportionate. But so far I believe I have made my peace with this. I'm ready to start t next year.

Remember you can start on a low dose and stop if it's not working out.

QuoteI've had girls tell me I'm too short often & that they date taller guys only, so this has done a number on my self esteem

See it as a good filter to root out the rotten, shallow apples that are not worth your time.

Quote from: Mr.X on April 09, 2015, 01:35:17 AM
See it as a good filter to root out the rotten, shallow apples that are not worth your time.

True that. If someone won't date you based solely on your height, they aren't really worth pursuing.

I agree to a point on the height issue. It's not that simple as both genders are predispositioned through biology to seek out certain traits. Tallness goes back to our ancestors where they were chosen mainly based on hunting skills & offspring. Not much has changed & innate needs still exist.

Many women who I met were not shallow & they were kind, but they just didn't feel comfortable dating a guy shorter than them. I get it.  I've had many experiences with this. Attraction is a science & physical desire is more complex. If its not there then it's not. And in all honesty, the women that do tend to like me the attraction, etc isn't mutual. Haven't found that balance yet.

I feel starting T now will bring up more issues w/ the baldness & height. I need to process it more. :)

I don't have concerns about T, but I'm short as well. 5"6. Almost all the women I see out there are taller than I am. When I was married, my wife was taller than me. There are days I wish I was at least 5"9, but its not going to happen,

Baldness in men is genetic and comes from the mother's side of the family. If your maternal grandfather is bald, then there is a good chance that you will be too. There are some very realistic rugs out there. My older brother was almost completely bald and invested in a wig. It looks completely normal and seems to stay in place regardless of what he is doing.

I'm not making light of the baldness. I've often thought that if I started to go bald, I'd just shave my head. It was a real worry for me when I started taking T because I'm adopted, so I don't know if my biological maternal grandfather is bald. My hair did thin and the hairline went back a little. Before I took T, hair cutters would always comment on how thick my hair was. Although there are no areas of skin showing,
its definately thinner than it was.

There are still women out there who are shorter than we are if that is a pressing concern. You'll have to make a decision of what is more important to you, taking T and having your body reflect your mind, or staying as you are. Only you can decide which is the greater evil.

sam1234

Being short bothers me sometimes if I'm around a lot of tall men for more than a few minutes.  My brother is very tall (over 6 foot) but I don't feel so short around my family because everyone else, my father included, are short.  It also helps me to notice other men who are my height (5'5") or shorter, and I've realized short men are more common than you'd think.
   

Quote from: sam1234 on April 11, 2015, 08:09:07 PM
Baldness in men is genetic and comes from the mother's side of the family.  If your maternal grandfather is bald, then there is a good chance that you will be too.

That's only for cis men.  The gene for baldness is carried on the X chromosome and the X chromosome in cis men always comes from the mother, in trans men they get an X chromosome from both parents.  You can look at both parent's male family members but it's not a guarantee of what your future may hold. 

Hey  ;D I'm very much in a similar position but very early on in my transition. I'm 5ft 2, worry about T and hair loss and guess feel inbetween genders.  I've started a blog about where I am, what I feel etc.  Don't know if it will help you at all but the link is below

Lake

There's so much more to a person than how he/she looks.  Height, weight, hair (full head or otherwise) should not even matter.  I don't think that I would want to date anyone who would be so preoccupied with my looks.  Those people IMO, are a bit too shallow.  Sure, it must feel great to date someone you find as being a total knock-out, but real love and happiness comes from the person's inner qualities.  Beauty fades over time.         

Quote from: wheat thins are delicious on April 11, 2015, 09:31:19 PM

That's only for cis men.  The gene for baldness is carried on the X chromosome and the X chromosome in cis men always comes from the mother, in trans men they get an X chromosome from both parents.  You can look at both parent's male family members but it's not a guarantee of what your future may hold.

This seems strange and doesn't make much sense to me.  I realize that the testosterone treatments is behind the increased likelihood for increased hair loss in trans men, but how you know that trans men get the hairloss X chromosome from both parents? 

Miles 

I think he means that you get an x chromosome form each parent so you are twice as likely to have the gene attached to it which causes baldness.

Quote from: Going4Miles on April 13, 2015, 02:32:35 PM
This seems strange and doesn't make much sense to me.  I realize that the testosterone treatments is behind the increased likelihood for increased hair loss in trans men, but how you know that trans men get the hairloss X chromosome from both parents? 

Miles

I didn't say that.  I said the gene for baldness is carried on the X chromosome, and that the X chromosome in cis men comes from the mother.  Trans men have two, one from each parent.  Sorry for any confusion. 

Dealing with a being a short guy is definitely hard. I'm only 5 ft and even though it has been getting better, I still think about my size everyday, and I am constantly sizing myself up to other guys. My SO is 5'4'' like you which is taller than most men in my family. I would kill to be that tall man haha. In any case, I've learned that the person who cares the most about my height is myself. It isn't the deciding factor weather I am read as male or not, or if im attractive or not. In fact I was just about always read as male before t, just not as my age. But now, even though I obviously havent grown any, and I haven't been on t all that long, I'm definitely passing closer and closer to my age and my confidence hasn't ever been this high. Now I'm just looking forward to top surgery  :)
I know it's hard man but it is absolutely doable! Hang in there

Thanks brothers! It's a tough road but that's just part of the journey I guess :)