Susan's Place Transgender Resources

7 myths about ' stealth ' transsexuals that undermine valid choices


http://everydayfeminism.com/2015'04/myths-stealth-transexuals/

Everyday Feminism/by James St. James   4/09/2015

' One day, during the lunch break of one of the awfully privileged people cubicle jobs, I found myself at a table with a bunch of male and female acquaintances , at some point the females started discussing their menstrual cycles and the methods they used to ease cramping. '

I like this, I think many of these myths are way too pervasive.

As for the period thing, lol, myaelf and other male colleagues make jokes like that all time if girls start talking about periods in front of us. We will just be like "oh well when I got my first period it wasn't like that." So if that guy did make that slip he could just laugh it off easily.

Good article!

QuoteLiving stealth is showing the world who you were meant to be perceived as to begin with, it's showing the part of you that used to be hidden.

  The whole question of "stealth" takes on an entirely different perspective when you know a child who was mis-assigned at birth and has lived as herself since she was around 3-1/2.   She's almost a teen now, and has never identified as a boy, or as transgender, or trans or...well, anything but a girl.  As far as she is concerned she just has a wrong body part and will need medical intervention at puberty.  The whole concept of "stealth" itself gets flipped upside down & inside out and becomes meaningless when someone has never *had* to live as anyone other than themselves.  It's no longer living stealth any more than cis people live in stealth. 

  I sometimes, often, don't pass; my daughter always does.   I completely, painfully grok the concept of "passing" and long to be stealth but I realize that is because it was denied me for much of my life so far.   That longing and insecurity is part of my experience of the world.  She has no idea what I'm talking about the few times I've mentioned it on the advice of a child psych (note: very few child psychs 'get' trans, much less 'get' trans kids, and much, much less 'get' trans families).   But all I can do is live as myself; that's what other people who happen to be cis people do, day in and day out.  And I've found that the more I do so, the more people accept me for who I am and who I identify as.  The closer to stealth I become.

  In the end, there are people in this world who will get hassled or far worse for being of certain bloodlines, for having certain social or political views or just for being different, or insisting on being "trouble" (read: not accepting the status quo).     If not for how some cis people treat trans people out of ignorance and ego, there would be no need to worry about being stealth.  In the right crowd, the author of the piece could have said, "when I used to get my period" and the conversation would simply keep flowing.   That tells me "stealth" is not about us.  And that in turn indicates me that perhaps there is no such thing as living stealth.  Maybe it's just living authentically, as much as safety will allow, and keeping private things that polite people don't discuss anyway, be they trans or cis. 

Interesting article. I know a few cis people who think they have "transdar" too, and they don't.

To me, being post-transition, being trans is not relevant in most areas of life, so why mention it? It's not about trying to hide, it's just about living your life. I always tell friends eventually, but not people at work.

Quote from: SonadoraXVX on April 25, 2015, 06:01:11 PM
And once I was blessed enough to start passing as a cissexual and having the choice to continue to do so, I took it.

Amen to that. I pray that day will come to me. I long for that day. It will be costly and hard. But I'm a resilient and a patient girl :)

I'm sorry for those who won't ever be able to pass, for whatever reason - including money above all. Yet I have the luck of having a body that may be 'fixed' well enough, so want to take the stealth privilege too.

Living openly?? I've had my fair share of suffering, thanks but I'll pass.

Not to say, if I pass as a cis female, I will not stand up for equal rights for all, I will help where I can, the whole lgbtqa community and other underrepresented minorities.

Good article, as always, from Everyday Feminism. I was a little offended by some of the author's assertions concerning reasons people choose not to go stealth, as I have chosen. Yes, it's dangerous to not be stealth, and it is dangerous to be stealth, as you live in fear of someone outing you. I'm someone who tends to be very outgoing, and I have a lot of friends from pre-transition... I can't reasonably go stealth, without abandoning everyone I care about. Instead, while there are people in my life who don't necessarily know I'm trans, I'm not afraid of them finding out. And they will find out, as I let them get closer to me as friends and acquaintances.

Quote from: erisrenee on April 27, 2015, 08:39:46 PM
I can't reasonably go stealth, without abandoning everyone I care about.

I have already done that once. It is tough, but possible. It is not escaping the past, just betting on your future.

Quote from: charlotte15 on April 28, 2015, 03:01:06 AM
I have already done that once. It is tough, but possible. It is not escaping the past, just betting on your future.

I know, it's just not a choice I'm willing to make. I'm lucky to live in a supportive area and I have lots of friends who see me as the woman I am. They mean too much to me to entertain the thought of leaving them.

Stealth is a sort of resolution IF one decides to be one or the other -- if one is to legitimate the hetero dyad. There are some amongst us who are neither, or both.

I can't picture myself with a boy (even if I had a weird dream last night) so I'm not sure I want to legitimate the hetero dyad!