Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I'm at wit's end. My wig's a frayed mess, it's thinning out, I've been wrote up yet again for my hair, I haven't had time to dress in what feels like an eternity, I can't get my body hair under control, and I'm just...I can't take this anymore. I'm ready to just throw everything out and say to hell with it. If the world wants so badly to stop me, then fine. I'll relent. I'll be the man it would rather see me as.

...I suppose the fact that I'm posting here means that I don't -actually- want that, but...I just don't know where else to turn. I feel like nobody understands me.

Big hug! Life kicks you. You're supposed to kick it back!

Hugs, Devlyn

I've kicked until my foot couldn't take it anymore...

What ever you do don't give up keep on hanging in there and fighting tooth and nail because you can do this. I know with everything that seems like it's against you right now, but better times are ahead. Are you able to get a hold of another wig? Big Hugs
Mariah

Quote from: Mariah2014 on April 13, 2015, 08:33:55 PM
What ever you do don't give up keep on hanging in there and fighting tooth and nail because you can do this. I know with everything that seems like it's against you right now, but better times are ahead. Are you able to get a hold of another wig? Big Hugs
Mariah

Finances are stupid tight right now, and show no real sign of improving. I don't really intend to buy another wig, anyways. After being wrote up for my hair, I dug deep through the company policy book and found that there is NOTHING in writing regarding the length of a man's hair, only the style. To quote the Employee Guidebook, "Hairstyles must be neat and kept, and cannot be unconventional (for example, a mohawk would not be allowed)". Not a damn thing in there about "above the collar" or whatever.

As I said, I don't really -want- to give up, but...I don't know what else to do at this point.

Nil barstardo carborundum, - don't let the b@stards grind you down.  Yes it's difficult now, but it does get better and you know you'd only be miserable if you went back to living your old life.

So what is the issue with your hair and who is the petty little obergruppenführer who is giving you a hard time over it?

Quote from: Lady Smith on April 13, 2015, 08:41:04 PMSo what is the issue with your hair and who is the petty little obergruppenführer who is giving you a hard time over it?

The root of the issue with my hair is that our lovely field manager has been trying to get me fired ever since I reported him to HR for trying to force me to work 48 hours straight without sleep. The little roadblock he keeps running into is that he knows I'm transgender, and knows he has to be very careful not to give me a reason to sue the company for discrimination in the event of termination of employment.

That's letting whomever is writhing you up and making difficult win. I'm sure you don't want to do that. Then if nothing in the policy says you can't where your own natural hair long then where it long. Secondly, if this job is making transitioning difficult have you consider looking for another while keeping the job your at now. Another thing to consider is does the company have any policies in regards to those who are transgendered.
Mariah

Quote from: StrykerXIII on April 13, 2015, 08:40:35 PM
Finances are stupid tight right now, and show no real sign of improving. I don't really intend to buy another wig, anyways. After being wrote up for my hair, I dug deep through the company policy book and found that there is NOTHING in writing regarding the length of a man's hair, only the style. To quote the Employee Guidebook, "Hairstyles must be neat and kept, and cannot be unconventional (for example, a mohawk would not be allowed)". Not a damn thing in there about "above the collar" or whatever.

As I said, I don't really -want- to give up, but...I don't know what else to do at this point.

Quote from: StrykerXIII on April 13, 2015, 08:28:30 PM
I've kicked until my foot couldn't take it anymore...

Switch feet.  :laugh:  I'm probably double your age and I still have to kick every day. Hair is a wonderful thing, it always grows back. Until a few years ago, I wore a crew cut so the wigs would work. Now admire my wildness. Stay on the safe side at work, and enjoy your wigs until you can get a less restrictive job.

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: StrykerXIII on April 13, 2015, 08:48:45 PM
The root of the issue with my hair is that our lovely field manager has been trying to get me fired ever since I reported him to HR for trying to force me to work 48 hours straight without sleep. The little roadblock he keeps running into is that he knows I'm transgender, and knows he has to be very careful not to give me a reason to sue the company for discrimination in the event of termination of employment.

Oh so he's one of those sort of vindictive types, - why am I not surprised (sigh).  Something tells me that if he keeps throwing his weight around like that and being a bully he might end up putting himself out of a job.

Writing you up for the hair sounds like sex discrimination to me. And if the manager is being hostile towards you at work because you reported them to HR, I'd contact them again about it. I'm pretty sure that constitutes as harassment if you're doing your job well enough.

(srsly what made him think he could get away with making you work 48 hrs straight? WTF)

Quote from: BenKenobi on April 13, 2015, 08:58:47 PM
Writing you up for the hair sounds like sex discrimination to me. And if the manager is being hostile towards you at work because you reported them to HR, I'd contact them again about it. I'm pretty sure that constitutes as harassment if you're doing your job well enough.

(srsly what made him think he could get away with making you work 48 hrs straight? WTF)

Problem is, he and the branch manager, the local bigwig, are at odds because they've tried to fire him before, and he threw a nasty fit about veteran status and PTSD and used his time in the service as a crutch.

I need another job. I know that. The problem is that this is the only job that my IBS hasn't managed to get me fired from...

Well even if he is a veteran there's no excuse for him to go all sergeant major on you.  My feeling is that HR need to be involved again to tell him to back off.

And how is writing you up over hair length not gender identity discrimination?  If he knows you are trans and the company has a non-discrimination policy for gender identity, that just seems like the issue to me.

Forcing you to work 48 hours without sleep is illegal so many ways.   Also, Lambda Legal, the ACLU and/or TLDEF are your friends here.   

Quote from: Jill F on April 13, 2015, 10:29:07 PM
Forcing you to work 48 hours without sleep is illegal so many ways.   Also, Lambda Legal, the ACLU and/or TLDEF are your friends here.

That was why I went to HR. I'd worked a double, was unable to sleep when I got home due to a lifetime of insomnia and broken circadian rhythms, worked another double that night, and when I got off, I was barely able to even drive home, I was throwing up, and he called me wanting me to make a 2-hour drive to work another 8 hours. I told him no and he threatened to fire me right there for it, so I went to HR and told them what he'd put me through. They pulled me off the on-call team and put me on a regular, 40-hour post, and he's been pissy with me ever since.

I agree with what other have been saying. Keep communicating to HR immediately if he is discriminating or violating any laws.

Bigs hugs of support to you.

I have found that every since I started shaving body hair while taking a shower, with some soap and a shaver (every day for chest/neck, every couple days for legs and arms), its been a breeze to keep up. I used to do it out of the shower with shaving cream, and it was a huge hassle. Now its easy!

I also get frustrated with frayed wig. It has gotten easier now that I detangle from the inside/out every morning. Do you detangle every day? Sorry if these are silly questions, but I never know what other people's feminization habits are....

Just saying, if you have issues shaving or it's taking too long...i used Nair. It kinda tingles and smells godawful but it worked nicely back when i was pretty much pressed to shave because "that's what girls did".

Quote from: StrykerXIII on April 13, 2015, 08:19:57 PM
I'm ready to just throw everything out and say to hell with it. If the world wants so badly to stop me, then fine. I'll relent.

Call me a masochist but I usually see personal difficulty and "resistance from the world" as a signal to not throw in the towel and to push back even harder.

You say you really should get a different job - it sounds like it to me too.

Quote from: BenKenobi on April 14, 2015, 05:44:35 PM
Just saying, if you have issues shaving or it's taking too long...i used Nair. It kinda tingles and smells godawful but it worked nicely back when i was pretty much pressed to shave because "that's what girls did".

I've used Nair before. It burns my face, takes days for the irritation to go away. Think I might be allergic or something  :(

Quote from: StrykerXIII on April 14, 2015, 07:26:49 PM
I've used Nair before. It burns my face, takes days for the irritation to go away. Think I might be allergic or something  :(

I don't think you're supposed to use it on your face though o.o

Just armpit and leghair...

Quote from: BenKenobi on April 14, 2015, 07:40:02 PM
I don't think you're supposed to use it on your face though o.o

Just armpit and leghair...

...well, that would explain that. /facepalm

Keep a journal of everything.  We have a friend who got several Navy Captains kicked out because she journaled their actions.  HR will take this seriously.  Maybe it's time to buy some hair spray to keep those loose hairs in place.  I do hope you keep up the good fight.
Hugs,

-Alana

Quote from: Alana_Jane on April 14, 2015, 07:46:41 PMMaybe it's time to buy some hair spray to keep those loose hairs in place.

Hair spray? That's a pointless endeavour, my hair does what it wants  :laugh: on the other hand, I'm feeling better. The missus came home and chewed me up one side and down the other about quitting. She refuses to let me just give up.

Good for her, helping to keeping you moving the direction you need to be, FORWARD! Everything comes in balance as such you can't have good without experiencing some of the "bad". Just hang in there and keep your head up, things will get better. *Hugs*

Yeah, don't use Nair on your face - sorry but only electro or laser will do the job properly there.

Quote from: StrykerXIII on April 14, 2015, 07:43:18 PM
...well, that would explain that. /facepalm

You can get the facial one, not sure how well it works on a face with male hair growth though.

Hugs XOXO, Rachel
BTW, i'm also kind of on the rocks with my job, and i'm not sure what to think, but its related to some personal flaws, and not the trans thing. It would be good for me find work in a more open minded area and move there, but I'm afraid of not being able to get electro and hormones quickly enough unless I somehow keep the job.

I hope that you have documented everything that has happened and that you keep hard copies of any emails and the policy manual at your house and not at work. I don't like what i'm sensing about whats happening at your workplace, and IMO it would be wise to stay prepared to fight them just in case it goes pear shaped.

I am not sure if I would point out what you didn't find in the policy manual about hair length because it might prompt them to add the language. You are transgender and can fight them on that, but let sleeping dogs lie.