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Title: Guess it's time to stop lurking...
Post by: MelissaNicole on April 14, 2015, 12:05:03 AM
Post by: MelissaNicole on April 14, 2015, 12:05:03 AM
Hello, everyone!
Well, my name is Melissa.
Let's see here... I'm trying to think of how to be brief enough as to avoid having a boring introduction, yet, still be informative enough that my potential new friends will have some idea about me.
At this writing, I am 39 years old.
I live in Tennessee, struggling to schedule frequent visits with my 2 kids that live in Texas.
I was divorced in November, 2013, and, sadly, my Gender Dysphoria was probably... 75% of that.
(not to mention that my ex wife was a textbook Narcissist who had an affair on me, but that is another story)
I currently live alone, and am at a kinda isolated phase in life.
I am on disability for severe Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Depression, and Social Anxiety Disorder.
For some reason, the Social Anxiety symptoms worsened after my divorce?
I rarely leave my apartment, except for my therapy sessions, and until I can just no longer be creative with what I have in the fridge and there is no choice left but to go get groceries. LoL
My therapist is great... she actually has a friend, in real life, who is a Trans woman.
She is researching as we speak, about referring me to the best endocrinologist she can find in this area, for my issues.
Speaking of this area... I am in the worst region that you can think of, to be a Trans girl who can no longer hide her true self anymore.
Tennessee.
My mother passed in 2012, so, in emergencies, I have my Aunt (Mom's sister) and Uncle.
They are highly active and highly ranking in their church.
And, they are as redneck, intolerant, and full of hatred for people like me as it gets.
They have clues about me, but, I think that they are in denial... but, I fear what will happen as I slowly begin to express myself more.
See, my current situation means that I have to kind of rely on them for airport trips, when I want my kiddos to fly in and visit.
Long story.
I wish that they were more open minded... they have had times of being angry at me, for depressive phases, and phases where I refuse to see anyone.
They get angry because of times when, at family gatherings, I am kinda quiet and don't say a whole lot.
They have said how they "want to see you (me) happy!"
And, there I sit, silently thinking how if I knew that I could safely be and express myself around them, I WOULD be closer to the happier person they wish for me to feel like.
But, I have heard them spew way too much hatred while they watch the news, for me to tell them fully about myself.
Anyway, that's me in summary.
At this point in life, I am just hoping to slowly start letting my true self exist for everyone else to see.
The hope that I and my therapist have is that as "Melissa" finds the courage to express herself, the social anxiety and things may slowly improve.
I do know that when I am out shopping... even though I fear stares and laughter... I feel less anxiety attack symptoms when I use makeup and my wig (which looks real), than I do walking around unshaven and with my hat on.
Through this site, I learned the term "asexual"... it was comforting to know that there was a word for the fact that I desire no physically intimate relationships in my life from here on, except for having as many true, real friends as I can find on my journey.
I do have a best friend from high school... he doesn't "get" it, but, has proven that he's not gonna stop being my friend.
I came out on Facebook to everyone (my Aunt took her laptop in for repair the very evening I made my post, so, it got lost in the shuffle, not seen by her).
EVERY friend was supportive, and as one girl who I went to school with said, "Well, this explains why I always go to you first when I need someone to talk to!"
I have always tended to distract my own pain by trying to nurture others.
So, who knows, maybe in my own struggles, I can be a good friend and a source of comfort to others.
That's my hope.
I don't whine too often... that doesn't come out until I've just held something in for so long that it hurts, and finally admit that I need to reach out.
Well... thanks for reading this little intro.
In the coming days, ya may see me asking some questions about where I can go from here, on various issues.
Thanks for listening/reading.
Your new friend,
Melissa
Well, my name is Melissa.
Let's see here... I'm trying to think of how to be brief enough as to avoid having a boring introduction, yet, still be informative enough that my potential new friends will have some idea about me.
At this writing, I am 39 years old.
I live in Tennessee, struggling to schedule frequent visits with my 2 kids that live in Texas.
I was divorced in November, 2013, and, sadly, my Gender Dysphoria was probably... 75% of that.
(not to mention that my ex wife was a textbook Narcissist who had an affair on me, but that is another story)
I currently live alone, and am at a kinda isolated phase in life.
I am on disability for severe Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Depression, and Social Anxiety Disorder.
For some reason, the Social Anxiety symptoms worsened after my divorce?
I rarely leave my apartment, except for my therapy sessions, and until I can just no longer be creative with what I have in the fridge and there is no choice left but to go get groceries. LoL
My therapist is great... she actually has a friend, in real life, who is a Trans woman.
She is researching as we speak, about referring me to the best endocrinologist she can find in this area, for my issues.
Speaking of this area... I am in the worst region that you can think of, to be a Trans girl who can no longer hide her true self anymore.
Tennessee.
My mother passed in 2012, so, in emergencies, I have my Aunt (Mom's sister) and Uncle.
They are highly active and highly ranking in their church.
And, they are as redneck, intolerant, and full of hatred for people like me as it gets.
They have clues about me, but, I think that they are in denial... but, I fear what will happen as I slowly begin to express myself more.
See, my current situation means that I have to kind of rely on them for airport trips, when I want my kiddos to fly in and visit.
Long story.
I wish that they were more open minded... they have had times of being angry at me, for depressive phases, and phases where I refuse to see anyone.
They get angry because of times when, at family gatherings, I am kinda quiet and don't say a whole lot.
They have said how they "want to see you (me) happy!"
And, there I sit, silently thinking how if I knew that I could safely be and express myself around them, I WOULD be closer to the happier person they wish for me to feel like.
But, I have heard them spew way too much hatred while they watch the news, for me to tell them fully about myself.
Anyway, that's me in summary.
At this point in life, I am just hoping to slowly start letting my true self exist for everyone else to see.
The hope that I and my therapist have is that as "Melissa" finds the courage to express herself, the social anxiety and things may slowly improve.
I do know that when I am out shopping... even though I fear stares and laughter... I feel less anxiety attack symptoms when I use makeup and my wig (which looks real), than I do walking around unshaven and with my hat on.
Through this site, I learned the term "asexual"... it was comforting to know that there was a word for the fact that I desire no physically intimate relationships in my life from here on, except for having as many true, real friends as I can find on my journey.
I do have a best friend from high school... he doesn't "get" it, but, has proven that he's not gonna stop being my friend.
I came out on Facebook to everyone (my Aunt took her laptop in for repair the very evening I made my post, so, it got lost in the shuffle, not seen by her).
EVERY friend was supportive, and as one girl who I went to school with said, "Well, this explains why I always go to you first when I need someone to talk to!"
I have always tended to distract my own pain by trying to nurture others.
So, who knows, maybe in my own struggles, I can be a good friend and a source of comfort to others.
That's my hope.
I don't whine too often... that doesn't come out until I've just held something in for so long that it hurts, and finally admit that I need to reach out.
Well... thanks for reading this little intro.
In the coming days, ya may see me asking some questions about where I can go from here, on various issues.
Thanks for listening/reading.
Your new friend,
Melissa
Title: Re: Guess it's time to stop lurking...
Post by: Ms Grace on April 14, 2015, 12:20:23 AM
Post by: Ms Grace on April 14, 2015, 12:20:23 AM
Hey Melissa!
Welcome to Susan's :) Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.
Families can be difficult - especially when they want you to be happy but not in the way that you want to be happy.
Please check out the following links for general site info...
Cheers
Grace
Welcome to Susan's :) Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.
Families can be difficult - especially when they want you to be happy but not in the way that you want to be happy.
Please check out the following links for general site info...
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
- Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
- Photo, avatars, and signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
Cheers
Grace
Title: Re: Guess it's time to stop lurking...
Post by: mrs izzy on April 14, 2015, 12:27:40 AM
Post by: mrs izzy on April 14, 2015, 12:27:40 AM
Welcome to Susan's Family
So many topics to explore and posts to read or write. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fyoursmiles.org%2Fpsmile%2Fprofession%2Fp0126.gif&hash=db28d493a08fd434f52ada6d7186966d2905ac58)
Many article of news, wiki, links ,minecraft and chat
Safe passage on your path, Popcorn? (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Foi62.tinypic.com%2F33a6ouf.jpg&hash=70038a414397cf8547aa00ee9064953fc318e096)
Hugs
So many topics to explore and posts to read or write. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fyoursmiles.org%2Fpsmile%2Fprofession%2Fp0126.gif&hash=db28d493a08fd434f52ada6d7186966d2905ac58)
Many article of news, wiki, links ,minecraft and chat
Safe passage on your path, Popcorn? (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Foi62.tinypic.com%2F33a6ouf.jpg&hash=70038a414397cf8547aa00ee9064953fc318e096)
Hugs
Title: Re: Guess it's time to stop lurking...
Post by: Susan on April 14, 2015, 12:43:31 AM
Post by: Susan on April 14, 2015, 12:43:31 AM
Right there with ya! I am in Clarksville.
Title: Re: Guess it's time to stop lurking...
Post by: rosetyler on April 14, 2015, 12:56:20 AM
Post by: rosetyler on April 14, 2015, 12:56:20 AM
Hi Melissa. Welcome to the party.
Sounds like your counselor is pretty good.
Tennessee...ugh. I feel for ya, chica. It doesn't sound like your extended fam are much support. If you can, try to find another person or two that you can trust and talk to. Perhaps look into http://pflagnashville.org/ community.pflag.org/chattown or www.pflagtricities.org for local support/resources.
I am Exmormon, and my immediate fam are all still hardcore Mormon. It sounds like our families are somewhat similar. It's my girlfriend who's trans, but I feel your pain. They think we're a hetero couple still.
Take your time and transition as you feel comfy doing so.
Sounds like your counselor is pretty good.
Tennessee...ugh. I feel for ya, chica. It doesn't sound like your extended fam are much support. If you can, try to find another person or two that you can trust and talk to. Perhaps look into http://pflagnashville.org/ community.pflag.org/chattown or www.pflagtricities.org for local support/resources.
I am Exmormon, and my immediate fam are all still hardcore Mormon. It sounds like our families are somewhat similar. It's my girlfriend who's trans, but I feel your pain. They think we're a hetero couple still.
Take your time and transition as you feel comfy doing so.
Title: Re: Guess it's time to stop lurking...
Post by: Lady Smith on April 14, 2015, 02:27:25 AM
Post by: Lady Smith on April 14, 2015, 02:27:25 AM
Hi Melissa welcome to Susan's :)
Settle in and explore the forum and I'm sure you'll make a lot of new friends here.
Settle in and explore the forum and I'm sure you'll make a lot of new friends here.
Title: Re: Guess it's time to stop lurking...
Post by: Laura_7 on April 14, 2015, 04:39:29 AM
Post by: Laura_7 on April 14, 2015, 04:39:29 AM
Hello and welcome *hugs*
Well its up to you what you say since you know them best...
you might look up a brochure called "doh-transgender-experiences.pdf" . Only thing I would disagree with is page 7, where they state stress, instead many experience relief.
It states that being trans has biological connections, to do with development before birth which influences the sense of self.
So its not a light hearted decision, and there are many feeling this way. Its nobodys fault, neither theirs nor that of their upbringing.
And it explains some of the feelings transgender people have.
You additionally might give an explanation of a twin... you will be essentially the same person... like your female twin... with still the same sense of humour etc...
And you might look up the genderbread person.
It shows that gender identity, gender expression, etc are different things.
Its possible to click on the picture to see it larger.
And, well, concerning talking in general it might help remain calm and relaxed, stating facts and needs, without getting upset or angry.
There should be reliable taxi services to and from the airport... just to take the pressure out of overthinking... :)
Well concerning an endo you might yourself get a bit knowledgable on the subject...
more steady doses might be of advantage... like a few times a day sublingual tablets, or topical... or implants or shots...
bioidentical progesterone might be of advantage... it should also be available as topical or implants...
you might have a look here:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,186397.msg1659539.html#msg1659539
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,186243.msg1658398.html#msg1658398
*hugs*
Well its up to you what you say since you know them best...
you might look up a brochure called "doh-transgender-experiences.pdf" . Only thing I would disagree with is page 7, where they state stress, instead many experience relief.
It states that being trans has biological connections, to do with development before birth which influences the sense of self.
So its not a light hearted decision, and there are many feeling this way. Its nobodys fault, neither theirs nor that of their upbringing.
And it explains some of the feelings transgender people have.
You additionally might give an explanation of a twin... you will be essentially the same person... like your female twin... with still the same sense of humour etc...
And you might look up the genderbread person.
It shows that gender identity, gender expression, etc are different things.
Its possible to click on the picture to see it larger.
And, well, concerning talking in general it might help remain calm and relaxed, stating facts and needs, without getting upset or angry.
There should be reliable taxi services to and from the airport... just to take the pressure out of overthinking... :)
Well concerning an endo you might yourself get a bit knowledgable on the subject...
more steady doses might be of advantage... like a few times a day sublingual tablets, or topical... or implants or shots...
bioidentical progesterone might be of advantage... it should also be available as topical or implants...
you might have a look here:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,186397.msg1659539.html#msg1659539
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,186243.msg1658398.html#msg1658398
*hugs*
Title: Re: Guess it's time to stop lurking...
Post by: katrinaw on April 14, 2015, 05:42:22 AM
Post by: katrinaw on April 14, 2015, 05:42:22 AM
Welcome Melissa :-*
Seems like you have a lot on your plate...
I hope the therapist will help you in determining your way through all of this, of course there is a great bunch of friends here to help you through your journey...
Once again welcome.
L Katy :-*
Seems like you have a lot on your plate...
I hope the therapist will help you in determining your way through all of this, of course there is a great bunch of friends here to help you through your journey...
Once again welcome.
L Katy :-*
Title: Re: Guess it's time to stop lurking...
Post by: ChiGirl on April 14, 2015, 05:49:10 AM
Post by: ChiGirl on April 14, 2015, 05:49:10 AM
Welcome, Melissa. You found a good place with good people. Good luck and hugs. Remember you are not alone.
Title: Re: Guess it's time to stop lurking...
Post by: Mariah on April 14, 2015, 08:48:32 AM
Post by: Mariah on April 14, 2015, 08:48:32 AM
Hi Melissa, welcome to Susan's. I'm sorry for the loss of your mom. You certainly have your plate full with everything going on. I look forward to seeing you around the site. good luck and hugs
Mariah
Mariah
Title: Re: Guess it's time to stop lurking...
Post by: V M on April 14, 2015, 02:16:13 PM
Post by: V M on April 14, 2015, 02:16:13 PM
Hi Melissa :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Hugs
V M
Welcome to Susan's :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Hugs
V M
Title: Re: Guess it's time to stop lurking...
Post by: Jill F on April 14, 2015, 02:38:31 PM
Post by: Jill F on April 14, 2015, 02:38:31 PM
We love converting lurkers. Woohoo!!!
Welcome aboard!
Welcome aboard!
Title: Re: Guess it's time to stop lurking...
Post by: Rachel on April 14, 2015, 08:16:29 PM
Post by: Rachel on April 14, 2015, 08:16:29 PM
Welcome to Susan's Place.