Susan's Place Transgender Resources

OK - I don't want to sound like I'm bragging here, but I've been on this dating website for women who like women and I've had a fairly high number of smiles/hugs/kisses and messages sent my way this week (all local too). It's actually a bit scary - straight women never seemed that interested in me when I was a guy but wow the gay ladies sure seem to dig me. Have had a few requests for coffee and a chat which I'm in the process of working out deets for - once we've done that and settled on a time/place I will tell them I'm trans and see if they still want to meet...

That's fantastic I hope the dates you set up stick after you tell them you're Trans (which in some ways would be the scariest part of dating as Trans for me).

oh yeah, there's a whole lot of scary hurdles - if I get past the telling them I'm trans and they're cool with that then there's the actual date. Sure it'll just be a low key meet up in a cafe kind of thing but it will be pretty scary none the less... then after that... who knows?? One hurdle at a time though!

I'm so jealous. I've had no interest from lesbians at all. In person they tend to clock me quickly and friendzone me, and online I'm almost never the one contacted.

May I ask what dating site you're using?

It's the one I PMed you about two months ago, I can resend if you like. It might be a case of locality, most of the contacts are coming from my city area so perhaps there's a lesbian shortage here and they're desperate!! Most of the women who have contacted me tend to be older than me by up to six years, only one has been younger. In the two cases where I tried contacting two women younger than me (early forties) they never replied (rude!).

Thing is, I don't feel or look my age. I feel about 37 instead of 49 (hormones no doubt have something to do with that!) and I feel utterly weird about hooking up with women in their fifties even if there's only a few year's difference. I'd like to date women in their mid to late 30's but I doubt that's ever gonna happen! Maybe it's a left over from my male socialisation where I was generally expected to be the older partner in any relationship.

I started going to a lesbian social group a couple of weeks ago and have been asked out on a couple of dates. One wanted a polygamous relationship with me which wasn't my thing, the other seemed keen and the first meet up went well, she suggested going for a drink next week,  but I texted her to tell her I'm trans and she stopped texting back.

Be prepared for that. I don't think the lesbian community is completely ok with trans women.

Hi Grace;
Can you also PM me the Web site too.
JudithLynn

I'm going through a weird thing on the site I'm on. they'll ask for my number to text me and we text back and forth a few times and then they stop. the last one asked for me to send her a pic , but my phone doesn't take pictures so she stopped texting me , kind of weird , but they know I'm trans.

The lesbian community is sort of split. Too many have listened to TERF extremism. The only thing that will cure that is education and time, just like the general populace.

Quote from: Ms Grace on April 16, 2015, 08:11:32 AM
It's the one I PMed you about two months ago, I can resend if you like. It might be a case of locality, most of the contacts are coming from my city area so perhaps there's a lesbian shortage here and they're desperate!! Most of the women who have contacted me tend to be older than me by up to six years, only one has been younger. In the two cases where I tried contacting two women younger than me (early forties) they never replied (rude!).

Thing is, I don't feel or look my age. I feel about 37 instead of 49 (hormones no doubt have something to do with that!) and I feel utterly weird about hooking up with women in their fifties even if there's only a few year's difference. I'd like to date women in their mid to late 30's but I doubt that's ever gonna happen! Maybe it's a left over from my male socialisation where I was generally expected to be the older partner in any relationship.

No, don't need a PM. I still have it. Didn't know if this is the same or different.

Most people I PM don't reply. I get about a 20% response rate.

But I almost never have anyone PMing me, older, younger, or around my age.

I've been told there is a sort of hierarchy of desirability with femme women on the bottom. So it may be that I'm looked upon as too femme for most. Or maybe they're put off by my profile which is wordy and specific.

I think for a valid statistical report we need the numbers from when Ms. Grace tells them she's transgender.

Quote from: suzifrommd on April 16, 2015, 09:54:36 AM
I've been told there is a sort of hierarchy of desirability with femme women on the bottom. So it may be that I'm looked upon as too femme for most. Or maybe they're put off by my profile which is wordy and specific.

Well I heard it differently... in fact that femme lesbians are in quite some demand... its not easy to spot them, many fly under the  r adar...

concerning profile, you might compare a bit with others...
personal statements might be of advantage, but imo it should be a mix... showing some humour, and maybe a few sides of the personality...
its possible to look around a bit and get inspired...

hugs

I've found a lot of girls on OK Cupid that seemed like a perfect match....then I saw "Has Cats". That's a deal breaker for me. I'm allergic. I've found a couple that seemed perfect...they do drugs. I could lose my job by hanging out with a druggie. Its not going to happen.

I've managed to find a very small few that don't have cats or do drugs, but something about their profile tells me they probably wouldn't be to interested in a trans girl or something specific about me being a dealbreaker for them.

Since I've been single since Dec 2001 I have absolutely no idea what the hell I'm doing either.
sigh......

Femme and lipstick seem to be the majority in my area, that I've noticed anyway.

Fortunately the TERF mentality doesn't seem to have poisoned too many people here in Australia, but I still expect rejection from revealing my trans status - and I understand, they might not be able to wrap their mind around the concept. As long as they're decent about it I won't take it (too) personally.

TBH I don't think I could date a pre-op myself. Maybe that would change later on in my transition, but it hasn't in 5 months. Its nothing against pre-ops or trans people in general. So I wouldn't blame any lesbian rejecting me for the same reason.

Gawd I hope I end up having that much success with guys! I'm at a very awkward stage of transition... taking hormones for about 6 months. Still living full time as a guy as I'm waiting to have my ffs surgery, but friends who don't know at work keep commenting that I have tits (they think it's an insult)... can't wait to be noticed by a guy when I'm finally going out as a women!

Quote from: awilliams1701 on April 16, 2015, 03:44:34 PM
I've found a lot of girls on OK Cupid that seemed like a perfect match....then I saw "Has Cats". That's a deal breaker for me. I'm allergic. I've found a couple that seemed perfect...they do drugs. I could lose my job by hanging out with a druggie. Its not going to happen.

Ruling out cats AND drugs? That's like pretty much everyone!! :P

I'm not a dog person. Does that mean I'm not a dog person person? I mean, the way some people carry on with their pets is a bit nauseating... and when someone talks in a high pitch and/or baby voice to their dog I'm running for the door.

Quote from: Ms Grace on April 16, 2015, 11:50:23 PM
I'm not a dog person. Does that mean I'm not a dog person person? I mean, the way some people carry on with their pets is a bit nauseating... and when someone talks in a high pitch and/or baby voice to their dog I'm running for the door.

I thought all Aussies talked to their pet crocodiles in a whiny high pitched voice.

Hit me with your rhythm stick - hit me slowly, hit me quick!

Hi Grace,

First off I never would have guessed you age from you pics. I always though you were much younger than me ( I'm 44) .  As to dating I have all but given up on the web sites as there are too many crazy people on them over here in England. Ive not been on as a Jen yet but I have found it much easier to meet and talk to girls by going out on the town.  Bristol has a really good trans population ( second biggest outside of London) and believe it or not Cis girls hang out and date us? We have one girl who is a fashion designer who has worked her way through a few of us girls even in the short time I have been on the scene. We even have non creepy men who date us too.  Good luck with the dating site.  I hope the initial response makes you feel gorgeous and lovely. I hope you get a snog further down the line. Best wishes . Jx

Quote from: Ms Grace on April 16, 2015, 11:50:23 PM
I'm not a dog person. Does that mean I'm not a dog person person? I mean, the way some people carry on with their pets is a bit nauseating... and when someone talks in a high pitch and/or baby voice to their dog I'm running for the door.

Guilty as charged, I often tell my dog that "he's the schweetest Poopie in the whole widest world", I just can't help it cause he is the schweetest, bestest doggy ever & he's my little babbers.
The door is over there by the way

I'm now scarily close to having arranged two separate date...time to drop the T bomb before it goes any further I think...

Quote from: stephaniec on April 17, 2015, 12:18:01 AM
I thought all Aussies talked to their pet crocodiles in a whiny high pitched voice.

...its kangaroos and wombats.... ;)

Could it be.... youre more attractive as a female than a male?

Or gay women more assertive than straight women... who rely on old fashion conventions?

Quote from: Wild Flower on April 18, 2015, 09:21:39 AM
Could it be.... youre more attractive as a female than a male?

Or gay women more assertive than straight women... who rely on old fashion conventions?

Very likely all of the above!

Good luck, hopefully they see past you being trans and they get to meet you!