Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi all,

So, last week, I went to a horrible speed dating thing (I wrote about this elsewhere), and got so irritated that when I got up to go to the bathroom, I was just like "screw it" and went into the men's room.  I've done this with single users plenty of times since I was a little kid but this was the first time I've ever gone into a multi-user one.  A guy came in while I was there, sort of eyed me and kept moving.  Another guy almost ran into me when I was leaving, looked at me, I sort of did this "yeah, what of it?" face, and he said nothing...  (anyone familiar with the L Word? My resting you-know-what face rivals Bette's - haha). 

I'm now sort of thinking of just using these bathrooms instead of desperately seeking the few gender neutral ones on campus.  I don't (won't ever) bind so, "passing" isn't really a thing unless they somehow don't see my chest.  But I dunno...  I have a right to be there so, I'm kind of sick of thinking about it, especially when I really have to use the bathroom, haha. 

So, there's that...  Thoughts?

Also, I'm going to study at another university for half of the summer (the half before top surgery).  I've been there before but wasn't officially "out" at the time (my roommate, now one of my best friends, pretty much knew anyway).  I definitely made the girls nervous in the locker room, and tried my best to go at slow times to shower and whatnot.  I'm trying to decide what to do this time because I am officially out everywhere, and plan to continue a relationship with this institution throughout my career, it feels disingenuous for me to not tell them beforehand... but I'm on scholarship so, I don't want to seem ungrateful by asking for a single room. 

Should I just say nothing?  Should I ask for a single?  Should I just ask them what they'd prefer?  Should I specifically ask for access to the men's locker room/ for a guy roommate?  Honestly, it doesn't matter for me.  I can share a room with a girl or a guy; I can shower in a room with guys or girls.  I seriously don't care.  But I don't know what to do.

Thanks in advance,
Ian

If you feel you are ready to use the men's then you should - just be careful of your safety, some men can be very unpleasant... resting biatch face or not.

Ian as far as the bathrooms go if your up to using the men's then by all means do, but as Grace pointed out the men's can be a bit rough at times. As far as dorms go you would need to take that up with the college or university as to what there policy is. I wish I could be of more help. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

Hi Ian,

I would bring the dorm situation up with the Dean of your college.

Bathrooms
If at college you "should" be ok. Any issues should be taken immediately to the college Dean and Security. However, CIS bar bathrooms, if you go to CIS bars by college can be an issue, especially as the night gets late.

Thanks for the advice!  Bathroom-wise, I know that I'm safe in my department, and *should* be fine on campus.  At this point, I don't use public restrooms unless it's an emergency because I don't really "pass" well as female, either.  When I do have to use a women's restroom, I pretty much have to hold my shirt tight so that my chest gets me access, awkward... Haha.

I don't care to bars ever since I don't drink at all.  The occasional Irish pub for boxties or fish n chips but only in the day so, I doubt I'd have too much issue - but good advice nonetheless!

I'll probably just ask for access to a private shower at the University because that's really the only thing that caused issues last time, and I don't look *that* different from 2013.

I guess this question is ultimately going to have to be answered by: am I going on T or not? :P

Don't make eye contact in the bathroom. I look up as I open the door to see who is in there and where the nearest stall is, then I look down. I've never had any issues, even pre-T.

I would personally explain the situation to whoever your contact in the program is and see what they would recommend or if they already have a procedure for it. In the university I used to work at, you could room with the gender you identify as, or get priority for a single room as it became available (they were in high demand, and usually only seniors and some juniors had enough points to get them at the beginning of the year).

Most universities have both a diversity committee and policies that should recognize and help protect us.  Those policies should be supported from the President and trustees to faculty, staff and students.  LGBTQ clubs are common too and I hope you have or create a wide circle of support around you. 

I admire your take no prisoners attitude and willingness to seek answers while using the appropriate restroom.

I really want to start using women's restrooms, but for now I have been slithering away to the unisex restrooms. I still use the mens in certain places (places I know I will get yelled at or worse If I try to use the womens)

Even at my YMCA I went into the women's side to use the family changing room/disbaled room/unisex room, and I still got yelled at by a lifeguard for going to that side. Later though the staff explained why I was in that restroom and he felt bad about it afterwards.

If you feel your ready do so, but be aware of other people and their potential douchebaggery!

If it was a room full of men especially dangerous, but one or 2 men in there most likely just raise eyebrows.