Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I'm finally on the path to GRS and I could probably do it in a year or year and a half. I've thought about it since puberty and its always there. I use to think of the incredible drastic nature of the operation which made me think quite hard about its necessity, Now that I've live a good chunk of my life with the wrong equipment I'm viewing the operation quite differently, plus the fact that I'm able to afford it now. I'm scared, but given the amount of time I'm spent on this planet and the amount of possible time left the fear has greatly subsided.

Excellent question.

Okay, as at may 2015: 

I don't feel like I presently need the outcome of being the right shape - I get by just fine.

I am hesitant to have unnecessary (major) surgery in general. Surgeons these days are amazing, but it always has an element of risk.

I didn't NEED to get SRS. I was OK having a male bottom, but I decided that life isn't about being OK. Life is about experience and to me the experience of having a female bottom was worth the risks and costs of surgery.

I was too surgically experienced to have second thoughts.   My mate has had around 20 surgeries, I'd had around 8, and I worked in an operating room, witnessed countless surgeries.

When the last barriers to GRS were removed, my feeling was "Bring it on!"

I'm completely okay with it. So much work was done down there in the first place that one more surgery isn't that big of deal except that if finally makes me whole for once. Hugs
Mariah

I'm fine with top surgery and working toward getting it done. Bottom surgery, not so much. I'd like to have it, but I worry about the rate of complications, which is very high, in relation to my age, which isn't quite "very high" but getting there. I also have concerns about general anesthesia, which does Bad Things to our brains as we get older, not to mention its other risks.

It's just a fact that we don't heal as well as we get older, and I'm not sure I want that level of risk. On the other hand, I've never had any surgery before, so I'll see how I do with top surgery -- if I sail through it with no complications and not too much scarring, I may well reconsider.

well, there' been a few people in the news in the last few years that have had the surgery after age 70 , so that lessen my concerns . the surgeon doing mine did someone last January who was 75.

I'm just glad I wasn't born 100 years ago before it was even an option.  Apparently I had a great uncle who was intersex and/or trans, and according to my grandma he led a lonely and depressing existence.  So I really appreciate the options we have today.

I have my concerns, and I am not completely sure I absolutely need it but I recently learned there is a chance I can get it atleast partially covered by insurance which took the whole idea from, impossible to something that could happen. After thinking about it I realized that if I could get it and decided to wait and in doing so lost the ability to have it covered I would never be able to forgive myself.

Then I started thinking about how getting a new vagina it's like getting a new puppy, at first it's just a mess sure you love it but it's a lot of work and maintenance, and if you don't treat it right terrible things can happen, but if you give it love and train it right, you will have a friend for life, as long as you can deal with the early stage where it keeps ruining your cloths and sheets.  :D

--Serena

It is a fantastic experience to be a woman down there.

I never let my fears allow to guide me through such important descisions. I am pretty sure I would regret that later. And I only have this one life.

I wish for it pretty much daily. 
Every time I get out of the shower and see it I wish for it. 

Fear of surgery?  nope.  Not for a moment. 
Then again, I don't have it yet nor is it scheduled.  That may change things a little, but I doubt it.

Quote from: Tysilio on May 07, 2015, 09:55:39 PM
I'm fine with top surgery and working toward getting it done. Bottom surgery, not so much. I'd like to have it, but I worry about the rate of complications, which is very high, in relation to my age, which isn't quite "very high" but getting there. I also have concerns about general anesthesia, which does Bad Things to our brains as we get older, not to mention its other risks.

It's just a fact that we don't heal as well as we get older, and I'm not sure I want that level of risk. On the other hand, I've never had any surgery before, so I'll see how I do with top surgery -- if I sail through it with no complications and not too much scarring, I may well reconsider.

I share your concerns and sense of adapting as needed and successful.  I spent 33 years in surgical and obstetrical suites providing anesthesia for thousands of surgeries.  Unfortunately i don't have to imagine how serious the complications can be and to also know how resilient we are and how wonderful success and recovery can feel.  Once we do make the decision to proceed we are better off to get in the best of health and go in with a very positive attitude.  Imagine the best outcome and point your headlights in that direction. ;D

Early in transition, it was a must, and something that I obsessed about with no worries, and I'd obsessed about it ever since puberty when it started feeling wrong in the first place.

Now that I'm at the point of transition where it's actually REAL, where I'm only about 10 months of savings away from really being able to afford it in real life, trust me, my mind is going into panic mode making sure I really know what the hell I'm doing.

I'm only 29 years old. I feel like maybe if I was older, maybe if I'd lived life more and had more experiences I'd be a bit more sure, but as is, it's a very serious permanent decision. It's a bit of a tug-of-war between genital dysphoria and the phantom sensations that come with it, and the fears of the unknown, worrying about complications, worrying that it won't be what I'm imagining, worrying that I'll somehow be one of those people who one day "wakes up" and realizes that it wasn't the right answer, that true transition is impossible, any number of other things.

The recovery and the dilation also has me worried.

Right now I'm of the mindset of "scared, but it probably needs to be done."

I don't like being in hospital. But for me to be rid of what is currently between my legs and remodel it into girly bits is really important. And I am willing to do what ever it takes. Fortunantly my mum is a nurse, so I will be getting the best aftercare possible.

As time goes on and more research and breakthroughs are made, surgeons developing new skills/techniques, the results are only going to get better.

I suppose the only thing thats going to bother me is I'm a very physically active person and I love riding bikes and skateboarding, so I worry about two things both post op. Trying to go back to my normal hobby of skatepark shenanigans too soon and tearing something, or months later when it's all healed pulling scar tissue or something when I end up doing the splits.

Yeah.... I'm that stubborn. A week after being in the hospital for two days last year with internal bleeding and broken stuff from a wreck at the skatepark I was back at it, albeit a lot slower since it hurt so much. Maybe by the time I have GRS I won't be so reckless but no guarantees.

None at all. To have a nice normal vagina would be so normal for me. I should have been born physically female anyway.

I am afraid of chronic conditions I have affecting the result and pain in general. I'm also afraid of the nightmare scenario of a fistula. I'm also afraid of having to dilate the rest of my life,

I've been trying to assure myself that my fears are all unjustified, that I will be fine and the dilation will be no big deal after a while. It just scares me.

I can afford the best surgeons in the world but can I deal with my inner self?

The other fear I have is getting a procedure I don't like and there is one better that comes along. I am in the research phase right now. "Measure twice cut once."

But I also know my clothing choices are restricted now and some people will never truly see me as a woman. I know relationships will be hard for me without the proper equipment. I want to be complete this is why I am going ahead with it.

I don't see it as economically possible for me, so I'm not concerned at this time. Going by other surgeries I've needed I'm liable to enthusiastically go for it if I can ever pay for it. If I see a clear benefit I typically don't mind the risks.

I answered for how I felt before I had it, since the worst is over now!

OK, more seriously, I ended up being amazed at how they managed the maximum rearrangement for the minimum actual interference/damage. Very few nerves were cut, most blood vessels were moved along with the skin, and it's shockingly different at the end but that's mostly the result of placing skin in new places. Basically, though I didn't believe the doctor at the time, it's mostly soft tissue work and "not invasive." (It's really not - the space they use for a vagina exists in everyone, so penile inversion surgeons don't need to cut into the abdominal cavity at all.)

Quote from: suzifrommd on May 07, 2015, 07:47:46 PM
I didn't NEED to get SRS. I was OK having a male bottom, but I decided that life isn't about being OK. Life is about experience and to me the experience of having a female bottom was worth the risks and costs of surgery.

... so inspiring!!

Hmm my SO might not like that but life isn't about my SO either. Oh damn...

Haven't been on this forum in quite a long time, but I felt the need to come visit again.

I had my GRS back in 1994 at the age of 25 (yes, do the math....). Not quite the surgical stone age it might sound like although I wonder what could have been done today. Fortunately everything was covered by health insurance, so I paid nothing out of pocket.

Yes, there have been some complications and it took a while for everything to settle into place. Mostly for my brain and nerve endings to make the adjustment. And yes, that takes longest of all perhaps. At least for me. But if I had to do it all over again, I would not hesitate a minute. Easily the single best thing that I have ever done.

As for dilating the rest of your life someone mentioned. I do it about once a week, can get by on once every other week. However, once everything is healed (REALLY healed takes more than a few months after surgery in my experience) and the brain is aligned (also not a quick process), dilating is a very pleasurable experience :)

For me I had intense disphoria with respect to "down below", so not having GRS was simply not an option.

Regards, Plain Jane

Quote from: Tessa JamesI share your concerns and sense of adapting as needed and successful.  I spent 33 years in surgical and obstetrical suites providing anesthesia for thousands of surgeries.  Unfortunately i don't have to imagine how serious the complications can be and to also know how resilient we are and how wonderful success and recovery can feel.  Once we do make the decision to proceed we are better off to get in the best of health and go in with a very positive attitude.  Imagine the best outcome and point your headlights in that direction.

Tessa, that's such good advice for us all. It's definitely how I'm approaching top surgery, which is probably 2+ years off for me (could be sooner, but it's a longshot).  A very positive thing for me is that my general health has always been good -- I seem to have a strong immune system, and (touch wood) I don't have any chronic conditions to complicate matters.

My attitude about top surgery is very different. It will make a huge difference in my daily life, in terms of physical comfort and social ease. (And I've resented not being able to go shirtless since I was five, when my mother told me I couldn't anymore, that it was just for boys. Which was dead confusing, since I pretty much thought I was one...) I'll willingly accept the scarring and the risk for the sake of those benefits, along with looking in the mirror and seeing myself looking the way I'm supposed to. 

I wonder if for all of us who want and need surgery, a huge part of it is needing to get rid of the stuff that shows. We're social beings, and while body dysphoria is all too real, at least for me a huge piece of why I'm transitioning is an intense need for other people to see me as I am.

Quote from: iKate"Measure twice cut once."

Love it!! I've never heard this applied to surgery before, but it's perfect!

I have mixed feelings about GRS.  In a perfect world, yes, I would have it.  But it's not a perfect world.   The concerns of surgery don't bother me as much as the upkeep issues.  Not that I don't think I could do it, but I worry I'd make a mistake and cause a problem.

So right now, it's not on the table.  Plus, my wife doesn't want me to have GRS.  I have a lot of other stuff to do first. [emoji1]

For me, the fear is no longer of the grs as it used to be...i am becoming more and more sure it is right for me every day.

The fear i have is of the surgery itself...the anesthesia and going under...the pain...the rehab. Those are what make me afraid...is having to cope with all of that.

I dont know why, but...dilation almost excites me because of the fact that i would finally have the right body to DO that...but maybe i am just strange and anticipating the results, not the dilation itself.

Mine is less than 4 months away (114 days to be exact) and I have a little fear.  But my trepidation is only (at this time) about recovery.  I have had major surgeries and remember the recovery periods well, but not necessarily fondly. ;)

For me i have a little fear but mainly just of the unknown. I have had surgery before and been put under but it wasnt anything major and I was in and out in the same day. So for me my fear stems from not knowing how the recovery process or the pain that goes along with it is going to be.

I don'[t have any fear of the surgery, the worst case would be just not waking back up. my fear is the recovery and being able to manage the pain and the caring for myself.

I went with a "0-6 think about it a little more than I should , but I'll be all right", but not really because the thought of the surgery bothers me. It's more because of the painful recovery. After the last surgery I had, I swore I'd never go under the knife again, that it was better to suffer than to have to deal with that pain when the block wears off. Nothing stopped it (and I had some really good painkillers) and all I could do was pace until I became so exhausted that I passed out (and a friend stopped me from hitting the floor). The pain was only that bad for a couple days, but even after all these years, my body has not forgotten it. And that wasn't for the most sensitive parts of my body. The pain really does terrify me, but not enough to not do it.

The quality of the result bothers me, and I've never been able to really work out how good it is or the risk of a poor result. Second, I'm still presenting male, and that's not the easiest path.

I'm not really worried about anything else.

Pain is not really an issue for me. I've lived with gout for a number of years and I was in pain almost every day at one point (and that kind of led me down the transition path in a sense)

The thought of having a successful result outweighs my fears of all the potential pain and complications ;)

After recently having full FFS and a brutal recovery I am scared knowing now how long it takes nerves to reconnect for me and how even morphine seems to do little for me to ease my pain :-\ I can only hope that reports from those who say SRS was nowhere near as bad as FFS are the case for me...

On the other hand as things move along for me with my transition I want that thing GONE more and more but I have since I first heard it was possible in the late 70's long before any serious thoughts of transition surfaced...

The thought of actually being able to dilate even if initially painful sounds wonderful to me compared to keeping what I have and never really liked  ;)

interesting statistical note our pole is a cosine wave

Quote from: Eva on May 09, 2015, 08:54:35 AM

After recently having full FFS and a brutal recovery I am scared knowing now how long it takes nerves to reconnect for me and how even morphine seems to do little for me to ease my pain :-\ I can only hope that reports from those who say SRS was nowhere near as bad as FFS are the case for me...

After full FFS I stayed one day at the hospital and only needed a light painkiller for a few days.

After grs the pain was horrible. It was unbelievable. But I would do it again.But I had a very complex method, all nerve connection were saved and I heard penile inversion is not nearly as painful. Dilation with the 4cm thick dilator was also horrible in the beginning. But I was really worth it.

Quote from: Lara1969 on May 09, 2015, 11:52:51 AM
After full FFS I stayed one day at the hospital and only needed a light painkiller for a few days.

After grs the pain was horrible. It was unbelievable. But I would do it again.But I had a very complex method, all nerve connection were saved and I heard penile inversion is not nearly as painful. Dilation with the 4cm thick dilator was also horrible in the beginning. But I was really worth it.

Well since your FFS sounds like a cake walk compared to mine and your SRS brutal I can only hope the opposite is true for me ;)

Of course I know it could be a nightmare and even worse than FFS as well for a while but its gotta be done...

I'm not exactly counting the days, but I do want SRS. It'd be nice to be "done" transitioning, at least legally. I just have a lot more priorities in my life right now, like grad school and my rent going up $400 next month. God I need to find a new place...

Don't let anyone decide for you whether you will and how much surgery you'll get.


     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Quote from: Obfuskatie on May 09, 2015, 02:05:33 PM
I'm not exactly counting the days, but I do want SRS. It'd be nice to be "done" transitioning, at least legally. I just have a lot more priorities in my life right now, like grad school and my rent going up $400 next month. God I need to find a new place...

Don't let anyone decide for you whether you will and how much surgery you'll get.


     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

that's a chunk of a rent raise.

i have thought about this constantly. sometimes i dont want it, and sometimes i think its for the best. all i can say is when the time comes, i'll make my choose and stick with it

the time came for me when I got Medicare from a disability and my therapist said here's your chance if you want it. Things have moved rapidly since getting Medicare and having a doctor that excepts it.

It's been so wonderful reading all of your thoughts on the matter.

As of right now, I think my dysphoria is more related to my upper body. Like, right now I can't even use breast forms because it just worsens the dysphoria and reminds me further that I don't have what I want in my upper body yet. My feelings might change once I'm further into HRT, but right now I'm just enjoying the ride of it...and it is quite a ride. It is something that I do think I want in my conceivable future, but as of right now it's not at the forefront of my mind. Starting HRT was a huge thing for me, and I think I'm just going to see how things go for a little while before I look at GRS. Plus, I'm thinking that by then, the surgical methods, and therefore recovery, will be even a little better.

That said, as a surgical procedure GRS doesn't really bother me that much. I've had a number of surgeries throughout my childhood. It's the recovery that I'm most antsy about. But what I've noticed, too, is a common thread through all of your stories and sharing, that you would do it again, that it was worth it... and I have a feeling that I'll be on that train soon enough. I do think it would be worth it to feel completely whole. But I am okay enough with where I am right now, assuming that HRT goes well after a few years and that it continues to alleviate my dysphoria.

Quote from: stephaniec on May 09, 2015, 06:24:33 PM
that's a chunk of a rent raise.

Yeah, stupid startups & Silicon Valley are inflating rent all over the SF Bay Area.[emoji24]

Quote from: acd_92 on May 09, 2015, 07:05:57 PM
... Starting HRT was a huge thing for me, and I think I'm just going to see how things go for a little while before I look at GRS. Plus, I'm thinking that by then, the surgical methods, and therefore recovery, will be even a little better...
... But what I've noticed, too, is a common thread through all of your stories and sharing, that you would do it again, that it was worth it... and I have a feeling that I'll be on that train soon enough. I do think it would be worth it to feel completely whole. But I am okay enough with where I am right now, assuming that HRT goes well after a few years and that it continues to alleviate my dysphoria.

The current version of SRS for transwomen is almost wizardry. I'd highly recommend not waiting for a new method as it could take anywhere between a few years to decades. Just wait until you can afford it and are ready and use the best method available. I waited years to transition because I wanted a better method, and 9 years of closet time took a huge toll. Had I known how much better HRT alone would make me feel, I'd have made a different choice.
Instead of thinking about what you'd be okay with, what would make you happy? Once you know the steps you need to take to be happy, the choices are a lot easier to make. I've only heard about buyers remorse from a very low percentage of people who get SRS. Post surgery depression is pretty common if you've dedicated your life to transition, finish and think, "Now what?" Or something similar. Not everyone gets FFS, but I guarantee it changed my life more than my SRS will in the nebulous future.
     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I got my second referral on Friday, so the wheels are in motion and things should start clicking into place very soon. I'm hoping I'll be having the surgery around Christmas this year.

I am a bit nervous about it but I feel like I have no other option. When I started transition I felt fairly nuetral about my genitals, but as my body has changed my dysphoria about them has worsened, and now I am counting the days.

When I had ffs I got quite worked up about it a few weeks beforehand, but that lessened as the date came closer for some reason. The most fear I felt was when I was going under in the operating theatre; it felt like intensely painful pins and needles to me, I could literally feel my body shutting down. I was terrified for a good few seconds, then it was done and I was in the recovery room.

Quote from: Squircle on May 10, 2015, 05:28:38 PM
I am a bit nervous about it but I feel like I have no other option. When I started transition I felt fairly nuetral about my genitals, but as my body has changed my dysphoria about them has worsened, and now I am counting the days.

I can relate. Ever since I started transitioning I have become much more aware of my dysphoria.

If you would have asked me about SRS a year ago, you might as well have been asking if I wanted to have my head removed, but WOW how things can change.

Now that I am accepting of who I really am, the reality of my future is completely realigning. Now I am actually starting to make a loose plan for early next year. I will be 1 year on hormones in January...

I voted 4 on the poll. I have a little fear but not too much. I'm more worried about FFS and whether I'd need that.

I will absolutely pursue SRS and have already told my therapist that I would be looking at modestly accelerating RLE to 6 months. Still, knowing a few people who had serious problems, I have my concerns.  One had serious infections and she almost died.  Another required revisions, the result not being at all satisfactory.  Still another lacked depth and wound up almost completely closing up.  I have never quite decided how much was the surgery and how much was the aftercare in this particular case, though.  Then there is tissue granulation, hair issues, ongoing urination problems, etc.  The location doesn't exactly help when it comes to dealing with some of these issues on your own.  But of all the possible complications, the one that concerns me the most is the possibility of a fistula.  It's a very serious complication indeed, and can be very difficult to correct. It is also one of those concerns that makes me want to stay closer to home rather then travel to someplace like Thailand, as many physicians will not take on a problem like this after SRS done elsewhere.  So my shortlist is Brassard, Meltzer, and Bowers.

Quote from: stephaniec on May 07, 2015, 06:12:46 PM
I'm finally on the path to GRS and I could probably do it in a year or year and a half. I've thought about it since puberty and its always there. I use to think of the incredible drastic nature of the operation which made me think quite hard about its necessity, Now that I've live a good chunk of my life with the wrong equipment I'm viewing the operation quite differently, plus the fact that I'm able to afford it now. I'm scared, but given the amount of time I'm spent on this planet and the amount of possible time left the fear has greatly subsided.

I know you have asked this question before, but I just wanted to ask. Since you have some kind of lingering doubts then why are you going through with this? It's not reversible. I knew I wanted it and was prepared to live with any outcome. If I didn't like the outcome I was fully prepared to keep working at it until I received the outcome I had wanted.

In all seriousness though, are there some difficulties with the surgery? Absolutely, I believe that there are some people on this forum who can testify to it. Are there lots of success stories? Absolutely and unfortunately we hear less and less of them every day. They did their thing and disappear into the world. The bottom line is that the success rate of the surgery is very high (meaning a successful outcome), but there are still problems. That shouldn't discourage someone who really wants to get it done though. It's not like one is going to end up with some snarled up mess between their legs. The worst case may be some sensation issues, fistulas and what not.

If you have concerns then talk to the surgeon or surgeons who are on your short list for consideration. Get input from them directly. They have the real statistics and can tell you about problems. Don't go by just forum members or post counts, find out directly for yourself and then decide if it's a risk you're willing to take.

Quote from: Zumbagirl on May 11, 2015, 10:29:26 AM
Since you have some kind of lingering doubts then why are you going through with this?

Personally, I don't understand how someone could ever *not* have doubts. As sure as it may seem that it's the right thing for us, you can't really know for sure until you have it. After all, the only way to know how it will feel and how it will impact your life is to actually do it. Everything else is hearsay.

Hello my name (user name) is OCAnne not OOAnne but whatever.
I will undergo a sex change operation 10 days from now in Los Angeles County, CA.  Like others I at first preferred Dr. Bowers or Dr. Meltzer.  Unfortunately, for me including some others the wait time for SRS with them is ridiculously long.  I also began to worry about how my postoperative care would be handled.  What would I do if complications developed or revisions became necessary?

In searching out options I found two surgeons in my area that perform SRS.  Both out of Beverly Hills, CA.   Found out wait time is weeks not several months or as in two other cases, years!

These two choices would allow me to stay close to home, work, GP doctor, endo's, assigned hospital and family.  Not to mention dealing with my intense dysphoria that has worsened on my RLE/RLT.

Yes, I worry these surgeons do not have several hundred Sexual Reassignment surgeries under their belt.  It comes down to trust.  I will be the only person undergoing SRS on that day so I'll have his full attention.  Plus I won't be the first, both choices are extremely competent and each has successful practices.  In the end the price for SRS (less than Bowers or Meltzer), associated cost and ability to grant me expedited medical treatment sealed the deal to go local.

Not to be a 'Debbie Downer', but perhaps it would be wise to deal with our fears and expect complications and need for revisions by finding solutions, just in case.

With that, I encourage everyone to work to overcome their fear of SRS and focus on the real problem.  Paying for it!

personally, I'll thrash it back and forth in my mind until I'm lying on the operating table. You can talk all you want with surgeons and therapists and forum members or people in Starbucks, but it's your body that's going to be affected and your the only one that's going to live with it once it's done. You should question until the last moment to limit any mistake being made. I could absolutely say I've thought about this since I was 4 years old. I've given a lot of thought to it , just about every moment of every day for the past 60 years. When I do it it's going to be on my terms.

I don't think about it at all. I accepted that this was a financial impossibility several years ago. I had an orchi and called it a day. Sure, it's a lot to think about as far as the surgery is concerned. But, the way that I saw it was: "If I can't even get this together financially? Why even torture myself thinking about it?" So, I had the orchi, was able to take care of some legal stuff (gender marker, etc) and that was that.

No regrets.

The thought of any kind of surgery frightens me, but I'll do what is necessary when able

Quote from: Megan Rose on May 07, 2015, 09:15:18 PM
I was too surgically experienced to have second thoughts.   My mate has had around 20 surgeries, I'd had around 8, and I worked in an operating room, witnessed countless surgeries.

When the last barriers to GRS were removed, my feeling was "Bring it on!"

Love you, Megan! :D

In my own case, sure, any surgery makes you flinch a bit but that didn't stop my FFS and it's not going to stop my GRS either. And given that my therapist concurs that anyone who's had thoughts of self-mutilation because of what I hate down there, I intend to follow through on this in exactly 71 days. :)

Quote from: suzifrommd on May 11, 2015, 11:57:34 AM
Personally, I don't understand how someone could ever *not* have doubts. As sure as it may seem that it's the right thing for us, you can't really know for sure until you have it. After all, the only way to know how it will feel and how it will impact your life is to actually do it. Everything else is hearsay.

And I agree, Suzi! There are always nagging doubts at the back of my mind about anything? Should I have buy the Ford Focus or the Hyundai Elantra? :D (Note: I bought the Focus.) I always question almost everything until it's done then I just move on.