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I've thought about what my life would have been like had I been born a cisgender girl, and although I wouldn't have had to deal with any trans issues I would prefer to be as I am today.
The best relationship I have with anyone, is with my mom. And if I'd been assigned female at birth, I know she would have been more overprotective because of traumas in her past that I would have had a very strained relationship with her. We would have fought all the time, and I'd be missing out on how awesome my mom can be. Btw, she's already ramped up her overprotectiveness after I have been living full-time and it has led to some heated discussions. But since I have 29 years of knowing her before transition, there's a lot of trust and goodwill built up on both sides mitigating her and my stubbornness.
I wouldn't have the same friends as I do now, who are such good friends it's like I have two extra brothers. Granted I've stopped talking to a lot of people in my past, but my best friends are very important to me. I wouldn't have met them the same way (on the boys soccer team) before high school. And I wouldn't have been as accepted as a defacto addition to my brother's social circle of friends a few years older, had I presented as female then.
The reason I'm alive today, is because of my friends and family grounding me. Although I wouldn't have had to deal with nearly as much bullying, and my romantic relationships would have been a lot easier. I still wouldn't trade what I have now for an easy life without the same relationships I treasure.
What do you guys think? Would it be preferable to be cis or trans if you had the choice? Do you obsess about ridiculous things as much as I do?

     Hugs,
- Katie
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While I maybe pre everything well mostly accepting myself but anyway. Honestly i would not want to be CIS born since really its a fact that you are who you are by both innate being and experiences that have taught you things about life. By changing such an important part of you if you could in the past would really change you to someone else even if you transitioned earlier you would be different.

Everything has a time and a place and when we are ready for change its when we are ready.

With the ability to medically transition these days,I'd have to say I would want to be who I am. 60 or more years ago when it was not possible,I know it would have killed me,so I would have preferred being born cis,and happy with myself.

Being born cis would make things infinitely easier on certain aspects but in the end I prefer things the way they are. I may not be the perfect human being - even if that was a possibility - but I kinda like myself nevertheless and I believe being trans has made me aware of many things that I would otherwise just pass by as something insignificant.

Yes. Of course.

Unless I was beyond ugly... than no.

I wish I had been born a cis female. There are so many things they experienced that I never will. I will always feel separate from them, even as I want in the worst way to be one of them. And my body, cobbled together from spare parts, will never function as well as their finely tuned machines.

Yes I wish I'd been born CIS female, always did...

Whilst this is an experience, life would have been so much simpler...
No pain of telling your family you are not who they thought you were.

L Katy  :-*

I wouldn't. I enjoy being who I am. it gives life the spice that I'm looking for. however I have thought about it but than a question popped up. if I'm trans now, if I was born cis femalw, would I have that nagging feeling I should of been born a male? maybe, maybe not but I'm content in this moment

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Haaa, was about to put that in my post, but changed my mind as I felt it would spin us way off topic  :P

L Katy

Thinking on this a bit more....

I know I am a bit of an obsessive compulsive, very fussy, always looking for perfection...

If I was CIS female I would hope I was very attractive, but would that stop me further pushing for perfection?
Would I actually ever be content?
Would I be me? I guess not!
Scary but inquisitively... would I be married, with kids, or a career girl?
I know my Mum would have been delighted, I think she always wanted a girl, she got 3 boys, well 2 and a half??

Right now I am me, I dream of being who I was always meant to be, maybe there was always a purpose in life.

Its actually like trying to crystal ball a different world...

L Katy

Let's see, I would have an easier time finding work, I wouldn't constantly feel the anxiety of hiding who I am in public, clothes would (possibly) fit more naturally (instead of a tiny waist and broad shoulders making it difficult), relationships would be more straightforward for whoever I was involved with, I wouldn't have to worry about medical bills as much, I wouldn't need to worry about public restrooms or be as concerned with my safety in public, and I could have children.

Of course I would rather be cis. As much as I appreciate the support I've received, I don't care to be the trans friend in a group of girls and I don't care for the droves of old friends who have come to support me. I didn't transition because I wanted the attention, I did it because I hated my body.

And frankly, I don't get how any transwoman can answer this and say they'd rather be trans. The question never has any qualifiers like "Cis, but ugly" or "Cis, but a completely different person", it just asks if you'd rather be cis. So if everything remains the same except that ONE difference, why wouldn't you want to be cis?

If I were cis, no one would ever accuse me of hurting my family or disobeying God's laws by being my gender.

Quote from: suzifrommd on May 19, 2015, 08:04:18 AM
If I were cis, no one would ever accuse me of hurting my family or disobeying God's laws by being my gender.

True to that!

L Katy

I would take the choice of being cis without thinking twice :)

Ah, to born cis female would have been great. Instead of shame for how I felt, it would have been normal. No shame for putting makeup on the Barbie head. No sneaking clothes that you couldn't keep. I wouldn't have spent 40+ years of trying to fit in with men and learning how to act that way. And now trying to unlearn all those things I did to fit in. Wouldn't have had the confusion that people labeled me gay because of feminine mannerisms and the confusion that came with it.
I know I would be a different person, but I think it would have made life make a lot more sense.
Oh well, back to what I am.

Hugs.



Ella

When I first came out to myself, I would have taken the opportunity if it was possible. Truth is though its a big part of who I am and it has opened my eyes in a way I would have never thought possible. I wouldn't trade that for anything. I would still take a magic wand surgery, but a cis body? no that would be lying just as much as I had been.

I would definitely of preferred to be born CIS female as I am sure my life still would have been filled with much opportunity for growth. The only caveat is that my two kids would still have found their way into my life. If not then I would stay as I am today.

My preference would have been born withough the conflict, be it cis male or female. Without the conflict between internal/external genders the question becomes mute. Just my opinion.

I've always thought that the "cursed" girdle of gender change from DnD was such a wonderful thing. *POOF* you're a girl with all the right parts and a convenient explanation as to why everyone is just gonna have to get used to it. "No Mom I can't go back to being a boy without a ring of wishes or a genie and that would be ridiculously dangerous... NO Mom I'm not going into a dragons lair just so you can have your son back. Seriously guys you're not quest givers... No you may not bother Elminster in his tower... the last person ended up as a cheese pie..."

Without any doubt or hesitation - the answer is YES. How many of us have often wondered how different our life path would have been or maybe not at all.  One thing is certain for me and that is that I would have birthed, raised and sent on to college two wonderful children of my own bloodline. Grant it, life did not shortchange me in the children department by adoption, but some innate yearning of wanting a baby of my own body still persists like an echo in my mind and especially so when around babies.

Also, the freedom of clothes, doctors, dna tests, sex, you name it -- those hiccups would not exist. But would I be the same person if born cis?  Probably, but without the burden or sense of having to hold back. I would be unleashed! haha.

Too caught up in living life to the fullest now to worry about it. I am me and I am happy. I am just glad I got here!! :)

What if I could fly?
What if I could walk on water?
What if I could predict the future?
What if I had green eyes?

Seriously, I don't play the "what if" game.  It never ends well.  All I can do is play the hand I was dealt the best I can play it and hope for the best. 

So far, so good.

I'd say yes, although I haven't yet seen where this thing will take me. Obviously it would have been a hella lot easier than it is now. But then again, nobody knows how things would have turned out. Things could have turned out better, or worse. No matter how bad things are they can always get worse (or better for that matter).

If I actually had the choice to magically (?) be a real girl I would probably do it but I would be a lesbian anyway (technically I'm a lesbian now, if I consider myself a girl).

When you talk to people who believe in reincarnation, it usually turns out that they believe that in their past lives they were Indian Princesses, Medieval Knights, or what-have-you: something fun and romantic. They tend to forget that the odds are very high that they would have been starving tribespeople, workers in coal mines, plague victims, babies who died in infancy, etc.  There aren't nearly enough princesses to go around. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fthefiringline.com%2Fforums%2Fimages%2Fsmilies%2Fcool.gif&hash=d4879c0267a356dff26cd86b0fa87ea42a6199e1)

My feelings about this are pretty much the same. I wouldn't choose to have been born male to my actual parents; I have only to look at my brother's life to know that wouldn't have been an improvement. If the choice is just to have been born male, with everything else about my life up for grabs -- no way would I want to change. There are around 7.5 billion people alive today, and the vast majority of them lead unfathomably miserable lives: according to a 2013 U.N. study, 2.5 billion people lack access to basic sanitation, i.e. toilets and clean water. These same people tend to go hungry a lot of the time.

So if choosing to have been born male means getting thrown back into the gene pool and taking my chances, the odds I'd have lived a better life than the one I've had, unhappy as it's mostly been, are very small indeed.

I'll take what I've got, thanks -- it could have been a lot worse.

We're both lesbians. not just technically but actually.

Its interesting because I was never lesbophobic, but I was homophobic before I met a gay guy and realized my fears were unwarranted. I've never seen anything wrong with being a lesbian. Yet saying I'm a lesbian was actually harder than saying I'm trans. Its the strangest thing. It took a while to get used to being a lesbian. I've also come to terms that my limited experience as a straight guy isn't going to transfer over to dating lesbians. Its going to be different. I'm just not sure how different.

Quote from: kelly_1979 on May 19, 2015, 02:23:05 PM
I'd say yes, although I haven't yet seen where this thing will take me. Obviously it would have been a hella lot easier than it is now. But then again, nobody knows how things would have turned out. Things could have turned out better, or worse. No matter how bad things are they can always get worse (or better for that matter).

If I actually had the choice to magically (?) be a real girl I would probably do it but I would be a lesbian anyway (technically I'm a lesbian now, if I consider myself a girl).

Rarely, once in a while, I wish I had been born cis, but who would that person be? It wouldn't be me, however good or bad that person might have turned out.

For better or worse, I am the sum of my experiences. They define my past, but not my future. I can still make my future into whatever I wish it to be.

So I can't imagine really what it would have meant to have been born cis. That's not me. It's someone else. And realizing that, I'm content with where my transition has gone and is going.

It used to be being cis was all I ever wanted. For a bit in my teens I was even willing to accept being male, so long as mind and body were finally in tune with one another. Accepting that that will never be was one of the major steps toward self acceptance. I have fought too hard to work to love myself to wish I could turn back time and wish it were different.

Plus, I really like who I am. I love the experiences I have had that make me who I am. I also love the friends I have that I may never have met. I love this process of transition too. I may never get to experience things cis women get to but they can't know the things that are unique to the trans woman's life experience.

Who knows who I could have been. My Mom didn't want me to be a girl because my Pop's family would have pushed the whole girly girl thing. With things as they are I get to come out and start being an assertive feminist tomboy. I can more readily flaunt my refusal to conform to gender norms. There is no normal that I am expected to be.

Sure coulda been is fun to think about but it is better to focus on who you are.

Quote from: Tysilio on May 19, 2015, 02:49:59 PM

They tend to forget that the odds are very high that they would have been.... workers in coal mine.....

Crud, that's my problem. I've been reincarnated. No wait a minute, I worked in the mines during this lifetime.

Sorry,  couldn't resist. My bad.  I was hoping that part of my life was a nightmare but it wasn't.

Oh definitely. As glad as I am to be a part of such an amazing community, I'm sorry but I'd choose being cis any day.

I would. Even though I haven't even begun transitioning yet, I already feel sad that I missed out on so much. I wish I could have experienced everything cis girls go through. Besides, now I'll never be able to have my own children (frozen 'samples' the exception).

But, the most important question... would I still be the same person? If not, then no. Despite the dysphoria I've battled, I actually like who I am for the most part.

In a word 'No'.  Once upon a time I would have said, 'Yes make me a cis-woman right now!'  But that would have been a mistake as much as beng cis-male was for me.  I was born intersex and I embrace that despite everything I went through as a child.  I don't see myself as gender fluid or gender queer, I see myself as being fully 'third' never mind what I have in my knickers along with all the scars.  So no thank you I'm perfectly happy as I am.

I'm glad that i'm able to transition and that everything is going well but given the chance I would choose Cis female any day of the week.

Looking through my life I really don't feel that my life would have been very different other than the obvious.

Cis for sure.

SciFi digression:

Except as others have pointed out, would I still be me? This is like one of those time travel paradoxes where someone goes back and alters events and now you are a completely different person, but you don't know it. Eww.

So I want to have been cis, and have all the memories of how *wonderful* everything went for me as a girl, but also keep all my current memories, too. So I'm still me, but I had more fun. :)

I would definitely have chosen to be a cis female. I was just telling my therapist today how hard it is for me to become a woman. What I meant is that with all the hair removal, learning how to walk, talk, do makeup, and all the other things that go with transition it is tough for me being the female I desire to be. But, it is all worth it to me! I guess it just goes to show me that I am definitely transgender and want to proceed with my transition.

One thing that I also would like to say is that I consider it a blessing to have been myself. I like how I think and the values I hold near and dear. Had I been born a cis female I might have been a bad apple so I guess things work out for the best.

KellyTG

I have to vote yes to being born cis female as well. Don't get me wrong though, I am proud to be trans and who I am today.

I'd be cis in a heartbeat. I know I'm a better and more compassionate person because of my trans experiences, but I'd rather be narrowminded and sheltered and healthy than damaged and understanding.

Even just being completely without the fear of getting raped or murdered over my genitals would make me an astronomically better parent. Sometimes I'm nervous and my daughter asks me what's wrong and I have to bite my tongue rather than describe the horrors that happen to some people.

You dont have to ask me twice! As much I can change my body into a woman's body, there are somethings that i will not ever be able to do; Like what, you ask: The most important, get pregnant and give birth. Yeah, I think that a lot. I know that not everyone want to have kids. I myself have one seven years old and a baby incoming. But, no matter what i do, i will neve be able to carry a child. To me, thats alone answers the question.

Quote from: Tysilio on May 19, 2015, 02:49:59 PM
When you talk to people who believe in reincarnation, it usually turns out that they believe that in their past lives they were Indian Princesses, Medieval Knights, or what-have-you: something fun and romantic.

Then you're most likely talking to a loon and not actually someone who believes in reincarnation.

But anyway. I've thought about this a lot and my mind always changes. Being transgender has made me learn a lot about myself and has opened my eyes to how backwards a lot of things in society are so it's a valuable learning experience and may have even bettered me as a person. I've had a lot of great experiences I would've never had if I'd been born a cis male but I've also missed out on a lot of great experiences because I wasn't. I figure there's no use dwelling on what could have happened though so I look for the positive things that come along with being trans and just play the hand I was dealt.

Quote from: Abby Claire on May 19, 2015, 07:36:40 AM
Let's see, I would have an easier time finding work, I wouldn't constantly feel the anxiety of hiding who I am in public, clothes would (possibly) fit more naturally (instead of a tiny waist and broad shoulders making it difficult), relationships would be more straightforward for whoever I was involved with, I wouldn't have to worry about medical bills as much, I wouldn't need to worry about public restrooms or be as concerned with my safety in public, and I could have children.

Of course I would rather be cis. As much as I appreciate the support I've received, I don't care to be the trans friend in a group of girls and I don't care for the droves of old friends who have come to support me. I didn't transition because I wanted the attention, I did it because I hated my body.

And frankly, I don't get how any transwoman can answer this and say they'd rather be trans. The question never has any qualifiers like "Cis, but ugly" or "Cis, but a completely different person", it just asks if you'd rather be cis. So if everything remains the same except that ONE difference, why wouldn't you want to be cis?

My point is that despite all the issues I've encountered with being trans, taking the blue pill to be cis wouldn't make my life better. Just different. Maybe a better question is, would I rather be a transman instead of being a transwoman? Still no for me. I was born female and enjoy being a woman, although my body has needed some help catching up to my actual gender.
I also wish I were perfect and had a flat stomach, but that's a different thing altogether.
And y'all know that there are cis women that can't get pregnant and/or die in childbirth still. Cis doesn't necessarily mean ability to procreate in your chosen gender. Nitpicking, I know, but it seems prevalent.

     Hugs,
- Katie
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Quote from: suzifrommd on May 19, 2015, 08:04:18 AM
If I were cis, no one would ever accuse me of hurting my family or disobeying God's laws by being my gender.

It'd just be for not being manly enough or too girly or not girly enough or gay or a racial minority or a differing religion. There are ample ways people choose to discriminate with others. Being cis doesn't get rid of hate or ensure your safety from bigots.


     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Quote from: emyrinth on May 19, 2015, 11:16:59 AM
I've always thought that the "cursed" girdle of gender change from DnD was such a wonderful thing. *POOF* you're a girl with all the right parts and a convenient explanation as to why everyone is just gonna have to get used to it. "No Mom I can't go back to being a boy without a ring of wishes or a genie and that would be ridiculously dangerous... NO Mom I'm not going into a dragons lair just so you can have your son back. Seriously guys you're not quest givers... No you may not bother Elminster in his tower... the last person ended up as a cheese pie..."

[emoji23] This!
I was playing Fable 2? and my friend was playing coop with me, which was fun until he inadvertently chose yes for my character to use a ring for a onetime changing her into a guy. I was soooooo mad. Stupid game.


     Hugs,
- Katie
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Quote from: Jill F on May 19, 2015, 01:34:20 PM
What if I could fly?
What if I could walk on water?
What if I could predict the future?
What if I had green eyes?

Seriously, I don't play the "what if" game.  It never ends well.  All I can do is play the hand I was dealt the best I can play it and hope for the best. 

So far, so good.

Flying is the super power I would always choose. Even if I could only fly slowly or backwards, I'd love it.
Being able to walk on water would make surfing and waterskiing really easy, maybe too easy. It might be boring if I couldn't swim with friends, but you didn't say I couldn't submerge myself in liquid.
If I could predict the future I'd be very bored. Rich, but bored.
My eyes are blue, but I really like the color green.
Psh I play the what if game all the time in my head, why not do it publicly in fun?


     Hugs,
- Katie
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This is fun speculation and imaginative people do consider those what ifs.  Like Tysilio I just have to look at my siblings and the life my five sisters had and it was no better bed of roses.  Growing up in the 50's and 60s, my sisters were smart but still considered second class and they had many more restrictions than I did.

This also reminds me of the many sci-fi shows like the Twilight Zone where the genie or devil offer to grant that special wish.  The wish is wonderful but the plot twist often includes story morals wherein the recipient tragically recognizes life still has stress, failure and pain of different but even worse sorts. 

Spending too much time on wishes, wands and magic may end up distracting us from what really is an attainable dream?

As a trans women who is happy with her lady bits, and doesn't even want the stereotypical lady bits, I don't know if I would actually want to be cis. I mean if I were to wish for anything it's that I was raised in a more supportive environment and I started my transition in my teenage years and had the knowledge that I wouldn't lose friends or family in the process...

I would rather have been born a cis female.   I really don't think that my life would have been less stressful, it probably wouldn't,  but then I would have had to deal with all the problems cis women deal with from the time they were born.   I would have been my natural self which would have been wonderful.    But just the same,   life would still have been full of ups and downs and pain and pleasure, but I would have been me.

I'd give anything to be cis. No family rejection, no feeling guilty for asking them to accept me for being myself, no more internal mental battles about how I'll never have what every single cis woman takes for granted every single day, no more hating myself every single time I look at another girl and realize that my femininity will never be as complete as theirs, no more feeling inadequate, no more feeling guilty for being myself, no more constantly needing to convince myself that I have the right to exist at all, no more worries about whether anyone could ever find me attractive, I could actually dream of having a family...

Don't even get me started. I'd take all of that "it's made you mentally stronger" mental reasoning BS and shove it in an instant if I had the option.

I wish my past self during those 27 years would just die, frankly. I never liked being him in the first place, and now even after over 2 years of transition and a year of full-time I feel like he'll never stop haunting me and making my life miserable.

I don't even care if I was actually cis, I just wish I, and everyone else in the world, could be rid of the mental baggage of knowing that I'm trans. My body isn't really that different from cis-women's bodies. If I didn't know that my body features are the way that they are because of testosterone and a male puberty, if I were to have my mind re-written so that to myself I was nothing but a big infertile cis-women, I imagine that it would be much easier to forgive myself. And if I didn't have to constantly fight with other people who know my past, who will always see me as a son instead of a daughter, who will always be trying to guilt-trip me about how I took away the person they knew, my life would be so much easier.

the draw back for me would be that I know I would of married and had kids and would of loved my husband and lived my life as a homemaker. I wish I had a husband and a glamorous life, but the life I actually lived I liked a lot except for being physically wrong. So painful question , but I like who I am and that would of been different if I'd been born a cis female. There are a lot of positives to have been born right , but I would of missed out on a lot to.

CIS female yes. CIS male I'm not sure I would have ever enjoyed that. I don't understand that group as it is. Hugs
Mariah

I would jump at the chance to be cis. Growing up as a girl would be much more preferable to having to transition later. Socially and medically.

Quote from: Mariah2014 on May 26, 2015, 10:02:29 PM
CIS female yes. CIS male I'm not sure I would have ever enjoyed that. I don't understand that group as it is. Hugs
Mariah

Lol, I spent a long time trying to figure out and imitate cisgender hetero-men, and I still totally get baffled half the time. At least I can sort of translate between girl talk and boy talk. But still, I discovered I had no idea how guys actually felt when I realized all my feelings were feminine.


     Hugs,
- Katie
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Quote from: Tessa JamesThis also reminds me of the many sci-fi shows like the Twilight Zone where the genie or devil offer to grant that special wish.  The wish is wonderful but the plot twist often includes story morals wherein the recipient tragically recognizes life still has stress, failure and pain of different but even worse sorts.

Yeah, genies tend to have an evil sense of humor. Remember the one about the guy who asked the genie for a million bucks, and when he looked out the window his house was surrounded by deer?

If I born again, I would exactly be myself again, a transgender woman, a little prettier would be nice. I do not want to be a cis, really no point to want to be cis. You will hate yourself if you keep thinking about how much you want to be cis. I see so many benefit of being trans and no one can enjoy ourselves like we do.

See one day my cis girl friends told me that, "I wish I could be you, so I don't have to go through periods every months" then I turn to her and said "You will never be girl."

I told my mom that "It's not that easy to have a transgender child you know, you have to be really lucky to have one."

I know you guys have been through alot of discrimination, but remember there are place and people that are cool for us too. Don't ever let anyone make you feel bad about being a trans.

Hug

Perhaps I am missing the point here, but it has always been my belief, that once you no longer feel dysphoric you are no longer trans. I don't really accept the once trans always trans line of thought, because that's like saying it's some sort of incurable condition, whereas my view is whether by transition, or GRS or perhaps both, once you are happy with yourself then you are fixed, ergo no longer trans. You do of course have a trans history, and you always will, but not a trans present.

Thus I would argue that I was trans for the first five years of my life, before my parents allowed me to transition, and thanks to lack of puberty blockers back in the 1970's, I was trans again when puberty hit and I couldn't get HRT and SRS until I was an adult. However once I had both of those the dysphoria vanished and I ceased to have trans feelings. Thus I would argue that since my 20's I have effectively been functionally cis, although for some of my youth and childhood I was trans.

Now I know some people may find that over complicated, but it's just the way it makes sense to me, and I offer it as a possible alternative pov. Feel free to ignore my thoughts if you don't find that a helpful model, but please don't be offended because its just the way I see it.

Quote from: Rejennyrated on May 27, 2015, 06:36:31 PM
Perhaps I am missing the point here, but it has always been my belief, that once you no longer feel dysphoric you are no longer trans. I don't really accept the once trans always trans line of thought, because that's like saying it's some sort of incurable condition, whereas my view is whether by transition, or GRS or perhaps both, once you are happy with yourself then you are fixed, ergo no longer trans. You do of course have a trans history, and you always will, but not a trans present.

Thus I would argue that I was trans for the first five years of my life, before my parents allowed me to transition, and thanks to lack of puberty blockers back in the 1970's, I was trans again when puberty hit and I couldn't get HRT and SRS until I was an adult. However once I had both of those the dysphoria vanished and I ceased to have trans feelings. Thus I would argue that since my 20's I have effectively been functionally cis, although for some of my youth and childhood I was trans.

Now I know some people may find that over complicated, but it's just the way it makes sense to me, and I offer it as a possible alternative pov. Feel free to ignore my thoughts if you don't find that a helpful model, but please don't be offended because its just the way I see it.

I don't think of being trans as any kind of condition. Just your gender identity doesn't conform to what sex you were said to be when you were born.

I just think of being trans as a kind of adjective to describe me as a women ( like being a tall women, or a white women). to me it says I am a women who was assigned male at birth but disagreed with every one that said I was a man. to me that doesn't sound like I ever had any kind of condition. I still think you are trans because no matter how passable you are you don't have cis privilege. Even if you are deep stealth, you still have to hide your past from the world unless you want to deal with the world learning your trans and potentially freaking out about that. So even though your transition is complete, you still have issues that only trans people have.

Like Jill , never been big on the "what if game", but what the heck I'll play .. I just wish the brain had matched the body, male or female. External life might have not been any better but maybe just maybe I might have had some internal peace and happiness.

Quote from: amber roskamp on May 27, 2015, 06:56:09 PM
I don't think of being trans as any kind of condition. Just your gender identity doesn't conform to what sex you were said to be when you were born.

I just think of being trans as a kind of adjective to describe me as a women ( like being a tall women, or a white women). to me it says I am a women who was assigned male at birth but disagreed with every one that said I was a man. to me that doesn't sound like I ever had any kind of condition. I still think you are trans because no matter how passable you are you don't have cis privilege. Even if you are deep stealth, you still have to hide your past from the world unless you want to deal with the world learning your trans and potentially freaking out about that. So even though your transition is complete, you still have issues that only trans people have.

I see your point Amber - and I think what it reveals is my thinking as a (soon to be) doctor in that I do think of it in terms of a medical condition which I have now fixed. Thats quite interesting to me to see how my brain unconsciously looks at things through a lens of pathology.

As to the rest, no I'm not in stealth, but I can honestly say that I have never had anyone freak out on me, possibly because my social rank and achievements in life would make it socially pretty unacceptable for them to do so.

I simply don't permit people the luxury of approval or disapproval, because I present myself in such a matter of fact - "here I am this is me, this is who and what I am. Now take it or leave it and I dont give a sh.t, but you'll be the loser if you object..." kind of way, that to date in THIRTY years literally nobody has EVER had the balls to make something of it.

OK that may make me seem like an arrogant twerp - actually I'm not - but I do carefully cultivate a finely judged level of peresumption to silence any would be questioners before they reach first base.

I suppose in effect I claim CIS privilege as if it were mine by right, and psychologically defy anyone in the room to call me - and the great thing is in my experience 100% of the time they read my projected confidence and they blink first - so i win! If they called me, of course, I'd lose - but it's like poker - if you have a really good poker face you can effectively tell someone the truth that you don't want them to believe, in such a way that they instead buy the lie that you do want them to believe, even though you have actually told them its a lie!

So paradoxically I kind of psych people into granting me CIS privillege, which is not mine by rights, whilst being completely blatant about it. One day I suppose I may get my comeupance - but it hasnt happened yet... :)

If I'm totally honest with myself, yes.. If it'd be possible to know what it was like to be transgender and STILL be cis.. I'd prefer that so I could fully appreciate what I have..

I don't think I would choose to be cis because I like who I am as a unique individual. Being a hybrid is interesting and nuanced. I have always enjoyed pushing the boundaries of what's acceptable in society. Like others said, being trans gives life some spice. Though the thought of violence against me is pretty damn scary to be honest. But you only live once. Gotta embrace it. I want to be like the honey badger - not giving a ->-bleeped-<-.

If I had the choice, yes yes yes. Although I've had so many experiences that I couldn't have if I was cis, it'd be worth it knowing that I could have kids, I'd go through puberty like a cis boy and be able actually date girls as a guy (considering I'm not out to the majority of kids at my high school) Many of the things I've done could've still happened if I were cis. I would give just about anything to be a cis guy.

Cis.  Totally.  Been wishing it for 35 years, so not turning around on that.  But...

Quote from: Damara on May 28, 2015, 10:07:37 PMIf it'd be possible to know what it was like to be transgender and STILL be cis.. I'd prefer that so I could fully appreciate what I have.

I completely agree.  Very well said.

Being cis would take a lot of worry and anger out of my life. However, I wouldn't change my life as it is because I would probably be a real jerk if born cis. I think that the main reason why people would want to be cis is due to unacceptance from cis people, which is why I always hope that the god they worship has a senses of humor with them and shows them what it is like to walk into a room and know your not welcome at least once.

I think having been born cis would have been just as hard because I've always been one to go with the flow.  My dad was very adamant about being 'normal'.  I'd have been happier with my body but I would have ended up having to come out as gay as I have a preference for men.  I would never have met the man I'm with now and my life would be drastically different.

More often I wish that I'd discovered I was trans when I was in high school than that I was born cis.

If i had a choice i would easily choise to be cisgendered. But i don't so i don't really need to think about it, im happy as is

Quote from: Rejennyrated on May 28, 2015, 01:29:59 PM
I see your point Amber - and I think what it reveals is my thinking as a (soon to be) doctor in that I do think of it in terms of a medical condition which I have now fixed. Thats quite interesting to me to see how my brain unconsciously looks at things through a lens of pathology.
...
So paradoxically I kind of psych people into granting me CIS privillege, which is not mine by rights, whilst being completely blatant about it. One day I suppose I may get my comeupance - but it hasnt happened yet... :)

"To a man with a hammer, every problem looks like a nail."
Congrats on your doctoral candidacy! I definitely think your chosen profession colors your views, but that doesn't make them invalid. Personally, I'm usually only a gender in relation to other people; when I'm by myself I rarely think about my being female or MAAB. So I only wear the trans-hat occasionally. It's like any other label I fit in; I wouldn't be tall if there weren't a majority of people shorter than me. Otherwise I'd just be nearly 5'10".
I think it's interesting the words you chose, "your comeuppance." You are already taking ownership of a future reprisal that challenges your womanhood. This in and of itself shows an internalized lack of privilege and acceptance of being trans. But how about this instead: Cis privilege is B.S.. No one deserves to be marginalized for any reason let alone what a doctor decreed at your birth. Genitals don't make a baby a man or a woman or anything other or in between. We grow up into women, men, agender people, third gender people, or somewhere between the popularized false binary.
I'll get off my soapbox now [emoji6]


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- Katie
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I suppose I should give an honest answer instead of my joking answer... At least you got it Katie  :) I'm about 1 month into hrt and still have not transitioned as I have a large frame and (slightly less than it used to be) heavy beard. Thats just for perspective. Up until I hit my 30's I think I wanted desperately to be cis though I never thought of it in those terms. I never really put all of my research together to realize that -I- could transition. So now, at this moment, I am okay with being trans because I see light at the end of the tunnel... and feel just a tiny bit of pain in my chest :) however if someone DID hand me a magic pill, ring, corset, etc that would transform me into a cis female with memories intact I would snatch it up in a heart beat.

Quote from: David27 on May 30, 2015, 01:40:27 PM
Being cis would take a lot of worry and anger out of my life. However, I wouldn't change my life as it is because I would probably be a real jerk if born cis. I think that the main reason why people would want to be cis is due to unacceptance from cis people, which is why I always hope that the god they worship has a senses of humor with them and shows them what it is like to walk into a room and know your not welcome at least once.

I wish cis-people could experience being trans if only for the sake of building empathy. If life were Super Mario, a lot of guys would have concussions. I try not to think about extra lives, I'm pretty focused on this one. Which is ironic because this is my What If? Thread.[emoji12]
Give your theoretical cis self a chance though, they can do or be anything, they don't have to be a jerk. My theoretical cis person is an astronaut, because, y'know I could've been in the Air Force if I weren't trans and a pacifist...[emoji41]
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- Katie
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Quote from: Obfuskatie on June 02, 2015, 11:11:52 AM
"To a man with a hammer, every problem looks like a nail."
Congrats on your doctoral candidacy! I definitely think your chosen profession colors your views, but that doesn't make them invalid. Personally, I'm usually only a gender in relation to other people; when I'm by myself I rarely think about my being female or MAAB. So I only wear the trans-hat occasionally. It's like any other label I fit in; I wouldn't be tall if there weren't a majority of people shorter than me. Otherwise I'd just be nearly 5'10".
I think it's interesting the words you chose, "your comeuppance." You are already taking ownership of a future reprisal that challenges your womanhood. This in and of itself shows an internalized lack of privilege and acceptance of being trans. But how about this instead: Cis privilege is B.S.. No one deserves to be marginalized for any reason let alone what a doctor decreed at your birth. Genitals don't make a baby a man or a woman or anything other or in between. We grow up into women, men, agender people, third gender people, or somewhere between the popularized false binary.
I'll get off my soapbox now [emoji6]
     Hugs,
- Katie
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Well done - thats quite genuinely probably the most interesting line of debate I've heard in some time, even if you did hang most of your agument on a throwaway little comment at the end - which if I am honest I only put in as a silly attempt to try and prevent anyone from telling me that I am an arrogant arse!

I don't really believe for even a nano second that I will get any comeuppance - but having previously had my head chewed off by a number of transpeople for alledgedly being insufferably self satisfied and privileged... (sometimes one just can't win.)

So no in actual fact not really taking ownership of any such thing... not least because I don't aspire to own "womanhood," whatever that may mean. Rather I am only concerned with being authentically me - because actually I can't know what its like to be anyone else, be they male or female, and so comparison with any such theoretical yardsticks is both futile and invideous.

Personally I don't believe in gender at all - never have, never will, therefore I can hardly be trans-something which does not exist except in the minds of those who choose to buy into it, which I don't. For me there IS only physical sex... those attributes I did not care for and sought to modify as best I could, given the medical technology available. Once I had done that, as far as I was concerned the defect had been fixed. (at least as far as it could be).

This of course does not make your argument wrong. Just based on a slightly different way of looking at the world I guess,

Quote from: Rejennyrated on June 02, 2015, 03:34:06 PM
Well done - thats quite genuinely probably the most interesting line of debate I've heard in some time, even if you did hang most of your agument on a throwaway little comment at the end - which if I am honest I only put in as a silly attempt to try and prevent anyone from telling me that I am an arrogant arse!

I don't really believe for even a nano second that I will get any comeuppance - but having previously had my head chewed off by a number of transpeople for alledgedly being insufferably self satisfied and privileged... (sometimes one just can't win.)

So no in actual fact not really taking ownership of any such thing... not least because I don't aspire to own "womanhood," whatever that may mean. Rather I am only concerned with being authentically me - because actually I can't know what its like to be anyone else, be they male or female, and so comparison with any such theoretical yardsticks is both futile and invideous.

Personally I don't believe in gender at all - never have, never will, therefore I can hardly be trans-something which does not exist except in the minds of those who choose to buy into it, which I don't. For me there IS only physical sex... those attributes I did not care for and sought to modify as best I could, given the medical technology available.

It wasn't my intention to pose an argument, just some armchair diagnosis based purely on turn of phrase and assumption I guess. Having opinions doesn't make you an arrogant arse either. Heck, I'm relatively self-satisfied and privileged in many ways, it doesn't make my experiences any less genuine. I figure being kind and a good person is more important than who has the heaviest baggage. But I could be wrong, you're right in that I can't know what it's truly live another person's experiences either. All I can do is be sympathetic and empathetic whenever possible.


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- Katie
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With out a doubt yes

Yes i would. In a heartbeat. So much i would rather be doing that preparing for my surgery later this month. As well as putting things i need to do on hold to complete transition. This world is full of hate, it's not made for everyone. But realisticly.. I cant change.. No mattwe how many wishes i wished. Now this is what i have to work with.. So im gonna do my best to be darn good at it.

Quote from: Rejennyrated on May 27, 2015, 06:36:31 PM
Perhaps I am missing the point here, but it has always been my belief, that once you no longer feel dysphoric you are no longer trans. I don't really accept the once trans always trans line of thought, because that's like saying it's some sort of incurable condition, whereas my view is whether by transition, or GRS or perhaps both, once you are happy with yourself then you are fixed, ergo no longer trans. You do of course have a trans history, and you always will, but not a trans present.

Thus I would argue that I was trans for the first five years of my life, before my parents allowed me to transition, and thanks to lack of puberty blockers back in the 1970's, I was trans again when puberty hit and I couldn't get HRT and SRS until I was an adult. However once I had both of those the dysphoria vanished and I ceased to have trans feelings. Thus I would argue that since my 20's I have effectively been functionally cis, although for some of my youth and childhood I was trans.

Now I know some people may find that over complicated, but it's just the way it makes sense to me, and I offer it as a possible alternative pov. Feel free to ignore my thoughts if you don't find that a helpful model, but please don't be offended because its just the way I see it.

Yes.. I feel there is a time to drop trans in front. However you can never change your trans history.. So instead of being a transperson .. You are a person of trans history.

Quote from: lovelessheart on June 04, 2015, 07:57:52 AM
Yes.. I feel there is a time to drop trans in front. However you can never change your trans history.. So instead of being a transperson .. You are a person of trans history.

Maybe I haven't gotten there yet. But I am in no way ashamed of being trans. I'm proud that I've undergone the difficult leap over the gender divide.

I don't see why I shouldn't refer to myself as a trans woman.

Quote from: lovelessheart on June 04, 2015, 07:57:52 AM
Yes.. I feel there is a time to drop trans in front. However you can never change your trans history.. So instead of being a transperson .. You are a person of trans history.

and

Quote from: suzifrommd on June 04, 2015, 08:09:09 AM
Maybe I haven't gotten there yet. But I am in no way ashamed of being trans. I'm proud that I've undergone the difficult leap over the gender divide.

I don't see why I shouldn't refer to myself as a trans woman.

Spot on the both of you! I tend toward view 1 - but I also have no quarrel with view 2 - its whatever makes you feel proud of who you are. The thing that really upsets me is those who end up deeply ashamed and feeling they have to hide, because I think "damn you went through all that to be something you are ashamed of? My that must suck bigtime!"

I like me - I like what I've done and I'm proud of my life - all of it!

I'm sure most of us wish we were born cis, and that's why we're trans. I have to say it seems like a learning experience to be born the wrong gender and venture back to what feels like yourself.

Quote from: Rejennyrated on June 04, 2015, 09:41:30 AM
and
Spot on the both of you! I tend toward view 1 - but I also have no quarrel with view 2 - its whatever makes you feel proud of who you are. The thing that really upsets me is those who end up deeply ashamed and feeling they have to hide, because I think "damn you went through all that to be something you are ashamed of? My that must suck bigtime!"

I like me - I like what I've done and I'm proud of my life - all of it!

I like to think of being trans as one of many labels that can describe me. I'm also nerdy, wordy, a musician, a programmer, a cinephile, a bibliophile, bi, etc. etc.. Rejecting any one aspect of myself isn't ok to me, even if #gamergate makes me ashamed to openly admit I'm a gamer. I can't help liking video-games, and I can get very competitive. I was just born this way [emoji12]

Quote from: Jake25 on June 04, 2015, 11:00:04 AM
I'm sure most of us wish we were born cis, and that's why we're trans. I have to say it seems like a learning experience to be born the wrong gender and venture back to what feels like yourself.

This is kinda why I asked the question, not whether we could be born cis, but could choose to be cis. Whether it's in your pre-transition body or as your chosen gender, I'd probably never have met any of you online had you'd all been cis. I always felt powerless because I was never given a choice as to the gender everyone assumed I identified or should identify with. I'm kinda getting to the point where I'm proud of my accomplishments, although it hasn't been easy. I wouldn't have that without my frustrating circumstances. But I'm pretty sure I'd be bored with an easy life.


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Cis for sure! I mean I've lost almost ten years trying to be someone I'm not. But I'm not ashamed of who I am a nor will I ever be.

No way I would want to be cis. I would never want to be as ignorant and bigoted as most of them are. I choose the knowledge I have gained from this any day of the year. I would find it rather insulting to even be asked such a choice

Cis people dont appreciate anything they have (in terms of their body, being right etc). Knowing what we know now we would of course appreciate everything but without this experience to begin with you wouldnt, would be completely ignorant to it and try to deny trans people being real and everything else they do to us. I understand in terms of safety and dealing with bs in everyday life in regards to being trans wanting to not have to deal with that I get. I dont see making us cis being the solution to that problem though. The solution is educating them. There is nothing wrong with us. Cis is not the 'natural state' that everything must fall into. Its them that needs to learn they are not the be all and end all of existing, accept us and stop the hate then we wont have the problems we have anyway. I dont even care about having to undergo surgery. It makes me more grateful for everything I have/will have because I know what its like not to have that. There is nothing more liberating than becoming who you really are, something cis people can never understand. Yes it can cost a lot of money and it shouldnt. I still wouldnt trade any of this. There is no shame in being trans and I'd prefer not to be ignorant and uneducated so Im glad to be what I am now

Whether I could choose to be born cis or have the choice to be made cis the answer remains the same: absolutely NO

If I was born cis I would not have lead the life I did which resulted in the birth of my two children.  I can't ever wish for that to be undone.  Thus said, if you had asked before they were born, hell yea.  I won't outline the mental wrestling and how long it took for me to accept I was indeed trans, even though it had haunted me since I was like 5 or so.  My wall was that I could not change my physical form to match my mental.  I simply didn't accept the potential with hormones and surgery.  Stupid opinion but hiding behind that did let me raise my kids. 

Of course if I could magically transform now to be cis, then again hell to the yea. 

If I were MAAB, I'd have been far more at risk for cycle-of-abuse garbage. (My father got the worst of it from his father, because he was the only boy. I would expect that to repeat.) And I certainly wouldn't have had an acceptable masculine role model when first looking for one. Had I followed his lead, I'd be in pretty sorry shape by this point in my life.

So no, I wouldn't choose to be cis if I couldn't also change a bunch of other things about the situation I was born into. Appearing female shielded me from harm when I was least able to protect myself.

Hi,

Im not sure about the choice as i did not need one ,i was given what i needed at birth you can say .
Being born different has been a blessing in so many ways and made such a difference  in my life , i could not see or can see any other way,
so to answer the ? how can i answer would i have or wont to be a normal male or female in all of its detail 100% ether way..... no .....  just no way .....

I have what very few have , i know theres some details would have been lovely to have been able to do  yet over all i have the best of both worlds of male female in how i see myself and what i have done and can do .

Okay i missed out on haveing my own child and thats hard to bear and cope with as any female knows who are like myself in not having your own child,
in most aspects of who i am is a normal female yet im very fortunate in having some male aspects that have helped me in so many ways  though i may not have seen this at the time its paid off in  lovely ways ,

I have grown into being who i am  , when you can say that with confidence and a confiction and know who you are , then you can be proud of your self and live life to the full , I did not say perfectly or better than ...any one ....else  just in a way you know is just so right for you  in my case myself , and being happy content and able to be fullfilled as a person and female /male .

...noeleena...

I would definitely choose to be CIS, for many reasons being an 'easier' life, but mostly to have given birth to my own biological kids.

Quote from: Lucyx on June 11, 2015, 03:35:56 AM
I would definitely choose to be CIS, for many reasons being an 'easier' life, but mostly to have given birth to my own biological kids.

Yes that's the one that makes me sigh a lot too.  :icon_cry:

Back to the OP's question.

If I was a cis female living happily I would have been a little b*tch.
I know there was no way I would have done everything I could to get out of my home city, chances are I would have been knocked up by my 21st, not because I sleep around, but I jut know I wouldn't have been very smart.

Not talking myself down, but being trans is the best thing that could have happened to me, I worked harder at school, I tried to be a nicer person because I was bullied, I learned how to be on my own, make myself happy and followed my dreams.

I would have chosen to be a cis woman.   Then I could be myself.   I was 53 years old when I began my journey of giving up being a dyke and began my journey to find my femininity.  Since I am a woman who was born with a male's physical attributes I lay claim to my designation of living as a dyke.  No offence to anyone intended.   When I see the programs of young children proclaiming their gender, I am surprised at how effeminate the transsexual girls become without even the hint of estrogen.   Waiting until I am 53 to accept my femininity and taking another 9 years to go 24/7/375 I find it difficult to express my natural femininity.   I get glimpse of it in instances.  I have never used hormones or had any surgery.   I my Medicare insurance started covering transsexual health this Jan 1, 2016 I would beable to put my toe in the water in this direction,  I can understand why after waiting all these years that Caitlyn Jenner because she had the money came out with her breasts a blazing.  I would too if I had the means.   Because at 68 years old for me and 65 years old for Caitlyn we see a possibility of only 20 years of life left to us.  If we live for that twenty years, then we may only look 5 years ahead.    So at this time in our  lives we do the most we can with what we have.   Me, I am left with freeing the little girl within me who has hidden all these years.   Yes, my testosterone may be losing its grip on me as I age.   My choice for now is to be her more and more until despite all my male physical attributes all anyone will see is that little girl in the form of a broken-toothed old grandma.   Yes, at my age I would have rather be born a cis woman. 

I definitely would have chosen to be a cis woman at birth. There are a great deal of things that cis women can/will experience that transwomen cannot. Such as child birth. I am pre-transition through so maybe my input isn't as effective as some other's. I'm still working up the courage to tell my parents so I think that if I was born cis, it would certainly be very much easier for me to be who I am on the inside rather than hiding it as I am today.

It honestly depends. IF I was born male there is no way I would have had the same opportunities as I have had. I honestly dont think I would particularly like a cis me. Im a loud, boisterous kid and Im pretty sure that I would have hung around with "that" group of guys at school all the time. I would have been influenced by them. I would have skipped classes to play football. Messed around in every class and failed my exams. WOuld have gone on to do a very basic Level 1 course at college because I wouldnt have wanted to work. I would be smoking weed/ciggies. Getting Drunk at 14. Causing trouble and no doubt giving my mum a harder life than i am now.

If I could simply transport my soul, brain and personality into that of a cis male with all memories and achievements intact I wouldnt even hesitate.

Im pretty sure cismale me would be working full-time with no future and minimal achievements, whereas me, right now I can kick ass and will hopefully get a degree and everything ....having an actual dick though would make my life heck of a lot easier!!

Gentle

Very good question! 

It's really hard for me to say, as I'm sure that many factors would be different. 

I'm really not sure that I'd have the same level of drive, will, ambition, or edge that I currently do.  I wouldn't really know if I'd have more or less artistic creativity as I do now, let alone the passion to create in the first place.  Struggle and inner turmoil certainly has enhanced my life, and I wouldn't know if I'd be in a similar position as I am now, for better or worse.

Granted, I would have probably have been a much happier individual.  I may have been a lot more developed, socially, physically, and emotionally.  But, then again, maybe not.  It's all speculation. 

So, in the meantime, I'd really have to be open ended and open minded about it.

I would be happy to be born a cis female and do everything it means to be one. Give birth to my own kids. complain about my periods. there is both good and bad in being anything. Ups and downs anywhere. there is discrimination of many types in this entire world. Be tall get hit. Be small get hit. Do everything right be hit. Do everything wrong be hit

The main thing in the end is be happy with self and loved ones.

Oh by the way , I saw an episode on Twilight Zone where a couple wanted a million dollars and were given three wishes. The husband got killed in a car accident. So the second wish was given for him to be just before the accident but he died from a heart attack. The third wish was granted that he was brought back to life forever. However his body was completely filled with embalming fluid and was condemned to a life of being in eternal hell.

I'm thankful that trans related experiences enabled me to observe situations from different angle and deal with complex feelings..but I would choose to be cis man,because then I could plan my life differently..
*first to get degree,
*make contribution to scientific research
*and then to propose girlfriend with whom I would be able to have 2 or more kids.
Ideal solution would be that our families know eachother,we study together through Uni and have kids..true soulmate..

When I was in highschool,I realized I have to switch order of tasks on my list.
As an asexual FTM with PCOS my plan changed to:

*have surgery for PCOS

*postpone puberty During highschool I was on T for 2 months but as I could predict that my love life would be too insecure(and experience confirmed my fear)..I decided not to expect much,as maybe I'll never find the right person(I must admit that most often I had crush on mtf)..and I wanted family so I stopped T.My schoollife at Uni also suffered as depression returned..

*have kid So after several years and failed attempts my baby was born.

*now at Uni

*transition after graduation(maybe earlier...)

I'd rather be born cis.  Cis boy or cis girl, doesn't even matter.  My life would have had more happy moments and I'd be worrying about things that are of far less consequence than I currently do.

Have a question I know I am transgender mtf non op what does cisgender mean?

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Quote from: bchigdon10 on July 12, 2015, 11:22:15 AM
Have a question I know I am transgender mtf non op what does cisgender mean?

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a person that agrees with their birth sex. example: a born woman that lives as a woman and vice versa.

Thanks teddybear_zach
  Hugs from Beverly!


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Yes, and no.

If there was some magic way to make my current body cis, with no drawbacks, and no other effects other than that? Absolutely.


Would I choose to be born cis and start over? Probably not. Only because I am very happy with how my life is right now and I'd be too scared to not end up in the same place. How do I know I'd be the same person, and not some arrogant jerk? How do I know I'd find my Love, and that our relationship would be the same? Too many maybes.

Yes; it would save me so much time without the need to transition, and would help alleviate several other issues as well

Quote from: emyrinth on May 19, 2015, 11:16:59 AM
I've always thought that the "cursed" girdle of gender change from DnD was such a wonderful thing. *POOF* you're a girl with all the right parts and a convenient explanation as to why everyone is just gonna have to get used to it. "No Mom I can't go back to being a boy without a ring of wishes or a genie and that would be ridiculously dangerous... NO Mom I'm not going into a dragons lair just so you can have your son back. Seriously guys you're not quest givers... No you may not bother Elminster in his tower... the last person ended up as a cheese pie..."

I have to say I love your answer and on more then one occasion have thought of similar things. =P Ultimately, I think I'd prefer to stay who I am, even if I would miss out on several aspects of childhood as a girl. Ideally, if I could just be a biological girl from now on, that'd be greeeeeat.

@Ellesmira... I would love to share that experience too, being a biological female now in the present but retaining all these experiences that made us... Well, us.

That being said, I would much prefer being cis at birth than being trans at birth.  I find my eyes jaded through existing in a realm that insists that I perform these typical male rituals.  I identify my deep personality traits much more with being female, rather than my current sex.  If I was born that way, would I loose the significance of being transgender? Yes, but I would gain the ability to function daily without thinking about how my birth sex is not right.

If I had the choice I would rather have been born cis, male or female, I don't care, as long as I was cis. 

You wouldn't be the same person at all, Just like if I had of started on T instead E when I got diagnosed with messed up hormones. I'd probably be cage fighting or in jail.

Yes definitely without a doubt.  Being born in the 50's and looking back t my upbringing, my parents would have kept me home longer (not packed off to boarding school at 6), but probably still been sent to an All Girls Boarding School. In the 70's having passed A Levels, and been keen on sports (would have been Netball for me I suppose) and swimming and dance, I would have pursued my horse riding and probably done dressage, I would have been sent to finishing school (my parents were upper middle class) and I would have done the rounds in Chelsea as a coming out. By the end I would have been to various balls at the Regimental HQ and probably met a handsome Army officer in the Household Calvary. I could have imagined fabulous holidays abroad (early 80's, lots of fabulous clothes, then a big White wedding, , then married life in the British Army. Again lots of Army wives stuff. Then babies, childbirth and being a home maker, mother and housewife. Later on having the children grow up, grandchildren, more clothes, endless beauty treatments - endless housework. Most of all not having to constantly have the drive to over succeed and be someone else!. All the bliss that I never had!!

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Would it be preferable to be cis or trans if you had the choice?  Absolutely YES.  No doubts.  I would go in less than a heart-beat.  All other life aspects being within equal and I also must retain all my life experience as I have had them.

In my circumstance with mixed-up female inter-sex anatomy that wasn't what it was I still want to retain this experience - it is mine.  I grew up identifying as female ('I AM a girl!, Mom.' 'I'm gonna do it, Dad.'), raised as a boy, not fully knowing the truth until resolved under exploratory as an adult.  I began feeling doubly-cheated yet doubly-blessed; my nature denied my inevitable female imperative yet had neither potential nor desire for male (and I hated every moment in that male prospect).

You are fortunate if your family and friends remained with you.

The question does not say that my being fully female from my start would have changed my history.  Many here pointed to the fact that they lost all their family and friends they developed as males, as I did; my family would have eventually told me their same good-byes.  I erroneously picked fair weather friends, the ones who chose to reject me; most 'friends' became violent toward me, the remainder faded.  Lessons learned.  I lost socialisation on that balance sheet while solitude gave me the strength to 'live with myself'.

I certainly could use the hours restored to my life - all those hours spent in pre-transition, pre-op, recovery.  Then there is all the financial cost of all the extra medical services and care; that money could have gone somewhere else - whether selfishly or generously for others.

I admittedly have much to be thankfull.  I want to retain the cards dealt to me; I do not pine for what might have been.  Despite all my heart-ache and aside from the question, I would not want to have lived another person's life nor a different life other than doing things better.  I find myself pleased to live among the unique group of us who have lived the two sexes.

Allow this serious note to your fancifull question.

I did research and independent study at both University of Utah Medical School (1981 - 1985) and University of Arizona Medical School (1985 - 1986).  My course based upon your question with admittedly personal and selfish undertones.  After all, we are all developed from female in utero and it is the spurt of testosterone that separates female and male at the end of the third month.   My questions began with 'What happened with the female anatomy (Mullerian Duct) in the male and the male anatomy (Wolffian Duct) in the female?'.  More questions flowed; more hypotheses developed.

What can medical science do to awaken those dormant structures for the inter-sexed and transsexed?  Researchers and biologists and anatomists devised prospects to assist patient re-generated lung tissue, liver tissue, kidney tissue as an aside to the organ transplant programs that I also was studying.  My questions to the transplant studies included:  'Why take the risk of transplant and rejection when we can develop one's own system to re-generate the failed organ?'  'Why not apply that regeneration to Mullerian / Wolfian tissue?'  It is possible using stem cells - at least I am among those who established the theoretical feasibility yet found no corresponding lab work.

Much of the next steps that remain are the supportive medical community to get things moving; that was as much my battle.  Kidney - yes.  Lung - yes.  Liver - yes.  Genital structure - 'H*ll No!' was their reaction.  Such feigned outrage.  Fact is, researchers have been working on re-growing uterine tissue on scaffold structures to implant into the patient.  Success is variable.  These are replacement tissue transplants of the patient's own anatomy rather than vestigial structures (the next step).

I certainly did not have all the answers; I meant my work to add one more piece to the puzzle in the elemental idea that it can be done so that the more experienced in the medical comunity would fine tune it.  It is their turn to do the lab work to continue those next research steps.  Not much has advanced since I got hit with all that rejection and nowhere left to take it.

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no,for i wouldnt have met my wife and had the 3 children we have had together..its fun to think about but the reality is i wouldnt change any of my life for nothing period.

Would I rather have been born a cis woman?   Since I am a woman definitely yes.    I know that I am a woman because I have my own personal test for myself.   Would I be more emotionally comfortable being Attila the Hun, John Wayne, or Robert Redford  or can I see myself as Marilyn Monroe, Mae West, or Dolly Parton.   No matter how I look at it I can only be  Marilyn, Mae, or Dolly and I can't even conceive of being Attila, John, or Robert.   

This being said,  the only change in my birth family, my father dying, and my life in my 2nd dad's family would I would have been the oldest girl instead of the eldest pseudo male (butch female).   As a girl I would have had different expectations of myself,  like being able to knit, sew,  take care of my man, and my brother's and sisters, etc.  instead of fixing everything in the world,  drinking unlimited amounts of booze,  being a jack of all trades, living dangerously, indulging in sex,  being able to strong arm and carry unlimited weight, etc.   As a butch female, I tried the male life, but I was emotionally unsuited for it. 

Now given my personally and motor skills the sewing and knitting would have been stressful, but I have a taking care of personality and household chores are not hard for me.   I would have been as good of a cook as my mother,  she did simple cooking excellently.   

I would probably have had as many biological children, but they would have grown inside of me instead of my spouse.   The kids would have been different people, but the kids would have probably been as strong-willed and bullheaded and intelligent as my kids are.   I would been the same kind of dependable spouse,  but that doesn't mean that my husband would not have been the same kind of person my wife was.  And my family would have had the same problems and ended pretty much the same way.   I don't wish my current kids and grandkids out of existence.   But, wishing for and getting any change in circumstance or personality traits, could have consequences for the children you now have.   

I probably would have had all the same emotional struggles and insecurities but because I was not struggling with my gender identity,  I would have dealt with life in a way that had less negative consequences for myself and the other people in my life.     I would have enjoyed and been more comfortable in my sexual relationships with my partner as a cis woman.  I also would have been happier and more comfortable with myself as a cis woman.  In chosing a partner for marriage as a cis woman,  I might have chosen a husband with the same personality flaws as my ex-wife had, and therefore had the same kind of marriage problems.   

Looking at everything being born a cis woman would have changed me, and made me a happier person, but despite everything,  I probably would have ended up in the same place as I am in now,  without the stress of being a woman born with a male's body.

I would rather have been born straight CIS and not trans either way.

I even used to pray, "fix my body or fix my mind.   Either way so they both match."

I'm a slow learner so it took 40 years of that to finally realize nobody was up there listening.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I transitioned late in life (58-62) and a lot of life's accumulated living would have been totally different.  It's pretty easy to say "no," and there's lots of reasons why no is a "good" answer for me.  Sooo, no!

OTOH, I also seriously sought the magic pill to cure myself too - that worked poorly just based on the empirical data, for here I am: Rachel the lady I am, I am.

I think being cis (or in my time of transition: GG aka genetic girl) would have been perfect.  However, like the proverbial bull frog I ain't got no wings.  I'm me and I got here being me and that's why I can entertain such a question.

I take E; therefore, I am!


Love ya all,

Rachel

YES YES YES I would without a doubt prefer to have been born a CIC woman .Being a MAN sucks my life since starting transitioning has been so much better and if I can avoid the horrible bit before that would be the icing on the cake

Toni

The biggest thing for me would be acceptance in my former home country. As it is to avoid danger I have to be stealth when going there.

I've asked myself this question many times, and if given a magic wand to change my life in that way, I wouldn't. I don't mean to tell anyone else how to feel about being trans, but despite all its pains and trials, I try to see it as a gift. Such a small percentage of people in the world get to experience life in more than one gender, much less getting to experience having a penis and having a vagina at different times. I try to remind myself that I'm getting a strange and exciting life, however difficult. If I had to choose between a life that was challenging and exciting and a life that was comfortable but boring, I'd take challenging and exciting every time. But that's just me...

I was under the distinct impression that under prevailing ideology, cisgender and transgender were defined as intrinsic. So the question is logically unanswerable. You cannot choose to be cis and be cis.

Quote from: cathyrains on September 24, 2015, 08:22:26 PM
I was under the distinct impression that under prevailing ideology, cisgender and transgender were defined as intrinsic. So the question is logically unanswerable. You cannot choose to be cis and be cis.

Of course that's true - I took the question as purely hypothetical; like, if you could wave a magic wand, re-write history, and be born cis, etc.

Quote from: cathyrains on September 24, 2015, 08:22:26 PM
I was under the distinct impression that under prevailing ideology, cisgender and transgender were defined as intrinsic. So the question is logically unanswerable. You cannot choose to be cis and be cis.

Inorite? This is such a possibly contentious question, who on earth came up with it? Oh right, =P
I don't know, I guess part of my whole process is asking existential questions and trying to make sense of my own issues. I imagine that everyone has their own path to acceptance, and this question sort of is a litmus test not meant to irritate people just sample their opinions.
You're all right, it's a dumb question and a great question and I ask myself it sometimes because I can't get out of my head some days.


     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I would be cis. I would not wish transsexualism on my worst enemy. I know there are people that identify as trans*, for me that defeats the purpose of transition. I no longer consider myself trans. I know others might but, their opinions don't matter to me now, and they shouldn't have in the beginning but, you live and you learn. 

Quote from: Isabelle on September 24, 2015, 09:57:23 PM
I would be cis. I would not wish transsexualism on my worst enemy. I know there are people that identify as trans*, for me that defeats the purpose of transition. I no longer consider myself trans. I know others might but, their opinions don't matter to me now, and they shouldn't have in the beginning but, you live and you learn.

I completely disagree. If you are born a man and transition then you are always gonna be trans. It is a silly notion that once you transition, you stop being trans. You are more trans once you have transitioned tbh.

Mod Edit-messages that are not understanding and considerate of all transgender are against TOS 9

Then i'd be cis and crossdress

JUST TRYNA BE FABULOUS :laugh:

Quote from: Leki on September 24, 2015, 10:12:37 PM
I completely disagree. If you are born a man and transition then you are always gonna be trans. It is a silly notion that once you transition, you stop being trans. You are more trans once you have transitioned tbh.

I was talking only about my my own view of myself. I made that pretty clear. I transitioned because deep down, I'm not a man. I wasn't "born a man" a was born "a baby"
Ps, obvious troll is obvious x

Modified to remove edited post that was quoted

Quote from: Leki on September 24, 2015, 10:12:37 PM
I completely disagree. If you are born a man and transition then you are always gonna be trans. It is a silly notion that once you transition, you stop being trans. You are more trans once you have transitioned tbh.

Also a mtf is always really a man deep down and a ftm is always really a woman, that is the reality of the matter. We have to learn to live with that, regardless of our lifestyle choices.

Hey Leki,

You are liable to hear a storm of contrary opinions on those subjects.   There are many people who no longer consider themselves transgender after transition.  And please understand that your reality is apparently quite different from others.  "always a real" man or woman applies to my "real" gender identity as female.  I conclude that I have always been transgender and have always had a deeply intrinsic female gender identity no matter how I looked.  This thread deals with a hypothetical situation.  Lifestyle choices may pertain to clothing styles or even whether to transition or not.

Quote from: Leki on September 24, 2015, 10:12:37 PM
I completely disagree. If you are born a man and transition then you are always gonna be trans. It is a silly notion that once you transition, you stop being trans. You are more trans once you have transitioned tbh.

Mod Edit-messages that are not understanding and considerate of all transgender are against TOS 9

The good thing here is that you don't get to decide how other people view themselves or their transitions.  The bad thing is that you apparently feel that you get to make that decision for others, and go so far as to state that trans men are "really women" and that trans women are "really men". 

the problem for me is this whole thing might be a multidimensional   time lock that has no escape. The thing whatever it is mutant genes , hormones gone haywire , natural evolution , etc. that produces the occurrence of being transgender could be an inescapable fact of your human anatomy that would be produced no matter what gender you were conceive as. You choose to be cis , but being cis is inescapably  connected to who you are .  You wouldn't exist.

Quote from: stephaniec on September 25, 2015, 02:21:02 PM
the problem for me is this whole thing might be a multidimensional   time lock that has no escape. The thing whatever it is mutant genes , hormones gone haywire , natural evolution , etc. that produces the occurrence of being transgender could be an inescapable fact of your human anatomy that would be produced no matter what gender you were conceive as. You choose to be cis , but being cis is inescapably  connected to who you are .  You wouldn't exist.

True, if I didn't have my DES affected brain, my intersex body and more than likely mosaic affected genetics I doubt that I would still be me.

If I had a choice, I wanted to be cis. My life would be difference, but it would be much easier in many ways too.
But since I'm not cisgender, I doesn't take that for granted. Many cispeople take being cis for granted. I'm also more grateful when people call me the right pronouns.

But if I was cisgender, I could go to the swimming pool without discomfort. I could be myself 110% all the days and I could be free. So yes, I want to be cisgender. Being cisgender is a privilege. If you're cis, you doesn't get discriminated because your gender identity and you hasn't gender dysphoria.

I've thought about this once to a million times in my life and have wondered how my life would have been different if I had been born as a normal cis woman (to mean all the regular woman parts in place and accepted as a woman in open society and everything that comes with it) and if I could chose to go back and have that happen if I wanted to would I... up until I met my wife and got married and had my son I would have said YES in a heartbeat but now I would hesitate,  I know my wife would be ok with out me but I also know my son would never exist if I had been a woman and that makes me want to cry just thinking about it which shakes me back to reality he's such a good boy and I love him so very much I would never do anything that would harm him  so I guess I've come to far into this life to look back and want to change anything so now my answer would be a resounding NO

Wait a sec ! ! !

Not being born a cis-F ? ? ? Would I wish I were born female?

Isn't that why we're all here in the first place?

This Place is populated by people who were/are female, male and intersex as identified at birth.  Where we go from there is endlessly interesting and diverse.  Some will clearly be transitioning and some may still long to have their wishes fulfilled.  As a child I secretly believed that some day I would magically become a girl and then a mom.

Speculation about what is hypothetical and fun may be one way to understand ourselves and our self image. 

I think may have answered this back in the mists of time... but I was pondering it yesterday and I hope, in considerable retrospect now, had I been given that choice, I would have turned it down flat - because this life I have lived and am living is so much more exciting and interesting.

Cis - pah! Boring, dull, conventional, limiting, unimaginative, none of which are descriptors of this life...

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(This was originally meant to post to the 'Phoney about your period' topic - but that was locked when I sought to post so here it is because the issues are similar.)

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I am amazed at the replies to two concurrent topics (See:  'Transsexual talk » Male to female transsexual talk (MTF) » Topic:  Feel a bit like a phoney when women talk to me about their periods...'); there are many 'Yes' replies and many 'No' replies at both sites.  I did not keep score, but I wonder with these two topics whether anyone commented here about missing the period experience while replying 'No' they would not want the full anatomy if it were possible.  I wonder as well the consistency of both.  Being in-between as inter-sex I so much wanted a real anatomy rather then my version being inoperably neither.  Seems humanity is cursed wanting what we can't have.

To those I'm not 'out', I learned to roll with their conversation.  Years of transition and post-op experience gives me enough comfort to have a sense of honest concern; this is not being 'phoney'.  After all, my ERT brought on morning sickness and night-time pregnancy dreams so I am not devoid of intimate female experience; I have my own real female experiences.  Not all females experience morning sickness during pregnancy.

I can also be honest whether or not I'm 'out' to other females.  I sometimes did say that I had an anatomical condition that resulted in the inability of menstruation and that is usually all I needed to say when asked directly to share a menstruation story.  That is not being 'phoney'.

At least when you got to menopause age and are not totally 'out', you can make the excuse not having a reason to comment yet still keep a supply of feminine products.  Post-ops will find feminine products usefull for yourself regardless of your lack of female menstruation.  You will dribble and perspire down there; they make added protection for your undies and clothing if you need more than just rolling up a length of toilet paper.

I mentioned to a couple M-F friends who are 'out' to keep a nominal courtesy supply of feminine products around the house, in the car, at work - that small act will endear them to their female friends and co-workers.

A few years living at my apartment during the 1980s saw a new landlady.  She had my residence file that showed my initial registration by a male (my male predecessor) yet the sole resident had only been a female (me).  I was not 'out' to her.  She was repeatedly trying to figure me; Was I him? she must have thought but never asked me.  One day as I was driving her around town on errands, she got nosey in my car, opened the glove compartment, and out spilled my courtesy supply of pads and tampons.  Looking at her surprised expression of continued confusion was worth it.

Jean24 and iKate, it is not a '50 year plan', it is now.  Organ regeneration (to some organs and tissue) has been scientific fact since at least the 1960s; I sought to implement the medical expertise to the Mullerian and Wolffian vestigial systems.  I presented my research for lab experiment and was flatly denied by two medical schools.

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No, not for all the money in the world would I want to be cis.  Being stuck in a binary reality after knowing what it is to be two spirited would be like being put in prison.  I wasn't far enough along the intersex spectrum to be able to be pregnant and give birth and that does make me a little sad, but I guess I can live with that.

That is a hard question...

In one hand, being born as a cis-female would mean no dysphoria, no need for a bunch of medical appointments and it would be absolutely easier considering I have a extremely religious and traditionalist family.

But then, as a kid I always liked "boy things". RC cars, kung fu movies, videigames. I believe that if I was born a girl I would have had many obstacles in my childhood. And if I had no issues with my family, maybe I would be as close minded as they are.

I would love to be born female, but I'm glad I wasn't.

My answer is going to be brief, and no I wouldn't because in hindsight, it would be boring.

No.

I am who I am, and resetting it might as well be the death of who I am.

The more I go into transition the more I realize that it's not enough. I always wanted to be a girlfriend, and later wife and mother, with kids that I carried. I always wanted the joy and pain of being pregnant as well as having that bond. I also wanted the anticipation of trying and then jumping for joy when I see the two lines on the stick. I missed out on my entire childhood as a girl instead having a miserable experience as a boy. Being a woman is so natural to me yet I can't have it all. It really really hurts me inside. I honestly hope that in another life if reincarnation exists that I can be a cis woman. It really isn't about physical stuff. It's about my inner being. Being a Trans woman isn't ideal for me but it sure is better than being a guy. That said its never going to be enough for me.

It's still a tough call.

I mean even after all these years, when other girls are talking about their periods or getting pregnant, I feel a sense of sadness. Other than that, being estranged from my parents still sucks pretty bad.

That being said, I've come to the conclusion that if I had grown up as a cis female, my life would be completely different. I wouldn't be working with computers, I might have been more popular in school, more comfortable with myself and my body. But I'm not sure I'd be the same loving person I am today. I'd probably be more like my little sister who got married at 18, divorced a few years later, and knocked up by another married man, moved in with my parents and lives off their income, trying to work as a janitor at the school. Not that that's all bad persay but in general, knowing my family's religious persuasions and judgements, I don't think I'd be a very good person.

And because I went through transition, it opened my mind.

It's tough to say though. It's all just a mind game of 'what ifs'.

Right now this is an easy question for me as I'm still at the bottom of the transition ladder. I'd say yes in a heartbeat just so I could experience life from childhood as a girl like I am inside and not have a constant envy of other cis girls that don't have this problem.

I am not so sure if I'll still feel this way later down the line though, experiences could change everything. Who knows? That part excites me a little to be honest!

That's an interesting question. Sometimes I wonder if being born a cisgender female and being known as nothing but that my whole life would have made my life perfect, or if it just would've been trading one detrimental life problem for another.
I wonder if I actually would've appreciated my femininity and understood the value of it as a cisgender female. I think that most likely, I wouldn't have even thought of it that way.
There's cisgender females in many situations where they are being devalued, abused, or living submissive to a man and may be completely unaware of it.
I honestly feel that in alot of ways, being transgender gave me a much stronger sense of self that I may not have otherwise had.

Being transgender is the worst possible thing to be. I hate it. I've spent so much time crying, suicidal, lonely. I'd never be trans if I had the option. I didn't get that option, which is a source of much bitterness on my part. Bitter as hell. It's torture. Suicide was my only other option, so I guess I'm stuck transitioning.

I would definitely choose to be cis woman. It seems to me that it would be much easier to fit in being a girl, than it is for a guy to be himself and fit in. Cis women can generally wear any type of clothing they like, while some people around me even think I'm crazy for wearing skinny jeans in public.

Guys with good fashion sense are definitely a bit of a taboo in our society, and I personally can't think of any type of typical male fashion that I like. Even things like suits, which a lot of people from both sexes seem to enjoy, I can't stand. I can't stand wearing them either.

Edit: Furthermore I also agree with Jessynecessity. The time I spend crying, being depressed and talking about transitioning I much rather spend being myself.