Susan's Place Transgender Resources

If I put this in the wrong spot I am so very sorry  :icon_neutral: Anyway I just wanted to share some observations I've made about myself last night since I could not fall to sleep. And was wondering if anyone else has experienced any of these?

My libido seems to be dropping really fast right now. I haven't done anything (yet) to change my biological functions apart from starting to accept who I am. Its there when I want but now I'm not having any unwanted pop ups. Another  thing I've noticed is erotic videos and pictures really don't do anything for me now, however written stories get me really excited

Also I'm not interested in any gender sexually right now. And when I do fantasize anything its me as female with what I can only describe as a male like mannequin with no face.

Perhaps the weirdest thing at least to me are how people are treating me. As of right now I haven't come out to anybody. I've usually kept a shy and resevered or kind of gruff persona most of my life depending on my moods. But I've started noticing a lot more people are starting to talk to me now. I also work at a retail chain and just last night had five people ask me for help. Which has never happened to me in four years. I haven't really altered my appearance besides really trying to take care of myself. The only thing I can think of is I must be acting more confident and looking more friendly.   

And one last thing. The voice in my head that I've always use to think with has always been gender neutral. But now I'm noticing I have a pretty much new soft spoken female voice inside me head.

This is very common. Once we don't act as tight and controlled as we used to people perceive us to be more approachable. The more relaxed affect can also affect your voice and how you move because your not forcing things as much. People early into my transition would even touch my arm or back to get my attention and didn't thing anything of it. It's amazing what the little signals we send of do to other people and change how they react to us. Hugs and enjoy the ride. It only gets better. Hugs
Mariah

I experienced a very similar drop in libido upon accepting myself and planning to transition. It astounded me, and gave me further confidence that I was doing the right thing.

I also felt that my interactions with others changed for the better, much like you describe. I believe this was due to my feeling more comfortable expressing myself. In my case, I had come out to a few people at this point, so I may have been finding it easier to talk about the little stuff after having had those challenging conversations.

Mariah and Jeni, You're right with people not perceiving us as tight and controlling. Yesterday I just put myself in a really mellow mind. And I had a lot more people at work say hello to me and asked how I was doing. I even had one person ask me for help and in three years of working there she's never asked me for anything. Also one of my coworkers was comfortable enough to say I have girly hands since XL gloves don't fit me. Now a couple of years ago that might have upset me but that made my night!

I have to say, I experienced the exact same things right after I came out and continue to experience them still.  Let me give you the specifics;  Libido - considerable drop compared to what it was pre-T-day, and like you, stories really get me going now and videos almost do nothing for me.  Porn is weird and kind of boring to me now.  I still look at it from time to time and enjoy it momentarily, but what really gets me now is fantasy; I'm talking like in my head, eyes closed, wind blowing gently through the open windows.  It's no longer about just getting to the end, its now about the journey to get to that end and enjoying every step of it.  Oh and toys that can go places are now my preferred method; the old way feels foreign and wrong on some level.  I do still get the unwanted pops from time to time, but the frequency has gone waaaaay down and it is much more manageable now. 

Its really interesting that you talk about how people started treating you differently; that was one of the very first things I noticed and it was kind of surprising, but not unwelcome.  Like you, I have really only begun to transition; I am not on hormones yet or even presenting publicly, but its almost like people can sense the change and they treat me much more softly now than before.  It is such a welcome change because I feel like people are finally starting to treat me the way I always wished they would. 

Its really nice to see that other people have experienced some of the same things I am experiencing, it helps remind me that I am indeed sane.  ;)

What a long strange trip we're on....

-Ana

looking forward to it LOL..
I actually located, what was described as, a trans-friendly Primary Care Provider through my health plan. Just waiting for an appointment with her, and I hope it means she has experience with this. That would be ideal since I want to do this safely and steadily. A bonus is that she also does cosmetic surgery.

Raven...maybe it was the moon or something. But I couldn't get to sleep..or then stay asleep last night too.

Raven,

Another +1 on most of what you described and so far I have only come out to about 4 people.

I have always been kind of gruff at work. But even some of the guys there are faster to say something and comment on how I look(oddish).

Not out to my kids but almost all of them have commented to my wife at different times that I seem happier.

Although my libido had been dropping before this, it has shifted. Visuals have become less of a thing and story and description is where it's at. As you say, I can still make love but I have to see myself as female to maintain and finish my end.

Thanks for the self reflection,

Joanna

Quote from: Anastazja on June 04, 2015, 10:52:33 PM
I have to say, I experienced the exact same things right after I came out and continue to experience them still.  Let me give you the specifics;  Libido - considerable drop compared to what it was pre-T-day, and like you, stories really get me going now and videos almost do nothing for me.  Porn is weird and kind of boring to me now.  I still look at it from time to time and enjoy it momentarily, but what really gets me now is fantasy; I'm talking like in my head, eyes closed, wind blowing gently through the open windows.  It's no longer about just getting to the end, its now about the journey to get to that end and enjoying every step of it.  Oh and toys that can go places are now my preferred method; the old way feels foreign and wrong on some level.  I do still get the unwanted pops from time to time, but the frequency has gone waaaaay down and it is much more manageable now. 

The whole porn is kind of what told me something was different about me. Last year I used to watch some every couple days. I don't know how to put it but I started wondering what the gal must be feeling and kind of wished I was her. And after while I just started becoming disinterested. To the point where I was watching twice a week then once and now none at all. As for unwanted pops I can count on one hand how many I'm getting in a week. I mean I thought for sure when I was trying on clothes something would pop. But nothing at all I guess that tells me something.

Marly, It might be the moon with not being able to sleep. But for me its that I'm really nervous the nights before I go into work. It was getting kind of bad forty eight hours with three hours of sleep. But now I'm starting to get seven hours again.

Have to say its funny how all of us pretty much have gone or going through the same thing.

Hugs from Raven

Another one for whom most of all of these things were true. I say were as I am a bit further along now and some things have changed. Also, I never looked at porn but my fantasies turned from visual to process based. Two month into hrt my libido is all but gone, mostly under my control. I just wanted to respond because I had never heard someone else mention the "faceless mannequin" thing. That was my go to. He only got a face recently. I admitted to a girlfriend that not only was I atracted to men, I have a type and some specific crushes. Then, a guy hit on me a couple days ago and well, the mannequin got a very specific face and body.

Also, I came out really quickly after self acceptance. One of my friends thought I was already on hrt shortly after coming out because I seemed so much happier. She said I had a glow!

Quote from: Kellam on June 05, 2015, 11:43:48 AM
I just wanted to respond because I had never heard someone else mention the "faceless mannequin" thing.

The faceless mannequin just kind of showed up head gosh at least six months ago. Right around the time I noticed that porn wasn't doing it for me and visualizing in my head was much better. I guess right now there's not a face since I can't find either sex attractive. I imagine further down the road once HRT becomes a thing it will sort out. 

Quote from: RavenL on June 04, 2015, 12:05:09 PM
Mariah and Jeni, You're right with people not perceiving us as tight and controlling. Yesterday I just put myself in a really mellow mind. And I had a lot more people at work say hello to me and asked how I was doing. I even had one person ask me for help and in three years of working there she's never asked me for anything. Also one of my coworkers was comfortable enough to say I have girly hands since XL gloves don't fit me. Now a couple of years ago that might have upset me but that made my night!

Did you mean you were dressing as a woman at work?

Jake, Oh no! I'm brave right now but not that brave yet >:-) No when that happened the other day I just let my feminine side out even through I was still dressed as a male. The way I carried myself just made me more easy to approach. Plus I have a smile on my face most of the time now.