Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Do people treat you differently now that you're the opposite gender? I'd imagine they do. How do they treat you differently? I especially mean if they don't know you are trans.

Yes, they do. I haven't been consistently read as male for very long (just a couple of months now), but I'm noticing some changes. Before transitioning, I was "gender-non-conforming" to the point of confusing people: "Can I help you, sir... erm... ma'am... erm...?"  Now I'm just read as a guy, and it's wonderfully relaxing.

I'm also learning to do "guy chat" with men I happen to meet. It's hard to explain how it's different -- it's partly that I'm not looking out for how they're reading me sexually -- but there's a level of ease with other guys that's a new experience. I'm not used to having guys casually ask me for help, for example: we were taking canoes out of the river the other weekend, and a youngish guy pulled in to the landing in a very fancy fishing boat. First he asked me to guide him as he backed his equally fancy truck down the boat ramp; then, after driving it onto the trailer, he asked me if I'd drive his truck back up to the parking area, so he wouldn't have to jump out into knee-deep water. I don't think he'd have asked a woman to do either -- certainly not to drive his truck. I know there's some sexism at the bottom of this, but in a situation like this, it's pretty harmless, and it's nice to feel a kind of camaraderie that's never existed for me with either sex.  After I parked his truck we chatted a bit, and I said "Nice rig" in just the right Minnesota-casual guy tone, which launched him into the story of how he'd just bought it and it was going to be a big asset in his guiding business, etc., etc.. It was sort of cute, actually. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fthefiringline.com%2Fforums%2Fimages%2Fsmilies%2Fsmile.gif&hash=2c5a4907e2673dfa63557696254abe82f5c9641e)

One thing that makes it easier for me, I think, is that I basically present as a geezer, so there's not that element of competition there might be between two younger guys. I'm just this harmless older dude...

My friends don't treat me any differently, though. They've known me too long, and I'm just me.

Yes, I understand guy talk better than girl talk already. That is one of the reasons I knew I was trans. I've never gotten along with women too well because they expect female reactions that I've never naturally had and they could tell when I forged them to make them happy.

I wouldn't be doing a rugged outdoor stuff, but I usually get along better with much older men through my twenties if it didn't bother them. The problem was I didn't want sexual relations with them, and they wanted straight sexual relations. I had sex with some of them anyway because I was attracted to them but uncomfortable in my own body. I have been a good looking young woman. I've always enjoyed getting close to older men. When I'm male I'll probably hang out with the gay older men more, then I wouldn't be afraid of them being sexually attracted to me after I'm done the surgery. I won't be too confident until after the surgery. I'll be happier being viewed as a man. I've always wanted a father figure.

When I was a 14 year old girl my grandmother was friends with a gay man who was very intellectual and had been a highschool English teacher. He was very impressed by me for being such a well read teen who only hung out with older people. I've never gotten along much with other young people. He told my grandmother later when I wasn't there that I was very literate and she should encourage me to seek further education. I had wanted to be a guy before my early teens. This man, a sexagenarian had quite an influence on me and I looked up to him and had a crush on him. No one I know knew until recently that I've wanted to be a gay man since before I met my grandmother's friend, and he further influenced my decision.

I hope this wasn't too much information for you, Tysilio.

Yes, in lots of ways.
* Women smile at me in public.
* Men look me over.
* Women are much more friendly and responsive when I'm friendly.
* My female students are much more comfortable with me.
* People interrupt me a lot
* In conversation, I often feel invisible, like people don't look at me or seek my opinion.
* People assume that if I don't agree with them, it's because I don't understand the issue. True even if I'm talking about trans stuff with cis people!
* Men who don't know I'm trans are much more friendly. Men who know I'm trans are much more distant.

Quote from: suzifrommd on June 05, 2015, 07:53:04 AM
Yes, in lots of ways.
* Women smile at me in public.
* Men look me over.
* Women are much more friendly and responsive when I'm friendly.
* My female students are much more comfortable with me.
* People interrupt me a lot
* In conversation, I often feel invisible, like people don't look at me or seek my opinion.
* People assume that if I don't agree with them, it's because I don't understand the issue. True even if I'm talking about trans stuff with cis people!
* Men who don't know I'm trans are much more friendly. Men who know I'm trans are much more distant.

I'm sorry to hear that. These are some of the reasons I wanted to be male. Transmen will probably understand and listen to you more because they remember being women.

Sadly, yes, male privilege is a thing.

Quote from: Jake25 on June 05, 2015, 08:17:41 AM
I'm sorry to hear that. These are some of the reasons I wanted to be male. Transmen will probably understand and listen to you more because they remember being women.

Thanks, though I didn't intend them to be all negative. It's been a mix of positive and negative changes, and a net positive overall.

Sorry. I locked the topic by accident. Using my iPad in bed!

What I intended to post was that men and women trust each other differently.  Both men and women tend to have higher trust in their own gender.

Would a guy ask a women to reverse his car down a ramp to pick up canoes or a boat! Get real! Laugh.

Would a woman share her emotions with a guy! Sadly too often no, even with her partner.

I'm not sure why such behaviour has been ingrained. Seems silly but it exists.

Quote from: Jake25 on June 04, 2015, 07:43:55 PM
I've always wanted a father figure.

Father, daddy, or both (combined into one figure or separate)?

This is a great topic with interesting and provocative responses.  This is part of the beauty of being transgender.  We have that unique vantage point to really have felt the sexism, stereotypes, expectations and privileges of living in our "assigned" gender. Then, after transitioning, we get to experience the joys of personal integration and yet live in another culturally defined or influenced role.  I could write pages of examples that are both desired and loathsome reminders of what follows a gender identity.  I Echo Suzi's experience of being talked over, disregarded and treated so differently in group situations.  I am part of community meetings on a daily basis and stopped trying to change my voice partly because of how women are treated in a group.  I recognize that there are commanding and authoritarian female voices but we work harder for that validation and respect IMO. 

I was a Nurse anesthetist for 33 years.  A female anesthesiologist (typically an MD) and I would sometimes walk into patient rooms together.  People would often look to me (appearing male) for the authoritative answers and call me "doctor" regardless of our introduction and real status.  I have men who used to slap me on the back and share off color jokes or experiences who now seem anxious, look me over and actually try and hold my hand when I come into their office.  Yes huge differences in how we are treated. 

Part of this helps confirm for me that I did not transition to merely be seen as a pretty girl but to live as i genuinely feel with better integration of mind and body rather than for group approval.

The being talked down to or over is by far one of the biggest changes that I have seen so far. Hugs
Mariah

Well in all my life nobody ever seems to question my gender I'm consistently ma'am, miss, she, her etc, but I have to say that over the 30 or more years since my SRS I haven't really noticed any differences in the way I'm treated.

Then again as I grew up as a demi-girl before her time (thanks to my parents refusal to enforce any gendering), I guess perhaps I simply never experienced maleness. Maybe in a very real way I've been treated as a female all my life, and I just didnt notice, which perhaps is also why sometimes my experiences don't entirely resonate with the trans norms. Certainly looking at Suzi's list all those things just seem to me to be the way the world has been since I was born. I can never remember it being any different.

I suppose the only time that could have been different was in the brief period between my late onset puberty at 16, and my finally reverting to female appearance in my early twenties (no puberty blockers in those days). But  thinking back now I realise that back then, though I sported a beard, I was never taken very seriously by other males. indeed the whole reason I grew the damn beard was to try and be seen as at least a little manly, but I think most people probably read my socialisation and just ignored the beard, or effective treated me as a bearded lady.

How very odd that I've not entirely realised that before. So yes I would say that for me there has unfortunately never been any change, so I guess I don't really know what male privilege is like to have. At least that means I don't miss it I suppose.

Quote from: Cindy on June 05, 2015, 11:54:11 AM
Sorry. I locked the topic by accident. Using my iPad in bed!

What I intended to post was that men and women trust each other differently.  Both men and women tend to have higher trust in their own gender.

Would a guy ask a women to reverse his car down a ramp to pick up canoes or a boat! Get real! Laugh.

Would a woman share her emotions with a guy! Sadly too often no, even with her partner.

I'm not sure why such behaviour has been ingrained. Seems silly but it exists.

I was just about to say "yes a woman would share her emotions with her partner and other men" because I'm that way, but then I realize you probably meant cis people.

Quote from: Arch on June 05, 2015, 12:18:02 PM
Father, daddy, or both (combined into one figure or separate)?

What do you mean by this? I'm just saying I had no father, but I was close to my grandfather and I get along mostly with middle aged and senior men.

Quote from: Tysilio on June 05, 2015, 11:28:25 AM
Sadly, yes, male privilege is a thing.

Is there male privilege even for blue collar men with only a high school diploma?

Definitely. I have a good friend in that category, and he's quite aware of it. Men in general take up more space -- both physically, as when they sprawl and spread their legs when sitting (right now that's a thing people are noticing re: public transportation), and socially: they talk louder, feel free to interrupt women (or just ignore them), etc. -- and a man in a blue collar job still makes considerably more money than a woman in the same job (if she can get it). I could go on, but you get the idea. It's a general level, and sense, of entitlement.

Which doesn't, of course, mean that class, race, and other forms of privilege aren't also very real. As much as I dislike the term "intersectionality," it's a useful way to describe something most of us don't think about as much as we should.

I already speak loud, interrupt, and sprawl out on the city bus. I accidentally ignore a lot of things people say to me without thinking.

I'll be a gentleman when I can. I still will feel sorry for the women, it's hard for me to imagine how there are many women who enjoy their lives. Having been one I'll be more understanding than other men. The women couldn't be annoyed or feel like I'm perving on them because I'm not sexually interested in them. Probably the only dealings I'll have with women will be female friends from church and family members who are elderly and need help.

As I always thought living life as a woman the only REAL "nice guys" are the ones who don't want sex..so they must be either gay or a eunuch. So I'll be one like that.

Does that friend of yours know you're a trans man?

Quote from: Rejennyrated on June 05, 2015, 07:34:44 PM
Well in all my life nobody ever seems to question my gender I'm consistently ma'am, miss, she, her etc, but I have to say that over the 30 or more years since my SRS I haven't really noticed any differences in the way I'm treated.

Then again as I grew up as a demi-girl before her time (thanks to my parents refusal to enforce any gendering), I guess perhaps I simply never experienced maleness. Maybe in a very real way I've been treated as a female all my life, and I just didnt notice, which perhaps is also why sometimes my experiences don't entirely resonate with the trans norms. Certainly looking at Suzi's list all those things just seem to me to be the way the world has been since I was born. I can never remember it being any different.

I suppose the only time that could have been different was in the brief period between my late onset puberty at 16, and my finally reverting to female appearance in my early twenties (no puberty blockers in those days). But  thinking back now I realise that back then, though I sported a beard, I was never taken very seriously by other males. indeed the whole reason I grew the damn beard was to try and be seen as at least a little manly, but I think most people probably read my socialisation and just ignored the beard, or effective treated me as a bearded lady.

How very odd that I've not entirely realised that before. So yes I would say that for me there has unfortunately never been any change, so I guess I don't really know what male privilege is like to have. At least that means I don't miss it I suppose.

I've been in love with men's facial hair all my life. I had an uncle that I used to go kiss his mustache and feel it and he let me( I was just a little kid). I've complimented a few men on their beards and later I realized how forward that sounds for a woman to go up to a man and tell him how much she admires his facial hair...Later I realized I envied their beards and goatees. So hopefully after I start T I will be able to grown one. I've heard it takes awhile. I haven't even started  the T yet. A lot of things in my life now are in transition so I can't attend to it right away.

Quote from: Jake25 on June 06, 2015, 07:03:13 PM
I already speak loud, interrupt, and sprawl out on the city bus. I accidentally ignore a lot of things people say to me without thinking.

I'll be a gentleman when I can. I still will feel sorry for the women, it's hard for me to imagine how there are many women who enjoy their lives. Having been one I'll be more understanding than other men. The women couldn't be annoyed or feel like I'm perving on them because I'm not sexually interested in them. Probably the only dealings I'll have with women will be female friends from church and family members who are elderly and need help.

Oh there are lots of women who enjoy their lives, even some straight ones. I come from a lesbian background, so most of my friends are lesbians who thoroughly enjoy theirs and just don't think about men much, but I've always needed at least a couple of guy friends in my life.

<snip>

QuoteDoes that friend of yours know you're a trans man?

Yes. Yes he does, and he was great about it -- better than a few of my lesbian friends, in fact.  His response was basically "Oh, OK, cool -- that makes a lot of sense," and then we mostly went back to talking about mutual interests and other stuff in our lives. The funniest part was when I said something to him about starting to go bald, and he laughed, said "You have a LONG way to go!" and took his hat off to show his very shiny bare scalp. I realized that in the 10 or so years I've known him, I'd never seen him without a ball cap . . .

I knew going into this that there would be changes and there have been. I have lost the small amount of male privilege I had as a beta male and don't really miss it that much to be honest.

To me the changes are validating - it means that people see me as a female. I am getting treated just like the other ladies do.

Like the others have said - people talk over me and what I say gets disregarded. I am also seen as clueless - I was casually trying to ask a guy about his mustang one time and he blew me off as not knowing anything. He didn't know that I owned and built one of those with a hot engine LOL.... and his cam was probably too large from the sound of it, but what do I know? :P Lesson learned - I can't talk car talk anymore with guys - that's a guy domain.

In a meeting at work I asked a question that was completely on topic and was told by the guy running the meeting that we didn't have time to discuss that topic, and then he proceeded to let several other guys blather on and on and on about stuff that truly was off topic, running the meeting late. I think it was my first real experience with misogyny and being shushed, and I left the meeting fuming. I am a senior level employee with 30+ years of experience - and I got shushed  >:(

On the good side guys go out of their way to be nice and hold open doors and speak to me in softer voices, and women are very chatty and friendly now. Men are finding excuses to stop and chat with me and they light up when I am nice back to them.

Even with the negatives being a women "fits" me far better than being a guy ever did. I just have to work a lot harder and smarter these days to prove myself.

The ways I am treated different:
- Gentlemen open the door for me
- I am getting a little of the sexist issues from male coworkers (I'm a girl, what do I know)
- So many are nicer to me than before my transition
- I've had a couple guys flirt with me  :o

The ways I am treated worse:
- 2 siblings really don't want anything to do with me, but they treated me like ->-bleeped-<- long before transition anyway
- Guys that have known me for years no longer look at my eyes when talking to me.  I don't have a lot of cleavage, but it's enough to distract them
- A very small handful of people want to ensure they remind me that I haven't always been Tiffanie.

Quote from: Jake25 on June 05, 2015, 08:17:41 AM
I'm sorry to hear that. These are some of the reasons I wanted to be male. Transmen will probably understand and listen to you more because they remember being women.

Let me be clear, I am speaking only for myself here.

I was never a woman, nor remember being a woman. I was a badly misunderstood man/boy with physical features of a woman. Women/girls have always confused me and they still do.

That alone is why I find it hard to really answer your question. Some things have changed in intensity, but not so much in general. The only thing that has changed in general is the outright denial of my right to work as a human being. I was literally turned down for a job because of being misgendered as female. I fumed privately and deeply over that one as it was one of the times when my dysphoria got to the point of pushing me to end it all. I got hired over the phone, but when I showed up for work, got sent away.

After transition
Dont have to pay for busses anymore if the driver
Is a man lol
Woman they talk now face to face inches apart
Men they cant stand what i write in emails
In person they never listen to what i say but instead
Hit on me and think its cute when i get upset
Men think that we have a secret fraternity
Men generally not always act like they know better
And the biggest realiZation

Men pretend to be so smart abiut everything but they
Cant figure out how to take my lingerie off

Quote from: LordKAT on June 07, 2015, 01:42:47 AM

Quote from: Jake25 on June 05, 2015, 08:17:41 AM
I'm sorry to hear that. These are some of the reasons I wanted to be male. Transmen will probably understand and listen to you more because they remember being women.

Let me be clear, I am speaking only for myself here.

I was never a woman, nor remember being a woman. I was a badly misunderstood man/boy with physical features of a woman. Women/girls have always confused me and they still do.

I think this is a concept that cisgender people struggle with but trans*people should not, no matter their personal experience.


I recall doing a live interview with ABC Radio National (Aus) and the interviewer asking me 'when did you decide to be a woman'. I decided not to explode but made the comment "I was born female, my gender was mistakenly assigned as male because of my genitals at birth."

It threw him into a 20 second pause on live radio, a rare occurrence, which was followed by an apology before continuing the interview.

I've experienced a lot of the privilege that other men have commented on already, but one of the things that was only briefly touched on by Tysilio, I believe, was the camaraderie that men seem to obtain just from being a man. Not only around friends I've known, but in complete strangers, who nod curtly, as if acknowledging that we're equals, or something. Bros that never were, perhaps? Haha. In any case, it's fairly interesting, seeing how going from female to male has given me a sort of 'club' that I'm always in, whether I'm aware of it or not.

Also, not to sidetrack too much, but has anyone noticed themselves acting toward/treating society differently since transition? For example, I've become much more aware of how I look at women in public, as though I'm afraid of looking at them in a way that might be taken as a threat, peep, or otherwise unsavoury fashion. I have no interest in them, sexual preference-wise, but I still find myself extremely aware of how I make even the slightest glance toward them. 

Quote from: Jake25 on June 06, 2015, 07:17:32 PM
I've been in love with men's facial hair all my life. I had an uncle that I used to go kiss his mustache and feel it and he let me( I was just a little kid). I've complimented a few men on their beards and later I realized how forward that sounds for a woman to go up to a man and tell him how much she admires his facial hair...Later I realized I envied their beards and goatees. So hopefully after I start T I will be able to grown one. I've heard it takes awhile. I haven't even started  the T yet. A lot of things in my life now are in transition so I can't attend to it right away.

Oh LOL Jake25 - you seem like a man after my won heart. At risk of shocking everyone let me fess up to the fact that the beard is the one part of maleness that I miss... So we've kind of swapped places on this. I was very happy to be rid of the awful uncomfortable and ugly dangly bits, though of course I wish the replacement had been able to bleed properly and be fertile, but the beard I miss.

Sadly I didnt fancy the social tensions that would have gone with being openly non-binary so the beard had to go, but i've gone from a beard wearer to a beard admirer. :D

Quote from: Tysilio on June 06, 2015, 10:35:18 PM
Oh there are lots of women who enjoy their lives, even some straight ones. I come from a lesbian background, so most of my friends are lesbians who thoroughly enjoy theirs and just don't think about men much, but I've always needed at least a couple of guy friends in my life.

<snip>
Yes. Yes he does, and he was great about it -- better than a few of my lesbian friends, in fact.  His response was basically "Oh, OK, cool -- that makes a lot of sense," and then we mostly went back to talking about mutual interests and other stuff in our lives. The funniest part was when I said something to him about starting to go bald, and he laughed, said "You have a LONG way to go!" and took his hat off to show his very shiny bare scalp. I realized that in the 10 or so years I've known him, I'd never seen him without a ball cap . . .

I wasn't saying I believed in looking down on women after the change. I just know that there's nothing worse that someone could do to me than expect me to act like a traditional woman. I realize most others aren't that way. They love their lives. I just feel very differently about lifestyle than they do.

Quote from: Cindy on June 07, 2015, 02:07:49 AM
Let me be clear, I am speaking only for myself here.

I was never a woman, nor remember being a woman. I was a badly misunderstood man/boy with physical features of a woman. Women/girls have always confused me and they still do.





I think this is a concept that cisgender people struggle with but trans*people should not, no matter their personal experience.


I recall doing a live interview with ABC Radio National (Aus) and the interviewer asking me 'when did you decide to be a woman'. I decided not to explode but made the comment "I was born female, my gender was mistakenly assigned as male because of my genitals at birth."

It threw him into a 20 second pause on live radio, a rare occurrence, which was followed by an apology before continuing the interview.

Are you saying there should be no double standard?

Quote from: AndrewB on June 07, 2015, 02:09:03 AM
I've experienced a lot of the privilege that other men have commented on already, but one of the things that was only briefly touched on by Tysilio, I believe, was the camaraderie that men seem to obtain just from being a man. Not only around friends I've known, but in complete strangers, who nod curtly, as if acknowledging that we're equals, or something. Bros that never were, perhaps? Haha. In any case, it's fairly interesting, seeing how going from female to male has given me a sort of 'club' that I'm always in, whether I'm aware of it or not.

Also, not to sidetrack too much, but has anyone noticed themselves acting toward/treating society differently since transition? For example, I've become much more aware of how I look at women in public, as though I'm afraid of looking at them in a way that might be taken as a threat, peep, or otherwise unsavoury fashion. I have no interest in them, sexual preference-wise, but I still find myself extremely aware of how I make even the slightest glance toward them.

The comraderie is something I've wanted all my life to be seen as a man, and treated like one.

Quote from: Rejennyrated on June 07, 2015, 02:19:18 AM
Oh LOL Jake25 - you seem like a man after my won heart. At risk of shocking everyone let me fess up to the fact that the beard is the one part of maleness that I miss... So we've kind of swapped places on this. I was very happy to be rid of the awful uncomfortable and ugly dangly bits, though of course I wish the replacement had been able to bleed properly and be fertile, but the beard I miss.

Sadly I didnt fancy the social tensions that would have gone with being openly non-binary so the beard had to go, but i've gone from a beard wearer to a beard admirer. :D

That's fascinating, isn't it?

Quote from: Mariah2014 on June 07, 2015, 01:43:08 PM
Why should there be a double standard? In my opinion their shouldn't be a double standard. I can't speak for Cindy, but I can speak for myself. I can tell you for me I don't want to be treated differently than any other woman. Just because I'm trans and was born with a birth defect that made them assign me as male doesn't mean I wanted to be subjected to some double standard because of it. Hugs
Mariah

I thought she was talking about a double standard between males and females, I wasn't thinking about the trans part.

Quote from: Mariah2014 on June 07, 2015, 02:06:22 PM
Interesting. As I said I can't speak for her, but on this front as much we know often we do use a double standard I still think there shouldn't be one in relation to male vs female either. That double standard has probably caused most of us issues because we couldn't do things that we felt we should be able to do that match our gender identity. Hugs
Mariah

Well there are definitely 2 well defined genders that are different, and then some in between.

Quote from: Jake25 on June 07, 2015, 01:33:46 PM
Are you saying there should be no double standard?

The point is that trans men were never women, and trans women were never men. Nothing about a double standard.

Quote from: LordKAT on June 07, 2015, 04:02:21 PM
The point is that trans men were never women, and trans women were never men. Nothing about a double standard.

What I meant is I went through a time where I was in denial about having a gender identity disorder, and tried to conform to what other people wanted me to be. They saw me as an attractive alpha female physically and while I was a kid and a teenager I played up to that without thinking. Part of the time I felt like I was living a double life even as a child and that I wasn't who they wanted me to be, but never came fully out to myself until I was in my twenties and it was a series of realizations.

Quote from: Rejennyrated on June 07, 2015, 02:19:18 AM
but the beard I miss.

Jenny, I certainly don't miss the beard, hubby has to shave daily, if he misses a day, then he gets that stubble, very rough and feels like sandpaper lol
After years & years on estrogen, skin care moisturisers, foundations and face powder etc my face is now super soft skin.

Quote from: Rejennyrated on June 07, 2015, 02:19:18 AM
but i've gone from a beard wearer to a beard admirer. :D

Definitely, I like a beard on a hunk of a guy, but not on me, count  a beard admirer, not a wearer yuck!

I don't think people treat me differently after SRS. My fam has always been aware of my issue and were surprisingly supportive--they def had times where we'd have major conflict--but they allowed me to be me. I knew that going stealth would mean getting rid of everybody from before, no matter how much of a girl I was prior to SRS...and I was ok and prepared to make that sacrifice. I find now, years later, I'm more wanting to be open about my being transgender, if it's necessary or I think the person would be 'safe'. There are people from highschool I'd like to reconnect with now, and I know some have become aware of my transition even before graduation and are cool with it.

I think after all these years and going through all kinds of feelings and hiding myself and all that nonsense, I finally realized that it doesn't matter whether you're transgender or cis or whatever...if you're comfortable in your own skin, people can sense that and treat you properly. No one will ever ever 'pass' perfectly ever...but how you react to it is what's important. If you are firmly, deeply and profoundly enmeshed in your appropriate gender--regardless of how physically 'perfect' you may or may not be--as long as you are happy with you, being read is much less likely and even less likely to have an impact on your mental well being. I think that saying 'fake it til you make it' is very true because I found personally, I was never totally and completely at ease around people until I came to the point of self-acceptance where I said I don't care *what* people say or think about me--I know I'm a good person, I've dealt wtih alot of pain and suffering, but i survived and didn't become a drug addict or murderess or anything--I just kept being me and kept on trying. So what I'm trying to get at in my rambling way, is if you believe you are the absolute best you that you can be, people are much more prone to be on your side and not 'pick you apart' for any faults or whatever.
So many times we as people get obsessed with sizes and numbers and measurements and feel  bad because we aren't 'perfect'...a perfect size 7 shoe or 5foot5 or a forehead that isn't exactly the 'right' number of centimeters...All that stuff is totally pointless to obsess over because people come in all kinds of varieties so there really isn't a 'right' number of anything. Once you really truly believe and get that, the world opens up to you...and you can go on with life not giving a rats pajamas what anyone thinks. So for me, the less I've learned to care about what people think or how I 'measure up', the happier I am and the better people are with me in general.

Hello everyone, since this question is posted in the 'post-op life' section of the forum I assume it means after SRS.

Despite being only 4 weeks post-op I have already interacted with hundreds of people while on assignment in the field.  (Unfortunately I returned back to work 3 weeks after surgery...not recommended!)

Yes, people do treat ME much different!  Prior to SRS just about every person I talked with about my transition asked if and when I planned to undergo a sex change operation.  (I don't live in a bubble and assume people just feel comfortable talking with me.)  Both men and women would often ask.  It really took a toll on my confidence level.  As a result I treated myself different and decided to limit interaction with the public until after SRS.

My confidence 'I am a woman' materialized (returned) immediately after surgery.  Where before I communicated with insecurity, now people can sense 'I am the real deal'.  While mostly viewed as female, I am now much more understanding of getting 'sired' or he'd, making the correction with a smile and absolute assurance.

For me SRS was gift, a life enabling blessing that (thus far) exceeded my highest expectation.  People now treat me different because I view myself correctly!  Thankfully they can see that too.

Quote from: januarysunshine on June 20, 2015, 09:47:51 PM
I don't think people treat me differently after SRS. My fam has always been aware of my issue and were surprisingly supportive--they def had times where we'd have major conflict--but they allowed me to be me. I knew that going stealth would mean getting rid of everybody from before, no matter how much of a girl I was prior to SRS...and I was ok and prepared to make that sacrifice. I find now, years later, I'm more wanting to be open about my being transgender, if it's necessary or I think the person would be 'safe'. There are people from highschool I'd like to reconnect with now, and I know some have become aware of my transition even before graduation and are cool with it.

I think after all these years and going through all kinds of feelings and hiding myself and all that nonsense, I finally realized that it doesn't matter whether you're transgender or cis or whatever...if you're comfortable in your own skin, people can sense that and treat you properly. No one will ever ever 'pass' perfectly ever...but how you react to it is what's important. If you are firmly, deeply and profoundly enmeshed in your appropriate gender--regardless of how physically 'perfect' you may or may not be--as long as you are happy with you, being read is much less likely and even less likely to have an impact on your mental well being. I think that saying 'fake it til you make it' is very true because I found personally, I was never totally and completely at ease around people until I came to the point of self-acceptance where I said I don't care *what* people say or think about me--I know I'm a good person, I've dealt wtih alot of pain and suffering, but i survived and didn't become a drug addict or murderess or anything--I just kept being me and kept on trying. So what I'm trying to get at in my rambling way, is if you believe you are the absolute best you that you can be, people are much more prone to be on your side and not 'pick you apart' for any faults or whatever.
So many times we as people get obsessed with sizes and numbers and measurements and feel  bad because we aren't 'perfect'...a perfect size 7 shoe or 5foot5 or a forehead that isn't exactly the 'right' number of centimeters...All that stuff is totally pointless to obsess over because people come in all kinds of varieties so there really isn't a 'right' number of anything. Once you really truly believe and get that, the world opens up to you...and you can go on with life not giving a rats pajamas what anyone thinks. So for me, the less I've learned to care about what people think or how I 'measure up', the happier I am and the better people are with me in general.

I'm talking about the way a stranger may treat you, not really your close loved ones. I agree with you on feeling comfortable in your own skin would give you more confident therefore you would be perceived as more confident and people may treat you better.

I'm only just learning to be one of the girls. It's so different but very natural for me. Sometimes I don't feel like I got in or these new friends secretly know. At the end of the day is pretty cool and exciting to be just another girl

Sent from my HTC6525LVW using Tapatalk

just my 2,5 cents worth. I'm pre-op with much internal debate on if and when because of my age, but I also need to affirm that I have (never)^infinity been male.

Quote from: Jake25 on June 21, 2015, 11:57:49 AM
I'm talking about the way a stranger may treat you, not really your close loved ones. I agree with you on feeling comfortable in your own skin would give you more confident therefore you would be perceived as more confident and people may treat you better.

I getcha Jake and I tried to make some kind of sense.lol I was trying to get at the point that irregardless of your physical-ness...whether you're a perfect 10 or a 2, it's about how you feel inside and how you project that outwardly. The less outgoing you are or if you seem timid or 'victimizable', people will pick up on that and regardless of whether they want to rob you or clock you, you'll be on the receiving end of some badness. Confidence or being self-assured or whatever--it's good in general because people, like say muggers, will look for an easier 'victim'...and the same with people who clock/out/mock others...when you hold yourself up high and proud and self-assured, they tend to say nothing even if they do clock you.
I've been clocked before at various times. When I was early after SRS, I'd cry and it would destroy my day--even if the person just kinda looked at me in that 'knowing way' but didn't say anything. Over time, as I developed my sense of self, it stopped mattering because in my mind I firmly believe wholeheartedly that they're 1)wrong...no matter what they *think* I am, I'm not--I'm much much more complex than to be someone's labeled box and 2)the problem lies entirely with some kind of damage in the person doing the clocking...I mean, they're very likely saying unkind things about women who aren't model-perfect in every way, and people who's body type isn't in the perfect height/weight ratio...basically they're just ->-bleeped-<-s and are going to find some kind of fault in everyone they meet...but it's not my prob, it's theirs. I keep on being the best me that I can be--mentally and spiritually--and they can wallow in the land of low vibes and negative energies.

The one downside to this whole thing, and I find it consistent across all cultures I encounter, is that the more positive I am the more people are drawn to that--but they also want to drain it. Everyone likes positivity and people who are uplifting, but trying to keep others negative energy out of my field is a hard job...It's hard to be open and light with people without also shielding myself from their lower energy frequencies. Sorry to go all Wicca wonder here but I really believe that overall, people are more attracted to positivity and treat you better because you give off that vibe.

Hello Jake25, is this question meant for post-op people?  In my experience there is a tremendous difference how one is treated after undergoing SRS.  I recently watched an online video in which a post-operative woman explained her reasons to seek SRS.  Among them she was very concerned how the medical community, paramedics in this case, would view and treat her if they found she had male genital.  Even though she was passable she worried and I would say for good reason.  Speaking from experience, firefighters/EMT's come across as very professional but when they return back to the firehouse it's a whole different story.

What about law enforcement?  If you get arrested what side of the jail are you thrown in, male/female?

The following statement could be unpleasant to our 'community' to read. Sadly, I believe We are judged and treated good, bad or indifferent by what's between our legs.  Among the long list of SRS plus's, should playing ball with society (people) be among them?  It was on mine!

Jake25 is what you are really asking; how does society treat you after SRS?

Quote from: OOAnne on June 22, 2015, 08:16:24 AM
Hello Jake25, is this question meant for post-op people?  In my experience there is a tremendous difference how one is treated after undergoing SRS.  I recently watched an online video in which a post-operative woman explained her reasons to seek SRS.  Among them she was very concerned how the medical community, paramedics in this case, would view and treat her if they found she had male genital.  Even though she was passable she worried and I would say for good reason.  Speaking from experience, firefighters/EMT's come across as very professional but when they return back to the firehouse it's a whole different story.

What about law enforcement?  If you get arrested what side of the jail are you thrown in, male/female?

The following statement could be unpleasant to our 'community' to read. Sadly, I believe We are judged and treated good, bad or indifferent by what's between our legs.  Among the long list of SRS plus's, should playing ball with society (people) be among them?  It was on mine!

Jake25 is what you are really asking; how does society treat you after SRS?

Yes. I apologize for the vagueness.