Susan's Place Transgender Resources

For a long time I thought being transgender was to be ashamed of and should be  hidden, I guess in my old age and finally being on HRT my opinion has changed significantly. I'm finding for the most part I'm having a great time. There are ups and downs , like whether or not I need GRS, but in everyday life it's a whole new world and I enjoying it.

Two blessing votes so far, we're running at 100%  ;D  All I know is I'm way much better than all the "normal" people!

Hugs, Devlyn

With everything I have faced and survived and how happy, confident and joyful my life has become since starting transition...I would say that without a doubt this life of mine is a blessing. There is just no way it isn't! :)

With the experience that comes with being trans I'd say its more of a curse, since I am female in mind, body, and soul being put in the wrong body seems like it happened with the purpose to make me suffer. Transitioning, and moving closer to my desired gender is what breaks the curse. I think.

I used to think of it as a curse and I'm hoping someday I'll realize it's a blessing, but right now I'd say neither.  It is what it is.

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While I haven't started hrt yet I did put it has highs and lows and I am guessing my opinion will have such in the future or change. From the sounds of it it really is more of a blessing then a curse though here is to hope:)

I can see it both ways. It has opened my eyes in ways I never thought possible. I personally haven't had any real major problems that would make me see it as a curse. However, I'm aware we are attacked, beaten, and rejected and I can see it as a curse for some of us because of that. I really do see it as a gift. I'm very fortunate to be in a place where I'm able to see it so positively.

Been a positive for me. I get to see both sides of the gender divide.

But if it means I'm alone for the rest of my life, that may change my view.

Usually I see it as a blessing. Just now I'm feeling cursed.

I went for "it just is" - because I can't know what it would be like to be anything else. It's certainly not a curse. There are disadvantages and advantages - so to me its just life.

I feel like it's both for me. The positive thing is that being trans made me a much more compassionate, strong, and courageous person. It allowed me to see things with multiple perspectives and helped me keep an open mind.

The bad things would be the inability to carry my own child, rejection from parents and some relatives, and the usual bigotry that accompanies being trans.

I love my life and myself now, im in a happy place and i wouldnt have it any other way.

A curse.

Many Cis men hate us. Many cis women hate us. Neither think we are real. You give up fertility and the ability to reproduce.

I would give anything for tech that would allow me to be cis. Anything .

Sometimes I just feel like it isn't worth it.

I have to say that for me, accepting who I am and moving in a positive direction in my life has done nothing less than allow me to live. I was so hell bent on putting my life on line every day either with drugs and booze or how I chose to make a living. this for me is a blessing I am still finding my path out of the hell I had placed me into, but it is totally without regret. I had completly given up on living as the "others" and with several years of therapy and a realization of the situation that I was trying to live with, I cannot wait for each day to begin.

"Highs and lows and from a unique perspective"............I`ve known little else, as I was an early identifier and benefited from early-teens transition in the 1970`s. ;)

From puberty until I started getting useful treatment it was clearly the worst curse that could be given to a person. I had it so bad that suicide looked like a very good option. A few years after surgery, it became a blessing because I could see how my life had been shaped and I had developed the strength to overcome any hardship that came my way. The years of pain make me appreciate every day and the joy of living. This is a gift I would never had if my life had been an easy one.

A fething nuisance, which was even more annoying because sooner or later You have to deal with it and shoving it somewhere deep down does not really help either :D.

I can't agree more. Fortunately the family side isn't as bad as it was.

Quote from: .Christy on June 08, 2015, 03:40:10 PM
I feel like it's both for me. The positive thing is that being trans made me a much more compassionate, strong, and courageous person. It allowed me to see things with multiple perspectives and helped me keep an open mind.

The bad things would be the inability to carry my own child, rejection from parents and some relatives, and the usual bigotry that accompanies being trans.

I love my life and myself now, im in a happy place and i wouldnt have it any other way.

I may not have been drinking much, but I seriously thought what the hell am I doing with my life. It seemed meaningless and unfulfilled. At least it doesn't seem meaningless anymore. I'm too isolated to feel fulfilled. I'm hoping to change that, but Its a little scary since I've lived that way intentionally for a long time.

Quote from: Jerri on June 08, 2015, 03:43:14 PM
I have to say that for me, accepting who I am and moving in a positive direction in my life has done nothing less than allow me to live. I was so hell bent on putting my life on line every day either with drugs and booze or how I chose to make a living. this for me is a blessing I am still finding my path out of the hell I had placed me into, but it is totally without regret. I had completly given up on living as the "others" and with several years of therapy and a realization of the situation that I was trying to live with, I cannot wait for each day to begin.

I see it as a blessing now.

Being trans gave me a reason me to understand myself, and how I wanted to move forward, as oppose to following footsteps of those before me. I couldn't fit the mold, so I learned not to second guess myself, and my desires for myself, for the sake of everyone else.

Early in life, a curse, I had no idea what made me feel the way that I did and could not nor would not discuss it with anyone.  Too much guilt shame & fear. During puberty totally confused.  In early adulthood through late middle age both. Now in my late 60's and in transition a blessing.  I can accept myself without masking my pain with drugs and alcohol.  I am finally free to be me and I can love myself without reservation. 

Quote from: Joi on June 08, 2015, 05:06:40 PM
Early in life, a curse, I had no idea what made me feel the way that I did and could not nor would not discuss it with anyone.  Too much guilt shame & fear. During puberty totally confused.  In early adulthood through late middle age both. Now in my late 60's and in transition a blessing.  I can accept myself without masking my pain with drugs and alcohol.  I am finally free to be me and I can love myself without reservation.

ditto for me

I believe that, until recently, it was a curse. But only because I was relentlessly pushing a state of being in denial. my only tentative step prior led to, what became a very short marriage. This caused some "knee-jerk" reactions on my part, followed by a long period of even stronger denial. I fell blessed with ..at least what I'm told, is a pretty smile and somewhat passable face, yet also cursed since going full-time would also relegate me to being a wig and turban wearer.  But I do feel the blessing from within as I have finally let myself be "me" (wherever that leads)

I know for me for a long time it was definitely a cruse. I was ashamed by it and frustrated because it seemed to be an endless circle where nothing quenched the fire. I was a severe cross dress until I thought I had finally put it to rest only to have it return with a vengeance. HRT was my solution , but it took so long to get there. Now I'm finally at peace and doing good.

I have to second this. Even with passing almost everywhere, I can't seem to feel comfortable anywhere I go.
I'm happy being me but I feel trapped in my own space.

April

Quote from: iKate on June 08, 2015, 03:42:23 PM
A curse.

Many Cis men hate us. Many cis women hate us. Neither think we are real. You give up fertility and the ability to reproduce.

I would give anything for tech that would allow me to be cis. Anything .

Sometimes I just feel like it isn't worth it.

curse for sure... im not saying theres zero good in it at all but overall its a terrible thing to be...like any other birth defect theres a possibility for good to come from it but it is a very bad card to be dealt.I do see it as a medical condition to be treated but like many cant be fixed...that doesn't mean I never embrace it as making me special or unique cause in truth it does and there's nothing bad about us and we are special but its very much like someone with dwarfism...they are special and can be great people worthy of respect and a good life its just we both are dealt a very bad hand...theres no good that has come to me from being trans and I think its made me a worse person...maybe more sympathetic and empathetic but that's it

also its not even being trans in and of itself its what comes along with it in the vast majority of cases...im not saying it cant be good for anyone but for me it hasn't whether I stayed a boy or transition like I have its still constant grief

I will step out and say it has been a blessing.

My experience of life has been so broad. I have been all across the gender spectrum - and in turn, that means I can relate to people of all genders. I have seen and tried and done so many things ...

I've always been on a mission to know myself, so realising I am transsexual and doing something about it has been a logical progression. Transitioning has blasted the doors of discovery open.

No doubts, no regrets. This is my path :~)

Simply the fact that I am transgender is just me.  I cannot judge because that line of reality does not exist for mr to compare.  It is just me, nothing more or less.

Learning to accept myself and be honest and live as me and for me is a blessing.

Oh its a blessing for me. The old me was unkind cold withdrawn. Now the real me is so much different and nicer. I'm finally starting to find some peace in my life. I mean I'm having ups and downs, but it beats have downs for weeks in a row.

I put both highs and lows in being unique. It would be a blessing if people would accept us more.

Quote from: iKate on June 08, 2015, 03:42:23 PM
A curse.

Many Cis men hate us. Many cis women hate us. Neither think we are real. You give up fertility and the ability to reproduce.

I would give anything for tech that would allow me to be cis. Anything .

Sometimes I just feel like it isn't worth it.

Most importantly than what others think is that you have to accept and love yourself.

It's neither a blessing or a curse for me. It's simply a medical condition for which I've sought the treatment I needed. With the treatment done, I can simply get on with life.

Quote from: kelly_aus on June 09, 2015, 12:05:54 AM
It's neither a blessing or a curse for me. It's simply a medical condition for which I've sought the treatment I needed. With the treatment done, I can simply get on with life.

I like that answer because it's very straight forward and matter of fact.

Blessing and/or curse sound like someone did something to me. I don't see it that way. It was a accident of nature. I would prefer that it hadn't been so, but since it is here, all I can do is deal with it as anyone with a serious birth defect can.  Sadly, not enough medical coverage for such a defect.

Like everything in life situations can seem horrible or good. Yes being trans* was a terrible curse during my childhood and adolescents and indeed most of my adult life. But then I took the cure.

Now in my happiness what does being trans* mean?

I have friends, in daily life and on line. I have contact with the people here, who have not only helped me in my path but have enriched my life in ways I could not have dreamed off.

So in many ways I now enjoy and love my life because of the effect of being trans* and having accepted it.

Would I have preferred to be a cisfemale?

You can bet every dollar in the world I would have.

It just is.

I have no time or inclination to feel sorry for myself, there are many in the world who are in a far worse situation than mine, so I count all my other blessings instead.

Instead, I look at what it takes for me to be content.  For now, it's HRT only.  With that alone, I can get on with living and being trans is a side issue.

Would I have preferred not to have the issue at all?   Sure would, but wishing it wasn't so doesn't help.

I won't sugar coat it, it's a curse from hell that's cost me happiness and caused decades of emotional and physical pain and suffering. And I'm still not done without the FFS I need. The good thing is I am almost at a point where I'm at the top of the mountain with my transition though. I think I'll finally find the peace I've so desperately sought all these years.

I see the technology of surgery and HRT a blessing for sure, but not my condition.

Curse. It's never done anything but hurt me, both because of having to suffer as I watched a body that I liked mutate into a body that I still hate because it was poisoned by testosterone, as well as years and years of mental self-abuse due to constantly feeling like I was broken or delusional or a freak for feeling that way in the first place.

13 years straight of telling yourself that your gender identity was defective does REALLY bad things to a person. I still have a hard time making friends, it's still impossible to love my body because of it, and I still fight mental demons telling me I'm an imposter or an intruder every single time I try to enter women's spaces.

Maybe I wouldn't have been this way if society wasn't so messed up about trans issues back in the late-90s in terms of only using trans women as the punchline to jokes, and always making them into "haha look at the freak" sideshow attractions or pushing the "always knew from birth" narrative and the false notion that a "sex change" was the only part of transition (which excluded me because since hormones were never mentioned, I believed wrongly for 13 years that my body was broken beyond repair due to testosterone, and that getting a "sex-change" wouldn't mean any muscle reduction or hair reduction or anything, or having actual boobs or actual feminine body shapes, it would just be my unchanged gigantic male body but with tissueless fake boobs and a vainga added on to them.) Maybe if I had known the truth back then I could have turned out differently. But as it is, 13 years of mental self-abuse due to believing that I was broken beyond repair, and therefore the desire made me nothing but a freak, I've turned into en emotional self-doubting mess, and I've lost the ability to simply BE without some aspect of my gender causing me distress.

I wouldn't wish being trans on anyone. Almost every single one of my MtF trans friends have the same mental self-abusive demons. It is SO damned hard to override all those years of rejection and self-hatred and develop confidence when your entire young life was full of them, either at your own hands, or the hands of your rejecting parents, or at the hands of homophobic peers.

I'm sure once being trans is de-stigmatized, and once young trans kids don't have to grow up being constantly told that they're defective, this nonsense will stop. Until then, I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

a terrible, cruel and unimaginably painful curse. its worst than death because for some of us, we're forced to live a life of isolation

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Quote from: Jake25 on June 09, 2015, 12:03:55 AM

Most importantly than what others think is that you have to accept and love yourself.

That only goes so far, to be honest. When society reinforces the fact that you were born male and some feminists try to elegantly say you're not a real woman and offer up a compelling argument it hurts a lot.

People I respected, including my brothers in law enforcement have basically come out and said nasty things about Jenner how she's still a man because she has her original parts. The justification the guy used is that when you lock up a pre op transsexual, she goes in the male prison. He has a point. Society still treats us like men in many regards and I hate it. I never wanted to be a man. I just couldn't do anything about it until now.

Anyway forgive me I'm off my hormones and I feel like crap.

Well I said it was a blessing earlier. And for the most part it has been. But I got a taste of the curse today.

I invited a guy over today who I have been flirting with for weeks. He knew I was trans. Said he was into trans girls, even.

So we ended up having sex. But straight after, he freaked out, seemed to go into panic. I don't know if he was having a dilemma about being with a trans girl, or if it was something totally unrelated.

Either way he became uncomfortable enough that he had to leave. I don't blame myself, of course, but I do feel pretty rotten all the same. I had been looking forward to seeing him so much.

Chalk it up for experience, huh?

I chose 'highs and lows' because after 23 years of living as myself I no longer feel that I was in some way cursed.  Being me is good and I'm where I want to be.  I have a unique perspective on life as a result of trying so hard to fit in as a male and I certainly have skills that I might not have learned as cis woman.  Transition was the pits, but with all that well behind me now I'm at a place where I can say that yes it was a tough journey, but I made it and I'm happy.

Quote from: SarahBoo on June 10, 2015, 07:09:17 AM
Well I said it was a blessing earlier. And for the most part it has been. But I got a taste of the curse today.

I invited a guy over today who I have been flirting with for weeks. He knew I was trans. Said he was into trans girls, even.

So we ended up having sex. But straight after, he freaked out, seemed to go into panic. I don't know if he was having a dilemma about being with a trans girl, or if it was something totally unrelated.

Either way he became uncomfortable enough that he had to leave. I don't blame myself, of course, but I do feel pretty rotten all the same. I had been looking forward to seeing him so much.

Chalk it up for experience, huh?

Big hug! If anything, he may not have been as secure as he thought. Or it may have been completely unrelated as you mentioned. Today's a new day!

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on June 10, 2015, 07:44:03 AM
Big hug! If anything, he may not have been as secure as he thought. Or it may have been completely unrelated as you mentioned. Today's a new day!

Hugs, Devlyn

Thank you Devlyn ... yeah, chin up!

I'll find someone who can deal with me eventually ;~)

This question is like asking is it a blessing to be born blind or something.  No matter how you try to spin it is something that will always get in the way of being 'normal', maybe even worse.  Sure you can make the best of it.  I just wish I could be normal with regular thoughts and not having the same feelings of being the wrong gender echo around my head constantly.

Maybe it is societies fault that I view it as a curse because of the narrow constraints and expectation societies places on people to fulfil black and white stereotype gender roles.

I may be an oddity, because I sort of felt like it was a *temporary* curse. I was (mostly) content pre-transition and I'm (entirely, very) happy post-transition, but the actual transition period was definitely a misery in a lot of ways.

Quote from: Jenna Marie on June 10, 2015, 09:04:53 AM
I may be an oddity, because I sort of felt like it was a *temporary* curse. I was (mostly) content pre-transition and I'm (entirely, very) happy post-transition, but the actual transition period was definitely a misery in a lot of ways.

that's what worries me the most..and held me back a lot. I am fairly content being pre-transition. My concern is that the process, and perhaps even the eventual prospect of me being truly passable, would actually make me miserable. I explain it to myself, as being that my gender dysphoria and honest approach to becoming a transwoman is likely more in the realm of a "want" than of a "need" But can fully understand and see that it is not a optional thing for many.

Marly : I'm sorry to have made it sound scary; I should probably add that while transition wasn't a lot of *fun,* it was definitely worth it every step of the way - during and after. I actually went into it feeling that this was something I wanted rather than needed, and I didn't regret anything. But it was sort of like buying a new car for me, in the "want that turns out to be a giant scary hassle to achieve" way. :)  There was a lot of fear and change and bureaucratic hassles and constant anxiety, but each step also rewarded me with feeling more content and more secure.

I keep telling my story in large part because I wish someone had told ME back then that it was possible to choose to transition (emphasis on "choose") in order to be happier and still have it work out well, versus being forced into it by desperation and depression. And I suppose a curse I chose is different from one imposed on me, though it still wasn't the most relaxing year of my life.

I also am infinitely happier afterward, more so than I would have believed pre-transition. A lot of very subtle unhappinesses were erased even though I might not have been able to identify them as gender-related, if that makes sense. I'm not pushing you to transition either, mind you, and I think everybody needs to make the decision that works best for them at the time. Just trying to explain that if my past self had come to me saying things like you are now [and I did think things like that at the time], my future self would want to tell her "Oh, hell yes, you'll be so grateful you did this." But then, if we could see the future, most decisions would be easy... and you can't know any more than I could have whether you'll appreciate having transitioned.

It is a blessing and a curse -- depending on the situation and how I look at it. I would not have met the people in my life had I not been in my situation. But on the other hand, I can also see where life could have taken me had I not chosen to let it hold me back. But if I study on both blessing and curse -- I love my life and would not change the path it has put me on.

Quote from: SarahBoo on June 10, 2015, 07:09:17 AM
Well I said it was a blessing earlier. And for the most part it has been. But I got a taste of the curse today.

I invited a guy over today who I have been flirting with for weeks. He knew I was trans. Said he was into trans girls, even.

So we ended up having sex. But straight after, he freaked out, seemed to go into panic. I don't know if he was having a dilemma about being with a trans girl, or if it was something totally unrelated.

Either way he became uncomfortable enough that he had to leave. I don't blame myself, of course, but I do feel pretty rotten all the same. I had been looking forward to seeing him so much.

Chalk it up for experience, huh?

sounds like an experience you can have no matter who you are cis, trans, vampire whatever.

Quote from: Marly on June 10, 2015, 11:56:19 AM
that's what worries me the most..and held me back a lot. I am fairly content being pre-transition. My concern is that the process, and perhaps even the eventual prospect of me being truly passable, would actually make me miserable. I explain it to myself, as being that my gender dysphoria and honest approach to becoming a transwoman is likely more in the realm of a "want" than of a "need" But can fully understand and see that it is not a optional thing for many.

That's an important consideration. It was there in the background but there came a point where I couldn't take it anymore. I wouldn't say I was happy pre transition but I could cope somewhat and the fear kept it in.

If you are fairly content then you have to weigh that against how much your dysphoria is affecting your life. In my case it was pretty bad where I would have a breakdown every summer pretty much.

I feel that being trans has gave me strength, understanding, loyalty and shown me that anything is possible if you put your mind to it and when you do dreams can come true.. I think the only negative being trans portrays is when other people make it negative through the comments they may say or physical things they may do..

Im Very proud to be trans and i always will be.. curses can be cured.... 

It has been a horrible childhood and growing up.
It is struggle to create conditions in which I will be able to keep a good and stable job during and post transition.
It is lots of work on the body that cis people aren't encumbered with.

Still waiting for the blessing part.

I think the big part of the blessing part for me is the estrogen. It makes me feel so comfy in my body the more the physical parts change and the mental part has been the experience of freeing my mind from a distorted body.