Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hello to everyone, my name is Claire.  I've known I was a girl all my life and I have been in a constant battle with being transgender for over forty years of my life.  As most of us who are this age know, growing up as a child, this was something that was not looked upon with kind eyes or an understanding heart.  I have spent most of my life trying to understand what's going on and why I feel this way.  It has been a long and very hard journey which I know most everyone here can relate to and empathize with.  I spent the earlier part of my life dealing with guilt, for both the internal feminine feelings that I had and well as the not being able to "flip a switch" to become the person I knew I was. I live in a small town and this is something that was and still is looked down on very much.  It is still thought of as a deviant behavior and those who display this type of behavior are mentally unstable.  For this reason, I have worked to bury, or at least control, this part of me as best I could. Thankfully, when I was able to gain access to the internet several years ago, I soon found out that I was not alone and over the course of years, I have been able to much more fully understand what's going on. That was very helpful because unfortunately, all of the counseling I have gone through hasn't been of any help.   

Through out most of my life I have been able to deal with the battle that rages inside me and my mind, however over the past few years, I have found my self starting to lose this battle, especially this past six months.  I am having constant anxiety attacks and I know that something has got to change or I will lose my mind.  I have started to alter my appearance a little and I'm trying to find whatever ways I can of being more feminine without drawing too much attention to myself.  I would start transitioning immediately if it weren't for the fact that I am married and have children, two of which are still in school.  I don't want to do anything that would jepordize my relationship with them nor do I want to see them being taunted and shunned by those around them because of me.  I don't know what to do, but I do know that I must do something soon or I may start losing my ability to function.  I'm scared and I feel as if I have no where to turn and no one to talk to.  As I said earlier, there are no true theripist around here and so trying to talk to a professional is next to impossible. 

Anyways, I thank you for taking the time to read this post and resond to it.


Love,

Claire

Dear Claire

Welcome to Susan's.  There are many folk here in your situation, and it is possible to make all of this work.

If you feel anxious and that something is building, somehow you should try to talk to someone.  These days some therapists offer Skype sessions, which may work for you if you cannot easily travel to one.

While you may not be ready to talk to your wife, do consider how and when you can sensitively expose her to this turmoil you're dealing with - most people report much more positive results than they were expecting, and frequently find huge support in their spouse, and also their kids.

Try not to let your feelings reach an uncontrollable state if you can help it, since that's when we're prone to urgent and sometimes not entirely positive actions.  The objective is to seek help and ongoing support from your family.

Hugs
Julia

Hi Claire, welcome to Susan's. I held off a long time because family to, but not a spouse and children where as others you will meet on her have for those reasons. It's amazing how much stronger this gets tell you can't not doing something about it. I'm glad your starting to take the steps you need to handle this. A good step in that direction would be a gender therapist. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

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Hi Claire
I am new to this forum and joined when I saw your post. I am 51 and in the throes of finding a therapist to help get me through this.. Don't be too hard on yourself. I agree with the first poster who said something about things getting harder the longer you let it go. It has for me...you need to ask yourself what good are you to your children or your wife with all this turmoil in your head. It won't get any easier to tell her. I was surprised by my wife's nonchalant reaction when I first told her but that has proved to be an issue  itself. Even if she doesn't approve you may still be ok and it will be a huge burden from you.

Good luc with whatever you decide

Sarah T


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Dear Claire and Sarah,

I started my journey when I was 58 and thought I would never ever make it.

But, as many other women here have found that when we begin or journey it seems insurmountable, but day by day, step by step, we can. And one day you will wake up as the wonderful ladies you are.

Cindy

Hi Sarah. Welcome to Susan's. I'm glad you took the time to join and greet someone all at the same time. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

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Quote from: sarahtokes on June 24, 2015, 02:33:39 AM
Hi Claire
I am new to this forum and joined when I saw your post. I am 51 and in the throes of finding a therapist to help get me through this.. Don't be too hard on yourself. I agree with the first poster who said something about things getting harder the longer you let it go. It has for me...you need to ask yourself what good are you to your children or your wife with all this turmoil in your head. It won't get any easier to tell her. I was surprised by my wife's nonchalant reaction when I first told her but that has proved to be an issue  itself. Even if she doesn't approve you may still be ok and it will be a huge burden from you.

Good luc with whatever you decide

Sarah T


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Hi Sarah,

Welcome to Susan's...

A bit of housekeeping as per Claire
Can you review the terms as posted by Mariah

Claire and Sarah,

Like Cindy I started my transition journey late in life, although in hold for a short time, I started about 50 by going on HRT, why? because I needed to know that I would gain benefit, the answer is yes, but took a while.

I have held back since being a very young kid, through fear, then by marriage and 3 offspring and 4 grandkids, I have put all well before me all my life. Now I am about to risk it all to be myself at just over sixty.

Despite the pain I could feel if I lose all my family, I cannot fight my emotions and needs anymore.

I did not know about GID or transgender until the early nineties when I got internet at home, then it was like your moments, so there is a reason and I'm not alone.

Your family fall out fear feelings are exactly what's held me back, I will work that out very soon.

Anyway welcome to you (both) and look forward to seeing you about

L Katy  :-*

Hi Clair my transgender name is Beverley I am 47yrs I am in a heterosexual marriage she knew when we got married who I was.I am nonop like u I am trying to figure out who I am.I was wondering if u wanted to be pen pals?

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Hi Beverley, welcome to Susan's. your among friends now. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

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Quote from: bchigdon10 on June 24, 2015, 07:10:20 AM
Hi Clair my transgender name is Beverley I am 47yrs I am in a heterosexual marriage she knew when we got married who I was.I am nonop like u I am trying to figure out who I am.I was wondering if u wanted to be pen pals?

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Thanks I can't find any transgender people where I live I can really use a lot of advice.

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Welcome Claire and Beverly, You're among friends here. Claire, hugs, I too know what it's like to struggle all one's life. I'm almost 60 have a 16yo and have everything on hold so as to not blow up the family. The only thing that keps me going is knowing I WILL transition. For you, until then, the best advice is to see if you can find a good gender therapist who can help you with the day to day anxiety and depression.

There are a lot of resources here and plenty of folks to ask questions of. We're glad you found us.

Hugs,

I have been going to a counselor here in town she's been really helpful. My psch. Has started me on anxiety meds also helps with depression.

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Hello and welcome  :)

Here are a few resources that could help you:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,190955.msg1701606.html#msg1701606



and there are online therapists:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=187135.5
Of course there are more...


hugs

Thanks Laura .Do u have any clothing advice?

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You might try to grow your hair out, and keep it in a ponytail...

you could do a few gentle changes to your face, like using a nourishing product... for example jojoba oil based (unless allergic....)

and you could start with second hand stores.
Clothing there is often not even sorted by gender, so it might be easier to look around.
Trying a few womens trousers... or sweaters...
getting aquainted to the sizes...
here is a sizes chart:
https://www.susans.org/wiki/index.php/Clothing_Sizes


hugs

K.My wife ordered me a dress&a denim skirt.Plus I still have my mothers skirts I can still wear & I have tops my wife gave me.I have a pair of black heels &a pair of Mary Jane crocks.  Hugs from Beverley.

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Oh yeah I am already growing my hair longer.Next wk I am a natural blonde so I want to dye it to a strawberry blonde.Thanks for advice. Hugs from Beverley.

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I started my transition in the late 90's. All I could do was hormones.  Had 3 teenage boys at the time and married.  Life got in the way and I had to stop & put things on hold.  Fast forward 20 yrs. kids gone (but not until they were in their late 20's) Divorced. I'm now full time, back on hormones, breast aug. last yr. and planning GRS in Jan.  Where I'm going with this is?  We don't really know what life has in store for us or where life's journeys will take us.  The emotional pain that we have dealt with for so long can take a quite toll on us and before the onset of the internet we were in the "Dark Ages." Be grateful that you have found this site.  The caring, compassionate and empathic girls you will interact with here will comfort you and give you hope and strength. It's so common for us to be impatient. After waiting so long, we want what we have denied ourselves for many, many years in the now. We are your allies.  Lean on us.
Hugz,
Joi 

I am glad I found this site a I am glad I can share my feelings with that r going thru what we are hope to talk to u more. Hugs from  Beverley.


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Welcome to Susan's Claire and Beverly.

I started hormones 3 days before my 51st birthday. My daughter is heading to college in the fall. My wife and I are struggling with my transition.

Quote from: Laura_7 on June 24, 2015, 03:06:03 PM
You might try to grow your hair out, and keep it in a ponytail...

you could do a few gentle changes to your face, like using a nourishing product... for example jojoba oil based (unless allergic....)

and you could start with second hand stores.
Clothing there is often not even sorted by gender, so it might be easier to look around.
Trying a few womens trousers... or sweaters...
getting aquainted to the sizes...
here is a sizes chart:
https://www.susans.org/wiki/index.php/Clothing_Sizes


hugs

I have a light complextion when I shave my face my 5:00 shadow still shows. What tone make up would work?

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Quote from: bchigdon10 on June 25, 2015, 05:38:29 AM
I have a light complextion when I shave my face my 5:00 shadow still shows. What tone make up would work?

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Try some orange lipstick.
Its supposed to cancel out blueish colours according to the colour wheel.
You could think about organic products... part of it might be ingested or stays a long time on the face.

Concerning makeup tone, you might try a few different ones. Its difficult to tell without trying.

Also think about nourishing products to keep the skin healthy.


hugs

Thanks girl u have been a big help to me.

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I want to thank all of you for all of your responses, as well as kind and reassuring words.  To Beverly, I'm glad to know that my post was able to be a benefit to you.  I look forward to posting more as time goes on and thanks again for everything, especially your friendship.


Hugs,

Claire

Your welcome and thanks I am glad we can help each oy her.We now have a lot of kind people to help usLooking foward to talk to u more. Hugs from Beverley!!!!

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