Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hello! I hope some of you still remember me...

Last week I came out to extended family over the internet. I thought hopping on Caitlyn Jenner's tail would be a good idea. Thankfully, I got several supportive comments, and everyone who replied agreed to call me by my preferred male name. Yeah!

Many of the responses were more accepting than the responses I got from my own immediate family. That was kind of upsetting. It's so awkward now, knowing that extended family members who I rarely talk to are more supportive for me than the people I grew up with in my childhood home. My mom made sure to drill it into me that she'd be embarrassed if I told anyone else in the family about my "condition", so I'd been putting this off for a long time. I'm glad I did, the timing was great, but now that I've gone against her wishes I've been feeling a lot of shame and generally unpleasant since then, despite the positive reception.

I find that the closer people are to us - notably family and partners - the harder they often find it to be immediately supportive. Parents in particular have known us our who life and have a lot of themselves wrapped up in what they believe our gender to be, so for us to tell them that isn't us it kind of unravels things for them. They may come around in time.

Hi Luca. Yes, I remember you well. Good to see you again.

I want to add to what Grace said, that it's much easier for those who are distant from us to accept us because the see us much less frequently. Those who see us more frequently, our gender change is actually part of their lives, whereas for those more distant, its impact is only occasional.

I thought something like that might be going on. Good to know my guess was rather accurate. My therapist told me the same thing today, actually.

I wonder how my future with my family will look...I've never been that close with them to begin with, sadly.

Yes. For me, Facebook was a nice place to show myself.

My colleagues say they have no objection on my wearing skirt, because my family members accept it.
My kids and wife say that they accept whatever I wear, because my colleagues accept it.

Faculty members say that I can wear miniskirt during the class as long as students do not object to it.
Students seem to accept my wearing miniskirt, because no faculty member seems to object to it.

It is a circular argument, and who can start it first is important.

barbie~~

A few different factors go into it, but it really comes down to their openness and willingness to along with your not giving up on them despite their reactions. I know with my family it seemed to be a mixed bag. Those who are truly close to me have been supportive. I hope the same is true for you. Hugs
Mariah

Quote from: Gothic Dandy Luca on July 01, 2015, 10:22:32 PM
I thought something like that might be going on. Good to know my guess was rather accurate. My therapist told me the same thing today, actually.

I wonder how my future with my family will look...I've never been that close with them to begin with, sadly.

Quote from: Ms Grace on June 28, 2015, 02:17:15 AM
I find that the closer people are to us - notably family and partners - the harder they often find it to be immediately supportive. Parents in particular have known us our who life and have a lot of themselves wrapped up in what they believe our gender to be, so for us to tell them that isn't us it kind of unravels things for them. They may come around in time.

I agree completely. My mother was very upset even though it was no shock to my friends and even to my grandparents.
I hope and believe that your close family will get used to it in time. My mother did, and now she's very supporting and she calls me by my chosen name instead of an (according to her 'easier to get used to') androgynous variant of my given name  :)

So, along a similar line, I changed my gender on Facebook to female about a week ago.  I've got my profile locked down pretty hard though and nobody has said anything about it yet. I guess it didn't post an update to my timeline or anything with that change. I've also only got about 40 friends, and none of them are family members.

One thing I noticed though, is that when you change your profile pic, it says, "so and so changed 'her' profile picture".  It even updated my historic posts to indicate this gender change! I wonder how long before somebody comments on it. :-)

Quote from: Tristan on July 03, 2015, 03:16:50 PM
One thing I noticed though, is that when you change your profile pic, it says, "so and so changed 'her' profile picture".  It even updated my historic posts to indicate this gender change! I wonder how long before somebody comments on it. :-)

I never show my past photos in male mode. I always try hard to keep the number of Facebook friends below 500.

barbie~~

Quote from: Tristan on July 03, 2015, 03:16:50 PM
So, along a similar line, I changed my gender on Facebook to female about a week ago.  I've got my profile locked down pretty hard though and nobody has said anything about it yet. I guess it didn't post an update to my timeline or anything with that change. I've also only got about 40 friends, and none of them are family members.

One thing I noticed though, is that when you change your profile pic, it says, "so and so changed 'her' profile picture".  It even updated my historic posts to indicate this gender change! I wonder how long before somebody comments on it. :-)

That was the first thing I did and nobody noticed on mine, either! To be fair, I changed it to "they" so maybe that's why. But like, I also changed my first name to Lucas...guess my goal wasn't obvious enough.

I didn't know fb retroactively changed your gender pronoun in old posts like that...good to know, haha.