Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Lately my confidence has just completely fallen. I feel really depressed a lot of the time.

I dress in female clothes when I am out and about and I am honestly surprised that people still treat me like a normal person.

Regardless my confidence is at an almost all time low. I dunno what to do.

Any advice?

I feel really scared

Quote from: Leki on July 06, 2015, 01:32:07 PM
Lately my confidence has just completely fallen. I feel really depressed a lot of the time.

I dress in female clothes when I am out and about and I am honestly surprised that people still treat me like a normal person.

Regardless my confidence is at an almost all time low. I dunno what to do.

Any advice?

I feel really scared

hugs I been getting this recently to try slowing down a bit I play the safe card and go back to wearing a black and pink hoodie

Do you have any idea why you're depressed?...like what has changed recently that is causing you to feel this way?
Once you figure out why you're depressed, you can work on ways of dealing with that, because it could be totally unrelated to gender issues...maybe the depression is just 'there' and it's affecting your feelings about transition?
Just a thought....

I looked at your past post and it appears you are having trouble passing in public. If that is the case, you might put up a picture or two of yourself and see if the others can suggest something that might help you pass better. When we all start out we make fashion mistakes that give use away and it takes time to find the right look.

Quote from: Dena on July 06, 2015, 10:21:07 PM
I looked at your past post and it appears you are having trouble passing in public. If that is the case, you might put up a picture or two of yourself and see if the others can suggest something that might help you pass better. When we all start out we make fashion mistakes that give use away and it takes time to find the right look.

Thanks I am not even trying to pass yet though, I have literally only just started experimenting with my gender. I am under no illusion that I pass. I don't feel comfortable in male clothes but I tried female clothes and I liked it.

Hm, so what are you expecting out of the experience of going out wearing female clothing? Is it not what you expect? Does it feel better than you expected? Only you can determine what this makes you feel depressed. You said people people are treating you  well, isn't this a good thing?

Presenting as the gender you identify as doesn't necessarily result in improved confidence. You really need to have that to start with and I say that from experience. During my first attempt at transition I had pretty much no confidence regardless of how I presented. Years later I worked out how to be confident and was able to understand that it was an inner strength that had little to do with my sense of gender. During this transition the confidence was already there. At first I thought I was more confident presenting as female until I realised it was only because I felt more relaxed and was more open which gave the appearance of more confidence. So yeah, anyway... try to see if you can work your confidence regardless, it'll flow through when you have sorted other stuff out.

Confidence comes with being comfortable. You need to find the source of the problem and deal with that but you need to treat the symptoms too.
I found going to a public speaking group and later a drama group really built my confidence back up. So that I felt more comfortable around people and not so withdrawn. You could also just be going through the Lathargic-phase where you just have no drive to attempt to accomplish anything.

I don't know if you have a group near you, but have you tried to find a transgender support group to go to?

Alexander

I present as a woman, but most people I first meet and introduce myself to do not care or ask about my gender identity. People do not have so much time to be interested in and study you. They are busy, especially in modern societies.

barbie~~

Quote from: barbie on July 07, 2015, 05:26:52 PM
I present as a woman, but most people I first meet and introduce myself to do not care or ask about my gender identity. People do not have so much time to be interested in and study you. They are busy, especially in modern societies.

barbie~~

I love your new avatar, Barbie.

:)

Quote from: Ms Grace on July 07, 2015, 06:20:24 AM
Presenting as the gender you identify as doesn't necessarily result in improved confidence. You really need to have that to start with and I say that from experience. During my first attempt at transition I had pretty much no confidence regardless of how I presented. Years later I worked out how to be confident and was able to understand that it was an inner strength that had little to do with my sense of gender. During this transition the confidence was already there. At first I thought I was more confident presenting as female until I realised it was only because I felt more relaxed and was more open which gave the appearance of more confidence. So yeah, anyway... try to see if you can work your confidence regardless, it'll flow through when you have sorted other stuff out.

Wish this site had a 'like' button! :)

Quote from: januarysunshine on July 07, 2015, 09:12:43 PM
Wish this site had a 'like' button! :)

There  is over on the left had side of the post but if the mods don't agree, it will be taken away so make sure it's real good before you hit the button.

I wonder if it's just one of the many phases that some of us go through? I'm in my first year and have gone through bouts of lost confidence. I notice they're related to my feelings of my gender identity and my transition, or my ability to transition.

I notice that when I think of myself as male (I'm afab) I get a surge of confidence and happiness, but slowly that subsides as I begin to think, "Maybe I shouldn't take hormones if I don't want more body hair / like to wear dresses on certain occasions / want people to see me as my daughter's mother on first sight." And then I start to think about how I'll never pass anyway, I'm so tiny, and what if I just look like a weird little man with a whiny voice and effeminate mannerisms anyway, and so on and so forth...then I lose all faith in myself and it manifests as a wave of depression.

I also get feelings of being really scared during these times. I feel like I don't even know who I am and have to figure it out right away. I get scared over all the poking and prodding at those hidden desires and sometimes hope that they aren't true, that I'm making them up or seeing something that isn't really there.

Are you feeling similarly, Leki? Since we're different people, it's probably not exactly the same.

Quote from: Leki on July 06, 2015, 01:32:07 PM
Lately my confidence has just completely fallen. I feel really depressed a lot of the time.

I dress in female clothes when I am out and about and I am honestly surprised that people still treat me like a normal person.

Regardless my confidence is at an almost all time low. I dunno what to do.

Any advice?

I feel really scared

My best friend, one of the most amazing looking females I know has days when she looks in the mirror and hates herself, cannot see a single thing that she likes about her on those days. Its not depression, but a lack of confidence. She was the ugly duckling and still can see that geeky, weird looking tall girl every now and then.

I hate my face in photos, if I see a photo of my face I hide for hours, I can still see a boy while I've never had anyone question my gender. In mirrors & windows I'm fine, but photos, OH MY... I just hate them and like I said, I hide away for hours.

Everybody suffers from a lack of confidence whether it be "my butt looks huge" to "I don't feel like I pass as a female".
Even super models suffer.

Yes it sucks, but sometimes you need to put on a smile, act like nothings wrong and get by.

Quote from: Nicole on July 07, 2015, 11:54:51 PM
I hate my face in photos, if I see a photo of my face I hide for hours, I can still see a boy while I've never had anyone question my gender. In mirrors & windows I'm fine, but photos, OH MY... I just hate them and like I said, I hide away for hours.

We have a great solution for that problem: Photoshop.

barbie~~

Quote from: gennee on July 07, 2015, 07:29:15 PM

I love your new avatar, Barbie.

:)

Thanks! Gennee.

My friends took that photo for me using my smartphone a week ago.

barbie~~

Quote from: Gothic Dandy Luca on July 07, 2015, 11:10:10 PM
I wonder if it's just one of the many phases that some of us go through? I'm in my first year and have gone through bouts of lost confidence. I notice they're related to my feelings of my gender identity and my transition, or my ability to transition.

I notice that when I think of myself as male (I'm afab) I get a surge of confidence and happiness, but slowly that subsides as I begin to think, "Maybe I shouldn't take hormones if I don't want more body hair / like to wear dresses on certain occasions / want people to see me as my daughter's mother on first sight." And then I start to think about how I'll never pass anyway, I'm so tiny, and what if I just look like a weird little man with a whiny voice and effeminate mannerisms anyway, and so on and so forth...then I lose all faith in myself and it manifests as a wave of depression.

I also get feelings of being really scared during these times. I feel like I don't even know who I am and have to figure it out right away. I get scared over all the poking and prodding at those hidden desires and sometimes hope that they aren't true, that I'm making them up or seeing something that isn't really there.

Are you feeling similarly, Leki? Since we're different people, it's probably not exactly the same.

Hey yeah, I can totally relate but for me I actually dont really know who I am so that is partt of the battle. I just feel so lost and confused. Luckily i meet my gender therapist next week!

Quote from: Nicole on July 07, 2015, 11:54:51 PM
My best friend, one of the most amazing looking females I know has days when she looks in the mirror and hates herself, cannot see a single thing that she likes about her on those days. Its not depression, but a lack of confidence. She was the ugly duckling and still can see that geeky, weird looking tall girl every now and then.

I hate my face in photos, if I see a photo of my face I hide for hours, I can still see a boy while I've never had anyone question my gender. In mirrors & windows I'm fine, but photos, OH MY... I just hate them and like I said, I hide away for hours.

Everybody suffers from a lack of confidence whether it be "my butt looks huge" to "I don't feel like I pass as a female".
Even super models suffer.

Yes it sucks, but sometimes you need to put on a smile, act like nothings wrong and get by.

I've spent my life putting a smile on ajd pretending ng everythng is fine and not expressing my true feelings so I cant headnback in that I direction. Everything is not fine but I will try and deal with it the best I can.

Quote from: Dena on July 07, 2015, 09:50:13 PM

Quote from: januarysunshine on July 07, 2015, 09:12:43 PM
Wish this site had a 'like' button! :)

There  is over on the left had side of the post but if the mods don't agree, it will be taken away so make sure it's real good before you hit the button.

I will remove unfair smites and return them to the smitee, unless there is some sort of  collusion I do not act on applause.

Mods only act under the ToS, if they step outside of that, they face me. No Mod has done that twice.

Quote from: barbie on July 08, 2015, 04:28:19 AM
We have a great solution for that problem: Photoshop.

barbie~~

All my years of using photoshop couldn't fix what I see there.
Its not that theres anything male about my face, I just see the boy I was in it

Quote from: Nicole on July 08, 2015, 07:12:08 AM
All my years of using photoshop couldn't fix what I see there.
Its not that theres anything male about my face, I just see the boy I was in it

Yeah 😢 same

Quote from: Leki on July 08, 2015, 05:05:55 AM
Hey yeah, I can totally relate but for me I actually dont really know who I am so that is partt of the battle. I just feel so lost and confused. Luckily i meet my gender therapist next week!

Well, good luck with your new therapist! This is quite a journey; it may take you some time before you feel like you have a good sense of who you are. But just remember that you're not alone!

Quote from: Leki on July 06, 2015, 01:32:07 PM
Lately my confidence has just completely fallen. I feel really depressed a lot of the time.

I dress in female clothes when I am out and about and I am honestly surprised that people still treat me like a normal person.

Regardless my confidence is at an almost all time low. I dunno what to do.

Any advice?

I feel really scared

I have found myself in your boat.  See, I started dressing androgynously after around three months of HRT, and I admit that doing so was a challenge because -- although I was perceived as either male or as female -- I had already imposed female standards onto myself since I was making some degree of effort to be perceived as such.  Obviously, this is a lot to force onto yourself so soon, and it surely showed because I had very low confidence in terms of meeting society's expectations of how women should appear and present.  I remember being mis-gendered constantly, and just hating myself for it because many cis women could present androgynously and pass rather seamlessly. 

Many walks to class encompassed somehow conjuring up this delusion that everyone was looking at me; and when someone did actually look at me, I immediately assumed that it was due to presenting somewhat as female, but still looking like a man.  There came a day where I saw my reflection in a window on my way to class, and it hurt a lot to see; looking back at me was the figure of a person whose head was held low, who slouched rather noticeably, and who was too stiff to move their arms mid-stride.  In spite of my humiliation of how I looked and walked, I didn't do much to fix it for a long time; I just avoided looking in windows for as long as I could.

After so long, I got to thinking, and realized that walking confidently would make me FEEL more confident.  At around six months into my transition, I decided to always walk with my head held high, with a straight posture, and with this composure that I would only look you in the eye if you initiated conversation with me.  Since then, I have received a lot of compliments on my posture, walk, and obvious confidence.  I've overheard a number of people compliment it, especially after I decided to present entirely effeminate. 

So, here I am at the 9-month mark, and I can tell you that the last three months have been way easier to endure than the first three months of my transition.  Given that I pass as female now -- and that I walk and act very confidently -- I'm complimented on my confidence and presentation frequently.  And guess what -- that makes me feel even more confident in being a woman.  Of course, the first thing people go to whenever they're trying to put me down is that I just seem like a snooty bitch (when I'm not), but I am a confident woman nonetheless.  I think that the answer might lie in just maybe even pretending to be confident -- seriously.  I live in a very, very conservative area in Indiana whenever my college classes are out of session, and I get a lot of hell from family for being trans, each and every day.  To mend my hurt, I frequently walk along Main Street, dressed entirely as who I am, and as confidently/effeminately as can be; that alone makes my day a thousand times better because -- even if some car-full of people could discern that I'm trans, the 300 other cars that drove past see a woman walking confidently.  It's just really reassuring.

Ally

Quote from: Jasper93 on July 08, 2015, 11:38:22 PM
I have found myself in your boat.  See, I started dressing androgynously after around three months of HRT, and I admit that doing so was a challenge because -- although I was perceived as either male or as female -- I had already imposed female standards onto myself since I was making some degree of effort to be perceived as such.  Obviously, this is a lot to force onto yourself so soon, and it surely showed because I had very low confidence in terms of meeting society's expectations of how women should appear and present.  I remember being mis-gendered constantly, and just hating myself for it because many cis women could present androgynously and pass rather seamlessly. 

Many walks to class encompassed somehow conjuring up this delusion that everyone was looking at me; and when someone did actually look at me, I immediately assumed that it was due to presenting somewhat as female, but still looking like a man.  There came a day where I saw my reflection in a window on my way to class, and it hurt a lot to see; looking back at me was the figure of a person whose head was held low, who slouched rather noticeably, and who was too stiff to move their arms mid-stride.  In spite of my humiliation of how I looked and walked, I didn't do much to fix it for a long time; I just avoided looking in windows for as long as I could.

After so long, I got to thinking, and realized that walking confidently would make me FEEL more confident.  At around six months into my transition, I decided to always walk with my head held high, with a straight posture, and with this composure that I would only look you in the eye if you initiated conversation with me.  Since then, I have received a lot of compliments on my posture, walk, and obvious confidence.  I've overheard a number of people compliment it, especially after I decided to present entirely effeminate. 

So, here I am at the 9-month mark, and I can tell you that the last three months have been way easier to endure than the first three months of my transition.  Given that I pass as female now -- and that I walk and act very confidently -- I'm complimented on my confidence and presentation frequently.  And guess what -- that makes me feel even more confident in being a woman.  Of course, the first thing people go to whenever they're trying to put me down is that I just seem like a snooty bitch (when I'm not), but I am a confident woman nonetheless.  I think that the answer might lie in just maybe even pretending to be confident -- seriously.  I live in a very, very conservative area in Indiana whenever my college classes are out of session, and I get a lot of hell from family for being trans, each and every day.  To mend my hurt, I frequently walk along Main Street, dressed entirely as who I am, and as confidently/effeminately as can be; that alone makes my day a thousand times better because -- even if some car-full of people could discern that I'm trans, the 300 other cars that drove past see a woman walking confidently.  It's just really reassuring.

Ally

Thanks hun, I enjoyed reading about your experiences! Sorry to hear about your family.

Yeah sometimes when I am walking I get a sudden bout of confidence and walk straight and don't care for a while and it was so much fun yesterday going to zumba and being girly.