Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So my last episode of having a really, really serious issue with this was months ago (december). But i become (i have gotten over this a little bit), envious and distraught when i see pregnant women or women with young children. This is happening while knowing I couldn't economically support a child and would probably be a abad parent because of gender dysphoria, the depression and anxiety that comes with it, and the alcohol I use to relieve it a little bit. Children would be be a horrible idea at this stage in my life. I still have the emotio that I want to bear a child. It seems a little weird, but yeah, I just wanted to see what others think about this.

I've kind of always had a dream to someday be pregnant, but it's a bit different in my case.  It's kind of hard to explain but I'm not particularly interested having a child but I just want to be pregnant someday.  I guess it might be because pregnancy is like the epitome of femininity to me and I just have a yearning to reach that point.

I've actually debated storing sperm before I can't anymore just in case we get to the point where it's possible (with a donor egg), but by the time technology gets to that point (and I'd ever be able to afford it), I'd probably be too old for me to partake.

It brings me down that I can't ever be pregnant, but I consider myself in sisterhood with millions of other women, some trans, but most of them cisgender, who can't get pregnant either.

This has been a big issue for me lately. Granted I'm not super, super envious of women who are, but I do wish it was possible.

This is exactly how, after years of identifying as intergender, bigender or agender, I realised there was no gender ambiguity in me, no man, that I was just a woman.

I was invited, practically coerced to take training to be a Doula. It was a very intense, six months program. Everybody knew I was intergender, and all the women there accepted me as one more of them. This brought me so close to maternity that it awoke something in me, my maternal instinct. I knew it wasn't a father child relationship that I cherished, it was mother child... Finally, after having disregarded the notion of gender as a social construct I was there, "picking a side".

Now I know someday I'll be a mom, even if not in the usual way.

But... they've done a few uterus transplants in Sweden. To ciswomen only, so far, but who knows, maybe they'll start doing it for us while I'm still young enough. And I'm moving there next year, so if they're looking for a test subject I'm in!

This is an issue that makes me sad too, I would love to be able to fall pregnant. It must be amazing to feel the child growing inside me, ok giving birth is painful.. but its worth it.I know someday I will get married and I feel bad that I will not be able to give my man a child. Adoption is an option so I still can be a mother someday.

I do get a little jealous when I see pregnant women. A close friend and her husband are trying to get pregnant, so in a few months this could really hit home.

But then again who knows, 15 years from now, it might be possible to transplant a uterus and a womb into a transwoman. I will be first in the queue.

My roommate says, well at least no periods.. she says a period is not fun, it is uncomfortable. she says some months she bleeds a lot and has bad cramps. She says she kinda understands how I feel as having a child is the ultimate exclusive female thing, as I look female, have a female body with all the bits, but cant have kids.

Periods is something all women experience and is part of been a woman.. something I miss out on.

But you know what, I would gladly experience a period and all the discomfort it brings, just to be able to fall pregnant.

Not being able to get pregnant makes me sad from time to time, but having to take care of my bf's young kids every other weekend always make me realise that I'd never ever want kids of my own anyway.. So I hate that I have no choice in the matter, but if I would I'd still say no.

Quote from: noleen111 on July 08, 2015, 10:37:23 AM
This is an issue that makes me sad too, I would love to be able to fall pregnant. It must be amazing to feel the child growing inside me, ok giving birth is painful.. but its worth it.I know someday I will get married and I feel bad that I will not be able to give my man a child. Adoption is an option so I still can be a mother someday.

I do get a little jealous when I see pregnant women. A close friend and her husband are trying to get pregnant, so in a few months this could really hit home.

But then again who knows, 15 years from now, it might be possible to transplant a uterus and a womb into a transwoman. I will be first in the queue.

My roommate says, well at least no periods.. she says a period is not fun, it is uncomfortable. she says some months she bleeds a lot and has bad cramps. She says she kinda understands how I feel as having a child is the ultimate exclusive female thing, as I look female, have a female body with all the bits, but cant have kids.

Periods is something all women experience and is part of been a woman.. something I miss out on.

But you know what, I would gladly experience a period and all the discomfort it brings, just to be able to fall pregnant.

I feel the same way, And always get the "at least you don't get periods". It can very very annoying when they say that.
My best friend actually just had her baby and it was a very tough time for me to watch her go through it all but now I get to be an Auntie to this little guy and right now that is good for me

Pregnancy is a big wish of mine. Alas, one that will probably never be granted.

So, my plan is to go for the third* best thing... adoption.

BUT

I will only adopt when my life is in order and if by then I still feel like it and can support children.

* - The second best thing would be living with a cis woman, but I am rapidly losing interest in cis women.

I'm fortunate that I now have 3 kids of my own. I wish I could have carried them though. Their mom had a tough pregnancy and they were born premature. The downside is she will never accept me, even though I love her. I was there every step of the way and it was heartbreaking for me that it wasn't me. Despite the struggles and pain.

That said, I have held a baby (my niece) the other day, a few weeks old. It was pretty magical doing that. I don't know if it's the hormones or what but it felt different this time.

It was also triggering when my aunt said, "no breastfeeding eh!" because I have always wanted to. I mean, I can breastfeed a child if I really wanted to but there is the issue of birthing one in the first place...

I'll be at least the first completely opposite viewpoint because I think not having a uterus and all the baby-making capabilities that come with it one of the major plusses of being a trans woman. Not only do I strongly dislike children in general, but I also think that if this world of ours need something, it most certainly is not more humans around. I also find everything involved in the whole affair to be rather repugnant to me physically so being a lesbian trans woman without any working plumbing of any kind works out brilliantly for me. If I had been born in a female-assigned body, I think removing the uterus would've been high on my list of priorities (as I'm non-binary enough that I'd probably have some kind of a trans identity even in that eventuality.)

That being said, I have had some dreams recently where I find myself either being or having been pregnant in the past. But telling is how flippant I am about the whole affair in those dreams as well, mainly using it as an excuse to gorge myself in unhealthy foods until it's abortion time. Not very politically correct, but my dreams don't come with a filter.

Having said all that, I by no means mean to belittle the other views, goals and/or feelings expressed here. Just wanted to chime in with the complete opposite to what most people have written about. Probably goes without saying, but just wanted to clarify just in case.

Lately I've been struggling to deal with the loss of my daughter. She was never born. She died of a miscarriage at the end of the first trimester. I mourned her death 14 years ago. Yet for the last couple of months its like its happened all over again. Her name is Sara and she would have been 14 in October. It seems like every time I turn around the universe is trying to make me remember her death as if it was yesterday.

Hugs Ashley. Sorry if the post was kind of triggering, bu t i felt like this was something I needed to get out of my system.

Quote from: awilliams1701 on July 09, 2015, 05:37:05 PM
It seems like every time I turn around the universe is trying to make me remember her death as if it was yesterday.

Wonder if that's the wise part of your heart trying to guide you to a place where you can be at peace with such a horrible loss.

Hugs, dear. I hope you find the healing you're looking for.

Nah its fine. It feels good to talk about it.

Quote from: rachel89 on July 09, 2015, 06:41:19 PM
Hugs Ashley. Sorry if the post was kind of triggering, bu t i felt like this was something I needed to get out of my system.

I thinks its weird that women cis-fertile women complain about all the things that go along with pregnancy. Its not that I'm callous and I can understand their perspective, but I'm like "your lucky your even able to bear a child." i can can be all sympathetic woman-to-woman, but deep inside I am a little annoyed about people complaining about something I will never be able to have. Currently, I am totally unfit to be a parent, so this makes it even weirder, when emotionally you want to be a bio-mother, and intellectually, you know you are not ready to parent any child.

Actually that reminds me of a couple of things I saw recently. The first was a special tampon for post-op trans girls to let them experience periods. The second was an article posted by my hair stylist on a tampon that is exclusively cotton and doesn't contain the crap that most tampons have. I mentioned the prior article and eventually we got into this conversation about how she wishes she didn't have to deal with it. I mentioned if I could skip surgery and have a "magical surgery" instead, I would gladly take a period.

Quote from: rachel89 on July 09, 2015, 11:27:53 PM
I thinks its weird that women cis-fertile women complain about all the things that go along with pregnancy. Its not that I'm callous and I can understand their perspective, but I'm like "your lucky your even able to bear a child." i can can be all sympathetic woman-to-woman, but deep inside I am a little annoyed about people complaining about something I will never be able to have. Currently, I am totally unfit to be a parent, so this makes it even weirder, when emotionally you want to be a bio-mother, and intellectually, you know you are not ready to parent any child.

There are some complaints but rest assured pregnancy is a treasured by many, if not most cis women. I noticed this more since I am now full time and I blend in in conversations with cis women. Everything from finding out you are pregnant to the flutter kicks and anticipation of the magical day of birth. And honestly sometimes it pretty much just kills me because I probably will never ever experience this. It will be a constant reminder of my birth defect.

Periods on the other hand, about the only positive thing I've heard is that it is a reminder that those experiencing it are most likely fertile and that stuff is working. Otherwise, they are a wretched menace. I don't like though that they are used by TERFs to exclude us as not being "real."

It will be possible, someday. Saying that's the only way I can get by :/

This topic is a big trigger for me. It used to get me to the point where I would just stay in bed all day crying over it. I don't think I'll ever come to terms but I can at least shift my focus towards something else. Lately I've been struggling though since I just recently became an aunt and it's been difficult. I love this kid so much but at this same time I keep being reminded of what I will never have. I know I can adopt and all that, which I definitely will at some point but still, I can't help but think what it would be like.  I have pretty strong maternal instincts, I'm a lot like my mom in that regard so it's even more painful. Anyways I'm ranting, better to get this out than to keep it to myself.

Not menstruating or being able to bear children is just one of those sadnesses that I accepted a long time ago. I calmed myself as a teen by imagining coming across a child who had been thrown away and raising them as my own. I decided that if I was ever financially stable enough I would adopt. Then, a couple months ago, someone here mentioned the idea of adopting a trans kid, saving them from the foster home system. That is now my goal. Not every human can be a direct genetic link, but we are all part of the human story. I just hope that I can become enough a solid citizen to have a home that I can open to a young life. I can't think of anything better than giving a kid a chance they never had, and the chances that I never had. Those kids are out there right now. Many of them are just starting the wrong puberty. Lost, scared, afraid and alone. Who better to help them to adulthood?

I guess I will see what the future holds. First things first, I need to finish rebuilding my life from scratch! Motherhood will come just when I need it to be part of my life. I trust that and so I will listen and wait for my chance. I just hope I take it when it comes...