Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Alrighty I'll just get to the point.  So as I have mentioned in my introduction I am transgender (Male to Female) and pre hrt and ready for the path to transition.  Well here's the problem as a lot of people have regarding this is that I have very limited financial resources despite having a full time job and I know good and well that my parents, who I currently live with still, are gonna reject, disown, and cut off. I am mentally prepared for that and ready to start a new chapter in my life and even my very accepting friend is willing to let me live with him but I have to help pay rent which I can due to my saving habits but my biggest worry is that will eventually run out and also worry about not affording hrt and even my own health insurance and to also top it off I am unable to drive due to the fact I just cannot operate a motor vehicle unfortunately despite all my effort to learn how to drive. 

Basically my gender dysphoria has been worsening to the point everything I do to help cope isn't working it's about to the point that the need to transition is a must but with everything I mentioned in the above paragraph I'm afraid I'm stuck with no way out and I can really use some advise on not just moving forward to the path of transition but being able to live on my own without suddenly going homeless. 

If it helps any I can share some info: I currently have over two thousand dollars saved up, my paycheck is nearly 600 dollars every two weeks (working full time at walmart), the rent at my friend's place will be 300 a month with utilities included, my friend is also willing to drive me to my job as long as I can contribute some gas money, and also I do have a two year college degree (just a regular associate of science) that I got back in May if that can help get a better job.

That should be about it on that stuff if anyone needs more clarification or more info please do ask.  I can really use some help I just don't know how much longer I can live at my parents house knowing that unfortunately they're trans-phobic. Thanks.

It seems to me you've got it pretty much together... a job and a place to move to will give you some space from your parents. If your friend is accepting of you being trans that is great. Transition is a matter of tiny steps, when the going gets tough the steps get tinier but sometimes things can fall into place and let you steam ahead. Sounds like you are in a tiny steps phase but it's a start. Just budget yourself carefully and work out where certain services are and related costs, etc. No harm in not being able to drive but you will also need to work out how to get yourself around without always relying on your friend/house mate. But this is what moving out of home for the first time is all about - trans or not. It's a life skill and you sound like you'll be able to pick it up! :)

Well I thought I would give an update. Unfortunately everything backedfired. I came out to my parents in just at least hoping the worst they do is tell me to get out and never come back. Well didn't happen like that it went more into a spiral of denial and guiltriping me to the point I had to renounce the fact I'm transgender and that I no longer have the feelings (which is not true the feelings are still strong). So now I'm still stuck at home but now more closely monitored making sure I don't sudden "decide" to be transgender  again. Talk about being in a huge loss   :(

hi EmilyRyan letting Your parents Bully you into denying Your true self is not a good Idea These feelings will only get stronger and end up making You ill . You have the means to Escape and Be free take the step and live the life You want not what your parents want for You .Go live with Your friend and be free . If your Parents cannot accept that You are Trans then that is their loss it should not be allowed to effect the rest of your life .They do not have to be You ,You do so live for Yourself not them .Be brave be bold and go for it Girl

Get them to watch Caitlyn Jenner's speech at the Arthur Ashe awards.

Then tell them again that you are trans* as well.

Girl, maybe the best thing you can do is move in with your friend still. He's cool with it  Idk your friend but I'm guessing it will be a much easier space to be in. It's really sad to hear about your parents not being accepting. Took mine about 13 years to kinda grasp it and they're still struggling as are some others in my family. If you feel like your parents place is harmful in some way, maybe take your friend up on his offer so you can start to live your life the way you need to-just personally can't imagine living with people who don't understand you and criticize and reject what they can't quite understand. Best of luck in witch ever you decide~ :)

Unfortunately I did try to move in but my mom knew where he lives and knew I was there so she comes to take me back, and my biggest weakness is love for my family, I decide to come back home and hopefully talk it out but part of their denial is that my friend brainwashed me into thinking I was transgender (not true at all). So I can't even go back. I might as well just give up.

Seek therapy!  Tell them it's for the depression brought up from this traumatic event.  A therapist should be able to sort it out and convey the information to your parents as an unbiased source.

Unfortunately therapy is out of the question and so is leaving home again.

What are some options that are available in this kind of situation?? Should I call the police?? Do I even have grounds to do so?? I haven't been physically harmed and haven't been threatened with any kind of violence but the emotional pain is there. Maybe I can try to ignore my dysphoria  ???

Hi  EmilyRyan Your situation is very difficult but trying to ignore Your dysphoria is not Healthy .are there any support Groups nearby that You can Join without you Mom knowing then You can at least have an outlet to Your Female persona until You can find a Way to be the real You. The way to get out to see a group is to find another interest that Your parents will approve of and say you are starting to attend that activity but really going to the support group a small deception I know but worth it for your mental health and peace of mind . They do not have the right to make you suppress your true Identity so they are in the wrong not You. we all know the harm that hiding Your true nature can do for a person. Always remember that the person inside is as important if not more so than the Person You have to present to the world by circumstances.

The nearest support group is probably in Nashville (I live in Tennessee) , an hour and a half away from where I live.

Thinking more about it my best bet, considering I'm heading back to college, is to defy my parents and still see my friends there. They're the only support outside of here I have.

And thanks everyone for the advice so far I do appreciate it. 

I'm a little confused about your situation are you more than 18 years old

EmilyRyan

However you do it, I believe you should leave.  I think staying with your parents will be as unhealthy as all of the other options you are worried about.  Please be safe, but find a room to let or move in with old college friends. I imagine the damage to your mental stability (which leads to your body's health), and the relationship as it exists with your parents, will only corrode.

They may not realize that their wishes are forcing you to accept a delusion. They may think they have your best interests in mind. They may be unhappy for awhile. However, if you can accept yourself and become a person who leads her life in a positive way, you may be able to connect with them later. I assume you are past 18(associates degree suggests you are closer to 20). Stay focused on your small steps and what you need to do to get by. Learn what Walmart's health plans include. You really should get into therapy before anything else(HRT included). Work through your thoughts and feelings. Then you can see more clearly what seems true and what seems false. Many of us on this site fight that battle all along our journeys.

All of what I wrote seems awfully like I am telling you what to do. I am sorry for that. I don't like doing that but don't mind talking and raising ideas. I hope I don't come across as too bossy.

However I will tell you one thing very clearly (risk of sounding bossy or not).

Be your own best advocate.

With warm thoughts and wishes,

Joanna

I did forget to mention my age and my apologies for that. I am indeed 23 years old though despite that I can be as financially independent as someone making six figures and my parents will probably still not let me move out on my own.  The more I think about it I believe it's more of a factor of control than just coming out as trans.

   

Time for a change maybe?

With warmth,

Joanna

Sent from my XT1060 using Tapatalk

At age 23, legally you are an adult and can do what ever you want. I appears your family has an emotional hold on you and you have a decision to make. The hold the family has on you stronger than your transsexualism? If it is, you are going to be there for a long time unless you get some therapy to break the hold they have on you.

I know what I am asking because I had to make the same decision. In my case, I understood it was possible I would be kicked out of the house when I came out of the closet and I wasn't really ready for that yet. I decided my survival was based on getting therapy so I rolled the dice and came out of the closet. My life was different that yours in that I wasn't kicked out of the house and I was able to start some treatment.

The question is what is the emotional hold and do you want to break it?

I thought I'd give another update on whats been going on and this time on a more positive note.

Despite still being in no place to be able to start transitioning anytime soon I can say that things have been calm between my family and I and it's kinda like nothing happened at all.  I will be going back to college to get my four year degree and yes I will defy one rule my parents are enforcing and that's seeing my college friends still for they are a vital part of my life at this point and I am sooo thankful they still standby and support  :).

I will also address the previous comment that my emotional hold that's currently holding me back from running off to transition is that despite not having support from my family I still love them and to me it just doesn't feel right to leave them feeling heartbroken despite it being a cost to my emotional well-being but luckily I am well capable for now able to cope with not being able to transition at this time. 

Despite these circumstances I am not letting anyone deny who I truly am and still brainstorming a game-plan to transition to girl that I am in the inside. 

There are thing you can work on now depending on how much money you have available an expensive time consuming thing is getting your beard removed. Possibly less expensive would be getting some therapy through your school. You might have more personal comfort with a longer hairstyle. Each transition is custom to the person and knocking a few thing off the list sometimes helps give you the feeling you are making progress. It took me about a year of prep work before I went full time. Some  are faster and some are slower. I hope there are some things you can do now.

There definitely are some things I'll be able to do especially after Friday because my parents will be out of town for a whole week and I'll have the house almost to myself (Had my appendix removed and still recovering and it's going good).  For the time I have to myself I will hopefully see my friends and go shopping for some clothes. Overall I'm going to use my time alone to basically be the girl I am :)