Community Conversation => Transgender talk => Topic started by: megz20 on July 21, 2015, 06:41:29 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Support on mtf transgender
Post by: megz20 on July 21, 2015, 06:41:29 PM
Post by: megz20 on July 21, 2015, 06:41:29 PM
Hey there, I wanted to hear a few opinions about mtf transgender and how to cope with the procedure.
I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and we've had an amazing relationship so far. Recently he has decided that he is transgender and this has shocked me as he's never mentioned this before. He tells me that when he was born his mum had a large amount of estrogen to help with the birth so he was born a boy but had girl feelings inside. He's always had understanding ways about girls and when he plays games online he's always chosen a female character. He said to me that he's always felt that something was wrong inside but at the beginning of our relationship he was going through boy hormones ie pleasing me, treating me well, being a man but now he's discovered transgender. He has been seeing doctors about depression and psychiatrists to help support him. I have also said that I will stand by his side and support him with every decision he makes, but it has been hard for me to get my head around this as in I will loose the person I fell in love with. But at the end of the day he needs to be happy with his life and I can't control what he can or can't do. Recently he has asked me if I would carry on with him after he has changed but he will still see other guys/girls if the opportunity came up. I still love him to bits to this present day and the process hasn't even begun yet but I am not 100% sure as in what I want to do. He's bisexual and pansexual and I don't want to be used as someone on the side in case things go wrong. Please give me some feedback and feel free to ask me questions. It is kind of confusing especially not coming from him himself but I am happy to answer every question.
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I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and we've had an amazing relationship so far. Recently he has decided that he is transgender and this has shocked me as he's never mentioned this before. He tells me that when he was born his mum had a large amount of estrogen to help with the birth so he was born a boy but had girl feelings inside. He's always had understanding ways about girls and when he plays games online he's always chosen a female character. He said to me that he's always felt that something was wrong inside but at the beginning of our relationship he was going through boy hormones ie pleasing me, treating me well, being a man but now he's discovered transgender. He has been seeing doctors about depression and psychiatrists to help support him. I have also said that I will stand by his side and support him with every decision he makes, but it has been hard for me to get my head around this as in I will loose the person I fell in love with. But at the end of the day he needs to be happy with his life and I can't control what he can or can't do. Recently he has asked me if I would carry on with him after he has changed but he will still see other guys/girls if the opportunity came up. I still love him to bits to this present day and the process hasn't even begun yet but I am not 100% sure as in what I want to do. He's bisexual and pansexual and I don't want to be used as someone on the side in case things go wrong. Please give me some feedback and feel free to ask me questions. It is kind of confusing especially not coming from him himself but I am happy to answer every question.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: Support on mtf transgender
Post by: katrinaw on July 21, 2015, 07:33:49 PM
Post by: katrinaw on July 21, 2015, 07:33:49 PM
Warm welcome to Susan's Megz
A bit of housekeeping up front, it will help you around the forums...
This is admirable that the love you share has brought you here.
Firstly have you (either your BF and you) seen a therapist yet, because there is an awful lot of help that can be offered regarding the journey you'll both be taking.
As for now many folks know from a very young age that they are different than their counterparts in birth genders, there are many that don't realise till much later in life, then many that know early and try to hide or "get over" it... mostly with no avail..
I can concur with the affinity to the thinking and behaving as the opposite birth gender.
The first steps are with a therapist, then probably move onto Laser/Electro to remove male facial and / or body hair, HRT, maybe SRS/GRS, then really depending on age there are a number of things that may be desired like FFS (feminization facial surgery) and there may be other options available depending how far the journey takes him.
I am sure you'll get plenty of help and guidance here. I really applaud you for coming here and finding out, best wishes to you both and look forward to seeing you around the forum's...
Love Katy :-*
A bit of housekeeping up front, it will help you around the forums...
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This is admirable that the love you share has brought you here.
Firstly have you (either your BF and you) seen a therapist yet, because there is an awful lot of help that can be offered regarding the journey you'll both be taking.
As for now many folks know from a very young age that they are different than their counterparts in birth genders, there are many that don't realise till much later in life, then many that know early and try to hide or "get over" it... mostly with no avail..
I can concur with the affinity to the thinking and behaving as the opposite birth gender.
The first steps are with a therapist, then probably move onto Laser/Electro to remove male facial and / or body hair, HRT, maybe SRS/GRS, then really depending on age there are a number of things that may be desired like FFS (feminization facial surgery) and there may be other options available depending how far the journey takes him.
I am sure you'll get plenty of help and guidance here. I really applaud you for coming here and finding out, best wishes to you both and look forward to seeing you around the forum's...
Love Katy :-*
Title: Re: Support on mtf transgender
Post by: sparrow on July 21, 2015, 08:15:48 PM
Post by: sparrow on July 21, 2015, 08:15:48 PM
Ugh. Sexuality and plurality are just as disconnected as gender and sexuality. I agreed to monogamy when I started dating my wife. At the time, I identified as bisexual. I later discovered the wonderful variety of gender that exists in the world, and now I identify as pansexual. But I'm still monogamous. Even later, I found out that I was one of those gender diverse folk myself. Now there are two wives in the household... and we're still monogamous.
It may be that you've found yourself in a committed relationship with somebody who now wants more "freedom" in that relationship. Gender: irrelevant. Sounds like a deal-breaker in my book.
It may be that you've found yourself in a committed relationship with somebody who now wants more "freedom" in that relationship. Gender: irrelevant. Sounds like a deal-breaker in my book.
Title: Re: Support on mtf transgender
Post by: Dena on July 21, 2015, 10:03:01 PM
Post by: Dena on July 21, 2015, 10:03:01 PM
At my age I believe when a couple (gender not important) commits to a relationship or marriage, they should be monogamous. They are in deep trouble when that rule is violated. I think your partner need to decide what is important in life be it a commitment or wild life style. As for your side of it. You didn't bargain for this but you need to decide what you want as well. Most of the time people who transition become better people because they get rid of the problems they have lived with all their life. All of this things will make or break your relationship and the two of you will have to decide what your future will be. I always hope the couple can find a way to stay together but to do so, both people must work to make it happen.
Title: Re: Support on mtf transgender
Post by: KristinaM on July 22, 2015, 11:52:23 AM
Post by: KristinaM on July 22, 2015, 11:52:23 AM
Hopefully you can find some minor comfort in these words.
I came out as MTF to my wife a few months ago. At first she was all over the place, fear, sadness, anger, etc... She has calmed down though and we are moving through this process fairly well.
When I first discovered I was trans, my mind immediately jumped to all the things I wished I could do, wished I'd done, and hoped to actually do! Many of those things included going out to bars, meeting other men/women, and all sorts of things ran through my head, BUT! As the days turned into weeks and the weeks into months, and I eventually ended up on hormones, I realized that it was just fantasies created by my maleness. Stupid maleness! It made my wife feel terrible for no good reason!
Now, all I want to do is just meet people, be accepted, be their friend, and be happy being me. While looking FABULOUS doing it, hehehe. I feel sure that he will feel the same way and these notions of "spreading his seed" or whatever you want to call it will calm down, but it will take some time.
This is just my opinion and my own experiences, YMMV, but hang in there dear, for a little while longer at least to see!
I came out as MTF to my wife a few months ago. At first she was all over the place, fear, sadness, anger, etc... She has calmed down though and we are moving through this process fairly well.
When I first discovered I was trans, my mind immediately jumped to all the things I wished I could do, wished I'd done, and hoped to actually do! Many of those things included going out to bars, meeting other men/women, and all sorts of things ran through my head, BUT! As the days turned into weeks and the weeks into months, and I eventually ended up on hormones, I realized that it was just fantasies created by my maleness. Stupid maleness! It made my wife feel terrible for no good reason!
Now, all I want to do is just meet people, be accepted, be their friend, and be happy being me. While looking FABULOUS doing it, hehehe. I feel sure that he will feel the same way and these notions of "spreading his seed" or whatever you want to call it will calm down, but it will take some time.
This is just my opinion and my own experiences, YMMV, but hang in there dear, for a little while longer at least to see!
Title: Re: Support on mtf transgender
Post by: sparrow on July 22, 2015, 01:51:45 PM
Post by: sparrow on July 22, 2015, 01:51:45 PM
KristinaM, Thanks for the more charitable interpretation of megz20's partner's process. I guess I've had the same fantasies... I just never shared them with my wife 'cause I don't tend to share 'other people' fantasies with my wife. I never seek to realize those fantasies, and sharing them would just be hurtful. Let's hope you're right!