Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Mine is just never finding anyone to share companionship with. When I began transition I was at appoint in my life where I was just tired of worrying about whether or not I'd find anyone. Now though after getting comfortable in my body I'm once again thinking about it. I've only been transitioning for  21 months, but I'm starting to feel I need closeness again. I still have a ways to go , but I'd liked to be hit on. I don't know if and when that might happen. Its on my mind though more often now since everything else about transition is working out. What are your biggest fears of transitioning.

Quote from: stephaniec on August 02, 2015, 03:39:44 PM
Mine is just never finding anyone to share companionship with.

^^^
This

Coming into transition it was being told no you can't do this. Now that I have transition my biggest fear is dealing with my moms funeral itself when the time comes. Some of the family have been left out of the loop. Since I never see them and they are really getting up there in age there was no need to tell them, but still it will make for an awkward situation when the time comes.
Mariah

I guess my biggest fear is that I'll die before I'm finished transitioning, and that Emma is just going to be a footnote to my male life. My health is generally poor, and I've been nearly killed by the flu this year and last. I don't think I can reasonably expect to live more than 5 more years, even if I'm super careful.

My biggest fear right now is physical violence and death. It weighs on my mind constantly. Other big concerns are surgeries and being able to afford them.

Quote from: EmmaMcAllister on August 02, 2015, 04:16:00 PM
I guess my biggest fear is that I'll die before I'm finished transitioning, and that Emma is just going to be a footnote to my male life. My health is generally poor, and I've been nearly killed by the flu this year and last. I don't think I can reasonably expect to live more than 5 more years, even if I'm super careful.

yea, my immune system is my Achilles Heel.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.  And clowns... 

I think they're totally creepy.

Quote from: stephaniec on August 02, 2015, 04:28:03 PM
yea, my immune system is my Achilles Heel.

I've actually decided that, unless I absolutely have to, I'm not leaving my house from the middle of December to the middle of April. That limits the number of people who can get me sick to 7 people.

Quote from: stephaniec on August 02, 2015, 03:39:44 PM
Mine is just never finding anyone to share companionship with. When I began transition I was at appoint in my life where I was just tired of worrying about whether or not I'd find anyone. Now though after getting comfortable in my body I'm once again thinking about it. I've only been transitioning for  21 months, but I'm starting to feel I need closeness again. I still have a ways to go , but I'd liked to be hit on. I don't know if and when that might happen. Its on my mind though more often now since everything else about transition is working out. What are your biggest fears of transitioning.

My biggest fear is losing my children. I also worry about by losing my employment before I am ready, but it's always possible to get a new job.  I can't get new children. Interestingly, my decision to transition also had to do with a certain degree of acceptance that I will never again have a partner or a lover.  That's when I decided, I only have myself, so I might as well try to live my remaining years as I would want.

My biggest fear? I want to say finding a person to love but I know it is not true because I don't try. Also I am not really scared about it and I far more afraid of the idea of accepting being alone.

I used to be alone when I was a kid and it got so bad people thought I had become autistic (my teachers told my parents that and they freaked out and made me join ESOL!). It is really strange to me because I don't understand how friends work so I don't know how being girlfriend and girlfriend works :/. I lack a lot of skills in socializing that makes me really scared because I don't have anyone to help. I had some friends but they all moved and I am honestly so bad at meeting people I couldn't manage to make more. When I told my therapist this she was surprised I never did anything that would have hurt me when I was alone especially with my gender dysphoria. I guess the only reason for that was that I had this idea that I was hurting someone else's body.
I was so happy when I got my first phone (20 years old.. I am 22 XD) but I quickly realize how little use I had with it. I did text my friends but they said I text so slow it was painful waiting for my messages.

Sometimes I think about how transitioning will help me, but the only difference I feel now is that I am somewhat alone but at least with myself in tact.
I had a friend who told me the reason for me being so lonely was because of how strange I was. He hated my method for selecting anything (I always pick what no one wanted, I guess it is a little hipsterish). What he told hurt me a lot back then... "I feel like you don't act like yourself and you never seem sincere". I think about that a lot.. but I guess that part of me is fixed.

Anyways this was a pretty interesting topic

My biggest fear is that my brother will never speak to me again. I miss him so much already. This is the longest I have ever had to go without hearing his voice... it just breaks my heart. I feel subtracted from his life. Transition is still mybest decision ever though. I just didn't think he would be my loss. I just keep waiting to hear from him, trying to keep my hope and faith in him and our bond as siblings alive.

I am afraid of nothing.

I have taken control of my life - just like anyone can - and I am now the boss.

As I evolve I find that those once feared are no longer feared. New fears emerge but I know I will overcome. The major fears I have overcome are anxiety attacks, coming out in my city, and my change in relationship with my two young daughters. I'm so gregarious that I know I will have a relationship with someone but I don't know my sexual preference yet.

At the moment I'm my grandmother's live in carer and we live in a retirement village. So I'm scared of coming out and facing small mindedness or ruining my grandmother's friendships/standing in her community and the possibility of being asked to leave and my Nana having no-one to look after her.

I had every fear in the book and then some. Every fear ended up being groundless. Fear is natures way of saying be careful, and plan for the issue.

Bobbie, I'm not a live in carer but my wife is in full time care. I transitioned when she was in care and visit her every weekend. No one, not a single person has had an issue.

Do remember that in coming years there are going to be a lot of LGBTIQ people going into care and the Retirement places are planning for it. They have too as they have to deal with the community at large.

One thing I will add, I visited my 95 year old MiL in her retirement home, she was asked by one of her friends who I was, she said, 'my daughter in law' Oh who is she married too? 'My daughter' There was no negative reaction, just an Oh. nice to meet you.

My biggest fear going into transition was that my family was going to reject me. I cared about their love and approval so much. It took 2 years, but the fear came true, my dad did stop talking to me and break contact with me. Frankly, though, it turns out that family rejection by the point in time where I was long since past even remembering what it was like to be male, and was long past that "OMG is it even worth it?" phase meant that it barely even hurt when it happened. So that "greatest fear" ended up being nowhere near as bad in real life as I was afraid of.

My other biggest fear was that I'd be an ugly woman, or that I'd never pass even though I was starting hormones relatively early in life, age 27. Other people constantly mocked me going into transition because I was such a huge ugly guy that nobody thought I could possibly succeed. I tortured myself with those hurtful words too. So that fear didn't start going away until VERY recently, about 28 months into HRT, even though I'd been getting gendered properly for almost a year before that. It takes a LONG time to erase a deep-seated fear like that.

So since those were my two biggest fears and they ended up unfounded because I survived them, my only other significant remaining fear is that even post-surgery nobody will be able to see me as an attractive woman and want to date me and snuggle with me. That one I'm still working on, and still afraid of. I haven't really tried dating yet because I'm still dealing with too much genital dysphoria to enjoy intimacy, and thus I don't want to drag someone else into my genital dysphoria issues, but post-surgery I'll get back to you on that. And hopefully as with the other fears, the fear of it happening will either be completely unfounded or nowhere near as bad as I was afraid it would be even if it's true.

Quote from: Mariah2014 on August 02, 2015, 03:51:12 PM
Coming into transition it was being told no you can't do this. Now that I have transition my biggest fear is dealing with my moms funeral itself when the time comes. Some of the family have been left out of the loop. Since I never see them and they are really getting up there in age there was no need to tell them, but still it will make for an awkward situation when the time comes.
Mariah

I had never even thought of this, I love my mum but couldn't care less about the rest and they couldn't care less about me. Not sure what I will do, guess I will ask her about it.

I was afraid of not passing. I initially blocked the idea of transitioning out of my head for many years until it became too much.
Never finding my soulmate was already a thing without transitioning, so I didn't care about that. I didn't have a relationship before after I transitioned, and now, I have only been single for 2 months of my new life.

When you love yourself you will be capable of loving somebody else. People can sense that  :)

 Losing My father. He doesn't know anything about it nor about ME. You would think being 43 it would be easy to tell him. Go figure.

Haven't started much as far as transition goes but I know my biggest fear before I came out to my parents was how they'd react (they're supportive in case you were wondering) and I'm still nervous to tell the rest of my family and friends about my transition when the time comes because I'm sure I'll lose friends and that my grandma won't accept me. Besides that I do fear not ever finding a significant other but I feel confident enough that my interests and personality will be enough to find someone.

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My biggest fear is 4 hours of anaesthesia in a few days time. Other than that, all my fears are behind me. Most of them proved groundless and of those few that did come to pass, none of them were as bad as I feared.

Mine is the fear of just giving up on physically improving my body. I've had a facelift, plastic surgery on my face, eye lid surgery, liposuction & a tummy tuck. On the atkins diet for 4 months & lost 25 pounds. My body looks OK, 5-9, small hands, small feet, size 14 dress for now, B cup breasts & I have a nice face & voice but still some stupid facial hairs, do I ever hate those hairs!!! And my scale hair is thin, I've tried everything & guess no other choice than hair club for women for transplants, that's expensive. I so hate to wear a wig, ugggg. I want a nice head of longer real hair! I found a nice surgeon for my grs which will be easy for me after so much other surgery. A normal depth vagina will be nice but I want to become a complete 24/7 very normal attractive sexy woman, not some halfway person.

I'm afraid my penis will stop working when I start HRT. I want to be a girl but do not want SRS.

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Quote from: rachel.i.prince on August 03, 2015, 06:52:14 AM
I'm afraid my penis will stop working when I start HRT. I want to be a girl but do not want SRS.

Most people find "down below" gets dysfunctional on HRT. Whilst yours may not, the odds are not in your favour. I thought I was a cross-dresser until HRT unshackled all my restraints. Now I have fully transitioned. Just be prepared. HRT can be subtle and you may not notice the changes happening very gradually, but changes there will be.

Quote from: rachel.i.prince on August 03, 2015, 06:52:14 AM
I'm afraid my penis will stop working when I start HRT. I want to be a girl but do not want SRS.

Well My Mr Happy went from Mr Happy to Florida within the first 2 weeks of HRT. i have rare occasions where it tries to assert its authority but those are very few and far between.

My biggest fear has always been my transition harming my kids.

Quote from: rachel.i.prince on August 03, 2015, 06:52:14 AM
I'm afraid my penis will stop working when I start HRT. I want to be a girl but do not want SRS.

YMMV  :)
Generally I find, that the lower the dose of anti-androgen (while maintaining female ranges of testosterone), the better your chances of obtaining and keeping an erection are.

It's a very fine line.. I was prescribed a certain dose, but I only took half for a while. Now I need a little more, which is not easy to administrate because it's around an 8th of a pill.

My biggest fears are never getting FFS with a good surgeon or working really hard to save for years, getting it, and having bad results and/or chronic pain from nerve damage for the entire rest of my life. I also fear any kind of economic or societal turmoil that might prevent me from being able to access hormones.

That I'll never look like a girl.

Quote from: Angieisalone on August 04, 2015, 12:37:30 PM
That I'll never look like a girl.

THAT is my second biggest fear.

Who the hell am I kidding. My ONLY fear about "transitioning" (trying to change my disgusting body and face into a woman's) is NOT PASSING, BEING MISGENDERED any time any place, for any reason. I don't dream anymore, I just have nightmares on a daily basis, about it and now they are becoming true. I wish one could choose upon birth, if one will be cis or trans, and if one wants to live or not. Sorry you may read between the  lines what happened to me today. I am so tired of having to put an effort to be seen as what i want to be seen. Sorry.Just feeling utterly depressed and wanting to die after six years on HRT and still looking like total sh$%. sometimes I think that not even the most extensive FFS will "fix" me. And then again, I can't afford anything anyways.

For me it is ending up living alone and having no one to share a life with.  I have love and support of family and friends, but it is the lack of day to day companionship that worries me. 

I find that I have given thought to most of the things mentioned in this thread. Yet my biggest fear currently is the fear that I may never get to transition completely due to the financial requirements. I let social anxiety brought on by dysphoria and depression keep me from making much progress as far as a career goes in my 20's. Now at 31 I curse having lost so much time and feeling as if I have to scramble to make up for it...or how to even go about doing so.

Quote from: Mariah2014 on August 02, 2015, 03:51:12 PM
Coming into transition it was being told no you can't do this. Now that I have transition my biggest fear is dealing with my moms funeral itself when the time comes. Some of the family have been left out of the loop. Since I never see them and they are really getting up there in age there was no need to tell them, but still it will make for an awkward situation when the time comes.
Mariah

This is my biggest worry too Mariah.  My Mum has outlived all her siblings and other older relatives, but instead I will have to deal with my two brothers who hate me and the fact that Mum's will is heavily in my favour because I was her caregiver for so long.

One of my biggest fears was being postop and being dissatisfied with my new lady parts. I have heard horror stories of fistulas but also loss of sensitivity and ability to orgasm.

I mean if I pick up a boyfriend (like my aunt suggested, lol) I would definitely want to be intimate with him...

My biggest fear is truly living on my own for the first time in my life.

A health condition that would prevent me from continuing hrt. That is my worst nightmare!!!

I usually avoid Susan's because I end up talking about this sort of thing and it makes me angry and depressed. I find that I have a anxiety and probably unrealistic expectations concerning transition. Because of that I have been trying to take things one step at a time but it's very frustrating because I honestly would like to get on with my life. Right now I've been on HRT for some time and I have been getting laser hair removal as well. I have already had to ask for a medication increase and for additional blockers and estrogen as well on 2 separate occasions. Hopefully those kick in sometime soon. The laser hair removal hasn't been effective except for my cheeks and neck and that's really frustrating too.

My daughter not being able to accept me

Losing my wife....

Unfortunately, I think that this may happen, and it's out of my control.

For me: ridicule, and loneliness.

I'll still look like a guy, doctors do not help me.

And therefore  I have depression and thought suicidal.

My biggest fear is losing my wife and alienating my children.  My spouse has been very open minded but she verbally has expressed discomfort at being judged for walking down the street with what the world sees as a woman and seeing her as a lesbian.

I have been watching and listening as my kids express their thoughts on Caitlyn Jenner and other trans stories.  Since they are all adults I know they can effectively process it and they are certainly entitled to their viewpoints.  I will have to see how that unfolds.


Bellah - because I am beautiful whether the world recognizes it or not!

My biggest fear is living alone for the first time in my life. My 2nd biggest fear is that my wife won't find happiness if I transition, whether or not we stay together as a married couple.

My biggest fear is that I might be wrong. All the pain and hardship only to regret it in the end :/

Loss of revenue from fleeing clients and inability to land new ones - it's my only real remaining concern.


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Being rejected by my family, wife, kids etc...
Losing income
Being totally alone

To be tested and proven soon!

However many of those are under my control...
If I lost my family, I will have, at least, such wonderful memories to hold onto  :-\

Katy xx

that's the great thing about like no one can erase the good stuff

Yep
So true Stephanie  :-*

Katy