Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Well, I was thinking about coming out at work later this year, but not now. Everyone (and I mean 15 people,  2 women) were standing around hate bashing Caitlyn Jenner today. I stood and listened to every person say something bad about her. I wanted to cry it made me so sad. Even with HR's help I now know it will suck working with them after I come out. I'm going to have to find a new job after I transition.  Has anyone else ran into this lately because of Caitlyn?

I'd say relax...
it might be different if its somebody they know.
Its one thing to pick on a being on a tv screen and another to have a human being, with normal needs and cravings, standing before them.

Also don't underestimate a kind of group effect... someone says something, another one joins in and soon there is much more said than meant.
Its just talk.
Afterwards often people feel different.
Just look at what peple do on company celebrations, having lots of regrets the day after.

I wouldn't take it too seriously. You might even talk to one or two people, saying its not nice to demean other people.
Its possible they agree, if they think about it.

*hugs*

Rachel:

Sorry about your situation Please don't blame Caitlyn. Your coworkers are just being jerks. Better to find out now then when you would be fully committed when you came out and would be totally unprepared for.

I think it may be better for you to seek out a new job before you transition. Investigate any firms you may want to work for and hope it has a non-discrimination clause in their company.
Don't tell anyone at your present job as you will need a reference.

Best Wishes,

Janet

Thanks for the kind and supporting words. I just don't know how I'm going to be strong enough to do this. It's like I had taken 10 steps forward and now just took 100 back. What a crappie day. Just have to move on one day at a time.

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Around me they wouldn't dare. The people who rent from us know they have a great deal where they are and as second in command to my mother, everybody knows they don't dare cross my mother. I am pretty sure my voice has given me away but nobody has mentioned my status to my mother or me. It will be interesting to see what happens as my voice improves after the surgery. On the other hand, I can take care of myself and if someone were to give me a problem, I could argue them into a corner.

In your case, do you think there might be room for a less public better controlled transition? Caitlyn has done some things that make me uncomfortable with the image she is presenting. Possibly better education might help as well. On the other hand, my evil mind came up with a thought. Shortly before you are ready to leave, you drop a slip of paper on everyone's desk including yours with the web address of Susan's Place. They might become more educated about us.

Id of said how do we know your not trans? Trying to hide in plain sight like a closet gay becomes a homophobe?

Troubble is, Most people including ourselves just want to fit in (we spend years of our lives trying to do just that. And One person saying somthing is nothing they become a leader, the troubble realy starts when one other person joins in, the first follower, thats when other people notice.

What happens after that,  normally quite people who otherwise wouldnt say boo to a goose says boo to the goose. But then you have somthing that becomes a thing, like i said most people who just want to fit in and be part of the group, so they start to join in, because its more likely for them to be ridicueld for not joining in.

Its more then likely that only half or less of that group actually have any true hatred toward trans people.

And on top of that we have the truth, not liking Caitlyn, doesnt mean they wont like every trans person

Quote from: rachel.i.prince on August 06, 2015, 05:23:21 PM
Thanks for the kind and supporting words. I just don't know how I'm going to be strong enough to do this. It's like I had taken 10 steps forward and now just took 100 back. What a crappie day. Just have to move on one day at a time.

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If you look at the larger picture its imo like this:
the last years sentiment has changed much. Its often like this, it takes time, but then people are more ready to accept it.
I would see it the other way around. Its not Jenner is the sole focus. Because people were ready, a person like Jenner was able to step in the limelight and was able to be more accepted.

Now if looking at history, there were some counter moments but they simply could not stand the test of time.

Its the same with people. There might be some counter waves but its simply not the sentiment any more.
And if people are talked to they often might realize it doesn't make sense to insist on old values.

Its all just people wanting to live their lifes in peace. So imo if educated and told in a nice but firm manner quite a few might come around.

hugs

I'm coming out MUCH sooner, in part thanks to Caitlyn.  The other part is that my local Pride festival required all parade entries to sign a Trans Equality pledge.  The BC Liberal party got raked over the coals over not signing the pledge... with clear signalling that transphobia results in public shaming, I'm certain that my employer will be fully on board, even if they wouldn't be cool to begin with.

Remember: Caitlyn didn't make people transphobic.  Caitlyn offered transphobes the opportunity to open their ugly mouths.  In the 80's and even 90's, in liberal Seattle, awkward homophobic jokes were readily accepted.  Today, not so much.  I've got pretty thick skin and I live in a liberal haven; I can weather this 'til people come around in my neck of the woods.  I'll help 'em come around by being myself and holding my head high.

I am inspired to start by Caitlyn and my daughters friend starting at a young age makes me feel like I cab go for it

I'd agree with the comments above. Jenner is an "easy" target for hate and ridicule because of her association with the Kardashian clan and her celebrity status. People open their mouths and dumb words come out because it's "fun" to kick someone famous, especially when that person isn't in that room and they don't know them personally. If Jenner had been in the room it would have been a very different story. I think you'll find that if people respect you now they will respect you after your transition. Although I worked in an accepting mostly female workplace I found the fact my colleagues respected me and I them prior to my transition definitely smoothed the way for a transition with minimal pushback. Given you are in a very male environment though it may be more difficult. Regardless, you shouldn't set your transition plans by other people but you do need to feel safe too.

Rachel, I can relate to the stress this has caused you. Except for my therapist I'm not close to coming out to anyone yet, but the hateful comments about Ms. Jenner made by all my co-workers and friends the last several months has me about ready to dig a really deep hole to crawl back into. Best of luck. 

I agree that this is really a tough time for some of us to come out. This past week I revealed by dysphoria to several family members, and several were not only surprised but critical, seeming to imply that I was just buying into a new fad and looking for attention. LOOKING FOR ATTENTION?? That's the last thing I want, and what I have been avoiding for the last 25+ years. Maybe some people will be more willing to understand as a result of CJ, but I don't want to be type-cast as looking for pity or notoriety or stepping out into the limelight. I don't expect others to understand, no more than I really understand. Just don't put me in a box and say I am following the crowd.

I think that is a progressive response think of the difference u want them to notice it is too big for most ppl to acknowledge in one go they are the ones in denial now not u tell them some more piece by piece who u are let them watch the tv show ask for small things till it builds to everything and then they won't be able to deny u anymore.

Hope and love

It's not Caitlyn Jenner's fault your coworkers are transphobes; at least now you know their true feelings, and who to watch out for.

when i was a trucker 13 yrs ago,a young transexual came into the truck stop,truckers started to make fun of her til i put a stop to it,she asked me later if i was afraid to speak up,told her no for i crossdress and don't care who knows..i drove dressed once other truckers who passed us thought their were two ladies in the truck..i wish u luck in changing their attitudes...

Quote from: Laura_7 on August 06, 2015, 05:14:54 PM
I'd say relax...
it might be different if its somebody they know.
Its one thing to pick on a being on a tv screen and another to have a human being, with normal needs and cravings, standing before them.

Also don't underestimate a kind of group effect... someone says something, another one joins in and soon there is much more said than meant.
Its just talk.
Afterwards often people feel different.
Just look at what peple do on company celebrations, having lots of regrets the day after.

I wouldn't take it too seriously. You might even talk to one or two people, saying its not nice to demean other people.
Its possible they agree, if they think about it.

*hugs*

Nicely said, I am a +1 to this. :)

I was a little worried because Caitlyn's interview was 7 days after I submitted my name change petition and went full time. Not only did it have no negative effects, I think it helped.

I don't think Caitlyn has hurt me but it gets tiring when people ask you if you were inspired by her.  The answer is no. We also have different paths and priorities. She's probably a lesbian, I'm not. Her voice was attended to last, I did mine first. I chose an age appropriate name, she chose one that was a little more youthful. Etc etc.  I do get though that Cait makes it easy for people to somewhat relate to the transgender experience but I would rather tell my own story. And I do.

Quote from: rachel.i.prince on August 06, 2015, 05:08:11 PM
Well, I was thinking about coming out at work later this year, but not now. Everyone (and I mean 15 people,  2 women) were standing around hate bashing Caitlyn Jenner today. I stood and listened to every person say something bad about her. I wanted to cry it made me so sad. Even with HR's help I now know it will suck working with them after I come out. I'm going to have to find a new job after I transition.  Has anyone else ran into this lately because of Caitlyn?

This is a teaching moment where you can tell people to slow down their hate boner. Yeah people can be awful, but it is reinforced by mob mentality unless someone stands up and says, "I thought y'all were better than this, I didn't know y'all were bigots."
People tend to think they get a pass because she's a reality star. They forget that she also earned her celebrity status in the olympics. People also tend to not view reality stars in a positive light, especially women, regardless whether they are trans or not.

     Hugs,
- Katie
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I think the reaction to Caitlyn is pretty much 50/50 in the way that people are responding to her. I mean it is totally different when you are rich and famous to do something like that where the rest of us don't have it that easy. If I had the money she has I sure would make the transition and become a woman but since I don't it is a lot harder to do so.

For the rest of us we have to do what is right for us and if you need to take time then take it and enjoy it and when you need to come out you will come out.

You're not Caitlyn, not a part of the Kardashian media circus.

I expect fully half of the disparagement owes to the Kardashian tribal hoopla. Your work place may very well afford a different perspective when/if you decide to transition. Transition can take years. Done well, the progression is glacial. Gives people time to adjust.