Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I'm just going go start with crossdressing,  and I'm scared as hell because I live with a number of people in a group home whom I dint know very well. It makes me worried that it'll change things between us because I get along with them pretty well. I know everyone says worry about myself, not them, but it makes me uncomfortable to think they'd be uncomfortable. Any bits of information? I'm gonna ask one of or both of the girls to take me shopping. ..

Michelle,

That's a great start! Asking some girls you know to take you shopping and for help.  Hopefully they are accepting and can help you inform the others in your home if that's how you want to proceed.

I always tell people cross dressing is about you first and what that means to you.  Some are happy to dress at home, while others want/need to be out and about beyond the home.  You need to sort out what form your dressing takes and how far you want to take it.  And remember, you don't have to go all out your 1st time; you can make incremental changes as you become more comfortable.

Life is far too short to go along with what everyone  says you should do... you have to follow your own path to happiness.

Kerry

But as I said the whole idea scares me a lot.... I feel so much shame when I act feminine, but masculinity has always felt two sizes too big... I just want peace

I felt the same many years ago. I knew I shouldn't brow clothes and dress up in them but it was nearly impossible to stop doing it. I didn't have anyone to help expose me to the public when I transition and the fear of walking out that door for the first time in female close was off the scale. Luck for me my first trip out the door was my night for group therapy so I didn't have the option of changing my mind.

The fear and shame both fade after a short time. In my case, I went to a number of therapy sessions and then I lost my job. My options were to take a new job and risk transitioning after I was hired or locate a new job as a woman. I decided the best option to seek a new job as a woman. By now I had some public exposure but interviewing as a woman was pretty uncomfortable at first. However I did find a job and worked as a woman at the new job.

You will be uncomfortable at first but it won't be long until you become comfortable in your new role.

When I cross dress I find there is somewhat of a change comes over my personality, I tend to be more confident and relaxed about things. I am better able to cope if I feel comfortable in what I am wearing. Whether that be a dress, skirt or pants. Venturing out was scary as hell at first for me...and it still is. I would give yourself time at home first to get used to the feel and texture of the clothes and the differences in the way you walk and move depending on what you have on. Get some confidence in yourself and what you are wearing before venturing out into the world...and never ever forget the main rule...if you do forget then you are missing part of it all...here it comes...don't forget to have fun...its easy to get too serious about it and a sense of humour will help you stay relaxed. Enjoy and don't forget to accessorise your outfit...necklace, earrings, rings, scarves, hats...that type of thing.

Sarah T

Quote from: MichelleZelda on August 24, 2015, 11:52:18 PM
But as I said the whole idea scares me a lot.... I feel so much shame when I act feminine, but masculinity has always felt two sizes too big... I just want peace

There's no shame in feeling, being, or acting feminine inherently.  IMO the shame you feel is the press of what your belief in what society expects out of you.  You know that doesn't fit either though.  Baby steps... dress at home and get comfortable just being home dressed.  The rest will come later if/when you are ready.  The mirror initially may be your enemy when you are dressed... but I found that forcing myself to see me dressed helped.  It helped align how I feel inside with how I look outside.

The thing is I recognize the desire to present my feminine qualities, and if everything goes how I'd like, I could be going in public soon... I feel ashamed that I feel any shame... oddly enough

Quote from: MichelleZelda on August 25, 2015, 01:14:51 PM
The thing is I recognize the desire to present my feminine qualities, and if everything goes how I'd like, I could be going in public soon... I feel ashamed that I feel any shame... oddly enough

That makes sense actually, you just have to wade through it.  Hopefully those feelings will settle down and you can get on with being the whole you  ;)

Ugh now my roommate is dressed like trailer trash before we're going

Well, I did my shopping and I look FABULOUS.

when I saw myself in a mirror with a cardigan on, I saw MYSELF.

Not the buffoon who has been mismanaging my life for these past 20 - something years. Everyone agrees I look so much happier and cute.

I'm glad that they're accepting! I used to manage a group home and the residents were, mostly, the most accepting people I ever met. Of course you get some who accept nothing, but not many. Sounds like you're in a good one.

Just had some texts with my brother, he's fully on board, my whole house is supportive, this support group I go to nothing whatsoever changed, and I'm already thinking of myself differently. I'd say day 1 of crossdressing was a smashing success

I am glad we got you out the door so you can see it's not so scary. Soon it will be possible for you to answer the questions that have been troubling you.

I'm amazed at how different everything feels. Nothing really has changed but my clothes and attitude (slight behavioural stuff, but that's inconsequential) and my whole world seems SO much brighter! Everyone so far has been really warm.

I love this! I need a purse and shoes (omg I've spent so much already) a new wallet... some other things to fill out a purse...

I'm enjoying this a lot, I tried tiptoeing around but now decided to just dive in and I'm loving life for the first time in a long time. I get to be me, even though I thought I was before.

Quote from: MichelleZelda on August 28, 2015, 12:40:43 AM
I love this! I need a purse and shoes (omg I've spent so much already) a new wallet... some other things to fill out a purse...

Typical woman, spend, spend, spend.  ;D

Quote from: Dena on August 28, 2015, 12:56:38 AM
Typical woman, spend, spend, spend.  ;D

Unfortunately it's all my money.

Quote from: MichelleZelda on August 28, 2015, 12:40:43 AM


I love this! I need a purse and shoes (omg I've spent so much already) a new wallet... some other things to fill out a purse...

Welcome to actually enjoying shopping, its a lot of fun isn't it? Pretty soon you'll have a closet filled up.

I'm already on my way. Two pairs of jeans a pair of leggings, 4 cardigans 9 tops then I have all my old clothes that I'm not even gonna try to wear. If I could lose 50 lbs (probably more like 65, I've put on weight) I'd really be looking at a mich more ideal self finally. Thinking about it much makes me so happy I almost cry. A cardigan and shirt was all it took for me to admit this is who I want looking back from the other side of the mirror.

I just looked in the mirror and saw myself as female. GOOSEBUMPS

Quote from: MichelleZelda on August 28, 2015, 10:31:55 AM
I just looked in the mirror and saw myself as female. GOOSEBUMPS

Grats!  I secretly feel everyone should go full time.  I don't begrudge people going stealth for obvious reasons, but full time feels better.  Since goign full time I feel so amazing!  I'm glad cross dressing has worked out, and I wish you best of luck on your journey here on out!

Quote from: MichelleZelda on August 28, 2015, 10:00:56 AM
If I could lose 50 lbs (probably more like 65, I've put on weight) I'd really be looking at a mich more ideal self finally.

I've dropped over a hundred pounds. Just eat really healthy and avoid fast food, along with sugar filled drinks and processed foods. One thing that worked for me was figuring out how much money a month a spent on food. And then seeing how much extra I'd have if I didn't. Plus it means more money for clothes!!!!!

For me my cross dressing is all over the board. One year I am buying clothes all the time and spending money on panties and other articles of clothing that are feminine and other times I go months and months without wearing female clothes and will get rid of all my feminine clothes. I feel like at my age I will never just settle with the feminine aspect of it even though I want to go further than just dressing up. I have found myself being totally memorized by she males and would myself love to be the same. To have breasts but still have the male genitals but a really feminine body, yet I feel that will always be a pipe dream for me.

Quote from: Sandy74 on August 29, 2015, 06:08:22 AM
For me my cross dressing is all over the board. One year I am buying clothes all the time and spending money on panties and other articles of clothing that are feminine and other times I go months and months without wearing female clothes and will get rid of all my feminine clothes. I feel like at my age I will never just settle with the feminine aspect of it even though I want to go further than just dressing up. I have found myself being totally memorized by she males and would myself love to be the same. To have breasts but still have the male genitals but a really feminine body, yet I feel that will always be a pipe dream for me.

I am not real familiar with this but it sound like you might be gender fluid. If you haven't already, you should check it out as there are others like that here. They may be able to give you a better understanding of your feelings and help you get to a place where you are more comfortable.

Quote from: Sandy74 on August 29, 2015, 06:08:22 AM
For me my cross dressing is all over the board. One year I am buying clothes all the time and spending money on panties and other articles of clothing that are feminine and other times I go months and months without wearing female clothes and will get rid of all my feminine clothes. I feel like at my age I will never just settle with the feminine aspect of it even though I want to go further than just dressing up. I have found myself being totally memorized by she males and would myself love to be the same. To have breasts but still have the male genitals but a really feminine body, yet I feel that will always be a pipe dream for me.

I dread the idea of wearing guys clothes much now that I have enough women's clothes

Quote from: Sandy74 on August 29, 2015, 06:08:22 AM
For me my cross dressing is all over the board. One year I am buying clothes all the time and spending money on panties and other articles of clothing that are feminine and other times I go months and months without wearing female clothes and will get rid of all my feminine clothes. I feel like at my age I will never just settle with the feminine aspect of it even though I want to go further than just dressing up. I have found myself being totally memorized by she males and would myself love to be the same. To have breasts but still have the male genitals but a really feminine body, yet I feel that will always be a pipe dream for me.

Hey you sound a lot like me... I've gone through those purge and shame cycles before.  It doesn't have to be a pipedream.  I have been paralyzed by fear that even if I did transition, I'd still be a 6' tall woman with linebacker shoulders... but I just can't be happy as a man, so I'm going for it.

I'm no authority, but there's no harm in talking to a therapist.  I had never wanted to change my penis to a vagina, but had wanted to otherwise feminize like you're saying.  After accepting my feelings, I'm actually intrigued about the idea.  Again, you might not and you don't even need this to otherwise be happy...

Anyway, I'm a month late here... but much love, hope you find peace in your struggles.

I am not sure what I am because sometimes I can be so happy with dressing in private in female clothes and then the next minute I can see a pair of hiking boots that I really like and be like Hell Yeah those would look good with my shorts and sweatshirt. Perhaps I am Gender Fluid (guess I will have to look that one up). It seems like there are so many terms for everything out there. I guess happiness will come sooner or later and I will discover what the end path is when I get there.

Let's suggest here that when you "cross" you go to the polar extreme in cis-F attire.

First thing everyone seemingly tries is "skirt/dress in public" . . .

But if you pay serious attention, most cis-F don't wear skirts/dresses most of the time.

It's helpful to PAY SOME SERIOUS ATTENTION, (as in stop and assess, inventory, look at how it coordinates), to what/how women actually dress. I'm betting most women are wearing men's clothes, dressed casual in pants, some sort of "sneaker" casual shoe, hooded sweatshirt. (This from the woman sitting across from me right now.)

Women are also wearing tank tops (stretch these days), T's cut for females, earrings, jewelry, hair accessories . . .

Which is what I wear, every day.

On me it presents "middle" somewhere. "But uses the M restroom." I don't present cis-F. I present more "middle" -- And so do a lot of cis-F women.

Typically, cross-dressing cis-M try to go to the extreme gender presentation pole -- skirts, lace, frills, pastel, floral print.

Gawd knows I have racks and racks of this sort of stuff. Frills I can wear "under" other stuff. Skirts have me looking "Man in a dress."

For now, at 67 and non-binary, I'm happy just not looking "Macho" . . . like the majority of cis-M locally. You know, "shave your head and grow a goatee." LMAO

Carhartts, Romeos, big lumbering truck, wallet on a chain . . .

(ICK ! ! ! )

The 1st time I CD'd, I was 13. I didn't know I was CDing. I thought I was trick or treating. After Mom dressed me in my older sister Shasta's clothes. (She is 16 months older) We look like twins. After the front door closed, I wondered if someone would recognize me? I then told myself "You just moved in." I took a deep breath & said "here goes nothing" All thru out the time I have Cd'd, what helps me is take a deep breath & I say "Oh well!" I must have taken the deepest breath when I decided to tell Vikki, my GF. Luckily she is ok w/ it. Matter of fact, her work, a medical research facility TG/TS section is helping me transition. Just take one step at a time. there maybe some set backs. I started CDing when I was 13. I took a bit of time off. then started after I met Vikki. I was 23. Somehow I just knew I could trust her. It took awhile after I moved in w/ her, after I told her. Not sure if she knew. She had me cook & clean for my keep. (I was out of work) She then had me help her clean out her closet 'for spring cleaning' Women's intuition? not sure.

This has been such a happy thread to read. So happy for you Michelle.

Clearly everything is going well for you, and I just thought that you may be able to take some benefit from some of my experiences too. I have found that showing respect and tolerance for others in your immediate circle is often reciprocated and that considering and engaging your housemates might well be the most effective way to reach a suitable and enjoyable solution for all of the involved parties. Be honest. Express your feelings and indicate how important your gender identity is to you (as it is to all cis people too). And then, hopefully, you'll be in the most awesome of places! :)