Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi, I have never been asked this until today.  I was at a beauty store buying hair extensions, (note: why does nobody on here talk about extensions and powder!  Instant hair and dysphoria calmed!)   The store clerk, a 22 yo cis girl, asked if I had one, or wanted one of their discount cards?  I said "no, my wife already has one.."  she said, "oh, I'm sorry, so you are not gay?.."  she said it with a smile and suprise.  She said that, "She only knew this from what she saw on dr phil.."

I was never asked this, and maybe I should be suprised.. Even last year I bet my head would have exploded with confetti comming out..

1.  What's bugging me, is the fact is doesn't bug me..  I just smiled and pointed out that I was married for over 20 years with a son.  I even explained between gender and sex to her, and I was not embarrassed?  Anyone else like this?  I'm not rude about it, she even was more friendly after it, and I hate reading people's facial expressions,  but don't care anymore.  I do think my smile gets more true smiles from women;)

2.  What is dr phil showing that makes us look gay?

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hmm all through high school and most of the places I have worked sense at least a significant portion of my classmates/co workers assumed I was gay, you talk with your hands and comment on a attractive womans outfit just a few dozen times and suddenly everyone assumes things.

I have been directly asked a few times..I don't ever remember denying there question but usually just brushing it off or ignoring it often times red faced and sometimes angry, the last few years though I took to responding with statements like "let me tell you the full and honest truth....its more complicated than you realize" or "that would make things so much easier" basiclly I started to have fun with not giving a answer but neither denying it confirming anything.

a month an a half ago I started living as my honest self and when coming out to people I would even joke about my past with people assuming I was gay usually with a statement like "and contrary to popular opinion I am in fact attracted to women"

so I really can't remember the first time, I think it was middle school 7th grade mabye though it may have waited till high school.

Serena

By my Dad when I told him I was going to be a male nurse...mind you the whole city thought I was gay for this reason as well... it was a small town, population 15000, tolerance 0... ha ha

My wife and I returned to a favorite vacation spot after I started transition.  We did all the same things as before but experienced what she called affirmation by discrimination.  It was apparent that people were staring at what they likely considered a lesbian couple doing those personal displays of affection like sitting close and holding hands.  I remain bi or pan sexual and really had not considered how often people would now consider my darling and I lesbians.  Gay is great but assumptions are just superficiality at work.  The old don't judge a book or a couple by the cover comes to mind.

I do wonder how many of us are uncomfortable because of the stigmatizing labels?  Just like those who reject the label trans, during and after transitioning, some will never accept being gay, lesbian, bi or queer even while they are involved in same sex love.  Go figure ;D ;D

Last year by a girl friend from an old friend circle.
Funny thing is she's friends with an ex-girlfriend.
I dated women why do you think i'm gay!?
I should've said no, i'm not gay (yet)

haahahaha, I really wanted to admit being trans to her but then ex-girlfriend showed up and I didn't dare anymore.

Quote from: sarahtokes on August 15, 2015, 03:36:17 AM
By my Dad when I told him I was going to be a male nurse...mind you the whole city thought I was gay for this reason as well... it was a small town, population 15000, tolerance 0... ha ha

That one followed me through life too.  After Vietnam I started school to get my RN and continued on with anesthesia.  Male nurse suggested to many others that I was gay.  Ha ha only half right!

As a cold question, I never have been ask that. On the other hand I have been talking to my neighbor about my past and she is asking me that because she has a hard time wrapping her head around the fact I don't desire sex. She figures I want a man or a woman as a companion. When I say it doesn't matter, it drives her up that wall because she is a strong CIS female but understands gay but just doesn't understand me. The word I am currently using is Demisexual which seems to be a better fit for me than Pansexual.

My wife and I had a rough patch and it came out at work that we were having issues but I never said what. I had 2 different people ask me if my wife caught me having a gay affair. Assuming an affair is one thing but a gay one? Obviously I give off a feminine vibe of some sorts, though I try really hard to suppress those instincts.

It's funny, I just hired a new assistant at work and he doesn't really know what to make of me. I pass 100%, nobody ever slips up on my name or pronouns, but there are still a few lingering feminine social things that I haven't entirely trained myself to stop doing. It's enough to give him some pause. I think he thinks I'm gay. He's been casually dropping in conversations how gay friendly he is, as if he wants me to come out to him. It cracks me up.

I hadn't ever had the experience before I came to college. There, I was asked about being gay more than three times in the first semester. It was a weird trend I had to analyze, but I came to realize it boiled down to an issue of gender performance - acting feminine = being attracted to men. Since I wasn't attracted to men at all, I'd say that this was one of the many cues that eventually led me to figure out all of this trans stuff. Y'know, separation of sexuality from gender, which is what everybody had been getting wrong about me. In my case it happened to be a useful mistake.

 I don't remember about everyone that I know but the first time by My sister about a year and a half ago. Scared Me to My core. I had THOUGHT that I hid My femininity awfully well. Apparently not too good from her.

Only in school when I was bullied for being somewhat effeminate. Never in my adult life.

Quote from: iKate on August 15, 2015, 05:05:17 PM
Only in school when I was bullied for being somewhat effeminate. Never in my adult life.

Sadly I forgot about that. My first nick name's Larry and I was "christened" Larryella by My band teacher in 7th grade. That one hurt.

Quote from: Laurette Mohr on August 15, 2015, 05:30:14 PM
Sadly I forgot about that. My first nick name's Larry and I was "christened" Larryella by My band teacher in 7th grade. That one hurt.

They tacked an A to the end of my name

I wrote this post, not thinking we all would get asked that at some point I guess.  I'm just glad it doesn't bug me.  I guess gay/lesbian would be my new term since I choose to stay with my wife.  I guess it's something I may have to talk more with my wife, before someone hits her with the same question.   One of her biggest things is she didn't want to be labeled a lesbian..  I told her it's a possibility that she may have to live with if she chooses to stay with me..  just don't want her to freak out..

It's hard to imagine a strait relationship of over 20 years will now be labeled lesbian..  I've never had an interest in guys, but now it does sit in the back of my head like it may be a topic someday..  I was watching the 2nd silent Hill yesterday, and I do have a strange taste, but the guy who protected Alyssa with the huge sword and triangle helmet, he always makes me feel funny and warm;)  I guess as long as my taste in men are not real?  Has anyone else had a fascination for stuff like the sinobites from hell raiser?  To me they were into body mod to make their outsides like their insides.  I never knew what attracted me to such characters, maybe that deep subliminal feeling of me wanting the change on the outside too?

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It's funny, up until about 3 years ago I had never felt an attraction to a man before. Sure I thought a penis could be fun to play with but women still did it for me. Then this one guy walked into my bank branch, gorgeous and cocksure and I just wanted to get all dolled up and let him have his way with me. I can count one hand how often that has happened since then.

To my face?  About 4 years ago. I came out as atheist to my sister. When I finished she had an expectant look and asked if I wanted to come out about anything else. Same thing happened a year later with my mom. My dad has asked other people if I am, but never me.

pre transition when I dyed my hair fudge paint box flamingo pink. Back in the 90's a drug dealer asked if I was gay, I said no, they said it's ok either way they are fine with it.

Was actually the last place I expected to fine LGBT friendly people in the rough place I live in rural Australia.

When I was 21, and serving in the army, someone said to me "you may not be gay, but you sure have some tendencies"

I came out as "gay" 12 years ago as a 15 year old. It lets  me socialize with women and not be lumped in with men, so it has helped me deal with dysphoria a lot. Lately I've been having trouble dating because I can't handle the expectation that I'm supposed to be with a man sexually  *as* a man, though.  A lot of friends used female pronouns for me occasionally just because of the way I socialized as "gay". I still debate over whether I might not just change my birth name and try to tough it out as an effeminate gay "man" (ugh) because as much as I wish I was pretty and got to wear dresses and all, it's mostly being forced to socialize with men and not women that upsets me.  I don't last five minutes as "one of the guys" but I can go for weeks without a major freak out over my body if I just ignore that and get treated as one of the girls by virtue of being "gay".  It's not ideal, but it lets me have normal female friendships, at least.

Quote from: Maia on August 16, 2015, 02:03:17 AM
I came out as "gay" 12 years ago as a 15 year old. It lets  me socialize with women and not be lumped in with men, so it has helped me deal with dysphoria a lot. Lately I've been having trouble dating because I can't handle the expectation that I'm supposed to be with a man sexually  *as* a man, though.  A lot of friends used female pronouns for me occasionally just because of the way I socialized as "gay". I still debate over whether I might not just change my birth name and try to tough it out as an effeminate gay "man" (ugh) because as much as I wish I was pretty and got to wear dresses and all, it's mostly being forced to socialize with men and not women that upsets me.  I don't last five minutes as "one of the guys" but I can go for weeks without a major freak out over my body if I just ignore that and get treated as one of the girls by virtue of being "gay".  It's not ideal, but it lets me have normal female friendships, at least.

This is one of the major things I could never wrap my head around. I could never come out as a gay man because it would mean men are attracted to me as a man. I want them to be attracted to me as a woman, not a man.

I agree with iKate.

Since i was in elementary school or even earlier than that... I never came out as gay because I never felt that it was the right label for me.

I'm constantly asked if I'm gay. its a daily thing that even complete strangers ask me. its gotten to the point the word lost its meaning to me and I just simply stare and say "what do you care if I am or not?" than just walk away. honestly I'm glad because I won't have to deal with a relationship

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in highschool because i am a guy who hangs out with girls

I started getting called gay perjoratives in junior high, no matter how masculine I tried to be.  I think the first time I was asked honestly if I was gay was by a middle age guy I was doing part time work for.  I think I was about 23 at the time.  I had a girlfriend then and told him so.  I asked him why he thought that way and he said because I was soft spoken, not very assertive, not very masculine.

If only I had grown up in today's society, with a better set of parents.  If only.

Towards the end of high school I got bombard with people questioning my sexuality. My mom, sister, and best friend, because I owned so many romance movies, dressed nice all the time, and took an hour to get ready. And then then all my guy friends would tell me not to act gay or wave like a girl. We had a pretty anti-gay area. People would spread rumors about someone being gay to bully them. They would lose all their friends and become isolated.

Today one of my co-workers said I think you might be gay. I ask asked him why and he said that I had a girly yawn. How on earth is a yawn girly? But anyways, I said I don't care and laughed. This used to make me pretty upset, but I really didn't care. I guess cause the only reason I have ever thought I might be gay, is because other people kept asking. And now I'm sure I'm straight. I don't really have a reason to get mad about it. It's not like I can just expect people to understand.

Odd thing afterwards though. He started getting a little touchy feelly, making stupid jokes, and I he started looking at me constantly. My friend was like, I think he likes you. I told her that he better watch out, my wife is the jealous type. lol

Quote from: Valwen on August 15, 2015, 03:33:08 AM
You talk with your hands and comment on a attractive womans outfit just a few dozen times and suddenly everyone assumes things.

I know, right! :D
Pretty much everyone I know have assumed I'm gay at some point. I think they will probably feel that a lot of things make more sense once I come out...

Within two hours of coming out to my sister she asked "are you sure ur not just gay"? Sorry, the spelling is hers, not mine.

I told her, no, that's not it. But I was thinking... well I like women so technically, I guess i am...

But I was teased and bullied a lot in high school. ->-bleeped-<-got, gay, I was called those things so often sometimes I think that might be my name.

Quote from: Cynobyte on August 15, 2015, 07:00:02 PM
One of her biggest things is she didn't want to be labeled a lesbian..  I told her it's a possibility that she may have to live with if she chooses to stay with me..  just don't want her to freak out..

It's hard to imagine a strait relationship of over 20 years will now be labeled lesbian..

Well yeah I guess some people might call it a lesbian relationship but it doesn't mean she is. I don't think most people are totally straight or totally gay. She will probably need to examine her sexuality a little and get comfortable explaining her identity to people otherwise they may assume lesbian. But she can always say no I'm not a lesbian. There are so many labels and the great thing is that you can find one that fits you. Some people use the terms straight flexible or homo flexible. Some use pan sexual (if you don't know it, just look it up. Basically means you don't use gender as a way to decide who you are attracted to, just depends on the person). But she won't be able to say she is totally straight if she sees you as a woman. So she could say, I'm mostly straight but occasionally makes exceptions. People who aren't totally gay can still be in "gay relationships". People who don't know you and your situation well they may assume but who cares what they think. If it's someone you know or are getting to know then you'll have to figure out how you explain her sexual orientation if it's important for them to know she isn't a lesbian.

Also, first time someone thought I was gay... I think I was about 10 when kids started calling me names. My parents also said when I was 13, you know if you are gay we will love and accept us and you can tell us. My family always made comments like come on we know you are gay. I was a tom boy so I think most people just assumed I was a lesbian. At the time I hated it because when it was before I hit puberty and I didn't know who I was attracted to and didn't want people telling me what I was. And if I denied it they just acted like I was closeted. Also, whenever I thought of lesbians, even if I saw a butch adult lesbian I hated the idea because they had a female body and it would just freak me out to think of my body becoming that. I felt like I was a boy but no one knew what trans was and I seriously thought for a while that you could only be a trans woman or a butch lesbian but trans men didn't exist and couldn't be a thing. I don't know why, I guess just because I never heard of them.

From Puberty till about 10 years ago.

It never really bothered me but I wasn't gay when performing my male life. The question just confused me.

So not till recently has that really gone away and then look what happens...  ;)

Joanna

I was first asked if I was gay on the first day of high school, and until near the end of my Junior year when I got a girlfriend about %90 of my grade thought I was gay, and that is just my grade, a lot of people go to my high school so who knows how many people think i'm gay. I don't care though half of them are either jerks who think they own the world or baseball players who for the most part, and pardon my language, are huge dicks to everyone who doesn't play baseball. The rest of the people are either the "popular" kids and than the nerds which would be were I reside, and most of them know I want to be a girl and all of them are cool with it. So I guess until you start transitioning (or even partly through the process) being thought of as gay is gunna be a fact of life.

Quote from: Foxtran on August 23, 2015, 07:17:29 AM
I was first asked if I was gay on the first day of high school, and until near the end of my Junior year when I got a girlfriend about %90 of my grade thought I was gay, and that is just my grade, a lot of people go to my high school so who knows how many people think i'm gay. I don't care though half of them are either jerks who think they own the world or baseball players who for the most part, and pardon my language, are huge dicks to everyone who doesn't play baseball. The rest of the people are either the "popular" kids and than the nerds which would be were I reside, and most of them know I want to be a girl and all of them are cool with it. So I guess until you start transitioning (or even partly through the process) being thought of as gay is gunna be a fact of life.

Yeah you're right
still lame  >:(