Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi all,

So, with every passing day I'm feeling more comfortable and the pull to come out completely gets stronger.  I'm at the point where I feel I'm ready and can't keep going much longer living in two worlds, nor do I want to.  I want to get this over with and get on with my life rather than "waiting for the right time".  I feel the right time is upon me.

Here's my dilemma:  I don't know where to start.

I know work needs to come in pretty high on the list, for me it needs to happen before my personal life because I know so many people in my industry from other companies who know people here and it would take about two minutes flat for that information to get back to work and I don't want them finding out from a third party, I want it to come from me directly.  Once I do that, then the phone calls to friends and the all important Facebook post but that's all after I think.

Where I'm getting hung up is should I do anything before contacting HR?  Should I go ahead and file for my name change first then contact them?   Would it be "more official" that way?   Does it make a difference at all?

Any thoughts on the matter would be greatly appreciated.

I totally get that "not wanting to live in two worlds" thing - it's what drove me to transition sooner than I had planned to. Because of that I was somewhat less well-planned with my process than I had expected. I didn't change my name at first, but my work was OK with that, although all my deets changed (eg email and cards, etc) for the purposes of my work they kept paying me as my old name until I sorted myself out. That's probably not the usual process so I'd suggest starting the name change before contacting HR, I don't know how long it takes where you live but it took a couple of weeks for the paper work to come through for me.

I tried to tell everyone - colleagues, family and friends - more or less within the same week prior to my transition. I said to my colleagues that if anyone outside the organisation wanted "to know about me" (ie, get the gossip) then tell them to talk to me directly instead and I would answer their questions (not surprisingly I only got one of those). As for dealing with people outside of my organisation that I did direct business with, I sent them all a personal email to let them know what had changed. In pretty much all cases they congratulated me like I was pregnant or getting married...!?! I also put a short notice with a pic of me in our company newsletter, thanking management and colleagues for their support.

There is a lot of juggling in that week or two but it starts to calm down after that.

Good luck!! :)

Thank you Grace, I feel like I should probably start my name change process beforehand as well.  As I understand it here I need to file for a court date then it's a waiting game for said date.   Once I go through that it's petty much a done deal that day.   There are things I need to do in the meantime while waiting but that's it as far as how long just depends on what the court's schedule is like. .....  As i understand it anyway, I could be wrong. ...

I guess that's my biggest thing really, how much to do before contacting anyone and the name change seems the most important prerequisite for this phase of my journey if I'm going to do anything.

I started by looking at the company HR policy. Then, I started talking with select people at work and HR. 

With my manager and HR, we set dates.  I got the court date set and kept talking to selected individuals.

I left for FFS surgery for six weeks and sent out a wide distribution email the day of my return.

Hugs and good luck!

Jen

Thanks Jen,

I had already made preliminary contact with HR when I took this job a year ago to make sure that when the time came it wouldn't be an issue.   I was assured that it absolutely would not be an issue and to let them know when I was ready.  Of course that particular member of HR has moved elsewhere in the company since but they still have a perfect score from the HRC and every memo I've received on the subject reflects that so I'm pretty comfortable with company policy.

I do see a lot of merit in contacting them first, setting dates, then filing for name change though.  Just in case something weird happens and I would need to wait longer than a court date.

Unfortunately FFS is going to have to wait.  I want to have some work done but not overly so.  Sadly, funding isn't available currently.  I'm hoping to take care of that in the next few years.

If your company got a 100 on the HRC rating, I think you can get FFS covered. ...

Jen

Quote from: JLT1 on August 17, 2015, 03:16:07 PM
If your company got a 100 on the HRC rating, I think you can get FFS covered. ...

Jen

That would be wonderful!   Unfortunately I took my wife's insurance because it's much more affordable (by a couple hundred dollars per month) so I'm not under their policy.   Her employer *might* cover it, they've had no issues whatsoever covering HRT.  I'm not sure where they rate, I'll have to look them up. ...

Initial contact email written and forwarded to my work account....

I'm going to cut and paste it into an email at work tonight and hit send.....

***DEEP BREATH***

After giving it some thought, I'm going to make initial contact with HR and meet hopefully soon....  Then after establishing a timeline, file for name change and adjust if necessary.  Here's hoping for something resembling seamless....   

****DEEPER BREATH****

Here goes nothing...

Message has been sent. .....  Now I wait. ....

I'm committed now!   

You have left us hanging..

What happened?

Hugs

Jen

Quote from: JLT1 on August 22, 2015, 07:49:50 AM
You have left us hanging..

What happened?

Hugs

Jen

Oh, Sorry!  Look at the thread "I'm on pins and needles".  I thought it was a big enough deal to start another thread. 

My first meeting went really well!  :)