Susan's Place Transgender Resources

i thought my parents were reasonable considering how surprised they were but my dad doesn't accept this. while mom wasn't in the he told me "lets talk about this wanting to be a woman stuff, lets have some round rules, not in my house, "you'll be really miserable the rest of your life, you'll go from a handsome young man to an ugly woman", and "don't try and do it one step at a time, "I will not put up with it" Its probably something sexual anyway"
I thought there was the possibility of acceptance. I feel scared and sick right now.

   People can be pretty mean, can't they?
   I think that it might be (if you just came out to them) the shock of hearing this pretty major thing from you, it might just be a stage of denial. He could be trying to see if it's some test, or just in disbelief, I think.
   If you want advice on what you could do, I have some words for that.
   In the end, I wouldn't lose hope on him yet? There might be a chance of saving it, but if he doesn't support you, it's important to not feel like it's the end of the world. There's lots of people out there that will try to repress people like us, and although it would be nice if he wasn't, there's always a chance anyone could be. If I were you, I'd let it sit, let them process for a little while, then maybe bring it back up to them in a time when the mood is high and people seem calm, you know?
   Either way, I know how it feels to be rejected by your (not yours specifically :P) parents and I wish you hadn't had to go through even a little bit of it. Nobody deserves that. But it's inevitable in the end, and we just have to deal with it.
   I wish you best of luck on making it all work out for the best, and I hope you have a great night/day, wherever you are.

he got angry because my nails ere painted. my toenails.

Maybe your only reality is to wait until your on your own. If you don't have a therapist it's probably a good time to get one to help you through this.

Quote from: rachel89 on August 20, 2015, 11:24:39 PM
he got angry because my nails ere painted. my toenails.

I would think that shouldn't even be a big issue because (I assume) he wouldn't be needing his eyes to be on your feet, right? That does seem harsh, in my opinion. It's your body, ya know? Do what you want with it, not what others want you to. That's what I say.

Quote from: stephaniec on August 20, 2015, 11:27:42 PM
...If you don't have a therapist it's probably a good time to get one to help you through this.

That's a good idea, perhaps a therapist could talk to your father, perhaps your parents both, and get everything explained to them.

have a therapist. waiting is hurting me. i was in a nearly constant state of anxiety before i came out. before i started transitioning i was always sad, even happy moments were never that happy, and i drank and drank and drank and i have only recently stopped drinking so much. i thouht life was going to get better for a while. i think i was right that i couldn't trust him. i want

Quote from: rachel89 on August 20, 2015, 11:39:37 PM
have a therapist. waiting is hurting me. i was in a nearly constant state of anxiety before i came out. before i started transitioning i was always sad, even happy moments were never that happy, and i drank and drank and drank and i have only recently stopped drinking so much. i thouht life was going to get better for a while. i think i was right that i couldn't trust him. i want

   In the end, there is usually someone who you thought you could trust/suspected you couldn't and were right, that you just have to dismiss and move on with your life from. Roadblocks are only so tall, you can climb over them with enough willpower. It's good you have stopped drinking as much as you had, and it's understandable that happy times weren't truly "happy", because you weren't who you want to be then. I said before, but there's always people that will break your trust and it may come from the most unexpected of people, sadly. I'm sorry about what you're going through but I am happy that you have a therapist at least. That's a good step forward.
   Also, life will get better. You could read stories from many people on Susan's that have gone through similar experiences to yours, and they're here to tell the tale. I believe in you and I know you'll make it through whatever gets thrown at you. After all, you've come this far, there's no reason to be deterred now!  :)

"Male relatives always take it harder than the females" -- Capt. Obvious, 2015

Quote from: rachel89 on August 20, 2015, 11:12:04 PM"you'll go from a handsome young man to an ugly woman"

Btw, I have seen hundreds of before/afters at this point;  the good, the bad, the ugly, etc...  One thing I have never ever ever seen was a "handsome young man" turn into "an ugly woman".  It just doesn't happen.

My dad doesn't accept (yet) either. He simply doesn't talk to me.

Hugs.

i'm not really sure how to deal with this. At least he is gone for the next week. i can't even talk to him. i feel betrayed. 

How old are you? Maybe it's  time to start looking for your own place.

i am 26 and I am looking for a job. I lost mine back in April.

Fathers always seem to be the harshest, don't they?

The 'you won't be as attractive' argument hit me hard; my father said practically the same thing when I came out. He even told me to think of it as a scale — 1 being the least attractive and 10 being the most attractive — and he told me I was very attractive as a girl but as a guy, I would only be able to achieve a meager 2.
He then told me, "Let's say you manage to squeeeeze out a 3."
"But-" I said.
"Now hang on," he said. "Can you please not interrupt me? I mean, I'm giving you a 3."
"Oh, never mind, sorry...How ungrateful of me..." I sneered at him.
I still think about how much this hurt almost everyday.

My point is, you are not the only one.

If you need some support, just reply and we can find a way to chat.

Best Of Luck Always,
-N


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Sorry, Rachel89.

At least from my experience, family was not good.

My family knew my entire life - since I was at least age 3 - because I was in what was called 'feminine protesting' - continually declaring my self female.  The question was simply when would the family see me female once I was an adult and beyond their control.

My dad and I saw each other infrequently because we resided about 1.000 miles distant (further for my mother and sister).  I moved closer to him geographically - 90 miles distant.  He finally first saw me female at age 28 and it tore him apart.  I give him credit that he did visit me a few times each year, but visits were rough and contentious.  I had to do what I had to do and he and my family rejected me for what I did.  I knew their rejection was coming and prepared for it.

Hopefully, Rachel89, your family will not be as lost as mine was to me.

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