Community Conversation => Youth talk => Topic started by: Cherubim on August 21, 2015, 04:37:50 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Parents Making Me Dysphoric
Post by: Cherubim on August 21, 2015, 04:37:50 PM
Post by: Cherubim on August 21, 2015, 04:37:50 PM
Hi!
So, I'm an ftm transgender, and I came out to my parents roughly five months ago.
I wouldn't say that they've been unsupportive, but they certainly haven't been supportive either. My Dad called me his son once, but that was on the day I came out. Since then it's not even been mentioned, and I'm still very much their daughter. My mum constantly comments on the size of my chest, hips and butt, which obviously makes me really dysphoric. If anybody "mistakes" me for a boy in public, she immediately rushes to correct them. She often calls me "girly" or "woman", which makes me incredibly uncomfortable.
I don't blame them, really; they're in their sixties and were relatively sheltered in terms of upbringing, and there's hardly any mention of trans* issues in the media in England. I'm sure that when I said that I was transgender, they interpreted that as me being a tomboy, even though I explicitly said that I wasn't.
I really want to say something to them and tell them that it's hurting me, but I don't really now how. We're not very close at all, and are very much a "keep all feelings and problems to yourself" family. It was very hard for me to come out to them at all, and I sort of have a 'bury the hatchet' mentality, but equally I feel like I have to say something.
Does anybody have any ideas on how to bring up the topic, and once there, what to say?
Thank you for reading!
So, I'm an ftm transgender, and I came out to my parents roughly five months ago.
I wouldn't say that they've been unsupportive, but they certainly haven't been supportive either. My Dad called me his son once, but that was on the day I came out. Since then it's not even been mentioned, and I'm still very much their daughter. My mum constantly comments on the size of my chest, hips and butt, which obviously makes me really dysphoric. If anybody "mistakes" me for a boy in public, she immediately rushes to correct them. She often calls me "girly" or "woman", which makes me incredibly uncomfortable.
I don't blame them, really; they're in their sixties and were relatively sheltered in terms of upbringing, and there's hardly any mention of trans* issues in the media in England. I'm sure that when I said that I was transgender, they interpreted that as me being a tomboy, even though I explicitly said that I wasn't.
I really want to say something to them and tell them that it's hurting me, but I don't really now how. We're not very close at all, and are very much a "keep all feelings and problems to yourself" family. It was very hard for me to come out to them at all, and I sort of have a 'bury the hatchet' mentality, but equally I feel like I have to say something.
Does anybody have any ideas on how to bring up the topic, and once there, what to say?
Thank you for reading!
Title: Re: Parents Making Me Dysphoric
Post by: Dena on August 21, 2015, 05:47:12 PM
Post by: Dena on August 21, 2015, 05:47:12 PM
I don't really have anything helpful to say. I only learned long after his death that my father never really accepted what I did. That might explain why he never used gender related terms around me and I have a hard time recalling if he ever used my female name. I know he didn't call me by my male name.
My mother though she could fix me and took years before she stopped calling me by my male name. This was a bit embarrassing when we were in the tall woman's shop buying clothes for me :o
I decided a long time ago I wouldn't object to the wrong name because I did remain with the family and other than the name issue, they treated me with respect. I know it's hurts when they do it but consider that there is good in them as well.
My mother though she could fix me and took years before she stopped calling me by my male name. This was a bit embarrassing when we were in the tall woman's shop buying clothes for me :o
I decided a long time ago I wouldn't object to the wrong name because I did remain with the family and other than the name issue, they treated me with respect. I know it's hurts when they do it but consider that there is good in them as well.