Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I have been well into my personal process of being comfortable that I am transgender and am going to start transitioning soon. Hormones, names, style, the works. My immediate family knows and is accepting and supportive, albeit it took some adjusting for my father, but I know his heart is in the right place. The only person that did not know was my little half-brother, Atticus. He is eight years old, full of pee and vinegar, and has one hell of a personality.

A while ago, all of my parents came to a therapy session, so we needed to leave Atticus at home with my grandmother to watch him. He was wondering what was going on, of course. My step-mother, Amanda, told him that I was in counseling for something, and it's been very good for me. She said that I could explain what is going on personally. His response was, "Well, I want just him to talk to me alone, not tell me with other people around, because I can never get a word in edge-wise when that happens." That funny fellow. So spunky.

So, it's been a couple of weeks since then, and I decided that I would tell him tonight. I am watching him while my parents are out. Up to this point, I had always thought that everything would go so smoothly with telling him. Young kids usually catch on quick with this stuff. Well, I sat him down and started talking. It turns out I broke his little heart.

Soon, I could see such a disgruntled expression on his face, then tears and muffled sobs. He said, "It's just wrong!" and "You're a boy!" and "I want to call you my brother!" I really did not know how to respond. In heart, me being his brother is so important to him, and it was so disheartening to see him upset over it. I explained to him that I am still the same person; I'm not going anywhere. I will still do all the same things that brothers do, just as being called his sister. He kept sobbing.

I love my little brother with all my heart. I know emotions are really strong at that age, and I sincerely hope he comes to not be so upset by it. But tonight, I brought him to bed in tears, not knowing what to say. So, I sang him a song and told him I love him and everything will be all right. I'm still a human, and that's not changing. He said I love you back.

This was not what I was expecting.

- Sunny

All I can say is just be there for him.  Show him you are the same person and that you will always be you.  When I told my ten year old son a while back, me and him both cried.  I thought that he would not understand or he might hate me.  It turns out that a giving it a little time worked out ok. Just let him know that you still have his back and maybe spoil him some :) that might work out ok.

Quote from: Christy82 on August 22, 2015, 09:55:29 PM
All I can say is just be there for him.  Show him you are the same person and that you will always be you.  When I told my ten year old son a while back, me and him both cried.  I thought that he would not understand or he might hate me.  It turns out that a giving it a little time worked out ok. Just let him know that you still have his back and maybe spoil him some :) that might work out ok.

Thanks :) Yeah, the initial reaction can usually be hard. But that's not an indication of how things will turn out to be.

- Sunny :)

I agree with Christy that you should show him your still going to be the same person and you'll still have the same personality. I too had a difficult time telling my 6 and 8 year old sons that I was coming out FTM and I balled like a little kid for days before hand thinking things like '' will they hate me now?'' '' will they not understand '' '' how are they going to take this '' but it worked out in the end. I say give him some time to process it I'm sure it will all work out for the best. Do the same stuff you normally would with him, spoiling him like Christy said might work also lol, he will see that your not going anywhere and that you will still be you.

Yeah, I definitely think Christy has some sound advice. Shower him with as much love as a big sister can and hopefully he will begin to see you as such. Unfortunately, we can't control how other people feel but hopefully the fact that your family is supportive and that he is only 8 will help him grow to love you for who you are.

I'm so sorry you had to his little heart broken! It makes me want to tear up.

Hugs,

Audrey

When it comes to family, our gender seems to be intrinsically tied into how other family members perceive us. I'm not sure why but people place a lot of significance in gendered family roles - mother/father, brother/sister, uncle/aunt, son/daughter - and clearly, judging by your brother's reaction it is an ideation that takes root from an early age. We should be a person first, the gender shouldn't enter into it and yet it is a powerful social construct.

I think much of the difficulty I'm having with my sister around my transition is that she has always seen me as her "big brother" and has placed a particular significance on that. She always wanted a sister, but apparently that isn't a title she's prepared to bestow on me. :-\

Children are resilient. He will get used to the new you. This is scary because he thinks he is losing something important. But when he realizes you are still there for him, he'll adjust. He'll also sense that you're happier and more comfortable with yourself.

Best of luck! I am pretty sure, he will get used to it. You are going to make a great sister!  :)

Thank you all very much :) Yup, young kids are resilient. It takes some getting used to, but he's doing fine now a day later. I'm just trying to be the same loving sibling to him as I was before. Everything will be all right.

- :) Sunny

This is such a heart-felt / heart-rending and cute at the same time post. Virtual hugs across the ether for sharing it and massive love to you and Atticus.
I'm in a slightly different position, but with the same age: a son who is 8 and I'm not sure how he's going to react. I know it's true about them being resilient, but they're also soft as butter :/ x