Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Ok so I have a few things I want to know if anyone else has any input.

So I've noticed since I admitted to myself that I'm transgender and that I really want to be a woman that my dysphoria has become a lot more direct and obvious. Like before when I was still in denial I recognized that I had all the symptoms of indirect dysphoria but now I definetely feel like it's become more direct and obvious now.

Before coming out as trans I identified as gay. I've always been attracted to men but it always felt like something on the back burner. I still am attracted to men but now that I admitted that I wanna be a woman my attraction to men suddenly skyrocketed. Whereas before I felt borderline asexual now I caught myself drooling over my coworker the other day. Also on that note is dating before transitioning worth it pro's and con's please.

Lastly I noticed that since admitting to wanting to be a woman I have been a lot more emotionally free. I cry easier and I get frustrated easier and other things like that.

Also has anyone else come out as trans after living as a gay man for a while. One of the biggest hurdles I had in admitting to myself my gender was a desire to not lose my community. Who else went through that and how did you cope.

Ella?

Sounds pretty normal to me. I can only compare to myself and what I have read of others. The big difference is that as of the beginning of me accepting myself, I don't identify as gay. However, as you undoubtedly will see over and over, gender identity and sexual orientation are not linked. I know of many MTF people who have gone from not desiring men before transition to changing their orientation.

I have found my dysphoria much more easy to identify now. It is actually cool in that I can now recognize the difference between dysphoria and just a bad day. In a way, I think accepting has made the yearning to change stronger and that can lead to dysphoria fairly easily. I just have to remind myself from time to time that I am a person not just transgender and a series of symptoms. Sometimes we can forget about it for a day or so.

I am not yet on hormones. I am taking baby steps that most people won't/can't see yet. However, yes, much more emotionally free. I am happier and nicer. I get over anger easier. I am able to see a situation that is bad and realize it is not all from me and that there can be light in my future. My SO has noticed most of this. That is part of why I think she has not run screaming away. Also she does love me and saw how much I was depressed and hurting.

Don't know if that is helpful but for what it is worth. I have read of a number of MTF members who have stated that they started off gay before realization. I will let them speak to your other questions as well as the ones I touched on.

Welcome to Susans. I hope you have a pleasant stay and a smooth journey.

With warmth,

Joanna

To the first point, I've noticed that myself. Where the pre-acceptance dysphoria was decentralized and disorganized painful feeling, post acceptance it is easier to recognize and quantify.

For sexually orientation, I identify as bisexual. Before acceptance my attraction to women outweighed my attraction to men substantially. These days, dead heat for both men and women. So yes, I'd say that's not unheard of.

Finally, I do find myself crying more. Especially happy tears. It's awesome.

Is it normal? Is anything about us "normal?" Every person will have a different answer but I would say this: don't worry about it. You ARE normal when you can accept yourself. You ARE better than normal when you figure it all out. Some of us spend a lifetime on that aspect.

Cindi

Nice to meet you too Ella.  This topic has come up before and it is clear to me that many of us feel much greater freedom to express previously taboo thoughts after accepting our basic identity as trans.  Decades ago psychologist told me I was gay in response to my gender issues.  Only half right, lol.  I was and remain bisexual and that was true of my behavior but not of my identity.  I had a lot of involvement with the LGBTQ world over the last 40+ years and have many friends in the community.  My relationship with the guys is very different now as I am seen as belonging to the women's camp and no longer as much of an interest for men who are gay.  My identity and my orientation never changed, it is just more public.  I always thought and felt I was female and just had to cope with what I could not change.  And then transition turned my dreams in to reality and my nightmares to dust.

How do we cope?  There are dozens of threads, pages and posts about that here.  For me it was finding an occupation as a nurse anesthetist, working with women and babies and being a queer androgynous sort of person.  Part time crossdressing, distraction and denial.

And yes, well before HRT my emotional world changed with self acceptance as a transgender person.  I was and remain more emotionally free and expressive.  All good!

Thanks everyone for replying the reason i asked about the lgbt stuff is after transition if it's possible and no one can clock me I'm just not gonna tell anyone I was born a male. So for me since I'm only attracted to men unless that changes as I transition then I'm gonna be a straight woman. And I know that straight woman are great allies but there not lgbtq and I don't want anyone to know I am trans after I finish transitioning. I'd like to be able to introduce myself as a woman and no one ever questions it. ;D :angel: :angel: ::)

That is a goal and dream for many transgender people.  We do have many ongoing discussions about how possible stealth is and how life feels as it may seem like one may still have something to hide?

No judgement intended just food for thought as your goals and dreams are your own.

I would suggest that you do a lot of soul searching about what you want out of dating, given that you are a) pre transition (in other words I assume you still look and dress like a guy) and b) intend to fully transition and go full stealth.

If you date now, and it is anything more than a "hookup" then you are either dating a gay man (i.e. he likes guys) or you are telling a straight or mostly straight guy that you are a transgirl and he is relying on a lot of hope for the future and imagination to maintain interest in a girl that currently looks like a guy.

So you face the conundrum of either dating a gay man who is going to lose interest as you become more feminine, or a straight guy who is going to expect to be there for the "payoff" when you really start to look like the woman he imagined.

I would not mention any of this except you say you want to go full stealth after transition.  Now storybook romances do happen around here from time to time, and some girls here have a lot of fun dating, but there is nothing worse than having an ex lover who feels jilted plastering photos of your old male self all over your facebook account after you have gone full stealth.

So please, please be careful if you decide to date.

What about dating a bisexual guy? Would that work do you think maybe? I'm really only just curious thats all. And yes I do think that full stealth is possible for me since even as a man I'm still mistaken for a women at least daily. My natural appearance is androgynous enough that my father actually wonders if I was born intersex and the doctor just consulted my mom and not him. We seriously wouldn't put it past my mom to forget something like that lol.

Quote from: MyNameIsElla on August 24, 2015, 07:48:31 PM
What about dating a bisexual guy? Would that work do you think maybe? I'm really only just curious thats all. And yes I do think that full stealth is possible for me since even as a man I'm still mistaken for a women at least daily. My natural appearance is androgynous enough that my father actually wonders if I was born intersex and the doctor just consulted my mom and not him. We seriously wouldn't put it past my mom to forget something like that lol.

It's gonna depend on the guy. Generalizing a bit, bisexual people aren't usually wholly balanced in either their attractions or their relationship plans. Take me for example, I'd like to have sex with guys, but I can't see myself in a long term relationship with a guy. I'd much rather have a long term relationship with another girl.

If you hook up with a guy that wants to date you before transition, and only hook up with you after (or vice versa) you might run into some of the problems already mentioned here. Unless you find that perfect 4 on the Kinsey scale, you could run into an issue with either long term or short term compatibility.

Think your in any way "not normal" I am pretty much a freak. I am attracted to effeminate gay men and like "gay culture", but prefer to be the most feminine one in the relationship. I don't think their are any guys out there for me that I could ever form a romantic relationship with.