Susan's Place Transgender Resources

How would you rate the order of importance for your transition. Mental health , proper physical presentation, companionship and financial stability. For me personally I'd probably say the mental and physical  presentation are a tie , but just for order of importance sake I'd be much happier if my physical appearance reflected my proper gender then mental followed by companionship then financial. Just a weird reflection of my transition at 22 months. I like the way my physical appearance is moving along and my mental happiness is pretty closely related to my proper gender identity  . It would be nice to have companionship , but that's a complicated situation for me. The financial  is just existential living so really nothing I can do about it. Basically things could be better , but I'm doing all right.

Acceptance > All

When you have support from family, friends, co-workers and even the general public, everything else falls into place after that, and truly makes for an easier and more comfortable transition/life.

For me it's acceptance > companionship > physical representation/voice > financial stability.
Money won't bring me happiness, only my love does.
Mentally our brain is already wired as the gender we identify with I believe. Hormones make the final mental changes.

I can't really decide if I think a feminine look or feminine voice is the most important to me. I feel that I pass because of a feminine voice on the days I look 'harsh'.

     Their was a Jewish comedian (david Steinburg?) whose stick had a funny little sketch that stuck with me.  God came down to Solomon and told him that he had the choice of a gift of infinite wisdom or countless money.  Solomon took infinite wisdom.  When God had given him his gift of wisdom, he knew he should have asked for the money. 
     I am not rich or greedy but damn, money sure helps.  It is very expensive to transition, support a relationship, and gain acceptance.  Being wealthy like Caitlyn or Lana Wachowski certainly helps with the acceptance angle.  Back in the day, Liberace, epitomized that flaming semi-drag queen.  Everyone knew he was gay.  But one of the most frequent comments you heard about him was that he was laughing all the way to the bank.  He was highly respected for that and his personal foibles were overlooked.  That's America.
    Now having said this, I think that all of these items need to be brought up to your standards as you can accomplish it.  But having a basic set of money making skills, and delaying the others, seems to me to be the best roadmap for a safe, successful transition.

Quote from: stephaniec on August 27, 2015, 01:06:07 AM
How would you rate the order of importance for your transition. Mental health , proper physical presentation, companionship and financial stability.
Basically things could be better , but I'm doing all right.

First, congratulations on your positive feelings! (Doing all right, that's the spirit!!!)

Now, on to the most important things for me in my transition:

Basically, only one: LOVE. If you have someone whom you love with all your heart and in my case (he) loves you back with all (his) heart, you have it all. I never had that before. I do now. It took me three years of transitioning to find it. Having love automatically provides the companionship that fulfills me, specially in the darkest hours, and makes me try and better myself in the main aspects you mentioned: mental health, appearance. Also the suicidal thoughts just vanished into thin air, since love is the best medicine as opposed to drugs prescribed by a psychiatrist. The financial thing well, sadly it is always a big human concern since we are the only species that need to use currency and to do work to survive, but it always somehow gets covered. Where there's a will there's a way.

I hadn't found love before, because I was a pretend person. I used to think it was something alien to me, because I hated myself so much. Slowly I am becoming the real me in spite of my endless physical flaws and weird quirks and idiosyncrasies. If ONLY ONE PERSON has discovered the true person in me, and loves such a person in spite of all her physical and emotional baggage, that's enough to me. But I have to mention that I also have the love, as friendship, of a few people that have been my great sisters, during these transition's tough times. We support each other emotionally, through the good and the bad. Of course I would like to have the acceptance (as a woman) of my parents and siblings. But I know they still love me, even if it is the idea of the past me. So, score another one for love.

Cheers

Bibi B.

The most important part of my transition has been physical; doing what is necessary to change my body to match my mind, and I am fortunate to have a wonderful loving man to share my life with.

Attitude![emoji4]

Sent from my LGLS990 using Tapatalk

Self acceptance -> mental health -> support -> financial stability

I don't have presentation in there because I'm me no matter how I present, so I feel like that's already covered by self acceptance. I prefer to be financially stable before any major decision most of the time, but with this I feel like it's not quite as important as being true to yourself.

Acceptance by society would be a big one.  Sanity later.

I am amazed at how difficult it is for me to say it, survival has always been of utmost importance. After unsuccessfully trying other routes, "Self Acceptance" or my mental health became Job #1. I needed to figure out how to get these two great aspects of myself to coexist peacefully inside of me. Having "Experimented" with transitioning twice in the past, having pulled the plug on it twice in the past, I know a zero to negative self acceptance was a good part of the reason. (Surprisingly, this flavor of self acceptance had perhaps 20% to do with my trans issues).

What keeps me from fully transitioning today is financial security, which arguable also falls under survival. But this time not my own, but my wife. My BFF, soul-mate, reality therapist and all around amazing person who has reached her "sell by" date. Though, like me, we're both holding mentally at 39. Loosing my job would be a major hit, one I cannot risk. Yes, there is a downside for me. Luckily for me, most of the time, I do not feel I Need to transition.

As a former fatty, 6ft tall, balding since I was 12, big everything and deeper then deep voice there are a few things I'd like to tweak about my appearance. And tweak is all I can get. A girl got to work with what she got. These days I am thankful I am not getting rocks thrown at me. Last two times......

Personally, when it comes to my transition the most important thing is the physical result.  This isn't the same for everyone, but I do view my dysphoria to mostly be a physical problem.
Acceptance would come next.  Not sure where I would put the others.

When it comes to financial stability, I've had to make some sacrifices.  I was planning on becoming a teacher, but I realised that where I live, where I want to live, it would be really difficult.  I literally could be murdered.
So I need to choose another career, and I'm looking at another 5 years of university to get to where I now want to be.   I'm 22 now, I'm looking at being 27 or 28 when I finally finish.  It's kind of devastating that all the hard work I put into my previous degree really isn't worth anything because I'm transgender and society isn't good enough for me yet.

Quote from: bibilinda on August 27, 2015, 11:02:27 AM
First, congratulations on your positive feelings! (Doing all right, that's the spirit!!!)

Now, on to the most important things for me in my transition:

Basically, only one: LOVE. If you have someone whom you love with all your heart and in my case (he) loves you back with all (his) heart, you have it all. I never had that before. I do now. It took me three years of transitioning to find it. Having love automatically provides the companionship that fulfills me, specially in the darkest hours, and makes me try and better myself in the main aspects you mentioned: mental health, appearance. Also the suicidal thoughts just vanished into thin air, since love is the best medicine as opposed to drugs prescribed by a psychiatrist. The financial thing well, sadly it is always a big human concern since we are the only species that need to use currency and to do work to survive, but it always somehow gets covered. Where there's a will there's a way.

I hadn't found love before, because I was a pretend person. I used to think it was something alien to me, because I hated myself so much. Slowly I am becoming the real me in spite of my endless physical flaws and weird quirks and idiosyncrasies. If ONLY ONE PERSON has discovered the true person in me, and loves such a person in spite of all her physical and emotional baggage, that's enough to me. But I have to mention that I also have the love, as friendship, of a few people that have been my great sisters, during these transition's tough times. We support each other emotionally, through the good and the bad. Of course I would like to have the acceptance (as a woman) of my parents and siblings. But I know they still love me, even if it is the idea of the past me. So, score another one for love.

Cheers

Bibi B.

This is such a wonderful post. I also happened to find my true love as a result of my desire to transition, but she belongs to another.  We live 1100 miles apart, and can only see each other a few days a year.  It will have to be enough.  I prefer to see the glass as half-full.  How many people ever meet their true love?  Alas, although I know I am loved, I will likely always be alone.  I believe that is my fate.

My transition is for me.  I want to live the last part of my life as who I really am (I am 58). I am in the process of divorce, so spousal acceptance is not an issue.  I do have young children (9 and 12) and I am very fearful of alienating them, so I try to take things one day at a time. That is my biggest concern. I have no siblings, my father is dead, and my mother is in a nursing home with Alzheimers and doesn't even know who I am half the time.  I am a few years from retirement, so I have to balance my desire to change my physical appearance with giving up a good job with the federal government, and the future benefits accrued by staying at work.

Given all that, physical acceptance is probably at the top of my list.  I want to be able to go out in public as a woman, and no one gives me second glance.  That's all I ask. 

Terri

Quote from: stephaniec on August 27, 2015, 01:06:07 AM
How would you rate the order of importance for your transition. Mental health , proper physical presentation, companionship and financial stability. For me personally I'd probably say the mental and physical  presentation are a tie , but just for order of importance sake I'd be much happier if my physical appearance reflected my proper gender then mental followed by companionship then financial. Just a weird reflection of my transition at 22 months. I like the way my physical appearance is moving along and my mental happiness is pretty closely related to my proper gender identity  . It would be nice to have companionship , but that's a complicated situation for me. The financial  is just existential living so really nothing I can do about it. Basically things could be better , but I'm doing all right.

1. Proper physical presentation Importance 11/10 Where I'm at with it 1/10
2. Companionship Importance 8/10 Where I'm at with it 3/10
3. Financial Stability Importance /10 Where I'm at with it 2/10
4. Mental health Importance 5/10 Where I'm at with it 6/10

Proper physical presentation is much more important than everything else combined for me. That's just what I want out of my transition and what I'm after. If I cared about debt, income, and companionship more I'd stop transitioning. As for those areas, I pretty much have no companionship aside from a few friends or acquaintances that I can make. Anything more serious than that is an automatic no from everyone, no matter the point in time that I have told them about my being trans. Finances are tricky. I'm surviving comfortably enough and I just spent all of my savings for surgery on school. However, all of those savings came from saving what I could of school loans and grants here and there so I don't really have stability in the first place. My mental health's importance is actually pretty low because it usually takes care of itself as long as I have one of those categories going for me. Being able to make progress on my transition when the time comes to take each step helps greatly too.

Personally, financial comes out on top for me.

Mental health

I rate this first, because Aceptence and every other aspect of transition are supposed to help with that right?

Accepting

Personally finding this Trans umberella and acepting it has made me more comfortable with my none conforming personality, because undernieth that umberella my personality is actually "conforming and normalised" Because I am a normal person. And acepting myself as a normal transperson is easyer to live with then looking at my self as a not normal none trans person.

Presenting

Having a better grasp of how other people will trate you, helps you put other things in perspective. Noticing how much happyer I have become after presenting is a huge relief, due to fears of what presenting might of brought me.

Name and title Changing.

I dont see this getting mentoned much here, But this was a huge part for me, It gave me an element of comfort, being able to say legaly this is my name, Not using it is fraudulent. And my title wether you like it or not is legaly "MISS" and not using this title has as much relavence as my reffering to you as, "fish finger person" joans.
(Note I have never had to say anything like that) Being able to say if needed to, for me gave my name much more weight should an argument around it arise. And that brought extra comfort with it. Because I had legal weight, somthing other then a subjective perspective to use in my deffence.

Hormones & SRS/GRS

Hormones and srs, are elemts I havent reached as of yet, as such I can offer no opinion as to how much relevence they have to me. But considering they are at this time elements that I do see as necessary, I can say at this time It is only their comparative relevence that I cant place.

EDIT: Ok,

I know I edit a lot, But when I was (after post) proof reading I noticed somthing, The order of subsiquent aspects of transiton relate to how well they helped me with the first.

So I was wondering, If others feel as though it is the same for them In some way.

E.g,
If passing Is the most important aspect of transition for a person, I wonder if, How much other aspects helps them to pass better would be their relative comparison? Just a though and Is in no way saying this is the case.

Physical presentation is everything, followed by finances. Mental health was a struggle at one point but not too much at the moment. Companionship is not even a blip on the radar as far as transitioning is concerned.

Quote from: Cindy Stephens on August 27, 2015, 07:35:42 AM
     Their was a Jewish comedian (david Steinburg?) whose stick had a funny little sketch that stuck with me.  God came down to Solomon and told him that he had the choice of a gift of infinite wisdom or countless money.  Solomon took infinite wisdom.  When God had given him his gift of wisdom, he knew he should have asked for the money. 
     I am not rich or greedy but damn, money sure helps.  It is very expensive to transition, support a relationship, and gain acceptance.  Being wealthy like Caitlyn or Lana Wachowski certainly helps with the acceptance angle.  Back in the day, Liberace, epitomized that flaming semi-drag queen.  Everyone knew he was gay.  But one of the most frequent comments you heard about him was that he was laughing all the way to the bank.  He was highly respected for that and his personal foibles were overlooked.  That's America.
    Now having said this, I think that all of these items need to be brought up to your standards as you can accomplish it.  But having a basic set of money making skills, and delaying the others, seems to me to be the best roadmap for a safe, successful transition.

All very true.  My father grew up dirt poor, but now owns a large manufacturing business.  He's been on both ends and he's come to believe in a balance: money isn't everything, but it sure does make things easier. 

Now, I gave up transition for financial stability and fear of family rejection.  I regret it everyday.  I think finding peace within yourself should be number one.  But paraphrasing my dad, money sure makes transition easier!

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk

I can guess from the way I have organized my life, that having freeing myself from fear and having some financial security came first.    Then I spent years living as a butch female.    While I am not effeminate, I am not overly masculine either so whether I tried traditional male or female employment I did my job the best that I could but avoided exercising any male prerogative or authority. 

I didn't have any masculine ego enjoyment either.   When I fixed the little things that I could on my car or washing machine or put in water and sewer line for my mobile home,  I was anxious all the time and relieved when I got it to work.   In doing the laundry, doing some of the cooking, diaper changing, and not having any boys' night out I socialized myself as a female, the same in my job as an elementary teacher working mostly with other women.   I overcame my fears and acquired some women's clothing which I wore in the few private times during my life. 

  I fathered children but mentally was more of a female during sex than a male mentally and I was always disassociated from my male part.   It worked or it didn't and I felt uncomfortable when it did.  I guess I was a failure at being a butch female emotionally desiring to be more effeminate. 

So over the years until my family fell apart, while I kept trying to fill the male role with my children, my sense of responsibility was in the role, but my heart was not.   I wanted to be more of a girlfriend with my ex and less of a husband.   She wanted a man, but she was unable to live with the male ego.   Over time, I lost her as a friend, and she could not stand my butchness, but she wouldn't allow me to be effeminate either.   I realized over the years after our breakup that she had never been emotionally honest with me, and had always put up the emotional front that served her purposes.   When she left and I was alone, Michelle took over all of my private nonwork life.    As far as my underwear went it was to be female all the rest of my life including bra and panties under my dress shirt and male pants.   My hair was extremely long all the time except for the last few months of what became the end of my full-time teaching career.  For about 12 years, my hair was longer than most of the other women on the job. 

I still was very self-conscious and fearful of being exposed as a female,  but I couldn't suppress it anymore.   I made contact with other transgender women in the city 80 miles from where I lived, but that was short lived because I formed a new relationship with a woman I meant on Susan's chatline and we have been together for thirteen years.   She won't accept me as a woman, but as a male crossdresser both in private and public.  But I grew up in a dysfunctional family and had been making emotional compromises all my life.  She is also a person who really can't live with a masculine ego or masculine authority so somehow I meet her emotional needs at some level.   

So now at 68 I am full-time female without hormones or surgery because I am big sister and have always put my families needs above my own. 

I don't have the money to spend upon getting breasts or for hormones.  I know I am a woman and accept it and I have had some counseling for depression and my temper and have told my counselor I am a transsexual woman,  she didn't deal with transsexual issues.   She mostly listened and told me I was coping nicely.   And I just felt why did I need that anyway.

So now I am waiting for my Medicare Advantage Insurance to come around and provide some transsexual female transitioning services and a finding someone to council me that is in my neighborhood because I have no car and ride the buses.   

I have decided to be a woman in my everyday life and not worry about what anyone else thought.   I am a vanishing 68-year-old senior citizen and one of the four women along with my partner and my young son.   Because my partner is 20 years younger than me to people who don't know, I am grandma, my partner is my daughter and her two daughters and our son are my grandchildren.   

When I have to come out as our son's biological father at school at times, if anyone cares, nobody indicates that they do.   Neither do all the kids that come and go from our house, nor do the neighbors or their children. 

But as an adult child of alcoholics I always fear when the other shoe will drop.    All things considered, I wish I had started transitioning 10 years earlier than I did because my first family exploded anyway so in the long run it would not have made any difference because not being my true self didn't prevent anything. 

Except on the internet, I don't have any transsexual friends.   Yet on the social media I am out to everyone that knows me or remembers me including all my family, friends, past students.   Most of them are thousands of miles away our only contact is on the internet so I am not sure what our relationship would be on a daily basis.   I have never been ranted at my any of them, and only one or two don't accept my friendship on social media.   Our interactions are civil.   However, if there are any emotional barriers, most of them are not being dealt with except for my eldest son, and my youngest sister.    Such is the state of things.   

I am not sure if I answered the question or not about what I valued most in considering my transitioning,   but I guess, the last thing I seemed to have valued is my own real needs.   I have to be reminded again and again, that most people look out for their own needs first even in family relationships.  And it served no useful purpose for me not to look out after mine.   That others put themselves first and they want me to put them first, but in this order of things my needs usually come in last if they are even considered at all.   I have to be myself and everybody else has to take it or leave it.

Being damned tough - and nobody's fool - is by far the most important thing.

It's also important to have your life in control before starting. Transition is very demanding, and you need things to be stable.

Everything else is secondary.

For me, I was always going to feel crappy until a transitioned so mental health last. Companionship doesn't matter your doing this for yourself so actually make that last. Financial stability long as you can afford to transition and eat food it's all good. Physical presentation is about the only thing you have control over so put that first.

So physical presentation, financial stability, mental health and companionship. Is my order.

Quote from: stephaniec on August 27, 2015, 01:06:07 AM
How would you rate the order of importance for your transition. Mental health , proper physical presentation, companionship and financial stability. For me personally I'd probably say the mental and physical  presentation are a tie , but just for order of importance sake I'd be much happier if my physical appearance reflected my proper gender then mental followed by companionship then financial. Just a weird reflection of my transition at 22 months. I like the way my physical appearance is moving along and my mental happiness is pretty closely related to my proper gender identity  . It would be nice to have companionship , but that's a complicated situation for me. The financial  is just existential living so really nothing I can do about it. Basically things could be better , but I'm doing all right.

At first gender expression was my most important step, well, my goal in life really. I planned on moving out, becoming financially independent and experiment with my wardrobe & way of looking.

Life gets in the way and that doesn't really seem possible. (read: can't for the love of... find a job haha)

This was starting to concern me the past few weeks so I did call a doctor to rule out a few things on Wednesday.

All in all I want to put my mental health first.

Which is totally not how I wouldve liked it :c. Move out -> have fun/slowly social transit -> see therapist

Is now becoming mental health, financial stability - - - > physical presentation.

*goes back to jobsearching ;-;*

Physical presentation matters most to me (Importance: 9). As long as I am being called 'sir' there can be no happiness.
Mental health is important (7), but I feel that all of my mental health issues are just side effects of living in the wrong body.
Acceptance/companionship is third (3). The HRT instills in me a need to socialize, but at the end of the day that is far less important than being true to myself.
Financial stability is last (2). While it does help to have money for strong anti-androgens and surgery, the truth is that if I had transitioned when I was younger and poorer, I would have seen better results even *without* those expensive remedies.

For over 5 years, I put off transitioning due to financial concerns, fear of rejection by family, and a perceived inability to feminize. Now I know that money and close family ties could not buy happiness. Over five years later, with most of my hair gone and my skeletal structure locked in place, my inability to feminize became a self-fulfilling prophecy. :(

In order:

proper physical presentation
legal recognition
Mental health
financial stability
companionship

Companionship is dead last because after two marriages I'm kind of burned out. But after this one ends I don't know what the future holds. Definitely not dating until post op SRS.

Passing is more important to me than anything else.

Financial stability is important. No money, no transition. Seems simple.

Mental health is important but I think I'm in a good place.

I will also add legal recognition to that list and place it at #2. It bothers me that I can't even get my birth certificate annotated as female. It's stuck as male until the laws change in my birth country which may be never. This really bothers me.