Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hey everybody. I'm not sure if this forum is the right place for me but I've been lurking on here for a while now, so I thought I'd join.

To put it short, right now I'm biologically male and identify as... somewhere in between, I think. I think the terms that apply are "non-binary," "genderfluid," or "genderqueer." Or something like that. I suppose life is more interesting when it's complicated.

As far as hobbies go, I love riding unicycles and own way too many of them. I also have a ton of creative interests. I am 75% through writing a novel. I frequently compose music (and have about three albums worth of it). I love metalworking and often make things ranging from unicycle frames to jewelry and am about to go back to school for welding (which I also plan on using artistically).

Hopefully I can help figure some things out about myself with you lovely people.

A little about me without telling a life story...

For my whole life I've been something of what I might call a closet girl-in-a-boy-body. As a little kid I was always the type to do artsy things or play pretend at recess instead of playing sports with the other boys (which, of course, led to a lot of sand being thrown at me). I was always very sensitive to my emotions and, contrary to what my mom wanted, liked playing with girl toys even more than boy toys.

As I grew up I managed to outwardly project myself as more of a masculine male, but that's always been kind of hilarious because I am not a big tough kind of guy. Growing up I was always shorter, smaller, and more delicate than my peers. I've had friends tease me for being sensitive and I've had exes leave me for "real men."

From elementary school all the way through college I had few friends and spent most of my time alone, focusing on my creative hobbies and on my academic progress. Thankfully I got a full ride scholarship because of that, but I still didn't click with anybody - especially not myself. I always hated my body although I never really understood why - every time I saw myself in the mirror I couldn't stand it. That lead to anorexia and a lot of exercise and weight loss, but even then I never felt attractive.

Fast forwarding to today, by some complete stroke of luck I ended up meeting an absolutely incredible woman who I am now engaged to. As a true partner should offer, my fiancee really knows me better than I know myself and loves the parts of me that I have always run away from. Lately she has encouraged me to openly pursue my inner girl side, and is fully encouraging of me dressing how I want, wearing makeup, and outwardly expressing the things I feel inside. She's also helped me realize that I am bisexual (she is too) and has helped me accept certain feelings I've always been afraid of being judged and shunned for.

For the first time in my life I like how I feel about myself. I like what I see when I look in the mirror. And I feel like I don't have to force myself to pretend to be something I'm not.

In private and with my fiancee, I've been openly going girlmode more and more lately, but among my less accepting family and coworkers I'm still projecting male, but doing things that make me feel good secretly like painting my toes and wearing cute underwear.

I'm not sure what my long term goal is. I don't know if I'm transgender or simply fall outside the binary spectrum. Either way I'm embracing the side of me that feels like the real me, and I'm curious to see where life takes me now that I'm not shunning a big part of myself that's always been with me.

Hopefully I'll be welcome here.

Edit:  Fixed a typo.

Welcome too the group. The goal is being yourself and don't let others try to judge you in what you do.

Quote from: cheryl reeves on September 07, 2015, 12:30:16 PM
The goal is being yourself and don't let others try to judge you in what you do.

You're right about that!  I think the fear of judgment has held me back from embracing a lot of things in life, and now I'm starting to realize that everybody has those fears.  And if everybody is worried about being judged, nobody is doing the judging. :)  Thanks for the warm welcome!

Welcome to Susan's Place. You will find this a great place to explore because there are people from all over the sexual spectrum and now you are a member, you will be able to ask what is on your mind. Let me know if there is anything I can help you with.

Quote from: Dena on September 07, 2015, 01:12:03 PM
Welcome to Susan's Place. You will find this a great place to explore because there are people from all over the sexual spectrum and now you are a member, you will be able to ask what is on your mind. Let me know if there is anything I can help you with.

Thank you so much!  I had a feeling this would be a good place for me and now I'm quickly seeing that I am right. :)

WOW. If that is a picture of you, the girl side of you is gorgeous.

Quote from: Dena on September 07, 2015, 01:26:48 PM
WOW. If that is a picture of you, the girl side of you is gorgeous.

Wow, thank you!  That's very sweet of you to say!  :D  Yes, that's a picture of me from three days ago.

Hello and welcome to Susan's. It's great that you have embraced who you are. Whatever experiences come your way enjoy them. Love your avatar.

:)

Hi and welcome to Susan's. Your among friends now. As you learn more about yourself you will discover where you fit. We totally understand. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

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Hi purpleshiny  :icon_wave:

Welcome to Susan's  :)  Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Wow! - you build and ride unicycles, - that is really cool.  I love human powered vehicles and own a small collection of elderly bicycles as well as messing around with building up three wheelers.  I've never been brave enough to attempt to ride a unicycle and now that I live with a chronic illness which affects my balance (among other things) I don't think I would have any success with trying.
Welcome to the forum :D  This is a great place to be able to kick back and be yourself and everyone is very friendly and supportive.

Warm welcome to Susan's Purpleshiny

Thanks for joining, so much more fun than just lurking  :P

Wow you are very feminine in your avatar... and you build unicycles very funky...

We are often our own worst enemies, pre-judging ourselves because we believe everything is as it should be... well I certainly have learnt over the years it is not, each and everyone of us humans is visually different as well as personality wise, etc... and its wonderful that you are now confident, and with every reason to be too.

I look forward to seeing you around the forum's

L Katy  :-*

Welcome to Susan's. I agree your avatar is very feminine.

Thank you all so much for the warm welcome!  I really feel like I've found an excellent community to spend time in.  :D