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So I got both the letters I'm likely to need for surgery.  I have been declared fit to proceed with what may be the biggest change of my entire life.

I also live in a state where, after January, I'll be able to get my surgery for free.

And I feel strange.  I feel scared.  Suddenly, the power to make the decision isn't in the hands of medical or financial gatekeepers.  It's in my hands.  Mine. 

I don't know what to think of that.  The next step will be consultation but already I'm wondering about this.  I have so many "what ifs" going through my head.  What if my surgery gets botched or develops life-threatening complications?  What if my fiance decides he can't enjoy sex with me any more?  What if I go to the ER and they won't work on me because they've never seen a post-op transsexual before (I have heard of this happening)?  What if I can't keep up my dilating schedule?

I need some good news about what lies ahead from those of you who have got your surgery and lived with it for a few years.  I need to know there's hope.  I need to know I'm not making the biggest mistake of my life.  I'm so used to the important decisions in my life being forced by lack of money or by authority or by circumstances beyond my control; I'm not used to having something this big at my disposal and I'm terrified.

I need some post-op mentors right now, and badly.

well, I'm not post op, but I'm in the exact same place. A push of the go button.

First, don't panic!

The only persons decision on what you do is yours. It will likely take about a year before you will be accepted by a surgeon, so you have plenty of time.

Talk to your boyfriend, think about what YOU want. It is your body, not your boyfriends!


Think about whether you want to go through your after care.

Do you really want to dilate, essentially for the rest of your life?

Do you want to run the surgical risks: anal-vaginal fistula, non-orgasmic, losing your vagina due to surgical issues or whatever.

Are you young enough and fit enough to cope

Do you want a vagina?

Will it make you feel 'better'?

Why do you want a vagina?

Can you be happy without one?


Addressing all the negatives can let you think about the positives.

Surgery is a big step, my decision was and is, my decision. I'm very happy with the decision I made.

But I will not influence anyone by saying what it was.

You and anyone is no more and no less a woman post surgery that you were before.

And surgery does not cure life issues. It is just surgery. The issues remain.

I dont know if this will help you or not but I will try.

I'm now over 30 years postop. Looking back it is inconceivable to me that I could lived my life any other way, and I would not have wanted to.

I personally never had a moments doubt. SRS was the thing I wanted from the first time I heard of it as a young child, and transition and HRT everything else were just (sometimes even irritating) steps along the road to that goal. So personally, while I understand the nervousness about how painful it might be, how long the recovery will take, whether the result will look good and work well, I find it very difficult to comprehend someone getting to the point that you have and then having doubts about whether they actually want to proceed.

That said I can perhaps understand it in another context. There are times in life when we feel that someone else has decided something for us, for example my future career, which when I was leaving school, other people had already decided MUST be medicine. As a result it became of supreme importance to me to make a DIFFERENT decision and I pushed myself down the other road simply because it felt as if this was the only direction I could go in which would be unequivocally seen as MY CHOICE.

Well of course years later I realised I had actually made a mistake and that my original course toward medicine, though not really decided by me, was indeed my true destiny. So very late in life I find myself reversing my course and becoming that which my parents and teachers had originally assigned me as. This is clearly not a situation you want to find yourself in after SRS. Transition is hell, de-transition must be the ultimate nightmare.

So it seems to me that I have quite a good analogy by which to understand your dilemma. I suppose therefore what I would say is that its important that you do something for positive reasons. In this case because you genuinely WANT to have that anatomy - and not because you are running away from the anatomy you already have.

In other words, to put it crudely, you have to positively WANT a vagina rather than just be running away from a penis. You have to WANT to live for the rest of your life as physically female, with all that that entails, rather than just wanting to be rid of being male. Finally you have to want to do it FOR YOURSELF - and not because you think other people will love you better or think more of you if you do it.

There are risks to both paths. Whichever choice you make may turn out to be wrong for you, so in one sense the best anyone can do is try hard to make the right choice, and then be prepared to live with the consequences be they good or bad.

Looking back I pass my own tests easily. In short while being sacred of the process is normal, being scared of the end result probably isn't! You therefore need to probe your fears and decide why you a scared, because in this situation that is the thing which will come closest to giving you your answer.

I don't know if I have helped or not... but I have tried. Please be well, and good luck whatever you decide.

be 100% sure, you can back out right up until the surgery itself. What made me be so so sure was after I'd be told is was all happening they lost some documents and then all of a sudden there was a a couple days that it was no longer happening, I went from happy to suicidal both  my toenail beds cracked from mental stress and I got labrynthitis, after I was told it was a clerical error I just knew there was no way I could live without the surgery.

I'd be more worried about being pre-op in an E.R than post-op, hated going to hospital pre-op

Quote from: Cindy on September 12, 2015, 03:06:04 AM
Talk to your boyfriend, think about what YOU want. It is your body, not your boyfriends!

Well, I have.  He's giving me a very weak "yeah" when I ask if he would be OK making love to me post-op.  But he's the sort who gives a weak "yeah" to everything and I never know where I stand.  When I asked if he'd be OK with me living as a woman 2 years ago he gave a very weak "I'll try."  He finally did decide that he likes me better this way but bottom surgery is a whole other ball game.  I've thought about hiring a prostitute to see if he can actually perform with a woman but the problem there, he pointed out, is that she wouldn't be me and he'd probably feel strange and awkward making love to a stranger regardless of plumbing.  I really have no clue what to expect from that boy...

QuoteThink about whether you want to go through your after care.  Do you really want to dilate, essentially for the rest of your life?

Well, I don't know.  Does it hurt to dilate?  How much will my life have to be planned around this?  Supposing I fly to Europe, how will I find the time?

QuoteDo you want to run the surgical risks: anal-vaginal fistula, non-orgasmic, losing your vagina due to surgical issues or whatever.

You just listed my biggest fears.  I'm not as concerned about being non-orgasmic because I've responded extremely well to HRT but the other complications are a bit more daunting.  Fistula scares me like no end.  Add to that the fact that I know NOTHING of the skills and abilities of the doctor they're doing this with (Dr. Dugi at OHSU, who seems to be a COMPLETE unknown in the trans community) and I'm pretty happy that I'll have to wait until after Dr. Dugi sees his first clients before I can opt for this procedure.

QuoteAre you young enough and fit enough to cope?

I'm 31, on HRT 2 1/2 years now, a bit out of shape but no diabetes, HIV, or major chronic problems.  I do have some palpitations but those are mainly due to anxiety which is kept about as controlled as I've ever had it.  I figure I'll need to lose weight before I go through with this.

QuoteDo you want a vagina?

YES. I can say that without hesitation.  I just wish there was an easier way.  But if I could take a magic pill or somehow will my body to change on its own and wake up tomorrow with a vagina, I would.

QuoteWill it make you feel 'better'?

Assuming everything goes according to plan, I think so.

QuoteWhy do you want a vagina?

I want a vagina because I feel weird and uncomfortable, especially sexually.  I'd say losing the ability to get spontaneous erections and gaining a more feminine sexual response on HRT has helped, but I reach down and feel what I have down there and it feels entirely wrong.  I can only have truly satisfying orgasms if I'm not touching myself and if I can forget for a moment I have a penis.  I haven't been on top since 2013 and I never enjoyed using my penis that way to begin with; it's basically just a freakishly oversized clit to me.  Also, I hate tucking, I hate not being able to be in places where my body would give me away, and I've asked myself again and again if I could possibly go back to living as a man; the answer is always a resounding NO.  I never was a man and I never was happy trying to be one.

QuoteCan you be happy without one?

Well, here's where I meet another point of concern.  You have one camp saying "unless you have a choice between surgery and suicide, don't do it" and you have the other camp saying "it doesn't have to be that extreme if you know what you want."  The truth is no, I probably wouldn't commit suicide if I decided not to go through with it.  But the body dysphoria is there, it comes and goes in waves and it's usually mild but it makes its presence known in various ways.  I can't deny that I'm not as happy as I could be  though.  I can't count the times I've thought "this would be easier if I didn't have male parts..."  For me, having male genitalia is a huge inconvenience and I have to say I won't be as happy as I could be if I didn't get the surgery, but it won't kill me. 

Quote from: Rejennyrated on September 12, 2015, 03:33:07 AM
I personally never had a moments doubt. SRS was the thing I wanted from the first time I heard of it as a young child, and transition and HRT everything else were just (sometimes even irritating) steps along the road to that goal. So personally, while I understand the nervousness about how painful it might be, how long the recovery will take, whether the result will look good and work well, I find it very difficult to comprehend someone getting to the point that you have and then having doubts about whether they actually want to proceed.

I can explain my reluctance very simply: I'm afraid of complications.  I'm afraid that I will never be satisfied with the result and that it will feel like a cheap substitute for what I really want.  I'm afraid that any doctor I can access will be a butcher who will destroy my body because good doctors are for rich people.  I think these are all valid reasons to stop and pause.

QuoteWell of course years later I realised I had actually made a mistake and that my original course toward medicine, though not really decided by me, was indeed my true destiny. So very late in life I find myself reversing my course and becoming that which my parents and teachers had originally assigned me as. This is clearly not a situation you want to find yourself in after SRS. Transition is hell, de-transition must be the ultimate nightmare.

Transitioning wasn't hell for me; believe it or not I've actually had worse experiences in my life (like going to high school as an awkward, slightly effeminate man with a high voice).  Yeah, it was awkward and terrifying at first, but after I got where I could pass it became a breathtaking transformation that finally allowed me to be myself!  De-transition?  Blech! That's a filthy word.  I could never, EVER see myself going back to living as a man.  After 2 1/2 years transitioning, I've asked myself many times and the answer is always "no."  I have dignity I never had before!  I've published four books under my new name.  I know people who have only ever known me as a woman and I like it that way.  Hell, I have made plans to be buried and memorialized as a woman when I die (hopefully a long time from now).  De-transition is the furthest thing from my mind.

QuoteSo it seems to me that I have quite a good analogy by which to understand your dilemma. I suppose therefore what I would say is that its important that you do something for positive reasons. In this case because you genuinely WANT to have that anatomy - and not because you are running away from the anatomy you already have.

In other words, to put it crudely, you have to positively WANT a vagina rather than just be running away from a penis. You have to WANT to live for the rest of your life as physically female, with all that that entails, rather than just wanting to be rid of being male. Finally you have to want to do it FOR YOURSELF - and not because you think other people will love you better or think more of you if you do it.

I really don't know what you mean by "running away from a penis."  Could you explain that?

Quote from: Rose City Rose on September 12, 2015, 03:56:56 AM

Quote from: Cindy on September 12, 2015, 03:06:04 AM
Talk to your boyfriend, think about what YOU want. It is your body, not your boyfriends!

Well, I have.  He's giving me a very weak "yeah" when I ask if he would be OK making love to me post-op.  But he's the sort who gives a weak "yeah" to everything and I never know where I stand.  When I asked if he'd be OK with me living as a woman 2 years ago he gave a very weak "I'll try."  He finally did decide that he likes me better this way but bottom surgery is a whole other ball game.  I've thought about hiring a prostitute to see if he can actually perform with a woman but the problem there, he pointed out, is that she wouldn't be me and he'd probably feel strange and awkward making love to a stranger regardless of plumbing.  I really have no clue what to expect from that boy...

I'm sorry, but if he is Gay there is little chance he will be happy in a relationship with a woman, and he may have been fooling himself in thinking he wasn't

QuoteThink about whether you want to go through your after care.  Do you really want to dilate, essentially for the rest of your life?

Well, I don't know.  Does it hurt to dilate?  How much will my life have to be planned around this?  Supposing I fly to Europe, how will I find the time?

It can hurt in particular at the beginning, it becomes routine. YMMV, Deepedning on your Dr recommendations anything from 3-5 times a day (24 hours) takes about an hour a time. Start to clean up.

QuoteDo you want to run the surgical risks: anal-vaginal fistula, non-orgasmic, losing your vagina due to surgical issues or whatever.

You just listed my biggest fears.  I'm not as concerned about being non-orgasmic because I've responded extremely well to HRT but the other complications are a bit more daunting.  Fistula scares me like no end.  Add to that the fact that I know NOTHING of the skills and abilities of the doctor they're doing this with (Dr. Dugi at OHSU, who seems to be a COMPLETE unknown in the trans community) and I'm pretty happy that I'll have to wait until after Dr. Dugi sees his first clients before I can opt for this procedure.

I haven't heard of that surgeon but that doesn't mean anything. There are risks with all surgery.  Serious risk is quite low (it is so called vanilla surgery) but there are risks, possibly greatest risk is having a non-functional vagina one that will not accomadate a penis, if you wish penetration that is.

QuoteAre you young enough and fit enough to cope?

I'm 31, on HRT 2 1/2 years now, a bit out of shape but no diabetes, HIV, or major chronic problems.  I do have some palpitations but those are mainly due to anxiety which is kept about as controlled as I've ever had it.  I figure I'll need to lose weight before I go through with this.

Easy! Get fit! Good diet and exercise. If you can't do that maybe you don't want it!

QuoteDo you want a vagina?

YES. I can say that without hesitation.  I just wish there was an easier way.  But if I could take a magic pill or somehow will my body to change on its own and wake up tomorrow with a vagina, I would.
Amen, it doesn't exist and won't

QuoteWill it make you feel 'better'?

Assuming everything goes according to plan, I think so.

QuoteWhy do you want a vagina?

I want a vagina because I feel weird and uncomfortable, especially sexually.  I'd say losing the ability to get spontaneous erections and gaining a more feminine sexual response on HRT has helped, but I reach down and feel what I have down there and it feels entirely wrong.  I can only have truly satisfying orgasms if I'm not touching myself and if I can forget for a moment I have a penis.  I haven't been on top since 2013 and I never enjoyed using my penis that way to begin with; it's basically just a freakishly oversized clit to me.  Also, I hate tucking, I hate not being able to be in places where my body would give me away, and I've asked myself again and again if I could possibly go back to living as a man; the answer is always a resounding NO.  I never was a man and I never was happy trying to be one.

Standard response, I'm in NO WAY dismissing it, I think we all feel that way.

QuoteCan you be happy without one?

Well, here's where I meet another point of concern.  You have one camp saying "unless you have a choice between surgery and suicide, don't do it" and you have the other camp saying "it doesn't have to be that extreme if you know what you want."  The truth is no, I probably wouldn't commit suicide if I decided not to go through with it.  But the body dysphoria is there, it comes and goes in waves and it's usually mild but it makes its presence known in various ways.  I can't deny that I'm not as happy as I could be  though.  I can't count the times I've thought "this would be easier if I didn't have male parts..."  For me, having male genitalia is a huge inconvenience and I have to say I won't be as happy as I could be if I didn't get the surgery, but it won't kill me.

Forget suicide now. Stupid thought. Some women end up that there body dysphoria goes after prolonged HRT, and possibly an orchie. Surgery, as you are posting your thoughts is different.

I'll put this an odd way; If you were an opera singer and suffered chronic tonsillitis would you hesitate having your tonsils out?[ Seems a stupid comment but think about it/color]


There is no reason at all to make a rapid decision. Talk, as you are, hear opinion and make up your mind. As I said it is your body. But remember most post op girls are going to say go for it, and most no op girls will say don't go for it.
The only person who can make your call is you

I had my GRS a few weeks ago and my surgeon is not one of the better known ones. In fact there is very little information about him or his work in the MTF community in the UK. This being the case I sat down with him and asked him outright

- How many fistulas do you get? How do you deal with them? What is the outcome?

- How many cases of stenosis do you get?

- What about vaginal prolapses?

... and so on and so forth. He was very happy to discuss all this and differences in his technique from other UK surgeons. In the end I was convinced that his technique was superior and so far the results are fantastic. So go and talk with your surgeon and explain your worries and the fact that he is little known in the MTF world so you have little to go on.

As for fear, I was generally OK about GRS. I was apprehensive about it but I was not losing sleep over it or anything like that. On the morning of the operation I was a bit "numb", a sense of disbelief that it was actually going to happen. When I walked into the pre-op room to be prepared for surgery the sense of terror hit and my legs locked up and tears flooded out of me. I was not terrified of teh result, but the process that was minutes away - knowing I was going to be cut up, sliced and stitched - that was my fear. Once again I told them and they helped me.

Long story short? Talk to the medical people about your fears.

Finally, about your "weak" boyfriend. Do this for yourself, not for him otherwise you are letting other people define your path in life. If he is worthwhile he will come round.

Quote from: Rose City Rose on September 12, 2015, 04:16:16 AM
I can explain my reluctance very simply: I'm afraid of complications.  I'm afraid that I will never be satisfied with the result and that it will feel like a cheap substitute for what I really want.  I'm afraid that any doctor I can access will be a butcher who will destroy my body because good doctors are for rich people.  I think these are all valid reasons to stop and pause.

...

I really don't know what you mean by "running away from a penis."  Could you explain that?

To answer your last point first it was in contrast to the positive desire to have female anatomy - I both wanted a vagina and I did not like having a penis - but if I had merely had the "dislike" on its own I dont think that would have been enough. As I said reasons should be positive and not negative.

One runs away from something which is unpleasant - but in this situation it is necessary to also desire the thing one is running towards. I don't have any other way to explain that so if you dont understand it then we will just have to leave it.

As to your first point, that is something I cant quite grasp because as someone training to be a doctor in the UK I'm accustomed to our system where good doctors treat rich and poor alike. You may have a point, and I would certainly say that SRS is absolutely not for people who are prefectionists because even the best surgeon in the world has limits, and there is a real danger of seeking too high as standard of perfection.

Every surgeon I know, and in my training I have got to know literally hundreds, would tell you that while their skill is important, the end result will be far more dtermined by how lucky you are with your metabolism (how well you heal) and anatomy (whether your tissue and bones has a promising initial shape) than it will by their skill. So if you have a dificult metabolism and a tricky anatomy you'll get a poor result even from the best, and by extension if you are lucky in those respects then even a rather mediocre surgeon may produce a fine result. So it is a lottery and it sounds as if maybe this is going to be a big problem for you.

My attitude was quite the reverse of yours. I felt that whatever happened I would try to be happy with the result and indeed for a long time I lived with some cosmetic limitations to the end result which I finally put right in 2010 some 25 years after the original surgery.

There is a degree of compromise which is unavoidable here - so I suppose the question is, would living with a slightly imperfect vagina not be better than living with a penis. My answer was that any vagina - however ugly and imperefct would be infinitely preferable to the most beautiful and perfect penis in the world. Your answer may be different...

Clearly I cant tell you what you should do, nor will I try, we are very different people, but hopefully I can offer my support.

Quote from: Rose City Rose on September 12, 2015, 02:47:01 AMWhat if my surgery gets botched or develops life-threatening complications?

A possibility, but there are a hundred things that could happen to you while living your every day life that are life threatening (car accident, slip in the shower, pick up an infectious disease, etc.). Worst case scenarios are possible with our without surgery and not worth dwelling on.

Quote from: Rose City Rose on September 12, 2015, 02:47:01 AMWhat if my fiance decides he can't enjoy sex with me any more? 

He would be doing you a favor. If he's one of THOSE guys, best find out BEFORE you are married, right?

Quote from: Rose City Rose on September 12, 2015, 02:47:01 AMWhat if I go to the ER and they won't work on me because they've never seen a post-op transsexual before (I have heard of this happening)? 

Illegal under the ACA, and could probably win you millions of $ in a subsequent lawsuit if it happened. More likely to have some ER mishap totally unrelated to your gender, though see worst case scenario advice above.

Quote from: Rose City Rose on September 12, 2015, 02:47:01 AMWhat if I can't keep up my dilating schedule?

This was a major worry of mine, since I work full time and my hours are not flexible. I got through the toughest part of the schedule. Now it's just once a day, and not a problem.

Quote from: Rose City Rose on September 12, 2015, 02:47:01 AMI need to know I'm not making the biggest mistake of my life. 

Sorry, dear, that needs to come from you. I had that fear, and I'll say there are moments that I miss orgasms and am frustrated that everyone else seems to still have them but me. But bottom line: I didn't want to die never knowing what it feels like to be shaped the right way. That's priceless, and something I couldn't have had any other way.

I will say a sort of final thing. No matter what your decision is, if you make it correctly then you will have no, or few, regrets.

Our decisions are very individual.

From three wonderful women who have replied to you, we have had different outcomes, but we are all happy.

We thought out what we would be happy with, and i think we are.

For Jenny, Suzi and I not everything has worked in life, but we have a commonality, we are strong women.

So are you.

Cindy.

Well if you imagine yourself having a vagina, would you be more happy concerning sex ?

Concerning srs, as said major complications should be rare. Its healthy people having an operation.
You can keep yourself fit and healthy beforehand.

As others have said, you might try to emotionally come to a point where you feel you can live with a decision.
If there are emotional restraints you might try to adress them.

And its often that when people have something they feel to push it away... just embrace it, the possibility...


hugs

Quote from: Cindy on September 12, 2015, 04:24:38 AM
I'll put this an odd way; If you were an opera singer and suffered chronic tonsillitis would you hesitate having your tonsils out?[ Seems a stupid comment but think about it/color]

You make an awesome point there.  A chronic annoyance is still an obstacle to the life I'd rather be living.

Quote from: Rejennyrated on September 12, 2015, 04:49:26 AM
As to your first point, that is something I cant quite grasp because as someone training to be a doctor in the UK I'm accustomed to our system where good doctors treat rich and poor alike. You may have a point, and I would certainly say that SRS is absolutely not for people who are prefectionists because even the best surgeon in the world has limits, and there is a real danger of seeking too high as standard of perfection.

I was a student in the UK for a while.  I miss having NHS benefits though the US state I live in is getting better.

Quote from: Rejennyrated on September 12, 2015, 04:49:26 AMEvery surgeon I know, and in my training I have got to know literally hundreds, would tell you that while their skill is important, the end result will be far more determined by how lucky you are with your metabolism (how well you heal) and anatomy (whether your tissue and bones has a promising initial shape) than it will by their skill. So if you have a dificult metabolism and a tricky anatomy you'll get a poor result even from the best, and by extension if you are lucky in those respects then even a rather mediocre surgeon may produce a fine result. So it is a lottery and it sounds as if maybe this is going to be a big problem for you.

Well, I burnt myself with a deep fryer a couple of weeks ago and now the mark is barely there.  That's promising I guess.  As far as body shape, what sort of shape is the most promising?

Quote from: Rejennyrated on September 12, 2015, 04:49:26 AMThere is a degree of compromise which is unavoidable here - so I suppose the question is, would living with a slightly imperfect vagina not be better than living with a penis. My answer was that any vagina - however ugly and imperefct would be infinitely preferable to the most beautiful and perfect penis in the world. Your answer may be different...

Quote

Well, I'm no stranger to imperfect genitalia, as one with hypospadias.  So an ugly vagina isn't a problem.  One of my worries is that it will be fragile or unusable, or that it'll go off without complications but I'll go in for revisions and end up getting complications the second time around, or that my insurance won't cover revisions and I'll be left with something useless between my legs.

Ok now I understand your fears a little better and I'm happy to say that they are extremely unlikely to materialise.

As others have said most people who go into this healthy do NOT have complications because they arent sick beforehand and therefore their bodies are at full strength to recover.

As for what will make for a decent result its difficult to give a comprehensive answer to that without this becoming an anatomy class -  but in general you want a good space in the pelvic cavity - you want arteries and nerves to be roughly where they "should" be (some people have unexpected variations). You want enough tissue from the original organs. You want a prostate that isn't too huge, you want healthy skin and bowel as if there is bowel disease or skin abnormality this is what would raise the fistula risk.

Now assuming you don't have any of those problems then the whole thing is much more robust than you seem to imagine. Neovaginas are not the fragile things you think - it takes a LOT of hard work to damage one and it genuinely is the case the the people who have the most problems postop are those who aren't firm and positive enough in the way they dilate in the recovery period - ironically once the pack comes out the very WORST thing you can do is be too gentle... So forget the fear it all falling apart its just NOT going to happen - follow the instructions and at worst you will have only minor complications, which will be resolved.

First of all, my sympathy; I've been there, and the time right before you actually go into the OR is when the "what-ifs" seem to proliferate and take over every waking thought. That's normal, even though it's not any fun. I was terrified up until the night before the surgery, and I've still never regretted it for a second afterward.

Secondly, I'm 3+ years post-op and I have what may be a weirdly comforting story : it's basically not a big part of my life anymore. :) Surgery cured my dysphoria, and eventually - once everything was healed up and normal - made it possible for me to *stop thinking* about my genitals for the first time in years. Now I don't pay attention to it at all unless there's something uncomfortable down there or I'm in a conversation like this (or dilating, I guess). GRS let me get on with my life as a woman with no unsettling or unpleasant messages from my body, which is exactly what I'd hoped for. And yes, it's possible to have fun with it, too. ;)

Dilation is more boring than unpleasant, and even immediately post-op it was usually just uncomfortable and not painful. It was pretty time-intensive early on, admittedly. Once I was more than a year post-op it was 15 minutes once a week, which is one of the least annoying chores I have (I spend more time than that doing the dishes per DAY) and after the first six months or so I'd say it was no more difficult or time-consuming than maintaining my newly pierced ears had been.

great info thanks

Well, I feel pretty relieved knowing I'm at a reduced risk of problems.  I do have a varicocele in my left undesirable, but provided that problem hasn't spread to other parts of the pelvic area I guess I should be OK.

I do get phlebitis from time to time, but it's generally mild and responds to ibuprofen.

As far as the pain... using the pain scale they use in the hospitals, how bad are we talking?
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F4.bp.blogspot.com%2F-bA7HiIYIwbM%2FTpvsAibiTxI%2FAAAAAAAAAG0%2FdwnXbjMI_r8%2Fs1600%2FPain%2BScale.png&hash=70c383e119c99acd061420466dec0d10df7719fa)

The worst pain I have ever experienced was in the wake of several large, jagged kidney stones when I experienced blockage basically from scabs that had formed internally.  It put me in the hospital twice and caused pain that was a solid 9, and the problem persisted for several months.  If I'm not going to be hit by pain on that scale, then I'm good.

I am late to this thread and I had doubts running through my head up to the moment the lights went out. As for scared, I have massive fear of the medical profession and the drugs they gave me to relax me didn't help much. The good thing was when I first woke up, I knew I hadn't made a mistake and have never had a regret about the surgery. Yes, I did have an infection after surgery but it was quickly treated and hasn't given me any more problems.

Pain is an interesting question and it depends on how well you tolerate pain. I was freely offered pain medication but I didn't take any. Yes it hurt but it was a dull pain that felt like somebody had shoved a base ball hard between my legs. If you are sensitive to pain they will provide whatever pain relief you need and you only need to ask for it. I would think the worst pain you would feel would be about a 7 or 8 but it will fade to a lower level over a few days.

I'd say on day 1 the pain maybe got as far as 4 when the pain meds were wearing off; for the most part, in the first two or three days it never got past a 2-3 so long as the pain meds were in effect. By the third day, when I went to the recovery residence, it was about a consistent 2 on Tylenol alone. (I did have bladder spasms around day 5, which were probably an 8 on the pain scale until they gave me oxycodone. The actual surgical site pain was VERY much less than that.) By the time I went home, the pain was a 1, maybe a 2 if I overdid it, and stayed like that for the next month or so.

It really wasn't that bad, amazingly.

The biggest pain I had was from the pressure garment, not the surgical site. My pain was controlled with 2 paracetamol every 4 hours, that was enough.

It is soft tissue surgery in a fairly insensitive area of the body. There may be one or two places down there that are super-sensitive but you have spent years sitting half your body weight on that area in all sorts of rough surfaces and it rarely bothered you.

Toothache is a worse pain than what I went through.

So here's what I gather:

1. I'm at a relatively low risk for complications.
2. I'm generally a good candidate for SRS aside from weight issues.
3. The pain is typically not bad at all except for complications.
4. I'm right to ask lots of questions when I get my consultation.
5. If I'm more comfortable with a vagina, then it's probably going to be an improvement even if I can "muddle through" with male parts.

Anything else to consider?

Quote from: Rose City Rose on September 14, 2015, 03:38:37 AM
So here's what I gather:

1. I'm at a relatively low risk for complications.
2. I'm generally a good candidate for SRS aside from weight issues.
3. The pain is typically not bad at all except for complications.
4. I'm right to ask lots of questions when I get my consultation.
5. If I'm more comfortable with a vagina, then it's probably going to be an improvement even if I can "muddle through" with male parts.

Anything else to consider?

GRS doesn't take away life issues.

Learn how to enjoy your life!

That is the main consideration with, or without surgery.

That said, most women are very happy post surgery.

So enjoy!!

Quote from: Cindy on September 14, 2015, 03:52:21 AM
GRS doesn't take away life issues.

This is an important point. GRS solves ONE problem only - all your other problems stay with you.

Quote from: Cindy on September 14, 2015, 03:52:21 AMLearn how to enjoy your life!

Indeed. Too many people focus on transition and when it is done they feel lost and some even get depressed. Living our lives should be our primary goal.

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Quote from: Rose City Rose on September 14, 2015, 03:38:37 AM
So here's what I gather:

1. I'm at a relatively low risk for complications.
2. I'm generally a good candidate for SRS aside from weight issues.

Lose weight if you can. In the UK many surgeons want your BMI under 30 and prefer under 28. I asked why out of curiousity (my BMI is 25) and I was told that the results are better. Excess fat in the surgical area means skin has to be stretched more when it is being stitched back together and that puts stress and strain on things, also the surgeon has an easier time if (s)he does not have to go through layers of fat to get to the tissue for surgery.

Quote from: Rose City Rose on September 14, 2015, 03:38:37 AM
3. The pain is typically not bad at all except for complications.

That was my experience. 5 weeks later and I have some swelling and sitting can be a little uncomfortable unless I shimmy around until I feel a good spot to sit on. Uncomfortable, not sore. It improves every day.

Quote from: Rose City Rose on September 14, 2015, 03:38:37 AM
4. I'm right to ask lots of questions when I get my consultation.

If the surgeon is unhappy with you asking questions then look for another surgeon. It is important that you understand what you are getting into and what you can expect. For example, my first view of my new vagina was a bit of a shock - I had forgotten just how swollen it was going to be. Now it looks much better and continues to improve.

Quote from: Rose City Rose on September 14, 2015, 03:38:37 AM
Anything else to consider?

Eat a well balanced diet and get as fit as possible before surgery. If you are reasonably fit then you will recover better and faster. You probably have some months to wait so start exercising to remove that excess weight and avoid alcohol and junk food.

One final thing - make a point asking about whether genital electrolysis is needed. Some surgeons need it, some do not but it can be important depending on technique.

Quote from: Rose City Rose on September 14, 2015, 03:38:37 AM
5. If I'm more comfortable with a vagina, then it's probably going to be an improvement even if I can "muddle through" with male parts.

Anything else to consider?

I had money issue and was 2 years RLE. When I had had the funds and the time for surgery came, I realized that in the second year I became secure enough in the female role that I would never return to the male role. If you have any doubts that are causing the fear, consider delaying the surgery. I feel that had I not spent the additional time, I might have been doing that adjustment post surgical. As it was, I entered surgery with everything cleaned up so I could start my new life with a clean slate.

Quote from: Rose City Rose on September 12, 2015, 04:16:16 AM
I really don't know what you mean by "running away from a penis."  Could you explain that?

Picture a thirty-foot penis chasing you down the street. ;)

*

Allow my first impression to this post to recall that I knew that the easy decision was my correction surgery.  As a comparison, I wrestled with a decision whether or not to get my ears pierced to wear earrings.  The decision regarding the former was easy because I lived a life-time with that prospect as one of my life's imperatives to resolve.  Getting pierced ears was at best an incidental event that I could live without; it also represented a body modification that I had to decide fit my mental acceptance.  I did not consider my version of GCS as big a deal as ear piercing.

Getting my confirmation notification from my health insurance brought relief more than any other emotion.  Relief that this was finally happening.  Relief that I survived all the gatekeepers whom I perceived as hindrance to my correct anatomy denied to me by fate of hormonal accident.  Relief that all the decision-making power was finally mine   There was a curious unbelievability about it.  They accepted me?  For real?  FOR REAL???  YES!!!

So yes, here was my joy that finally I am the one making my decisions of the essence of my life for me, NOT someone else making those decisions.  This is my life, NOT theirs.  I spent my entire life working through this decision, NOT them.

I had no reluctance proceeding with my version of  the surgery.  I was comfortable with it because I did my homework; I read and studied all I could - medical, psychology, sociology - I knew it is what I wanted. and needed  I examined the surgical options and philosophies available for my time and opportunity (1983).  I knew my options were limited compared to nowadays.  As I frequently comment, I have no regret doing what I did, only regret that I did not do them better.  The worst of my process was deciding when and how to go full-time; deciding surgery was automatically easy.

Rose City Rose, allow me to reply to your post.

Yep, having studied, I learned there were the prospects of a botched procedure; the best surgeon can have an accident and will resolve those accidents to your satisfaction.

For the most part, I experienced few bad interactions with medical, hospital, or ER settings - pre- or post-op.  Usually, the intake is so matter of fact.  They still ask their LMP and Grava / Para questions even when they know my medical status personally; perhaps they comprehend my mental elation when they ask me my LMP and Grava / Para.

I had only one really horrid experience - it was when I was involved in a car crash.  The EMTs asked their usual questions of me as a female patient.  When I told them that I am a transsexual as an incidental part of my reply to LMP, they stript me naked on the stretcher and summoned the others to came to look at their first transsexual.  That singular, aberrant experience still hurts deep.

Embrace your decision as your own - yours and yours only - with the help of family, friends, and your medical team.

I second the other comments.  You must want this change for yourself.  You must want your new anatomy.  You must do it for your own reasons.  You must do it regardless of what others tell you to do.  Yes, you must want this as something you want, not because you are fleeing from something, but because you need this as something you need.

My experience is also as Jenna Marie's.  There are days, weeks, months that I have no thoughts of my prior anatomical irregularity and what I experienced to get my corrected female anatomy.  I am a female, I am a woman.  Until I found these message boards the past few months and began reading and sharing, I rarely put any thought or recollection to my circumstance for 30-some post-op years.

Know that if your boyfriend is a male homosexual, he will not likely enjoy you with your female anatomy because a male homosexual enjoys a male homosexual partner, not a female partner.  Again, you must make this decision for yourself, not your boyfriend.

You express concern that you could lose sexual orgasm function.  While I can be physically functional down below, I developed my satisfaction mentally; when I am so inclined in the mood, cuddling, caressing, and stroking can also be quite stimulating.

My best wishes to you.

*

Quote from: Dena on September 14, 2015, 11:50:07 PM
I had money issue and was 2 years RLE. When I had had the funds and the time for surgery came, I realized that in the second year I became secure enough in the female role that I would never return to the male role. If you have any doubts that are causing the fear, consider delaying the surgery. I feel that had I not spent the additional time, I might have been doing that adjustment post surgical. As it was, I entered surgery with everything cleaned up so I could start my new life with a clean slate.

Well, I'll be at 2 years by the time I'm eligible for surgery.  At present I'm at about 22 months of real-life experience and I pass so well, I had a nurse today ask me when my last menstrual cycle was!

Every now and then I get a passing fancy for stereotypically male things, but I can't see myself presenting male as anything but a novelty costume at a party or something like that, and in that case I can only see myself dressing as a camp caricature of an Edwardian or medieval dandy.  But for me that would be like the  cis male who shows up in lolita drag at a party just for laughs; it would be nothing but a costume. It doesn't feel like "me" at all.

When I tried to live as a man, it was like wearing an ill-fitting costume 24/7.  I have training as a method actor, so I was able to get so into character that I fooled my family and myself, but it always felt weird and wrong and like any actor, I knew I was just playing a role I had been assigned.  When the curtain finally closed on that act, my fiance remarked that he never realized how terribly unhappy I was as a man until I finally embraced myself as a woman.

After almost 2 years I'm pretty certain that as far as how I wake up, go to work/class, interact with bureaucrats and cashiers and all these people who play brief but important roles in our lives, and how I am when I turn out the light at night, I can't imagine being anything but this rosy-cheeked brunette with the confident sway and her head held high I've discovered in the last two and a half years. 

Quote from: Sharon Anne McC on October 05, 2015, 10:25:54 AM
I had only one really horrid experience - it was when I was involved in a car crash.  The EMTs asked their usual questions of me as a female patient.  When I told them that I am a transsexual as an incidental part of my reply to LMP, they stript me naked on the stretcher and summoned the others to came to look at their first transsexual.  That singular, aberrant experience still hurts deep.

Wow... Did you try to pursue that as sexual assault?  I don't know how successful the case would be but I sure as hell would go for it.

Quote from: Sharon Anne McC on October 05, 2015, 10:25:54 AM
Know that if your boyfriend is a male homosexual, he will not likely enjoy you with your female anatomy because a male homosexual enjoys a male homosexual partner, not a female partner.  Again, you must make this decision for yourself, not your boyfriend.

Well, his sexuality is a bit of a puzzle.  Even he doesn't know for sure.  I suggested hooking him up with a cis woman to see if he could perform with me post-op but he's really against being with anyone but me, male or female.  I found that out when I wanted to watch a male friend give him head weekend before last and he wasn't interested.

I think the sex has become more satisfying between the two of us since I started HRT but it's not like we've had sex terribly often.  I had hoped that my libido would diminish enough on HRT to match his but no such luck; I'm a bit of a vixen really and he seems maybe just a bit on the demisexual side.

At any rate, he never did like to bottom (just as I never did like to top) which is VERY odd for a gay man (like almost all of the gay men I know prefer top or bottom but will do both). 

Also, he really likes my new breasts and the flowery scent of my freshly-washed hair which is... promising, I guess?

Just a quick update: feeling much less scared now. 

Unfortunately, I hit a snag with one of my letters.  OHP requires two letters from licensed PhD counselors/psychiatrists whereas my old insurance required one from a mental health provider and one from a physician.

Happily, I have an appointment lined up next Wednesday with a psychiatrist who can help me get my second letter, and I have found a clinic that will refer me for a surgery consultation once I have both letters in hand.

It's looking like I'm going ahead with this.  Lately I've been feeling extremely happy and confident as a woman and I feel like getting this surgery will basically be a finishing act to what has been an extremely successful transition. 

I'm still a bit scared, but the idea of feeling physically complete as a woman is also an exciting one.  I've been back and forth about it for years but I never have abandoned the idea and now that it's right there, I want it more than I ever have.

Congratulations!

You will have to choose who will perform your surgery or is there a certain budget you may not cross ?

If you have " carte blanche " I would go for dr McGinn. Her performances seam to be even better than dr Bowers hers .

I assume the surgery has to happen within the US to be covered?

Otherwise you should definitely choose dr Suporn of course !

SRS will only make your transition complete and wether you want it or not is totally up to you . Remember that your genitalia are a very private area so in the end no one sees them except  for your partner ( who should love you anyway )

But if you plan to persist , do yourself a pleasure , choose dr McGinn or dr Suporn , now these are artists !