Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: Promethea on September 14, 2015, 02:29:33 PM Return to Full Version
Title: I passed the last hurdle!
Post by: Promethea on September 14, 2015, 02:29:33 PM
Post by: Promethea on September 14, 2015, 02:29:33 PM
I came out to my family and then to pretty much everybody else in my life a few months after transitioning, which I did when I was away, in Brazil. Everything went surprisingly well.
However, my remaining grandparent (my mother's side) still didn't know even a year later. I got back to Uruguay three weeks ago, and a couple of weeks ago my mother told me she hadn't even told them I was here, and asked me to call them and use my dead name. I guess she expected me to be hidden from them until they die (they're 98 and 94 years old, with a few health issues but still going strong and mentally able).
I told her that wouldn't be fair for them nor for me, and asked for her help telling them. Just showing up would have been too much of a shock, so I wrote them a letter that my mother would take them went she went there for the weekend (they live in a different city).
I was afraid of their reactions. My grandma is very religious, but she's audio very loving and understanding, she even had a gay employee (who is still a friend) for years. My grandfather, on the other hand, although loving and generous, is very sexist. A cousin of mine told me her mom said they always made an effort to give us a filtered image of him, but even then we could see through the cover (like when he proudly admitted he always had grandma put on his socks and shoes on his feet, not when he started having back problems and needed help, but since day one of their marriage).
I nervously waited for a phone call or something from my mom, but it didn't come. When she returned she told my my grandfather's cousin had passed away, so she decided to leave my letter with her siblings so they would read it to my grandparents a few days later.
Finally on Thursday they did it. My grandma reacted how I expected. My grandpa surprised me. He was upset, but he also said his love for me was the same, and that his arms and home were still open for me. I didn't want to miss the rest of their lives, even if it won't be much longer. My grandmother has always been very special for me, a role model in some ways more important than my mom. I cried of happiness when I heard the news. It was such a relief! Now I'm too busy looking for a job, but I'm looking forward to visiting them as soon as I can.
However, my remaining grandparent (my mother's side) still didn't know even a year later. I got back to Uruguay three weeks ago, and a couple of weeks ago my mother told me she hadn't even told them I was here, and asked me to call them and use my dead name. I guess she expected me to be hidden from them until they die (they're 98 and 94 years old, with a few health issues but still going strong and mentally able).
I told her that wouldn't be fair for them nor for me, and asked for her help telling them. Just showing up would have been too much of a shock, so I wrote them a letter that my mother would take them went she went there for the weekend (they live in a different city).
I was afraid of their reactions. My grandma is very religious, but she's audio very loving and understanding, she even had a gay employee (who is still a friend) for years. My grandfather, on the other hand, although loving and generous, is very sexist. A cousin of mine told me her mom said they always made an effort to give us a filtered image of him, but even then we could see through the cover (like when he proudly admitted he always had grandma put on his socks and shoes on his feet, not when he started having back problems and needed help, but since day one of their marriage).
I nervously waited for a phone call or something from my mom, but it didn't come. When she returned she told my my grandfather's cousin had passed away, so she decided to leave my letter with her siblings so they would read it to my grandparents a few days later.
Finally on Thursday they did it. My grandma reacted how I expected. My grandpa surprised me. He was upset, but he also said his love for me was the same, and that his arms and home were still open for me. I didn't want to miss the rest of their lives, even if it won't be much longer. My grandmother has always been very special for me, a role model in some ways more important than my mom. I cried of happiness when I heard the news. It was such a relief! Now I'm too busy looking for a job, but I'm looking forward to visiting them as soon as I can.
Title: Re: I passed the last hurdle!
Post by: Lynne on September 14, 2015, 03:28:19 PM
Post by: Lynne on September 14, 2015, 03:28:19 PM
I can imagine how happy you are now. I always get emotional and happy when I see people showing unconditional love, thank you for sharing!
Surprises like your grandfather's reaction show that we never can be really sure how people will react.
Surprises like your grandfather's reaction show that we never can be really sure how people will react.
Title: Re: I passed the last hurdle!
Post by: Laura_7 on September 14, 2015, 03:47:35 PM
Post by: Laura_7 on September 14, 2015, 03:47:35 PM
Congratulations :)
hugs
hugs