Susan's Place Transgender Resources

It seems that I'm never going to transition due to the fact I can't get through the only obstacle standing in my way: My parents.  Despite being 24 and well capable of deciding on my own this is one thing I'm apparently not allowed to do and seriously I would regardless but my parents are like the ones that tried to stop that woman from getting srs. Meaning my parents would go to great lengths to stop me from transitioning  :'( 

I ask the experienced members of this community what should I do about them?? Should I try a restraining order?? My dysphoria is only getting worse and it's getting where I can't cope anymore and I find the quote "It gets better" to be redundant in my case.

Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do and darn the consequences. I gave up a $289,000.00 inheritance because my parents would never accept transition. So I gave up the inheritance and started living life how I had to. If you are 24 and of sound mind you have a very tough choice to make as most of us did. They cannot stop you if you are of sound mind to transition, Period. You do not need a restraining order which would not be granted anyway unless they actually did interfere. So time to decide to stand on your feet and live life on YOUR terms or under their control the rest of your life. Trust me there is life after transition. It is an incredible one and the freedom is amazing. :)

I agree with Jessica.

I can't really understand how you parents can stop you doing anything you want to. Mine certainly can't.

Is it your desire to please your parents that's stopping you? Fear of rejection from your family? Because that's you not them.

In my experience once things get bad with gender problems it just keeps getting worse, and its only a matter of time until something breaks. How much suffering to you want to endure before you get there? I tried really hard to stop my transition, and all I can say is I'm never ever doing that again.

You're 24, they have no legal hold over you. I know it would be great if you they could accept you - maybe they will one day but until then you need to figure out how to live your life without their interference.

You could have a look here:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,194946.msg1736596.html#msg1736596

Many transgender people learned to adapt from childhood on, kind of trying to adapt to expectations.
Knowing helps. You might try to listen what gives you a good feeling concerning yourself.
With time you will learn more and more to discern what comes from within, and what you'd like.
Of course all within reason.

and you might look here:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,195129.msg1740788.html#msg1740788

Well some people come out in a letter... or via text...

Another way could be to look for a good gender therapist, for support and maybe helping explaining to parents...
if they are not supportive look for another...
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,162888.msg1400316.html#msg1400316


hugs

Agree with Jessica and subsequent agreers.

Unless there is a resource that they have that you absolutely need and could not see yourself living without it (a roof over your head, paid college, large inheritance, etc.), drop them. Write them a letter and let them know why, and leave. Yeah, it would be great if they could accept you and support you in your transition, but don't stick around in a painful situation needlessly.

It's not that I fear rejection and I no longer try to please them it's retaliation I fear most.  I fear they'll track me down again like they did last time when I tried moving out.  I also fear they might do something to at least one of my friends (They're not violent by any means but I can't help being concerned) that supports me and they know where he lives.

In other words I can't move forward unless safety is guaranteed. 

Well one possibility might be to avoid drama and emotions.

Simply saying you want to do this... without much fuss...
and that you wish them the best...

In that case, my answer is the same but more involved. I have personally dealt with people not wanting to detach, and I've been a cop and helped other people with similar situations. This is what I would do. It may or may not be entirely appropriate for your situation. It's not one size fits all, you can take these tips and figure out the best way to apply them to your life.

(1) Let your friend in on your plans so that they can mentally/emotionally/physically prepare themselves. Let them know that you worry about backlash being directed at them. If they do not know about your parent's history, tell them specifically what you are afraid of. What they choose to do with that information is up to them.

(2) Tell your parents in no uncertain terms that you do not want contact with them, that your friend does not want contact with them, and any contact from them whatsoever will be documented and kept in order to demonstrate harassment to law enforcement for the purposes of getting a restraining order.

(3) When you move, don't tell anyone your new address. Including your friend (if they want to hang out, meet for lunch and you can drive them back to your place). There are boxes you can check on certain forms so that your address will remain unlisted.

(4) New phone number, new email address. Again - don't tell anyone that doesn't need to know. If your parents are serious about finding you, they will ask other people. The fewer people that know how to get in touch with you, the better. If possible, don't turn off your old number. It is better if they think you are just not answering.

(5) If you're using social media, assume that your parents have a way to see anything that you post. Turn off things that tag your location or show when you are nearby.

(6) If your parents do track you down, record everything in as much detail as you can. If they show up at your home and you cannot otherwise avoid them, get a camera on them and make a video. I have had unwanted relatives show up at my door before and nothing sends people packing like telling them they're being live streamed.

(7) Ignore other attempts at contact. Each response from you buys another six weeks of contact from them. If you can think of a relative that you trust, give them your email address and tell them that can be used to contact you in the event of death/serious illness/any other reason you would accept contact from your parents.

I knew well in advance that this was not going to be easy but never have I expected to fight a war over my own right to live.

I'm on my second attempt at transition and my first was stopped very suddenly due to friction with my father. I wish i had had a resourse like this forum to ask advise because i would have followed the above and done it then. If you want to transition then go for it and let no one get in your way unless they have a real good reason, like your health. I wish you all the best and we're here to help if you need us.
Sophie

Yeah I found an informed consent clinic and thinking of risking all to transition while still stuck at home I don't care what they do to me when they find out. 

Somtimes you have to Take risks. I'm in a similar position at the moment where i will have to risk the most important thing in my life.
Sophie

For some people there is a time in their life when they decide they won't ever let anybody stand in their way again.
You decide.

Quote from: Sophieraven on October 14, 2015, 02:19:26 PM
Somtimes you have to Take risks. I'm in a similar position at the moment where i will have to risk the most important thing in my life.
Sophie

Your name means wisdom.


*hugs*

I'm once again thinking about giving up there are way too many barriers besides my parents.  I have no way of affording health insurance and the area where I live doesn't have any good jobs that offer either and sure can't afford to move anywhere even if I did get a job. There's no medicaid expansion in Tennessee.  Even if I hold out living at home I'll be 26 in two years and automatically cut off my parents insurance and then what the hell do I do?? Go without insurance and rack up debt in fines I won't be able to afford to pay??  Yeah my will to live just continues to decrease.

Don't overthink.
Just take the next step, and try to build some kind of vision.

You might look for some kind of support.
There might be counseling at plannedparenthood or a lgbt center for low income groups.
And there might be support groups.
There might be a PFLAG chapter.


By the way there is also a chat on susans...

and if you feel like it please reach out... there are helplines...
they also have a chat:
www.glbthotline.org/hotline.html
www.thetrevorproject.org
www.translifeline.org

Don't Give up. You have a fight ahead of you i agree but giving up is not an option as that will only lead to heartache. Do the small thing first and work up to your goal, it'll be worth it in the end.
Sophie

Still can't help but feel hopeless.  If I can just simply get affordable health insurance I think things can finally move forward :(

Don't lose hope. There is ALWAYS a way out. You just have to find it. (For me, it's cheaping out in college and squeezing my financial aid for all it's worth, but your solution is obviously going to be different.) You may have to look a while, but it's there. There's ways out of everything.

Since your safety is in doubt, I would advise you to always watch what your parents do very closely. If they make a move,  I'd recommend taking that opportunity to get a restraining order if you have to.

So your parents may know where you live, or a phone number. Like... you are 24 years old. In other words an adult.

Of course, if you are leaching off them, under their health insurance etc., things are a LOT different. They have leverage. Being financially independant, or willing to take the risk you will be, means you also get to live your live under your rules

Lets say if I were to end up completely homeless is there at least a way to get hrt for free?? (This is how desperate I'm getting  :P)

Hopefully, you won't have to become homeless to get HRT. Hugs
Mariah

Thanks I hope I don't either but the ways things are going it might be my only option.

hi,

sometimes you need to take a hard decision because things cease to continue forward.i had to call police 2 times against my parents when all efforts failed.

One good thing at least is that my friend's safety can now be 100% guaranteed.  He got a new place and basically he's officially a homeowner.

  Also I need to finally be more clear of some things regarding my situation (I tend to leave out details when im feeling down and upset).  Ok so basically I am still in college, after getting my two year degree back in the spring, trying to become a teacher and frankly it isn't working out and of course my parents have these impossibly high hopes and expectations so telling them that being a teacher is not for me is what im more concerned about as my safety goes.  As far as grades go i'm looking to get C's at worst.  Yes transitioning in a safe environment is still a big one for me but this situation right now has been consuming me since last month and will more likely contribute to possible homelessness or something worse if I were to tell them. 

In other words no matter how I may try to get out of either situation it probably will turn into a war that I don't want :(

I just can't move forward without my parents support. I need their support and without it I just don't want to live on this planet anymore