Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi again, I'm back!

So, lately, I've been wondering about the look I'm going to have when I'll (hopefully) transition from male to female. I've read so many discussions about starting hrt before puberty, 'couse it would make everything easier, you would pass 100%, bla , bla , bla.

I'm still 16, and if my body were to stay the way it is right now, I think I could one day pass without too much effort. When do you think puberty actually ends? Is there something I can do to make the process slower, or to atleast make my body look more feminine? Is there something I can do? Is starting hrt at 21 too late for puberty?

Thanks a lot in advance.

Hi Cutie,

Are your parents supportive?

If you can get a referral to a therapist and a child endocrinology unit so you can go on androgen blockers. That will halt further puberty until you are old enough (18) to make an independent decision. It is a Law thing.

I didn't tell them anything. I'm quite sure my mother would help me. On the other hand, my father wouldn't understand, I'm afraid he would hate me, or not want to see me again.

Also, does the therapy have a cost? Like, a high price? I'm willing to keep presenting myself as a male 'till 18 or more. I'm just afraid puberty will ruin my passability. I don't wanna look like a man in a dress.

Ow, another thing. If I went through blockers, would it stay private? Like, just me and my mother knowing of my "transition"?

Talk to your mom and just tell her you are questioning..  you would like to see a gender therapist..  talking with the therapist, they can start the blockers.  Your progression either way will stop until a time you are ready to go either way.  This will help your future looks if that's what you are worried about..  but it all starts with your parents..  you are of age where if they go against your wishes, you have other options.  I am a parent, and I hope they help you, so write down what you want to say to them, so you are more calm and confident about what you want..  explain this is your life and health.  If you are the only kid, they may fight more if they want grandkids..  make a plan about that and offer it if you may want kids someday too.. 

Remember, us parents usually think we know what is best for you, because we love you..  be calm and sure about this with facts when you go to them..  make them feel like they are making the right decision if they support you.. 

If they fail to support you, it's not they don't love you, but they don't understand yet about this issue..  look at seeking a councelor next.  Maybe a school councilor and explain to them.. make sure they keep it confidential, they can loose  their job if they leak this out, as long as your life is not in danger or you threaten others..

But as for getting on blockers, you should do it and nobody will know but you, your mom, your dr, your therapist, and us (but we keep these secrets too!)  Good luck.. 

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Quote from: Cynobyte on October 03, 2015, 07:54:24 AM
But as for getting on blockers, you should do it and nobody will know but you, your mom, your dr, your therapist, and us (but we keep these secrets too!)  Good luck.. 

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Thanks, you've been really, really, really helpful.
Now that I think about it, do you know the advantages of starting taking blockers now? How much time will it take to start taking blockers? Like, how much time does a therapist need to decide if I have or not gender dysphoria?

Thank you again :3

A little update.

I talked with my mother, and she basically said "You weren't born like this, the media made you change your mind,
you're a boy," and she said seeing a therapist could ruin me and that she disagrees with them.

I told her that I was born like this, that I was so sure but she insisted. I am not a girl, this is all 'couse of the media.
What do I do? Everytime I speak with her, I feel like all of this is wrong and too hard to be done.

I'm afraid I will not be able to take T blockers.

im sorry she thinks r=that i hope you can change her mind good luck

You are correct that you were born that way and no amount of talking will ever cause you to change your mind. I while back I was working on a letter to give to parents who didn't believe their children. So far I think it has only been used once and it wasn't really needed in that case. You can take a look at it and see if you want to use it. If you do, feel free to modify it if needed. Also if you need more information to discuss this with your mother, we are always available.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,190312.0.html

Sorry to hear that about your mother.  But stay strong and don't let yourself fall into despair.

Speaking from my own experience I was pretty much finished growing by 16 and there was little to no difference between 16 and 18.  So, a couple of more years probably won't make a whole lot of difference.  For me the biggest change after 16 was some increase in leg and upper body mass but that took years of carrying heavy things in the Army.

I get so frustrated when people say it's all because of the media.  How do they explain all those like me who knew they were trans, even if we didn't know the word, back in the days before the Internet and when it wasn't discussed in the media at all.  Maybe they think we secretly time travelled to the future where we were exposed to that evil liberal media agenda.  :-(.


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Whatever you do, don't give up! It's not at all uncommon for parents to have a knee-jerk negative reaction when their child tells them they are transgender. Especially if you haven't been expressing your gender identity in obvious ways. Other people can only see what's on the surface, not what's on the inside. It's important that you keep talking to her about your feelings, and hope that she eventually understands. Remember that even when you are old enough to go out and get treatment on you own, things will be very difficult for you without the support of your family.

I know, thank you all for the support, it means a lot for me.

I had another talk with my mother and I almost cried. She felt guilty, 'couse she thinks the time I spent around the internet caused all of this, and that she should have avoided that. She said it wasn't all of her fault, but almost.

At first she was calm and spoke quietly, than I felt like it was hurting her too much. I couldn't do it anymore.
I told her I didn't want to talk about it anymore. I'm really, really, really sad atm.

She made me feel wrong. She said I was born like this and that chosing to change gender would only bring me a lonely, sad life. How can she say the internet is trying to brain-wash the kid's minds when she tries to make me think that this whole thing is wrong and against nature with such words?

I don't wanna hurt her, but I know for sure trying to speak with her is worthless. She won't change her mind.

She needs to understand that you wouldn't have looked for information about yourself unless you already had those feelings. We have very few CIS people come to this site because they don't have a need for it. For the most part the CiS who come here, do because they know somebody transgender. Hug your mom and tell her you love her and it's not anybodies fault. You were born this way and there is nothing anybody could do about it. As for a lonely life, you mother may not understand but your life will be much more lonely without treatment. I knew I was transexual at age 13 and put my life on hold while I put all my effort into learning about my condition and receiving treatment. I received my surgery at age 30 but I lost all the teen years and the years of being a young adult. Dealing with my transsexualism cause me to lose meeting my first young love and much of the social life I could have had. You need to keep trying to explain this to your mother as much as it may hurt to do so because going without treatment over the long run will hurt you far more. I wish you luck and please keep us updated.

The fact is that she just won't change her mind. I won't keep trying, simply 'couse I want these years to be special.
I know I should go to a therapist and such, but I can wait. I already know what and who I am, therapy will be only formal. Is that really important, to start at 16 rather than 18/19? Like, I don't think it can change a lot.

Well it's good to hear you have a clear head about things and know what you want. The difference between starting HRT at 16 vs. 18 is not going to be catastrophic. The main changes to expect would be a slightly more masculine bone structure, more facial/body hair, and possibly a slightly deeper voice. HRT will help with a lot of things, but those are the changes you would be stuck with. Usually though, the most drastic changes have already occurred between 12-16, so if it's not that bad now, it probably isn't going to get too much worse. Lots of people transition much later in life than 18 and have very good results. If you think it's going to put too much stress on your family to press the issue, and you are comfortable with waiting, then that's probably what you should do. Just remember that even if you wait until you're 18, your family will still have to deal with this eventually, and it's very hard to continue to have a good relationship with a family that won't accept you for who you are.

I couldn't start my transition until age 27 and I was able to transition but it was more costly and painful. I just spent $7000 to fix my voice and things like the little bit of plastic surgery and hair removal ran the bill up much more. If you feel it is impossible to work with your mother, I would advise you to start thinking about a profession that pays well because when you start to transition you will go through money like it's water. I was lucky I found a profession that payed well and I was very careful with my money but still my surgery didn't come until I was 30.

I haven't read through all the other posts so I don't know if you thought about this. If your in school you can try enlisting the help of a school counselor to get you into therapy and from there work with the counselor to work with your parents or to just give you ideas on coping with this.

Thank you for the advice stephanie. There's no such role at my school, unfortunately.
About the job, I was thinking about becoming a nurse. Do you guys think it would pay well?
I mean, I love the job, I love the relationship you make with your patients, but I don't know if it's
- Hard to become one, being trans
- Not as much paid as needed.

That information is often on the internet. We aren't sure which country your are in so you should look it up yourself. In the United States many times you receive health insurance with jobs in the medical profession and that could pay for your treatment. The important thing is being careful saving your money as people with low paying jobs can often save a good deal of money for the important things in life.

I'm glad my parents accepts me. Mom and Dad knew even before I told them, since I wasn't like my brothers. I played with my sisters more than my brothers. I do take blockers. My friends thinks I'm a girl...