Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hello,
Today is my first day here, and from what I've read so far looks like it will be a wonderful place.  I love spending time with women.  I love shopping, talking for hours, going to plays, the opera, cuddling on the couch with cozy pajamas to watch love stories and will even cry along with the characters.  As feminine as this sounds, I'm a massive 6'5" masculine in every way, man.  Since the age of five I wanted to be a girl.  I wanted to wear dresses and was told "those are for your sisters".  I wanted to play hopscotch and was told "boys don't play this".  I would draw myself in a dress, even a wedding dress, but was told "this can't be you!  There is a dress on that one!"  So needless to say my first shot at being feminine crashed and burned with all my inner desires to be a girl.  So now after living as a man for over 40 years, Ive become the guy that buys flowers because its Tuesday, why? Because I want someone to buy them for me.  I'm the guy that holds the door, Why? Because I want the door held for me.  I'm the guy that sets up a lovely thoughtful date or two every week, why?  Because I want someone to do that for me.  I'm the guy that takes off his coat when it is cold to warm up the girl that is shivering as I pull her in closer, why?  Because I want to be that girl. 
I want to be that girl, but I'm 6'5" with a massive build, a massive presence.  When I walk into the room I'm the guy the other guys want to be.  Guys puff up by me to show how big and strong they are, like they want to prove they're an alfa male too.  So needless to say, I won't be able to transition because of my size and because of my line of work.  I'll have to live in the closet most likely forever, but it was sure nice to say it, or type it finally.  I look forward to hearing everybody's story and reading through the forums and getting up to speed.  So far it looks like a nice welcoming place.  :)

Welcome to Susan's Place. You are only a bit taller than me as I am 5'14". At one time I wore 3" heels so I could have looked you in the eye. There are people here who are taller than you and pass well. The decision is yours but if you want help even if it's only for part time, there are people here who can help you. HRT tends to reduce muscle mass and careful diets can help as well. My therapist said I would never pass as a woman but I have proved it is possible as have many others on the board. Our goal is to help you find a place in life where you are happy so enjoy the board and ask any questions you might have. 80% of passing is attitude and the remainder we can help you with.

We issue to all new members the following links so you will best be able to use the web site.

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)	Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)	News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)

Thanks!
I've burst into tears a few times here already.  Like there is a splash of hope for me.  :)

Hi Kylie  :icon_wave:

Welcome to Susan's  :)  Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

People around here are willing to help and we have around 700 registered users a day coming though this site. Every problem you will face has been handled by at least one person. I came here end of May because after 33 years of living as a woman I decided it was time to do something with my voice. I found the solution and a doctor I trusted and now I won't be sired all the time. Only problem is while I wasn't looking they stuck a badge on me.  ;D I may be pretty new around here but I am learning fast.

That's awesome!  I have a voice like Barry White:(  With a hint of Ed McMahon as he rolls out "here's Johnny!"  Which just seemed like another impossible hurtle.
  I have a girlfriend that is very open and comfortable with some of my feminine traits as she has a gay brother.  It cuts like a knife when she says I'm the most masculine man shes ever met :(  Se says It's sexy how I don't subscribe to all the boundaries society places on us, and that I'm a real mans man because I fully accept gay and trans people. "I'm not hung up on all the things guys aren't supposed to do etc".  sigh..

Many people do well with voice therapy alone and I recommend you start there. If you have a musical background it helps but isn't required. Surgery is an option but isn't always the solution. My voice is about the lowest male voice possible and speech therapy couldn't bring it to the feminine range. This web site drew me here for information on voice surgery in may and I had the surgery in July. Going in I understood I would have to use my trained voice even after the surgery to hit the feminine range. My full story of the surgery and after is in the voice thread if you want some boring reading. Over all I am happy with the surgery and it has done better than I expected but had a conservative view of what the surgery could do before I had it.

Awesome!  Thanks for the info! I'll look for it.  It hardly sounds boring though.  :)

Warm welcome to Susan's Kylie

Haa I can relate to most of that, I was 4... so a tad different. Funny, reading your comments on opening doors, buying flowers etc. I never thought of it the way you mentioned, but in self analysis it is possibly quite true... You'll fit in well here and really look forward to seeing you around the site.

L Katy  :-*

Hi Kylie,

There is always hope !

Voice can be altered, Muscle and Fat Bulk can melt away, and there are plenty of beautiful tall girls out there.

I'm 5'11 which would be a little on the tall side i think, however I live in Thailand, I simply tower above most people and I don't mind at all, you just have to own it and make it a beautiful feature. I've even been out in 6 inch heels and really enjoyed myself.

As long as you become happy with you, thats all that matters.

You will be surprised how much the bulk drops off when taking HRT / testosterone blockers.

Anyway I wish you all the best, from your comments you sound just lovely.

Taylor

I can also relate to your story, The way I used to treat women was exactly how I wanted to be treated.

And still do :)

Taylor

Thank you Taylor and Kathy!
     All you gals are so inspirational.  I've started to go back to some of the feminine things I've done in the past, things I've suppressed.   It makes me feel better, more connected to my true self. I feel like I have quite a mess on my hands.  I'm a very upbeat person, and have been told by close connected people "There seems to be something deep in your mind that you keep to yourself"  I feel like standing up and screaming " YES!!, I'M A LESBIAN TRAPPED IN A GIANT MAN BODY!"  AAARGGHH!!!  lol  Since coming here though I've started to work out to shape my body to be more feminine again and started with a touch of mascara and at least one piece of feminine clothing to keep me connected if that makes sense.  It's nice to feel like there's a place that everyone knows how I feel. xx  :)

Hello Kylie and welcome to Susan's. Your body will change once you start HRT. There are many tall women where I live. In the modeling industry they prefer tall women. I personally believe being tall can be a plus. I have a deep voice and decided against voice therapy. I do alright out there in public.

:)

Gone and back again..  Story of my life.  I deleted my account and decided to turn it back on.  The thoughts of putting myself away are ridiculous.  Like turning off this site, throwing away clothes, etc.  paddling up the river of denial.  :( The struggle marches on..

Purging seems to be an occupational hazard in the early days, Kylie. Many, if not most of us have gone through it a time or three.

I never had that real tall problem, but as I've aged, I've gone from over 5'9 to under 5'6, approaching 5'5.
Sometimes, achieving a gender neutral voice is the best one can expect. I didn't want anyone messing with the only set of vocal cords I have. Male 'stuff' was another matter, and I gladly had it rearranged to the female norm.

I see lots of support mentions here, but don't forget to come into our live chat site. It goes pretty much 24/7 with various ages, locations, and interests. Sometimes people even discuss gender identity issues. Hope to see you there.

Robyn the Elder

Thanks Robyn, I think I'll do that. I think I just have to learn to not be so harsh on myself.  I know that many are well on the road beyond me and I need to just set little goals.  millimeters instead of miles.
xx

It was a sad day when I was running down a thread and saw a post from you missing all of the buttons associated with an active account. I knew that moment you account had been deleted. Because that takes place at the administrator level, I wondered what happened to you and if you would ever be back. I had such high hopes for you as you where taking the first baby steps on the road to discovery only to see you vanish from the site.

Needless to say, I was surprised to see this thread become active again and when I looked at the person who made the last post, it was you. I rushed in to see what had happened and only delayed this post because I was finishing up dinner. I am glad you are back and please don't do that again. Take a vacation if you must but I want to see you bloom.

Now a bit of business. if your account is the same as the one you had before, Susan can merge the old post into the current account. I have seen it done once for a person who was gone for a while after deleting her account and then returned doing what you did. You only need to ask and it will be done.

Thanks Dena,  There's no need to unite the accounts.  I don't want to create any work for anyone.  Thank you for your well wishes too.  I've struggled and struggled my entire life and still do.  My entire existence has been tortured "not matching".  I think its like looking away from a horrible accident hoping it isn't there, but when you open your eyes it still is.  I can turn off an account, attempt to throw away objects, or clothing, get busy with something else, talk to a friend, but the bottom line is.  I'm not going away.  I cant turn myself off.  I'm still here.  When the day reaches its end and I'm lying there in bed with a sense of global dysmorphia.. I'm still here.  It can be overwhelming sometimes.  Thank you for the warm welcome back.
xx

Hi Kylie,

A big Aussie welcome to Susan's family. It's good of you to drop in and say "Hi". Hope you like it here, and you stay for a while.

There is a mountain of information, resources and friendship waiting for you here, you just need to jump in start talking and ask any question you like. You're quite safe here and we are very accepting.

You know thee are a lot of tall women in the world. So there's no real need to despair. Fashion, hair style, presentation are all tools you can use to present the real you. Only the other day I was outnshopping and a group of Year 12 students from the local high school passed me and they would have been a good 4 inches taller than me, (and i was in 3 inch heels) and they hadn't stopped growing.

Looking forward to hearing more of your story in time to come, but in the meantime, be safe, well and happy.

Speak to you as soon as I finish milking the cows

Lotsa huggs
Catherine

Hi Kylie :)

I wouldn't worry about your height hunni, it's not the end of the world, lots of my girl friends are taller than me but I'm 5'7'' even though I'm usually spotted in 6 inch heels so I'm standing over 6'. My fiancee is only 5'2'' though so I kinda get it a little haha.

I can only take what the girls above say for gospel about muscle mass etc as I started when I was 16 and was quite slim and feminine anyway (I'm lucky!) but I've seen some pretty amazing HRT timeline results :D I also have a natural girly voice too but I had to do a bit of voice training and it really works!

Wishing you the best girl!

Sash xx

Kylie -
I get you, hon.  Only 6'2" but have massive shoulders, what most people see as a giant.  Its like having a double handicap.  I hate my assigned gender but I have to contend with my build as well.  Double as lonely.  I'll give you the advice I have not myself taken completely to heart.  You are AWESOME!  None of the outside has to dictate who the person inside is.  Be YOU!  Glad I'm not alone here, it's a long trip to fly solo. Really glad you're here!!!  Talk to you soon, keep us posted!  xo - Holly

Thanks gals,
I think that's why I'm back.  The support I get from you ladies is awesome!  Knowing that I'm on the path that so many are walking is quite comforting.  If I have another purge moment, I won't leave.  :)
Xx