Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Female to male transsexual talk (FTM) => Topic started by: YBtheOutlaw on October 08, 2015, 03:01:34 PM Return to Full Version
Title: One step closer
Post by: YBtheOutlaw on October 08, 2015, 03:01:34 PM
Post by: YBtheOutlaw on October 08, 2015, 03:01:34 PM
I was planning to break this to y'all after something actually happens, but i can't bear the suspension alone anymore.
I CAME OUT TO FAMILY!!!
I can't even believe i did. But i did. It was quite an adventure tbh, i lied to them about going to work, and instead went to this support group to obtain some counselling, now that college will start in next month and i gotta take a decision regarding what gender I'm gonna present there. But since i hadn't made an appointment there were no counselors available when i got there. Since i sounded quite stressed they directed me to another general counselling volunteer service. There i spent 2-3 hours talking to a counselor, which was like the best talk I've ever had. She managed to convince me that this is the perfect moment to start presenting as male. It was more like a conclusion we reached at the end of our talk. She also told me about a celebrity transman i had never known before, and after realizing the fact that he is living a successful life, nobody giving even a thought on his troubled past, and he is a married man and a respected professional in his field, i felt 'why not me? '
So that night itself i managed to come out to mom. It was painful and still is, since mom doesn't really understand the concept and wouldn't believe anything i claim to have found on the internet. She believes a psychiatrist can easily cure me and convert me into a normal girl. Anyway she told dad and two of her sisters, so those people of my family know about me now.
However I'm yet to reach the best part. Since they don't know enough about gender dysphoria, my parents decided that we all should go consult a good doctor, and do what the doctor suggests. I proposed to find a trans friendly doctor through the support group, but mom prohibited any contact with support group. I acted quick, and called the support group while on the road and got the name of the therapist they direct all the trans people to. And i gave mom that name, claiming i randomly found it on internet. It doesn't feel so good that I've been tricking them, but otherwise they would've taken me to some anti trans therapist who would try to convert me.
So at the end of the day... I GOT AN APPOINTMENT WITH THE THERAPIST!!! It's scheduled on tuesday, and i can't just wait. I hope this will be positive cos this doctor is the most experienced in this country regarding trans issues. My parents have no idea she will suggest nothing but transitioning, and are clinging to the hope that she will fix me. But hopefully they will understand the situation once the doctor explains to them, so it's healthy for me to keep them in that illusion for tge time being.
So that's where i am now, one step closer. I wish my parents won't stand in my way in this journey. They gotta admit the fact that i am an independent 20yr old youth, and not a kid whose every life decision is taken by parents. I wish everything goes well at the therapist. I'll update y'all on whatever happens there. Until then, fingers crossed and heart racing in excitement!!
I CAME OUT TO FAMILY!!!
I can't even believe i did. But i did. It was quite an adventure tbh, i lied to them about going to work, and instead went to this support group to obtain some counselling, now that college will start in next month and i gotta take a decision regarding what gender I'm gonna present there. But since i hadn't made an appointment there were no counselors available when i got there. Since i sounded quite stressed they directed me to another general counselling volunteer service. There i spent 2-3 hours talking to a counselor, which was like the best talk I've ever had. She managed to convince me that this is the perfect moment to start presenting as male. It was more like a conclusion we reached at the end of our talk. She also told me about a celebrity transman i had never known before, and after realizing the fact that he is living a successful life, nobody giving even a thought on his troubled past, and he is a married man and a respected professional in his field, i felt 'why not me? '
So that night itself i managed to come out to mom. It was painful and still is, since mom doesn't really understand the concept and wouldn't believe anything i claim to have found on the internet. She believes a psychiatrist can easily cure me and convert me into a normal girl. Anyway she told dad and two of her sisters, so those people of my family know about me now.
However I'm yet to reach the best part. Since they don't know enough about gender dysphoria, my parents decided that we all should go consult a good doctor, and do what the doctor suggests. I proposed to find a trans friendly doctor through the support group, but mom prohibited any contact with support group. I acted quick, and called the support group while on the road and got the name of the therapist they direct all the trans people to. And i gave mom that name, claiming i randomly found it on internet. It doesn't feel so good that I've been tricking them, but otherwise they would've taken me to some anti trans therapist who would try to convert me.
So at the end of the day... I GOT AN APPOINTMENT WITH THE THERAPIST!!! It's scheduled on tuesday, and i can't just wait. I hope this will be positive cos this doctor is the most experienced in this country regarding trans issues. My parents have no idea she will suggest nothing but transitioning, and are clinging to the hope that she will fix me. But hopefully they will understand the situation once the doctor explains to them, so it's healthy for me to keep them in that illusion for tge time being.
So that's where i am now, one step closer. I wish my parents won't stand in my way in this journey. They gotta admit the fact that i am an independent 20yr old youth, and not a kid whose every life decision is taken by parents. I wish everything goes well at the therapist. I'll update y'all on whatever happens there. Until then, fingers crossed and heart racing in excitement!!
Title: Re: One step closer
Post by: sam1234 on October 09, 2015, 04:19:36 AM
Post by: sam1234 on October 09, 2015, 04:19:36 AM
Congratulations! Telling your parents is one of the hardest steps. Its always a risk and there is no way of telling how they will react.
It sounds like your parents are at least willing to find out what its all about and obtain legitimacy.
I don't want to throw cold water on your victory, but do remember that even though your parents are ok with it, there will be some difficult times. When you have suffered with something for a long time, it can be difficult to think about what other people who are effected are going through. That isn't just for transgenders, but any condition that is life altering. Try and respect the pain and loss that your parents may feel as you go through your transition. I doubt you came to the conclusion overnight, so you have had time to get used to the fact that you are in the wrong body. Your parents have not had that time yet.
Having a child, whether that child is a teen or an adult, that you think of as a boy or a girl and then finding out that they aren't what you thought they were, can be a major shock. In many ways, it like losing a child. They will have to go through the steps of grief and acceptance and there is no time limit on that.
You will do fine. It sounds like you have done things in steps and appropriately. The high of freedom lasts a long time and gets you through the tough times, like surgery. I once heard a women say that the pain of childbirth didn't bother her because she was getting something good out of it. The same can be said about the surgeries you will go through.
At least now you don't have to feel as though you are lying to your parents or fear that they will find out. Congratulations again and the best of luck at your appointment.
sam1234
It sounds like your parents are at least willing to find out what its all about and obtain legitimacy.
I don't want to throw cold water on your victory, but do remember that even though your parents are ok with it, there will be some difficult times. When you have suffered with something for a long time, it can be difficult to think about what other people who are effected are going through. That isn't just for transgenders, but any condition that is life altering. Try and respect the pain and loss that your parents may feel as you go through your transition. I doubt you came to the conclusion overnight, so you have had time to get used to the fact that you are in the wrong body. Your parents have not had that time yet.
Having a child, whether that child is a teen or an adult, that you think of as a boy or a girl and then finding out that they aren't what you thought they were, can be a major shock. In many ways, it like losing a child. They will have to go through the steps of grief and acceptance and there is no time limit on that.
You will do fine. It sounds like you have done things in steps and appropriately. The high of freedom lasts a long time and gets you through the tough times, like surgery. I once heard a women say that the pain of childbirth didn't bother her because she was getting something good out of it. The same can be said about the surgeries you will go through.
At least now you don't have to feel as though you are lying to your parents or fear that they will find out. Congratulations again and the best of luck at your appointment.
sam1234
Title: Re: One step closer
Post by: YBtheOutlaw on October 11, 2015, 08:50:36 AM
Post by: YBtheOutlaw on October 11, 2015, 08:50:36 AM
Quote from: sam1234 on October 09, 2015, 04:19:36 AM
Congratulations! Telling your parents is one of the hardest steps. Its always a risk and there is no way of telling how they will react.
It sounds like your parents are at least willing to find out what its all about and obtain legitimacy.
I don't want to throw cold water on your victory, but do remember that even though your parents are ok with it, there will be some difficult times. When you have suffered with something for a long time, it can be difficult to think about what other people who are effected are going through. That isn't just for transgenders, but any condition that is life altering. Try and respect the pain and loss that your parents may feel as you go through your transition. I doubt you came to the conclusion overnight, so you have had time to get used to the fact that you are in the wrong body. Your parents have not had that time yet.
Having a child, whether that child is a teen or an adult, that you think of as a boy or a girl and then finding out that they aren't what you thought they were, can be a major shock. In many ways, it like losing a child. They will have to go through the steps of grief and acceptance and there is no time limit on that.
You will do fine. It sounds like you have done things in steps and appropriately. The high of freedom lasts a long time and gets you through the tough times, like surgery. I once heard a women say that the pain of childbirth didn't bother her because she was getting something good out of it. The same can be said about the surgeries you will go through.
At least now you don't have to feel as though you are lying to your parents or fear that they will find out. Congratulations again and the best of luck at your appointment.
sam1234
Truly impressed by this response bro. You're seeing the situation so accurately as if you're right here beside me. I was missing out on the whole emotional trauma my parents will have to go through, since I've been in a sort of excited haze since getting the appointment. Still, the best i can do regarding that is asking the therapist to help them understand and accept, and wishing them the strength to bear the transformation. I cannot waiver at my current position, because it was such a feat to gather up the courage to step out of my comfort zone to actually make a move, and i fear I'd be discouraged to go back into hiding if i see too much negativity in it. I'm not saying I'm refusing to admit or understand that my family will have a hard time, I'd be the last person to do that. But i gotta stay strong and focus on pushing myself ahead as my priority right now. Thank you for your insights and good wishes!!
Title: Re: One step closer
Post by: sam1234 on October 25, 2015, 04:58:18 PM
Post by: sam1234 on October 25, 2015, 04:58:18 PM
YB,
glad I could help some. The thing about coming out is that once you do it, you can't take it back. Transitioning is not only a tremendous relief, but it comes with a high that makes you feel as if you can do anything. Part of that is true because you can't succeed in life the way you want when you have to hide things and fear that other will find out.
I'm not sure why some parents think that gender dysphoria can be "cured" and make you want to be a girl. Perhaps it is a last ditch effort to keep you as you are. We all want the approval of our parents. My parents are in their eighties and what they think about what I do still matters to me. No one would chose to be a transgender. The only "cure" for it is transitioning. We all wish we could have been born in the correct body, but I also think that we gain a tremendous amount of empathy for other people. Not just transgenders, but anyone who is going through a hard time. There is no way of knowing how we might have developed had we been born with our brains and bodies agreeing, and even though the steps towards transitioning are difficult and can be isolating, I also think the experience changes us as people.
sam1234
glad I could help some. The thing about coming out is that once you do it, you can't take it back. Transitioning is not only a tremendous relief, but it comes with a high that makes you feel as if you can do anything. Part of that is true because you can't succeed in life the way you want when you have to hide things and fear that other will find out.
I'm not sure why some parents think that gender dysphoria can be "cured" and make you want to be a girl. Perhaps it is a last ditch effort to keep you as you are. We all want the approval of our parents. My parents are in their eighties and what they think about what I do still matters to me. No one would chose to be a transgender. The only "cure" for it is transitioning. We all wish we could have been born in the correct body, but I also think that we gain a tremendous amount of empathy for other people. Not just transgenders, but anyone who is going through a hard time. There is no way of knowing how we might have developed had we been born with our brains and bodies agreeing, and even though the steps towards transitioning are difficult and can be isolating, I also think the experience changes us as people.
sam1234