Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Topic started by: Hermyt on October 16, 2015, 12:39:43 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Accepting yourself
Post by: Hermyt on October 16, 2015, 12:39:43 PM
Post by: Hermyt on October 16, 2015, 12:39:43 PM
Hello all, this is my first post, I do apologize if it's in the wrong place. I was wondering if I could get some advice from you. I'm having a very hard time coming out to myself. Like I can acknowledge that I've had been this way my whole life but still can't accept it, if that makes sense. I was hoping if anyone else had an experience like this that they would share it. Thanks for reading all! I'm 23 if that makes any difference.
Title: Re: Accepting yourself
Post by: Laura_7 on October 16, 2015, 12:45:08 PM
Post by: Laura_7 on October 16, 2015, 12:45:08 PM
Hello and welcome :)
Here are a few resources that might help:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,194946.msg1736596.html#msg1736596
There are brochures by reputable sources, for example the british NHS, showing being trans has biological connections.
Its explained with pictures. A brochure says explicitly for trans people, their families and health care staff.
If its biological its nobodys fault... and its not likely to be a phase...
Some people make a comparison with a twin... they will be like their male/female twin, with the same sense of humour...
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,195129.msg1740788.html#msg1740788
This is a letter from an accepting dad. So its from the view of a parent.
Some people have restraints like he talks about...
and you might see a good gender therapist...
the gender therapist to help you along, maybe with easy reversible steps first, to help you find out how they make you feel...
for example changes to hair and clothing style...
so that you have someone to guide you and help you along, and no rash but appropriate steps are made.... appropriate also in your favour, so that it moves along...
you might ask at plannedparenthood of a lgbt place for counseling...
or look here:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,162888.msg1400316.html#msg1400316
Here are a few resources that might help:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,194946.msg1736596.html#msg1736596
There are brochures by reputable sources, for example the british NHS, showing being trans has biological connections.
Its explained with pictures. A brochure says explicitly for trans people, their families and health care staff.
If its biological its nobodys fault... and its not likely to be a phase...
Some people make a comparison with a twin... they will be like their male/female twin, with the same sense of humour...
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,195129.msg1740788.html#msg1740788
This is a letter from an accepting dad. So its from the view of a parent.
Some people have restraints like he talks about...
and you might see a good gender therapist...
the gender therapist to help you along, maybe with easy reversible steps first, to help you find out how they make you feel...
for example changes to hair and clothing style...
so that you have someone to guide you and help you along, and no rash but appropriate steps are made.... appropriate also in your favour, so that it moves along...
you might ask at plannedparenthood of a lgbt place for counseling...
or look here:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,162888.msg1400316.html#msg1400316
Title: Re: Accepting yourself
Post by: Mariah on October 16, 2015, 12:50:38 PM
Post by: Mariah on October 16, 2015, 12:50:38 PM
Hi Hermyt, welcome to Susan's. For me it was easy, but many others it isn't. Therapy is often a great way to help sort through those feelings and be able allow yourself to under everything in regards to your gender and what you need to do in regards to it. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah
Mariah
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Title: Re: Accepting yourself
Post by: Jessica Merriman on October 16, 2015, 02:49:04 PM
Post by: Jessica Merriman on October 16, 2015, 02:49:04 PM
Sounds to me personally that you are having a tough time not coming out, but going against the structure of what is considered acceptable in society and their expectations. You seem to know yourself pretty well! :)
Title: Re: Accepting yourself
Post by: Lili on October 18, 2015, 01:17:27 AM
Post by: Lili on October 18, 2015, 01:17:27 AM
I only live once and will not want to leave any regrets.
Title: Re: Accepting yourself
Post by: LaneD on October 27, 2015, 08:09:52 PM
Post by: LaneD on October 27, 2015, 08:09:52 PM
It took me a very long time (years)to 'accept' myself. I knew who I was but was very ashamed. I wanted people to know but also didn't because I was so worried about what they would think. Slowly over time these feelings faded. I went to therapy. I went to a support group. I came out to friends, then family, then work. It wasn't easy. The process was very hard and emotional but eventually I truly learned to accept myself. This is who I am. There is nothing wrong with me. I never thought I'd get here but I did. I didn't believe when people said it gets better. I didn't understand how people had the courage. But I did, and you will too.
Title: Re: Accepting yourself
Post by: JoanneB on October 27, 2015, 08:39:42 PM
Post by: JoanneB on October 27, 2015, 08:39:42 PM
It took me a good 50 years to actually "Come Out" to myself. And that was 30 years after two experiments in my 20's with transitioning :o
It is one thing to say/think I am TG. It is FAR different to actually OWN it. It takes time
There is a new thread running on "Self-Acceptance" https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,198144.msg1762297.html#msg1762297 (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,198144.msg1762297.html#msg1762297)
It is one thing to say/think I am TG. It is FAR different to actually OWN it. It takes time
There is a new thread running on "Self-Acceptance" https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,198144.msg1762297.html#msg1762297 (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,198144.msg1762297.html#msg1762297)
Title: Re: Accepting yourself
Post by: Kylo on November 02, 2015, 04:23:36 PM
Post by: Kylo on November 02, 2015, 04:23:36 PM
It's never been difficult to accept myself with the trans thing. It's more difficult to accept other, conscious mistakes I've made in life, or a few ->-bleeped-<--y things I might have done in the past. To me being trans is something you have no control over if it's indeed true, so there is absolutely no point in beating yourself up over it.
But also, I have the view of not caring too much about being normal and fitting a standard narrative. Maybe it is easier for someone like that, than someone who desperately wants to be normal and fit in. I don't know, because I've never been normal, and never fitted in.
Still, one of the main revelations in my life came about because I've lived long enough to realize something. Before this realization I thought that everyone was basically better than me, and that I was probably the Devil's child. I realized that other people are really not so much better by default than I am, especially when I saw how hard I was trying to better myself and be a good person, and many of these people I knew were not trying at all. So many were just lazy, horrible individuals with no care for anyone but themselves. I was trying to be a good person, to make up for my mistakes, and I was trying to be kind to people who needed it... despite my afflictions like depression, anxiety, dysphoria and a constant sense of not being a real person. When I saw how much harder I was trying, and how little many other people around me seemed to try, that realization came. Nobody is automatically better, or wiser, or more awesome than you are. Especially if you don't lie to yourself and just try to make up for your mistakes. If you do that, who can really say you aren't as decent - if not more - than anybody else? Even if you're trans? Hell, if you're still trying and you're having to deal with being trans as well that probably makes you stronger and wiser and more optimistic than most. What's shameful about that?
But also, I have the view of not caring too much about being normal and fitting a standard narrative. Maybe it is easier for someone like that, than someone who desperately wants to be normal and fit in. I don't know, because I've never been normal, and never fitted in.
Still, one of the main revelations in my life came about because I've lived long enough to realize something. Before this realization I thought that everyone was basically better than me, and that I was probably the Devil's child. I realized that other people are really not so much better by default than I am, especially when I saw how hard I was trying to better myself and be a good person, and many of these people I knew were not trying at all. So many were just lazy, horrible individuals with no care for anyone but themselves. I was trying to be a good person, to make up for my mistakes, and I was trying to be kind to people who needed it... despite my afflictions like depression, anxiety, dysphoria and a constant sense of not being a real person. When I saw how much harder I was trying, and how little many other people around me seemed to try, that realization came. Nobody is automatically better, or wiser, or more awesome than you are. Especially if you don't lie to yourself and just try to make up for your mistakes. If you do that, who can really say you aren't as decent - if not more - than anybody else? Even if you're trans? Hell, if you're still trying and you're having to deal with being trans as well that probably makes you stronger and wiser and more optimistic than most. What's shameful about that?
Title: Re: Accepting yourself
Post by: TG CLare on November 03, 2015, 01:21:50 PM
Post by: TG CLare on November 03, 2015, 01:21:50 PM
It took me quite a while to accept myself. I knew who I was and why but I couldn't stop asking myself, "Why me? Why now?" Over time the questions disappeared and now I don't ask myself them any more.
I can never see myself ever going back. Attitudes change as well. I had met a very nice lady and would have been very interested in her. What really hit me hard was my inner self screaming at me "she was a man". She was in the same position I am in for crying out loud and I didn't think that way about myself!
Now my inner self has transitioned too and it no longer thinks that way. I know of another woman and I cannot even begin connect her "before" picture to her. In my mind she is a woman, nothing less, always has been and the same way with my picture. I see it and feel that it is of a totally different person than me.
I am also very ashamed I felt that way about the other woman I had met, but in my defense, it was very early, just after I had begun my transition. I still had a long way to go such as changing my old thought patterns.
Love,
Clare
I can never see myself ever going back. Attitudes change as well. I had met a very nice lady and would have been very interested in her. What really hit me hard was my inner self screaming at me "she was a man". She was in the same position I am in for crying out loud and I didn't think that way about myself!
Now my inner self has transitioned too and it no longer thinks that way. I know of another woman and I cannot even begin connect her "before" picture to her. In my mind she is a woman, nothing less, always has been and the same way with my picture. I see it and feel that it is of a totally different person than me.
I am also very ashamed I felt that way about the other woman I had met, but in my defense, it was very early, just after I had begun my transition. I still had a long way to go such as changing my old thought patterns.
Love,
Clare