Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I'm really confused I never know if I should be using my old male name or my new name.  Like today I took my car into get fixed and inspected so I used my my old name since my insurance and registration cards both have that name on it.  The problem is now is that I'm really starting to male fail so I should be using my new name but would it cause issues since all my personal information that they need has a different name? Its so confusing and in about a month I have to get a new eye exam and I dont know what name to schedule it as since they need my insurance that has my old name on it. This is so confusing to figure out.

For many things you can be the "wife" of your former self. In my case, I take my mother SUV and the company truck in for service, use my mothers credit card but both are listed in my name along with my personal car. As for doctors, they will need to get the right chart out so your first appointment will be in your old name and change it to the new name but tell them the insurance will be filed under the old name for now. Again, think a wife using her husbands policy.

Quote from: Dena on October 31, 2015, 04:01:20 PM
For many things you can be the "wife" of your former self. In my case, I take my mother SUV and the company truck in for service, use my mothers credit card but both are listed in my name along with my personal car. As for doctors, they will need to get the right chart out so your first appointment will be in your old name and change it to the new name but tell them the insurance will be filed under the old name for now. Again, think a wife using her husbands policy.

I thought about doing something like the wife/girlfriend thing but the place I go for my car work I've gone there before so they already have all my info on file with my old name and I felt like if I did the girlfriend thing they would start wondering why I have all "his" things like his car, credit card, same cell number. I dont know it just seemed like it would cause more problems.  or maybe Im just over thinking this whole thing and just stop worrying already.

Luckily for me my old name was also a used by women. So it worked for a while.

My rule of thumb is that stuff you have to pay by credit card or check or that requires legal ID you use your legal name. Everything else use your new name until you get a court order to change it.

There were times I used my new name and when I paid by check they put the old name on the receipt.

Quote from: iKate on October 31, 2015, 09:26:54 PM
Luckily for me my old name was also a used by women. So it worked for a while.

My rule of thumb is that stuff you have to pay by credit card or check or that requires legal ID you use your legal name. Everything else use your new name until you get a court order to change it.

There were times I used my new name and when I paid by check they put the old name on the receipt.

Thats pretty much the rule I set for myself too but my legal name isn't gender neutral so the past 2 time i've used it  for similar reasons I've gotten weird looks and it just became more awkward and uncomfortable. I guess I have to figure something else out. I probably could have said that "he" was my boyfriend and is on a business trip and asked me to take his car in. or something like that. I probably wont change my name for another 6 months so I dont know what to do till then.

When I transitioned, ATM machines didn't exist and I didn't have a credit card. My payment options were check or cash. I used checks to pay bills by mail and cash for everything else. I tended to have a couple of hundred dollars with me at all time but I could buy two weeks worth of food for about $50. Because I deposited my paycheck in the bank it was a simple matter to requesting cash when I deposited my check. It is only the last few years that I started using my credit card for pretty much everything because I was burning through cash so fast the limits at the ATM machines weren't high enough to keep me supplied without regular visits.

I used this method because my ID couldn't be altered until I was post surgical and that resulted on two+ years of dealing with a dual identity.

I have trouble with this too, since here we are required to show official ID a lot more than most countries. So I try to anticipate whether I will be required to show ID. But in general, I use cash now more than I ever have in my life. It's not worth having to argue about a name on a credit card. When I got in a bind once, I was prepared to say the card was in my wife's name, but no one actually looked at the name that time. A doctor's office is going to know your status anyway, so you should be able to request a preferred name be used even if the official name stays male. Other places may be willing to do this too, but it would depend on how accepting or hostile your area is.

Quote from: RomeoEcho on November 01, 2015, 09:14:18 AM
I have trouble with this too, since here we are required to show official ID a lot more than most countries. So I try to anticipate whether I will be required to show ID. But in general, I use cash now more than I ever have in my life. It's not worth having to argue about a name on a credit card. When I got in a bind once, I was prepared to say the card was in my wife's name, but no one actually looked at the name that time. A doctor's office is going to know your status anyway, so you should be able to request a preferred name be used even if the official name stays male. Other places may be willing to do this too, but it would depend on how accepting or hostile your area is.

I use Apple Pay. Not sure if that is available in your country but basically you pay by waving your phone and it only transmits a made up number and not your name.

Quote from: iKate on November 01, 2015, 02:14:14 PM
I use Apple Pay. Not sure if that is available in your country but basically you pay by waving your phone and it only transmits a made up number and not your name.

Thanks. That's a good solution.

I have no problems because my name is interchangeable

I started my legal name change about a week after I started presenting female regularly and a few days before I went full time, the wait was awful but I had only been living as myself for about 2 months when I had most things changed over though I am still waiting for health insurance to get around to fixing itself. I figured why wait.

Serena

Quote from: Dena on November 01, 2015, 08:58:23 AM
When I transitioned, ATM machines didn't exist and I didn't have a credit card. My payment options were check or cash.

Cash was my best friend before I got my name legally changed. I would try to take some out every week for eating out, etc...so I didn't have to show my credit card. Some places (Wendy's, Chick-Fil-A, etc...) would ask for your name so they could call you when your food is ready. Unfortunately, if you gave them a credit card many of them would just use the name on the card rather than asking.

Quote from: iKate on November 01, 2015, 02:14:14 PM
I use Apple Pay. Not sure if that is available in your country but basically you pay by waving your phone and it only transmits a made up number and not your name.

There are a few places that you can order/pay using their App (works on Andorid also). Some, but not all will let you register with a different name than what is on the card you use to replenish your account.

Yeah, I don't know that if I ever transition, I would use my birth name Tyler, because it is fairly neutral. On one hand I've never liked to hear my own name, but it would be so much easier.

We all know what you are going through.  It is a very gray area when you are stuck in the middle where you no longer look like the name that is on the credit card or legal document.  It can cause confusion and bring on some embarrassment if you are holding up a line of people behind you and the people you are talking to are questioning your identity.  All I can say is, no matter how much it may hurt or embarrass you, always be truthful when making monetary transactions.  Do not lie or make up stories in an attempt to cover up your legal identity.  Doing this might very well make the people you are dealing with think you are attempting to commit fraud.  With fraud being so prevalent today you might well end up telling your whole life story in attempt to convince a police officer or detective.  Use your old name, no matter how much it hurts, until your name change has been approved.  Afterwards, until you get all of your credit cards, insurance policies and other important documents that have your old name on it changed, carry around a copy of the court order that legally changed your name.  I know it sounds like doing so would be a pain in the neck but that will help you avoid some possible serious trouble.  You might want to have all the paperwork completed for a name change on the credit cards, insurance policies, car titles, etc. completed and ready to send on the day you get the court order for the name change.  And yes, as has been said here, to cut down on the potential questioning and embarrassment use cash for all of your monetary transactions while you are in this "gray area"  Good luck......After you get this done and some time passes that old person fades away into the forgotten past!

Funny story.  I was checking into the hospital earlier this week (ok, that's not the funny part, that part sucks), and going over my information with the clerk.  She kept referring to "me" as "him" and "the patient".  She had no idea I was actually the person being admitted as she never asked me what MY name was.  So, when we got down to the next of kin contact section, it was a woman's name listed of course, my wife.  She asked if that was me and when I said no she got all embarrassed and asked if I was the girlfriend or something!  LOL.  She really couldn't tell that I was male at all and took some convincing for sure.  I tried to show her my ID at the beginning of our conversation but she dismissed it saying she didn't need it.

So anyways, in cases of "legal" issues or insurance or things requiring identity documentation you should go with your real name of course.  But if you're presenting as a different gender from your documentation then feel free to give them a "preferred" name to use.  Not always necessary, but a good idea if you'll be around them a while or they'll be calling your name out over a PA system or something, like at the doctor's office.  They have my real name on file and on all the important documents, but I have a preferred name they use for interacting with me.  When they fail to use my preferred name, I'll just ignore them and wait for them to figure it out and try again, lol.

I am going to start using my new name for everything I can.  There's no reason why you can't for most things.  I mean like people who go by "Bubba".  That's hopefully not their real name, but people still use it!!!

Following up on the paying for things topic, apparently it is completely legal, and very easy, to have a credit card issued in your preferred name. Your legal name is on the account and is the person responsible for the bills, but the card can be printed with a different name no problem. I just did it, and it made me rediculously happy.

Quote from: RomeoEcho on November 20, 2015, 11:28:21 PM
Following up on the paying for things topic, apparently it is completely legal, and very easy, to have a credit card issued in your preferred name. Your legal name is on the account and is the person responsible for the bills, but the card can be printed with a different name no problem. I just did it, and it made me rediculously happy.

I noticed this when I was changing my name. They made me go through so much BS to change the name on the accounts (the one they mail bills to) to my new legal name, but if I asked for a card to be sent to <new name> a new card would be in the mail right away without even a second glance. It made me wonder if I could have done this even before I legally changed my name.

You can use whatever "alias" you prefer, but like Kate said when it comes to legal and binding documentation then it's preferable (limits questioning) to use your legal name.  At a shop or in passing use your alias, the "new" name.

Quote from: QuestioningEverything on October 31, 2015, 03:54:22 PM
I'm really confused I never know if I should be using my old male name or my new name.  Like today I took my car into get fixed and inspected so I used my my old name since my insurance and registration cards both have that name on it.  The problem is now is that I'm really starting to male fail so I should be using my new name but would it cause issues since all my personal information that they need has a different name? Its so confusing and in about a month I have to get a new eye exam and I dont know what name to schedule it as since they need my insurance that has my old name on it. This is so confusing to figure out.

Make the court date and get all your things changed I did that as a priority before I went full time. Doing that will make your life much easier. It is a nightmare changing everything out but it needs to be done.

Big Hugs
Lyndsey