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My wife and i have been discussing what my child should call me when i start my transition, I wont use just mom because that is my wifes title and she earned it.

my wife is due in January so my child has not yet been born, so my question is those who are mtf what do your kids call you?

Hi congrats on the up coming arrival of the little one. I have two girls 4 &2 my eldest at the start of my transition called me summer as my thoughts were the same as yours , my partner earned that tittle as mum
A little while after I started to grow myself my partner and I decided that the kids will call me mummsy and my partner is mum.


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I was going to suggest some variation of or use mom in another language.

Hi Amaya.

I could not help but laugh a little when I read your post.  I remember when I told my son (who is very accepting by the way).  He flat out told me that he was not going to call me mom.  Funny as it may seem, he is probably going to stick with dad.

Your little one will be in a very good spot, as she can transition with you as my grandaughter is (she is going to be three in two months). 

Being that I am a WMD (rad/nuc) instructor, specializing in radiological and nuclear weapons and events, I think "gamma" would be appropriate.


Be safe, hun

Marlo

Hi Amaya.

I could not help but laugh a little when I read your post.  I remember when I told my son (who is very accepting by the way).  He flat out told me that he was not going to call me mom.  Funny as it may seem, he is probably going to stick with dad.

Your little one will be in a very good spot, as she can transition with you as my grandaughter is (she is going to be three in two months). 

Being that I am a WMD (rad/nuc) instructor, specializing in radiological and nuclear weapons and events, I think "gamma" would be appropriate.


Be safe, hun

Marlo

A baby-talk diminutive of your name, maybe? I don't have kids, but I had a large hand in raising my little sister and despite having a mother and father, she saw me more as a parent than a sibling. She used to call me "Lala." The L was from my birth name -- so: Mama, Dada, Lala.

Quote from: Amaya on November 01, 2015, 06:52:00 AM
My wife and i have been discussing what my child should call me when i start my transition, I wont use just mom because that is my wifes title and she earned it.

my wife is due in January so my child has not yet been born, so my question is those who are mtf what do your kids call you?

There's been a lot of hand wringing about this. The English language desperately needs a word meaning "the female parent that is not the mother" (and another for the male counterpart).

In it's absence, my kids reluctantly, and not without irony, call me "parent".

My son still calls me "dad", but he's 30 so it's a moot point.

Quote from: Amaya on November 01, 2015, 06:52:00 AM
My wife and i have been discussing what my child should call me when i start my transition, I wont use just mom because that is my wifes title and she earned it.

my wife is due in January so my child has not yet been born, so my question is those who are mtf what do your kids call you?

I totally know what you mean by your wife earning the exclusive title of "Mom".  Mine went through hell to bring our daughter into this world... I'm not touching that title.

She is turning seven this month and we told her about a year ago.  When we first told her, we told her that I will always be her dad and can call me that if she wants to.  She started using female pronouns for me right away but only called me "daddy" for about a week afterwards.  She then moved on to "mummers" and now she just calls me "Kitty" which is adorable to me and she uses it the same way she would use "daddy" or "mommy".  She refers to me as her mom when she is referencing me to other people as in "my mommy" because "my kitty" is confusing and people think she's talking about an actual cat, I imagine.

On a side-note, her teacher told us she stood up in class the other day and had to make an announcement.  She declared proudly that "I have two moms, any questions?".

I think it will be natural and easy in your case.  Your kid won't have to adjust to anything since that's the way it's been since they were born.  As long as you and your wife decides on something before the talking years start, it shouldn't be any different than any other kid in any other family.

Congratulations, by the way!

I'd be ok with Maddy.

Me and my wife have gone back and forth on this.  We have so far landed on "baba" (pronounced bah-bah, like a sheep).  She (at least initially) didn't want me infringing on her territory.  Mom, Mama and Mommy, were all off limits.  However (and I have voiced this to her) my desire is to possibly end up going with Mommy-K and Mommy-J (the first letter of our first names).  Unless our daughter decides to go a different route entirely on her own...  Maybe Kissy?  She's 8 weeks old right now, so we've got some time, same as you.

We were discussing this exact subject days ago with my wife.

I told her that I'm perfectly ok with our kids calling her mum and calling me Clara. They will probably say that they have two mums, one called mum and another one called Clara.

I think that whichever names work best for you guys are the best names to use. I understand she made a lot of sacrifices to adjust her life to this and I wouldn't mind to negotiate some things in her favour in return, if that makes sense.

I want a happy family at the end of the day, not picky about names.

i just dont get this.

i have lesbian friends, one birthed a baby but that kid has two moms, because mom is what you call a female parent. the same with adopted kids. birthing is not relevant to the gendering of a parent.

I asked my kids what they want to call me. they said mom. i loved that. my heart lights up when i hear it, still, even though i hear it lots. i love it, it gives me strength and makes me feel right. it makes things easier when we are out too. my ex has no problem with that, everyone i meet expects my kids to cal me mom because thats what you call a female parent and i have been through lots for my kids, i would walk through fire for them and i earn that title each and every day.

why do we set ourselves up to be seen as undeserving of the title, set ourselves up to be seen as just another person by having them use our regular name or set ourselves up for a misgendered title of dad? i dont get it.

obviously you all have different lives and different reasons and i dont have to understand them, but i think its best to call yourself mom.

Quote from: kira21 ♡♡♡ on November 04, 2015, 05:03:10 PM
why do we set ourselves up to be seen as undeserving of the title, set ourselves up to be seen as just another person by having them use our regular name or set ourselves up for a misgendered title of dad? i dont get it.

My ex is the only person my kids ever thought of as a mom. They never saw me that way. To ask or expect them to call me Mom would be asking them not to be true to their own experiences.

Obviously I am not arguing with you on whats right for you, I am just expressing confusion. Everyone needs to do what's right for them. But, I do find it confusing, its true that they never saw you that way, but then they didn't, I am assuming, see you as female until you transitioned. We ask people to change the name they use for us, the pronouns they use for us, why not the gender of the parenting label? But like I said, I did give my kids the choice too, but I was very happy when they said without hesitation, we want to call you mom.

My son brought this up when he called me today. He asked if he could still call me dad. I told him he could because that's my role in his life. He then asked if I would prefer to be called she/her now and I told him I wouldn't insist. He decided for himself that it's time!

"Dad" - the few times we spoken in the past 15 years since I came out.

Rachel

My Girls are older 22 and 24 and they both pleaded with me not to make them call me Mom...fair enough, would never take that for myself. In my humble opinion it would be cruel of me to try and assume a role I quite clearly did not fulfil during my kids lives. I told my girls there will come a point in time where it will be silly to keep gendering me as male and calling me by my male name and at that point I would hope they choose to gender me correctly and call me by my new chosen name out of respect. They both agreed that was more than acceptable and were just happy they didn't have to call me mom.

Thanks for all of the advice and ideas in this thread. Its been one of the biggest issues that my wife and I have had (even more so than whether our marriage can survive). I don't want Dad or anything similar, for the embarrassment factor, she wont' allow mum or similar as she'd earned it (and that's fine, I get that), and just calling me Emma is possibly not special enough (I feel like my daughter shouldn't just call me what everyone else does) 

I know you said that Emma doesn't feel special/parental, which I totally understand, but to my ears "Emmy" sounds so much like "mommy" that I wonder if it may actually be the best option for you.

Quote from: captains on November 07, 2015, 06:53:39 AM
I know you said that Emma doesn't feel special/parental, which I totally understand, but to my ears "Emmy" sounds so much like "mommy" that I wonder if it may actually be the best option for you.

Ooh, I like that! Why had I not thought of that before! Its so simple but has that "parent" sound to it. Blooming brilliant. I think you've just solved that dilemma!