Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hello all, I am new to the site, and fairly new to a lot of things these days. I have done alot of reading and have found the forums here to be full of great people and helpful advice.
I have always known that I didn't fit the norm, but just didn't put it all together until later in my life. Seems that I am not the only one by reading the posts on here.
I have struggled for years to be honest with myself and my wife about my feelings, about who I really am. It has been a progression, little pieces at a time. We are still working to figure it all out, but I have been blessed with a wife who is supportive and understanding. She is my best friend.

I still don't know what term describes me, so can anyone tell me? And share some experiences?
I have been married for 20 years, have three children, live in a small community, and am in business for myself.
The road ahead seems frightening as well as exciting, full of so many possibilities and obstacles.

Here is where I am at now...
I had a bi-lateral orchiectemy 8 months ago and tried low doses of testosterone for a few months to help with the tiredness and hot flashes. I stopped the shots 8 weeks ago and am surviving without despite the side effects. I have been going to counseling and have an an appointment with an endocrinologist in two weeks to begin estrogen and possibly progesterone.

I do not have any intentions of SRS or as living as a woman full time although at times I do go out with my wife, as her girlfriend. I don't feel as if I am truly male of female, rather both. The estrogen will help me to feel and look more of how I feel. Although in the long term the physical effects will undeniable and obvious to others, I believe this is what is best.

This will be a shock to anyone who thinks they know me, I have nothing feminine about my appearance and am not passable when I dress as a woman.

My concerns:
How will my family react?
How long can I keep it hidden at work? Long enough to retire maybe?
And, as bad as it is, I am afraid of being forever unattractive when I am out as a woman.

As I mentioned I am in counseling which is tremendously helpful, but hearing from others and their personal experiences is as well and sometimes I wonder if I am the only one who feels this way.

I would appreciate and input that any of you have.

Thanks!!!

I recently heard this radio lab segment and found it inspirational. http://www.radiolab.org/story/91695-new-stu/
I have no idea what I need regarding any of this but there is something amazing how Stu handled this.
I hope you are working with a good therapist and not dealing with this alone.


Dori.

Hey Hope!

Welcome to Susan's  :)  Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.

It's not really possible for us to tell you what term fits you - but you might want to discuss what it means to be non-binary with your counsellor.

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Cheers

Grace

Short update, now 10 weeks without any hormones in my system, I have to say, hot flashes are not fun. Good news is I'm on my way to my End appointment. Even better, being driven there by my wife who has been very supportive!!